Did you learn anything?

OK, this is officially getting out of hand.

It's not enough that Nike is trying to profit off Tiger Woods' bad behavior; now it's trying to make a buck off my dog Molly. I certainly hope she negotiated a good contract, though I have my doubts.

They're probably paying her in dog treats. She's not bright, you know.

Nothing sacred

What's all the fuss about "socialism" among the tea-bag crowd?

They think socialism is supposed to be somehow more inherently evil than a capitalist system that takes the shattering, sickening tragedy of a talented, vain and self-centered man blowing up his family because he can't keep it in his pants, then uses it as commercial fodder to sell people swoosh-bedecked, overpriced s*** they don't really need anyway?

This -- this sainted capitalism -- is the foundation of what it means to be moral, God-fearing and 100-percent American? Really?

WE'RE SUPPOSED to buy the notion that there's something foundational about an amoral, materialist system that, at its heart, is based on the motivating power of greed to encourage productivity and creation of wealth? In the 1950s, the American Way gave us doctors vouching for the superiority of Camels and the rise of the military-industrial complex.

Today, capitalism carried to its logical marketing extreme gives us a hypersexualized culture, then finds a way to profit off of one of the more notable tragedies arising from a society organized around a quest for the eternal G-spot.

Tiger Woods is a wreck. His family is a bigger wreck because of Tiger's appetite for fresh meat. And now Nike gets the perpetrator in a tabloid tragedy to trade on his sins against his wife and children -- and even drags his dead father into the sewer for good measure -- just so it can sell you s***.

Hell, it'll probably work. Because we Americans, after all, will walk a mile for a Camel. Or sell our souls to a Tiger.

Quote of the week

“I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of a 3-iron.”

-- Jesper Parnevik . . . the Swedish
golfer who introduced Elin Nordegren
to her future husband, Tiger Woods

Mind your divots when using the driver

What happens in Vegas sometimes ends up in Us.

And in the New York Daily News.

And in the Telegraph in London.

And in the Sydney Morning Herald.

And on CBS, ABC and NBC.

PITY TIGER WOODS, he shoulda known better -- if what an allegedly scorned woman in Los Angeles says is true, not to mention another one on deck in Vegas (in addition to other anonymous-source teases on the Strip) -- than to cheat on his supermodel wife.

No, don't pity Tiger Woods. If someone has the hubris to screw around on a supermodel with a cocktail waitress, he deserves all the hell he's about to get. Including being given advice by John Daly:

On Tuesday, golfer John Daly said, “the thing that Tiger needs to look at is, whatever happened, just tell the truth.”

Daly also thinks Woods will be able to survive this controversy. “He’ll get over this. The family will get over it. They’ll move on. Golf needs him,” he said.

WHAT MAKES it worse for Tiger is that Daly kind of makes sense. Ouch.