Showing posts with label lemonade. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lemonade. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

The dimpled menace

Click on the poster, print and distribute widely.
Help Coralville bring this criminal to justice!

There's a criminal afoot in the great state of Iowa.

This brigand preys on innocent bicyclists who wander onto the road less traveled, plying the pedalists with potentially poisonous potions and betting that the bootleg hooch will bring in a backdoor bounty of contraband cash.

In Coralville, Iowa, the official vendors for the RAGBRAI rendezvous couldn't catch a break for all the illicit dealings of fly-by-night criminals such as Abigail Krutsinger. It was well past time to call on the long arm of the law to safeguard the spirit of Adam Smith, the free flow of commerce and the American Way.

The threat was grave. The rule of law was in tatters.

The perp was 4.

In the joint, they just call her "Dimples."

DEAR READER . . . capitalism-loving American patriot, heed this cautionary tale from The Gazette of Cedar Rapids, Iowa:
According to Dustin Krutsinger of Coralville, police shut down his 4-year-old daughter’s stand after just 30 minutes. Krutsinger said the officer told his wife “this isn’t the first time I’ve had to do this.”

Krutsinger said his daughter was selling lemonade for 25 cents a glass, and had made less than $5. According to the city of Coralville, 4-year-old Abigail Krutsinger was in violation of a two-day ordinance that required all vendors to have permits when RAGBRAI rolled into town.

Josh Schamberger, president of the Iowa City/Coralville Convention and Visitors Bureau, said the ordinance was passed to protect riders from possible health risks. Similar ordinances have been adopted in other host towns for years, he said. Now Schamberger said he fears that the work of 500 volunteers may be forgotten, and lemonade stand shutdowns will be remembered.
FEAR? FEAR? He'd better pray the lemonade-stand shutdowns are remembered.

After all, you know what they say: Kill one, teach a hundred.

Besides, they need to learn young.

Friday, July 15, 2011

That coulda been AL-QAIDA lemonade!

In Georgia, the law's the law. And you have to be "consecutive" in enforcing the law.

If you're one of Midway's finest, that means you have to consecutively work the steps of policing an unheard-of burg in the wilds of Carter Country.

First . . . be an idiot.

Being a bully, you can work on when you run across a lemonade stand run by three little "girlses."

UNFORTUNATELY, a Savannah TV station thought it was sufficient to do only a news story on Barney Fife Gone Wild (and in drag):
The girls had only been opened [sic] for one day before Midway’s police chief and another officer cruised by and saw the stand.

“They told us to shut it down [and we didn't know why],” 10-year-old Skylar Roberts said.

“We had told them, we understand you guys are young, but still, you’re breaking the law, and we can’t let you do it anymore. The law is the law, and we have to be consistent with how we enforce the laws,” Midway Police Chief Kelly Morningstar said.

By a city ordinance, the girls must have a business license, peddler’s permit, and food permit to set up shop, even on residential property. The permits cost $50 a day and a total of $180 per year. City officials said it’s their job to keep everyone safe and healthy, and there can be no exceptions to the rules.

“We were not aware of how the lemonade was made, who made the lemonade, of what the lemonade was made with, so we acted accordingly by city ordinance,” Chief Morningstar said.

“It’s almost like they don’t have anything better to do. I’m going to let it go. I’m trying to teach them good. I don’t think if I keep on, it’ll teach them a good thing,” Amy Roberts said.
NO, DOING a story on this and letting it go is neither good television nor good citizenship. What's required here is the Full Gomer.
STEP 1: Get copies of the municipal code and the state criminal code. And a lawyer.

STEP 2: You, the lawyer, your cameraman and the assembled volumes of The Law
(which is The Law, you know) stake out Chief Ditzo and her Keystone Crusaders.

STEP 3: Wait for them to violate something. Keep the camera running.

STEP 4: Once the violation has occurred and been duly videotaped, you, the lawyer, the assembled volumes of the state and municipal codes and the cameraman pile out of your stakeout location --
camera running -- yelling "Citizen's arrest! Citizen's arrest!"
MAKE SURE you go step-by-step in this, and don't try to do all this stuff concurrently. That wouldn't work.

Because you have to be consecutive in enforcing the law.