The loyalest dog ever

Scout the Dog
(1995-2011)

I post this through my tears.

Apparently, the Germans are decades overdue

G*ddamn Krauts.

A few centuries of religious wars, Karl Marx, the Franco-Prussian War, World War I, Adolf Hitler, World War II and the Berlin Wall apparently weren't enough for Everybody's Favorite Troublemakers.

No, that wasn't enough, because they largely left out the dogs. Until now. Until Gunther and Georg decided that multinational conglomerates need to start targeting ads at our pets, not just our kids.

If there's anything I don't need, it's Molly and Scout watching their favorite shows on television, and then pestering me after every Beneful commercial just like I did my parents for Great Shakes, G.I. Joe and a Gilbert American Flyer train set.


But no. It's not enough that me and the missus drag our sorry asses to Hy-Vee every week to get dog food by the sackful for the two simple-minded loafers getting dog hair all over our couch while we're out of the house.

Now we have to have the little bastards reminding us that it's either a sack of Beneful atop the fridge or a puddle of piss on the dining-room floor.


AND WOULDN'T you know that, according to Reuters, the people destined to throw the world into chaos every generation or three, those g*ddamn Krauts, are behind the whole doggone thing:

Nestle, one of the world's biggest makers of pet food, said on Friday it had launched the first television commercial designed especially for dogs, using a high-frequency tone to grab their attention.

"Dogs' hearing is twice as sharp as humans. They can pick up frequencies which are beyond our range and they are better at differentiating sounds," said Georg Sanders, a nutrition expert at Nestle Purina PetCare in Germany.

Nestle asked experts in pet behavior in the United States to research what would appeal to dogs and used the results to create the 23-second commercial for its Beneful dog food brand.

The advert, to be screened on Austrian television this week, features a tone similar to a dog whistle, which humans can barely hear, as well as an audible "squeak" like the sound dogs' toys make and a high-pitched "ping."

"So delicious, so healthy, so happy," ends the commercial in German, which features a dog pricking up his ears.

"The television commercial aims to reach both the pet and the owner, supporting the special one-to-one relationship between them," said Xavier Perez, Brand Manager of Beneful for Europe.

NO, IT'S NOT enough that Molly yaps and yaps and yaps at me when it gets within two hours of meal time, and that the elderly Scout attaches his creaky little body to my leg like a furry tumor. Now it's going to start in the middle of Rin Tin Tin reruns whenever the Beneful commercial comes on.

"DAD! DAD! DAD! Beneful! Now! Get Beneful! Food! Food! Get Beneful! Now! We'll pee!"

Just. F***ing. Great.

G*ddamn Krauts.

The bosses of me

Scout the Dog (left) and Molly the Dog happily pose inside the semiwarm house Tuesday on a frigid, icy Omaha afternoon.

They tell me it beat going outside -- it was, like, 1 below zero at the time -- that it seemed to amuse me, and that they try to be indulgent toward their pets. I can't speak for Mrs. Favog, but this pet is grateful for his masters' beneficence.

What can I say?

Molly the Dog got jealous. So here's a group portrait.

Satisfied, Molls?

Take the picture. Move along.

This is our friend Scout the Dog taking it easy after a hard day of . . . well, pretty much doing just this.

He's not quite sure what the fuss is with this little shiny box Pop keeps pointing at him, but he has learned that the aggravation usually is short-lived if he humors the bipeds.


Finally, it's back to the favorite pastime of 15-year-old dogs. I'm pretty sure Scout considers himself semiretired.

He wishes that Molly the Dog would get the hell, if not off his lawn, away from his food bowl. Kids today. Feh.

3 Chords & the Truth: Wake us up next week

If you're wondering what happened to this week's edition of 3 Chords & the Truth . . . there isn't one.

We're taking the week off. As you can see from this picture of my assistant Scout, we're tired.

As you also can see from my assistant Scout, it's impossible to find good help that works for dog treats.

We figure the Big Show will be back next weekend, and we also figure that it just might blow your mind.

It already has blown Scout's.

It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there next week (or listen to the archives now). Aloha.

It's a dog's life

Our friend Scout, loyalest dog in the world. He's an old boy.




But he's hanging in there.

What dogs do

This is Molly and Scout. Mrs. Favog and I are their pets.

This is what they do as they wait for us to do their bidding on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Everybody has a talent

Everybody is good at something.

This is the particular talent of my little buddy Scout. He is my dog; I am his deity. He got the worse deal.

Anyway, Scout is an excellent sleeper, and he does more than a passable job at snoring, too.

Just thought you ought to know.

The economy has gone to s***

Found this flier in the mailbox today.

Imagine, for a mere $7 a week, EntreMANURE K-9 Waste Removal will pick up the "leavings" of Molly the Dog and Scout.

They even have a slogan: "Your dog poops, our shovel scoops!"

Seems to me a reasonable price, and one I'm sure many yard-conscious Omahans would be willing to pay. I, however, am not one of those yard-conscious Omahans.

THE FIRM also will mow, weed and fertilize your yard. But here's the deal, at least from my perspective as the neighborhood lawn reprobate: Leave the poop, and you don't have to fertilize.

Because, you see, I have a slogan, too. But I can't say it here.

Oh, what the hell. Parents, take your kids away from the computer screen.

Here's my slogan, which has worked surprisingly well for me the past 21 years. Ready? Kids safely dispatched?

OK.

"My dog s***s, and there it sits."

Go ahead, call the neighborhood association. I wouldn't blame you.

Tell them to watch their step, though, when they come to take me away.