Saturday, July 11, 2009

3 Chords & the Truth: As seen on MP3

Remember back when you were young and you used to sit in your room and listen to the stereo, shutting the world out with your music blasting through your headphones?

Those days are back! That's right, you can hear those same wonderful songs you loved as a teen-ager . . . or a young adult . . . or love right now . . . all in pristine digital quality!

We call it the 3 Chords & the Truth collection, and it all can be yours for the price of a free download over the Internet. You've never had it so good -- at least not since you were 17 and borrowing your dad's car to take your honey to the malt shop, where you danced all night to your favorite hits on the Rock-Ola jukebox.

HI, I'm the Mighty Favog, and we at the Big Show know what that music means to you. Why? Because we know what it means to us.

And it's all right here -- yours for the listening -- on the 3 Chords & the Truth collection. For three easy payments of not a single dime, you can relive those halcyon days when music was music and your pimples were starting to clear up.

A little.

It will seem like it was just yesterday when you spent all night "Hanging on the Telephone," where you "Heard It Through the Grapevine" straight from your best friend, who heard it from a cousin, who heard it from a neighbor, who got it from somebody who saw it all happen. Honest to God!

And when you tune into the Big Show, yesterday will be today . . . and you're skating on thin ice, Mister! Because your old man saw you hanging out in that hippie coffeehouse, listening to that commie Miles Davis be-bop crap and snapping your fingers like some damn mental deficient!

Cut your damn hair! You look like some kind of a bum . . . or a girl! A girl bum!

What are you anyway, some kind of dope fiend?

I'M TELLING YOU, buddy boy . . . you'd better give your heart to "Jesus of Suburbia," because your ass is gonna be mine!

That's right, the 3 Chords & the Truth collection will make it seem like you're 17 once more and have had it up to f-ing here with that square old bastard.

Or, as one of our favorite bands said:

This is the day
Of the expanding man
That shape is my shade
There where I used to stand
It seems like only yesterday I
gazed through the glass
At ramblers
Wild gamblers
That's all in the past

AH . . . but it doesn't have to be "all in the past." Not with this fine collection of your favorite music, available exclusively through the Big Show! Listen to your old Mighty Favog . . . it can be yesterday once more.

After all, they call Alabama the Crimson Tide . . . call me Deacon Blues.

That made absolutely no sense, did it?

Well, neither did being 17. Back when you were drinking scotch whiskey all night long and trying not to die behind the wheel.

If you download right now, not only will you get the wonderful 3 Chords & the Truth collection, you'll also receive -- absolutely free -- the illusion of recovered youth and eternal coolness.

BUT WAIT! There's more!

As a token of our appreciation for listening to the Big Show, we'll also send along a three-month supply of Stridex and a crapload of raging insecurity. And it won't cost you a penny!

So what are you waiting for? Download now . . . it'll be righteous! Maaaaaan.

I'm the Mighty Favog, and we'll be seeing you on the Internet.

It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.

No comments: