Showing posts with label Judaism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Judaism. Show all posts

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Holy crap! I can't believe in Jesus anymore!

Oh my unLord! Christianity has fallen!

A first-century BNC (Before Not Christ) Hebrew tablet has been found that's shaken my now ex-faith to its now ex-core. Apparently, ancient Jews had an idea the Messiah would be raised from the dead after three days!

THE NOTION is not a Christian exclusive, and I'm headed out in a few to go a drinkin' and a whorin', because it don't matter now.

it's all in The New York Times:
A three-foot-tall tablet with 87 lines of Hebrew that scholars believe dates from the decades just before the birth of Jesus is causing a quiet stir in biblical and archaeological circles, especially because it may speak of a messiah who will rise from the dead after three days.

If such a messianic description really is there, it will contribute to a developing re-evaluation of both popular and scholarly views of Jesus, since it suggests that the story of his death and resurrection was not unique but part of a recognized Jewish tradition at the time.

The tablet, probably found near the Dead Sea in Jordan according to some scholars who have studied it, is a rare example of a stone with ink writings from that era — in essence, a Dead Sea Scroll on stone.

It is written, not engraved, across two neat columns, similar to columns in a Torah. But the stone is broken, and some of the text is faded, meaning that much of what it says is open to debate.

Still, its authenticity has so far faced no challenge, so its role in helping to understand the roots of Christianity in the devastating political crisis faced by the Jews of the time seems likely to increase.

Daniel Boyarin, a professor of Talmudic culture at the University of California at Berkeley, said that the stone was part of a growing body of evidence suggesting that Jesus could be best understood through a close reading of the Jewish history of his day.

“Some Christians will find it shocking — a challenge to the uniqueness of their theology — while others will be comforted by the idea of it being a traditional part of Judaism,” Mr. Boyarin said.


To whom is the archangel speaking? The next line says “Sar hasarin,” or prince of princes. Since the Book of Daniel, one of the primary sources for the Gabriel text, speaks of Gabriel and of “a prince of princes,” Mr. Knohl contends that the stone’s writings are about the death of a leader of the Jews who will be resurrected in three days.

He says further that such a suffering messiah is very different from the traditional Jewish image of the messiah as a triumphal, powerful descendant of King David.

“This should shake our basic view of Christianity,” he said as he sat in his office of the Shalom Hartman Institute in Jerusalem where he is a senior fellow in addition to being the Yehezkel Kaufman Professor of Biblical Studies at Hebrew University. “Resurrection after three days becomes a motif developed before Jesus, which runs contrary to nearly all scholarship. What happens in the New Testament was adopted by Jesus and his followers based on an earlier messiah story.”
OH, INSERT Anglo-Saxon expletive here. Jesus and his followers didn't even bother to make this s*** up. They ripped it off from Shlomo the Stone Scribbler. And, come to think of it, the stuff J.C. and the Dubious Dozen were going around preaching sounded an awful lot like some stuff that was in Isaiah, in the Old Testament.

You know, all that
"suffering servant" crapola. House of David, my eye!

The Big Guy was even ripping off
Psalm 22 when he was dying on the cross -- all that "my God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me" stuff.

And . . . and . . . the former deity known as "Jesus" -- with all this rising after three days stuff --
was ripping off the Book of Jonah, which the stone scribbler also apparently bastardized into some sort of literary "prefigurement" of the Resurrection. I mean . . . really:
Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.

Therefore, I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven people, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.

And whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven; but whoever speaks against the holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

"Either declare the tree good and its fruit is good, or declare the tree rotten and its fruit is rotten, for a tree is known by its fruit.

You brood of vipers, how can you say good things when you are evil? For from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.

A good person brings forth good out of a store of goodness, but an evil person brings forth evil out of a store of evil.

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will render an account for every careless word they speak.

By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

Then some of the scribes and Pharisees said to him, "Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you."

He said to them in reply, "An evil and unfaithful generation seeks a sign, but no sign will be given it except the sign of Jonah the prophet.

Just as Jonah was in the belly of the whale three days and three nights, so will the Son of Man be in the heart of the earth three days and three nights.

At the judgment, the men of Nineveh will arise with this generation and condemn it, because they repented at the preaching of Jonah; and there is something greater than Jonah here.

At the judgment the queen of the south will arise with this generation and condemn it, because she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon; and there is something greater than Solomon here.
JOHAH. ISAIAH. PSALMS. STONE TABLET. You'd think that what would happen to the "Messiah" was no secret, that ancient Jews had lots of clues in literature and tradition. That all this stuff was of a piece.

That it was prefigurement . . . allegory . . . prophecy. That it all somehow makes sense from a Christian perspective.

Oh, wait . . . it does.

And, while I'm thinking of it, there hasn't been anyone who's come up with a bag of bones six feet under a tombstone reading "Jesus H. Christ, Alleged Son of God."

(Sound of crickets.)

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . . perhaps I was a little hasty, Lord.

I can call you "Lord" . . . right?

Sir? Your Almightyness?