Showing posts with label Southeastern Conference. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Southeastern Conference. Show all posts

Monday, October 27, 2014

SEC football, explained by YouTube

Rebel fans' tantrums are decidedly NSFW

There was no joy in Yoknapatawpha County on Saturday night; the mighty Rebels had flamed out.

Welcome, children, to the wild, wild world of Southeastern Conference football, where the men are men, the women are pissed -- whooooooooaaaah, NELLY! are they pissed --  and the rivalries are hate fests of Balkan proportions.

In case you missed it, the LSU Tigers took down then-No. 3 ranked Ole Miss 10-7,  handing the Rebels their first loss of the season and ruining the life of this poor woman, who obviously has no more reason to live.

Ain't it grand?

IF I WERE the guy who shot this epic video, I would have thrown in a few "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS! GO TO HELL!" chants. Because we Tigers love us some Ole Miss just as much as the Rebels love them some LSU . . . not.

Really, you should have been around Baton Rouge some late October in the 1960s. I recall that, back then, no car with Mississippi plates was safe from having its windows soaped with a message telling Ole Miss exactly where to go.

Did I mention that LSU and Ole Miss don't like one another?

Anyway, despite Ole Miss' high ranking in the football polls, the Rebels ought to have known how this was going to turn out.

Let me introduce you to the founding superintendent of the Louisiana State Seminary of Learning, which we now know as Louisiana State University and A&M College:

William Tecumseh Sherman

HAT TIP: Deadspin.

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Cop just beat the hell out of you

As much as it pains me to say it, my respect for Ole Piss Miss just soared to a new level.

All the way to grudging toleration.

After I've had a double bourbon or three.

Enjoy this scene of a sore-loser Alabama fan getting his after he throws a cup full of popcorn at celebrating Mississippi fans after the Rebels took Nick Satan Saban and his Crimson Tide down a notch or . . . four.

Bammer had it coming. Cue the LSU student section:

Around the bowl and down the hole, roll, Tide, roll!

Because SEC.


Monday, October 06, 2014

The LSU football season, explained

Well, that Auburn game was fugly.

Here's a handy guide that will explain LSU's football season thus far and, one hopes, provide a handy guide for what to expect as the Tigers stagger toward Thanksgiving and a merciful end to the 2014 campaign.

Above, we have a brief video recap of LSU's 7-41 non-triumph against That Other Football Team in Alabama.

But before that merciful November end, the Fighting Toonces have to get through six more Southeastern Conference games with nothing more than a defense without a clue and an offense without a prayer. So let's look at the remainder of the schedule, along with LSU's prospects in each.

NEXT UP is a trip Saturday to Gainesville, Fla., home of the FLORIDA GATORS. Here's a preview:

THEN, at home on Oct. 18, a much-improved KENTUCKY. Again, to the game preview:





Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Muffy hearts Fiddy

I have never been prouder to be a GDI than I am right now.

We LSU students always knew them Bammer women were a little . . . well, you know. I mean . . . "go Greek"?

Velma and Billy Sol in Decatur just might be correct in askin' what the hell kind of Sodom and Gomorrah they's a-runnin' down yonder in Tuscaloosa.

HAT TIP: @LisaHorne via Twitter.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Less cowbell

There's a simple reason cowbells are for Elsie and Beauregard and not for people.

Cattle have hooves, not opposable thumbs, and therefore cannot whack one another over the head with the things, leaving 4-inch gashes that expose their bovine skulls. Or result in "a concussion, memory loss, mental and emotional distress and anguish, depression, paranoia, anxiety, loss of enjoyment of life and inability to pursue prior educational and professional goals."

This is just one of the ways in which bulls and moo cows tower over your average Mississippi State fan. Another is that bulls and moo cows never have been known to call an LSU baseball player "Buckwheat," causing him to take out after Bubba . . . all the way into the stands.

OK, Albert "Joey" Belle was nuts. But still. . . .

ANYWAY, Mississippi State fans love them some cowbell. Now it's gonna cost somebody big one way or another, it says here in the (Jackson, Miss.) Clarion-Ledger:

An Alabama man wants Mississippi State University added to his lawsuit against the Southeastern Conference and the man who allegedly assaulted him with a cowbell at the 2009 Egg Bowl.

Doug Foster, attorney for William Matthew Brasher, has filed a motion in Oktibbeha County Circuit Court requesting that MSU and president Mark Keenum be added to the suit.

Brasher alleges he was assaulted by Brent Vowell during MSU's football game against the University of Mississippi on Nov. 28, 2009. He already was seeking unspecified damages from the SEC and commissioner Mike Slive because the league had a "knowing refusal," the suit says, to enforce its own rule on artificial noisemakers.

