The Ballad of Al Simon

Lincoln Journal Star

Come and listen to the story of a man named Al,

A Cornhusker farmer trying to feed his kids and gal,

And then one day he was growin' him some food,

And up through the ground came a bubblin' crude,

Oil, that is, black gold, Texas tea,

Well, the first thing you know, ol' Al's a millionaire,

Kinfolk said, "Al, move away from there,"

Said "Omaha is the place you ought to be,"

But he said I ain't a goin', a new roof's all I need,

Shingles, that is, tar paper, roofin' nails,

Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Al and all his kin,

And they would like to thank you folks fer kindly droppin' in.

You're all invited back a gain to this locality

To have a heapin' helpin' of their hospitality

Cornhusker that is. Set a spell, Take your shoes off.

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

-- Apologies to Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs

Elly May at 75

Well, if I have to turn 48 tomorrow, that means a childhood icon, Elly May Clampett, would be 75.

A stunningly good-looking 75-year-old, but three quarters of a century old nevertheless. That takes a little bit of getting used to for this child of the '60s and '70s.

Anyway, a Baton Rouge, La., television anchor coaxed the "reclusive" Donna Douglas into an interview, where we find that there's still a lot of Elly May in Miss Donna -- fishin', playin' with critters and driving a tractor for the WAFB cameras. "Weeeeeeeeeeel, doggie!" as Uncle Jed used to say on The Beverly Hillbillies.

I wonder whatever happened to Dash Riprock?