Thursday, May 22, 2008

Opportunity knocks . . . in Omaha

Dear Barack Obama,


You don't know me, but I'm a registered Democrat here in Omaha (by God) Neb. I also have a little Internet music program, 3 Chords & the Truth, and this blog, all under the Revolution 21 umbrella.

Maybe you've seen the blog or listened to the show. Then again, maybe not. But that's not important now.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT is this article in
The New York Sun:

In the 2000 presidential race, Florida made the difference. In 2004, it was Ohio. This year could it all come down to just a single city, Omaha, Neb., and its suburbs?

That's a scenario being spun out by an amateur political prognosticator from New York, Sheldon Adler, who has a strong record of identifying the ultimate battlegrounds in national elections.

"It's possible. I don't think that's crazy," Mr. Adler said of the prospect that Nebraska's 2nd Congressional District, which includes Omaha and its environs, could become a tiebreaker in the November vote.

The possibility of such a decisive role for the Midwestern city exists because Nebraska allocates electoral votes by congressional district rather than on a statewide, winner-take-all basis. Maine is the only other state to use a district-by-district system.

Mr. Adler's Omaha scenario involves the likely Democratic nominee, Senator Obama of Illinois, taking every state Senator Kerry of Massachusetts won in 2004 with the exception of New Hampshire. Under this carefully chosen sequence of events, the presumptive Republican nominee, Senator McCain of Arizona, hangs on to all of President Bush's winning states from 2004, except for Iowa, Colorado and either New Mexico or Nevada. The result: a 269-269 tie, with 270 votes needed to win the presidency.

"It really may come down to, in that theoretical case, that one electoral vote," Mr. Adler said. With Maine expected to go entirely for the Democrats, the potential boon for Mr. Obama and the danger for the presumptive Republican nominee, Senator McCain, is that Omaha might turn blue.
WELL, SENATOR, it's looking not only like Nebraska might make a difference in November's election, but that the whole shootin' match might come down to who wins Omaha. And, as you well know, we Democrats are somewhat outnumbered here.

You're gonna need every single one of us at the polls . . . and a gaggle of liberal-leaning Republicans (like Mrs. Favog) and independents.

Now, I'm not originally from Omaha. I'm here because my wife is. But it's OK here, you know? Nice folks, happenin' city. Good times.

I know. You're asking, "So what if this clown isn't a native Omahan?" Actually, Barry -- You don't mind if I call you Barry, right? -- that's entirely the point.

Like I said, you just might need my vote. And my unfortunately Republican better half's vote. It's gonna be damn close. You becoming president -- or not -- well could hinge on my vote. Or on my (as I said) unfortunately Republican wife's.

Here's the deal, Cap. I'm from Louisiana, born and raised. That's the point, cher. Now, what can you do for me to ensure my vote -- and the missus' -- come November?

I AM NOT a greedy man, but I am going to be needin' a little lagniappe -- a little sumpin' sumpin' -- to be handing you this here election. Now, remember that I also can, by giving you my vote, banish those damn Republican SOBs to the nether regions of electoral politics for a generation or so.

And I would, in all likelihood, also be delivering my unfortunately Republican wife's vote to the "D" column, too. That's not nothing. Call it two for the price of one.
Mrs. Favog, I might add, is a strong-willed woman -- try to pull that typical crap on her that you do those sniveling soccer moms and she'll not only rip you a new one, she'll feed you your innards and make you like 'em.

So, how we gonna do some bidness here, Barry?

I tell you what -- and this is agin' my natural instincts and cultural proclivities, y'unnerstand -- I'll make you a sweetheart deal. Don't want a damn dollar for my vote . . . or for the better half's.

Don't want a car, neither. Nope, not a boat . . . or a new house . . . or one of those nice condos downtown.

What I want won't cost you or your campaign a dime. And it might make your conscience feel better than it has in ages. Interested?

AIIGHT, these are the brass tacks. What you can do for me to win my vote is cut out all this pro-choice, kill-the-babies, f***-the-family social-barbarian garbage.

When you use the power of government to encourage abortion . . . to enable and legitimize abortion, you're responsible for killing off our future. When you use the bludgeon of the courts -- and public policy -- to twist marriage and family relations into configurations they never were meant to endure, you are dealing a body blow not only to societal stability but also to the underpinnings of society itself.

When you persist in advocating crap like that insisted upon by your party's libertine-barbarian overseers, you'd just as well appoint Pol Pot as your Health and Human Services secretary and Genghis Khan as your head of Homeland Security. Why? Because if you're going to lay waste to an entire society, you'd just as well be as expedient about it as possible.

See, Barry, I'm the last New Deal Democrat standing. I'm for the little guy. That includes helpless babies in the womb, as well as beleaguered mamas and daddies trying to weather the cultural storms of our age and give their already-born children half a damn chance to live in a civil society.

What I'm looking for is a president who will advocate solutions to "crisis pregnancy" where nobody has to die in order for women to win. What I want in a president is somebody who realizes that freedom doesn't necessarily mean "Do whatever the hell you want, and damn the consequences."

I want a Democrat in the Oval Office who realizes that not only is our democracy a fragile thing, but also our entire civilized order. I want somebody smart enough to realize that you don't go futzing around with fragile things, relying on dumb luck to fend off catastrophe.

NOW, IT'S TRUE . . . I ain't gonna vote for that McCain fella. But that doesn't mean I'll vote for you.

And wouldn't it be a hell of a thing if you lost the White House by a vote or two? Right here in Omaha, Neb.

You gonna play ball wit me, podna? I'll give you till Nov. 3 to make up your mind.


HAT TIP: Leavenworth Street

2 comments:

Bear said...

Here's the deal, Cap. I'm from Louisiana, born and raised. That's the point, cher. Now, what can you do for me to ensure my vote -- and the missus' -- come November?

You know, I was actually a little surprised after reading this small paragraph to find, that you in fact were not looking for something just for yourself. Kudo's to you, and as always, it's been a pleasure to read your blog.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mighty Favog,

I enjoyed your blog, and even found a difficult time arguing with it! I too am a Blue living in a Red World, and while I have a difficult time with our party's shameful stance on abortion and it's refusal to court people of faith I also am uncomfortable with overturning Roe v Wade, as my better 1/2 often points out that all that accomplishes is taking abortion underground and making it unsafe and unaccessible to the poor, getting f#%$ed over by the rich once again. They themselves can simply travel north over a border or east to a European country to have their inconvenience taken care of discreetly, with no penalty. What we need is deep societal change, and while I think Barak may be in favor of that on most fronts, it would be nice to see him address the A-Word as a societal evil that keeps women down, and to propose ways to encourage alternatives (how many people are waiting desperately for a baby to be born to adopt?) to a moral evil that can not be stemmed by a simple paper tiger law.