The cure for Monday

Normally, about this time on Mondays, my advice to you would be to start drinking heavily.

And you ought to listen to me. I've been to a doctor.

Sometimes, unfortunately, drinking heavily isn't a Monday-night option -- namely, because you used up the last of your booze Saturday night. Well, in that case, I recommend this bit from a 1990 episode of A Bit of Fry and Laurie -- Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie -- on BBC2.

It'll make it all better. I promise.

Top Smear

There is a good reason the entire world hated the British Empire before it hated the American one.

This is it.

Obviously, wot we have here is a typical case of unfortunate British dentistry. It has led to a nasty oral infection, which has gone straight to the collective brain of not only the cast and crew of Top Gear, but also the entire British Broadcasting Corporation.


AND NOW it'll have to come out. The procedure is known by the coalition government as "austerity measures."

Before going under the mallet, however, producers of Top Gear issued the following non-apology apology to the Mexican government, which had condemned the program as "xenophobic":

“We are sorry if we have offended some people, but jokes centred on national stereotyping are a part of Top Gear’s humour, and indeed a robust part of our national humour. Our own comedians make jokes about the British being terrible cooks and terrible romantics, and we in turn make jokes about the Italians being disorganised and over dramatic; the French being arrogant and the Germans being over organised. When we do it, we are being rude, yes, and mischievous, but there is no vindictiveness behind the comments.

“This stereotyping humour is in itself a factor in the tolerance which the ambassador states is so prevalent in Britain.

“In line with that tradition, stereotype based comedy is allowed within BBC guidelines in programmes where the audience has clear expectations of that being the case, as indeed it is with Top Gear. Whilst it may appear offensive to those who have not watched the programme or who are unfamiliar with its humour, the Executive Producer has made it clear to the Ambassador that that was absolutely not the show’s intention.”

IN OTHER WORDS, "We British are a bunch of pricks. Do you have a problem with that? Now you may resume your siesta."

Next on BBC 1, Gordon Ramsay tells Dago jokes whilst beating his kitchen help to death with a frozen haggis.

Simply '70s: Missing Nilsson

If you don't think you've ever really and truly seen a genius at work, click the "play" button.

Then you will have.

Here's the late, staggeringly great Harry Nilsson from a 1971 BBC television special.

Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em all together,
Put the lime in the coconut and you feel better,
Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em all up,
Put the lime in the coconut and call me in the morning.

Meanwhile, in the U.K. . . .

Hours after John Lennon's murder in New York, a shocked Great Britain sat down to watch this memorial on BBC 1's Nationwide program.

Roll the videotape. . . .

Your Daily '80s: Still wanna go to London

Speaking of "I wanna go to London," it's Lene Lovich on the BBC's Top of the Pops in 1981.

Apparently, she has a new toy.

Kill the Man, cuz we wuz robbed!

Even in the patently whack, one can find kernels of truth. Welcome to the world of Angus X and the Landless Peasant Party.

As I've said before, if American tea partiers weren't such crypto-racist, whiny tossers, they'd be forming a U.S. branch of this.

After all, can you really totally hate an entertaining Scottish eccentric who blatantly steals from Patrick Henry and makes it his own right under the nose of the British monarchy?

If tea partiers had bollocks

See the bloke behind Gordon Brown at last night's vote count in the British prime minister's Scottish constituency?

Yeah, that one. The one with the upraised fist. Right on. Can you dig it?

That is Deek Jackson of the Landless Peasant Party. And he -- along with the Jesus Christ guy and the Monster Raving Loony Party -- is why British politics is far and away more entertaining than the colonial brand of democratic futility.

BELOW, enjoy a not-work-or-family-friendly advert for the Landless Peasant Party, featuring Mr. Jackson, whom we'll refer to as Angus X. This is what the tea partiers would be on this side of the Atlantic . . . if only they had . . . er, bollocks.


AND HERE is Scotland's No. 1 peasant, Angus X, on the campaign trail.

AYE, 'tis a bonnie thing to have a candidate tell a voter he thinks he's daft. Almost as good as when the BBC's Jeremy Paxman gets a hold of a politician who unwisely tries to "spin" him.

Bad night for Jesus in the UK

David Cameron may be hard pressed to win an outright majority for the Conservatives in the United Kingdom, but he had amazingly little trouble dispatching the King of King and the Lord of Lords in his Witney, Oxfordshire, constituency.

No wonder no one thinks it will go well for the British after the politicking is done and the attempts at governing begin.

Another disappointment was the poor showing of the Monster Raving Loony Party, though I believe it did come in ahead of the Almighty.

ALL IN ALL, you have to admit there is far greater entertainment value in British elections than in ours. Then again, I'm just geeky that way -- as you can see here.

A most pleasant surprise in the BBC coverage of the UK national balloting is the emergence of veteran Beeb presenter David Dimbleby as the most entertaining damn thing on network television since Dan Rather spun his last Election Night simile and mangled his last metaphor.

Dimbleby -- who has a refreshing lack of patience for any kind of television, or political, foolishness -- even came up with a Ratherism fine enough to warm a colonist's heart: "But behind the scenes, you know they're fighting like cats in a sack."

And then there was this question from someone on the BBC team to a Labour minister: "It's 20 past 3 in the morning, couldn't we please just have a straight answer?"

Hear! Hear!

Charlie Brooker explains it all

Is it still media criticism if you're rolling on the floor, gasping for breath with tears in your eyes, all because you haven't laughed this hard in ages?

Whatever it is, it's pretty much the God's honest truth as Charlie Brooker unloads via his Newswipe program programme on the BBC.

HE DOESN'T MIND his language -- and God knows Bill O'Reilly didn't in the clip below on differences between Brit and Yank TV news -- so you probably don't want to watch this if you're working in a church office right now. But it's safe to say Brooker has television's number, particularly regarding what happens when you mix the telly and a good snowstorm (above).

DO WATCH this segment, which features the best take on Glenn Beck ever, until the very end. Cheers!

Waits, Waits, it's Friday!

Tom Waits. The BBC. 1979. You bet.

Happy Friday, y'all. Solid.