MSU was sent a claim by Brasher's attorneys on Nov. 16. It said Brasher is "willing to resolve his claim for damages" of $10 million.

MSU officials would not discuss the lawsuit Monday.

I WONDER whether the lawsuit thing will influence the SEC to, er, ring up the Bulldogs for repeated violations of its noisemaker policy?

Just a word to the wise, though -- less cowbell.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

ESPN rolls out IneligibleCam for Auburn games?

Good evening, I'm Tank McNamara with tonight's norts spews.

ESPN reports the NCAA is investigating Auburn's Heisman contender, Cam Newton, amid reports that a representative of the hotshot quarterback was shopping his services to Southeastern Conference football programs for a six-figure fee out of junior college.

According to the cable network's incendiary report:

Former Mississippi State quarterback John Bond told a teammate of Bond's at Mississippi State in the early 1980s contacted him soon after Newton's official visit to Mississippi State during the Ole Miss game in December, and said he was representing Newton.

"He said it would take some cash to get Cam," Bond said. "I called our athletic director, Greg Byrne, and he took it from there. That was pretty much it."

Multiple sources told that Mississippi State called the SEC office with Bond's information shortly after he brought it to the attention of the school.

Sources told the former teammate is Kenny Rogers, who played at Mississippi State from 1982 to '85. Rogers operates a Chicago-based company called Elite Football Preparation, which holds camps in Chicago, Alabama and Mississippi. A Lexis search for that business lists Kenneth Rogers as the contact and his title as "agent." A Birmingham News story from 2008 said Elite Football Preparation "matches high school athletes with college programs."

Bond said the former teammate told him other schools had already offered $200,000, but since Newton really liked Mississippi State and had a relationship with head coach Dan Mullen dating to when both were at Florida, Mississippi State could get him for $180,000.

"I have no agenda other than protecting Mississippi State," Bond said. "We've done what we were supposed to do from the very beginning. Mississippi State has done nothing wrong, and I've done nothing wrong. It's been handed off to the NCAA, and it's in their hands now. I don't know what happened at Auburn. I don't know why he went to Auburn. That's not my concern. My concern is Mississippi State and making sure this doesn't cause us any trouble."

Bond said an NCAA investigator came to Mississippi to meet with him in early September, as well as with Mississippi State officials.

When interviewed by Thursday at the family's home in Atlanta, Cecil Newton, Cam's father, denied any wrongdoing.

"If Rogers tried to solicit money from Mississippi State, he did it on his own, without our knowledge," Cecil Newton said.

Cecil Newton said he first met Rogers two years ago, when Cam Newton left Florida. He said he talked to Rogers on several occasions to find out more about Mississippi State, but never met Rogers until Cam Newton's official visit to Starkville, Miss.

Cecil Newton said the family received a letter from the NCAA "about a month ago" asking for financial statements. He said he submitted bank statements and records for the church where he is pastor, Holy Zion Center of Deliverance in Newnan, Ga., along with other records.
REACTION IS coming fast and furious from SEC fans about the NCAA's "pay for play" investigation of Newton.

Now, sports fans, here's a brief sampling of the conference buzz:

*Mississippi State issued a press release today saying "We didn't do it. We just ratted 'em out."

*From Alabama came just this Twitter update: "ROFLMAO."

*Elsewhere across the state of Alabama, hundreds of thousands of single gunshots rang out today, followed by an equal number of soft thuds. Utter silence followed the last of the reports, lasting a few seconds. Then . . . hysterical laughter and cries of "ROLL, TIDE!"

Sketchy eyewitness reports from before the shooting began mentioned whimpering Auburn fans and threats to "end it all." Crews are on the scene across the land of red clay and black teeth, and we expect breaking-news updates momentarily on what exactly has happened there.

At Auburn University itself, meantime, just one brief Facebook status update on the official Tigers/Plainsmen/War Eagle fan page: "God is dead. Life is pointless. Goodbye."

Calls to the university's sports-information department have not been returned. Also, there has been no answer at any Auburn phone extension since the ESPN report hit the Internet this afternoon.

* At LSU, fans were apoplectic at the possibility the Tigers might yet play for the SEC championship. Tiger fan boards in cyberspace were swamped with the same message, posted thousands of times by thousands of LSU fans: "G**DAMN THAT LUCKY SOB LES MILES!"

This just in . . . Baton Rouge police are responding to reports of rioting outside Tiger Stadium by rope-toting mobs clad in purple and gold.

Film at 11.