The Almighty is gonna kick our ass . . . and it won't be because of the gays

My first, visceral reaction to hateful literary diarrhea such as this by little-noted online Neanderthal John Hawkins is to find the creep, lay into him with a baseball bat and then -- while he's laying there moaning and calling for help -- tell him "It sucks to be you" and to get off his lazy ass.

But that would be wrong.

Yet, that's pretty much what has happened to New Orleans and the Gulf Coast after Katrina, with conservative scumbuckets like Hawkins leading the way.

IN NEW ORLEANS, defective levees and floodwalls -- constructed by the federal government -- were the baseball bat. The "whiners" Hawkins and countless Angry Men of the Comboxes fulminate over are the recipients of the assault. And for the bastard children of David Stockman to crack on New Orleans after being accessories to its destruction is akin to Charles Manson telling the Sharon Tate family to "get over it."

You'd just as well make me read swill like this, and expect me not to develop an overpowering urge toward projectile vomiting:

Two years after Katrina, everywhere you turn, there are people carping, whining, and kvetching. Just why hasn't the pity party for the citizens of New Orleans run out of booze and chips yet?

It's not as if hurricanes are a once a millennium event in the United States. In fact, residents of Florida have so many of them that they don't even cancel a barbecue for anything under a Category 3.

Moreover, people lose their homes in this country every day of the year. If it isn't a hurricane, it's an earthquake. If it isn't an earthquake, it's a tornado. If it isn't a tornado, it's a fire. If it isn't a fire, it's a flood. Yet nobody sits and frets about John Doe, age 58, who lost his house in a flash flood two years ago or Jane Doe, age 60, who had her house blown away by a twister back in 2005.

But, we're all supposed to eternally sit around and weep tiny little tears of sadness for the people who really took it on the chin in a hurricane because they chose to live in a city shaped like a soup bowl on the coast. Let me tell all the citizens of New Orleans something that should have been told to them 18 months ago: it's time to stop playing the sympathy card and get over it.

Nobody is owed a living for the rest of his life because he had a bad break two years ago. Yet, we still have people affected by Katrina who have FEMA paying their rent. How sad and pathetic is it that these shiftless people are still leaching off their fellow citizens? Since when is being in the path of a hurricane supposed to give you a permanent "Get Out of Work Free" card?

Is that just too honest for some people? Is it just “too mean?" Well, if your house burns down tomorrow and you're still living on the dole two years from now, are your real friends going to pat you on the back and tell you that you should keep suckling at the government teat for as long as you can or are they going to give you a kick in the behind and tell you to get a job? A real friend would be honest enough to tell you the truth and more people should do the same for Katrina victims.

Want to know another person who needs to be told the truth? It's New Orleans resident Erick Ventura, who said this,

"America really doesn't give a s*** about New Orleans. We forget. The bridge that collapsed [in Minnesota] -- it's gone, it's yesterday's news. The miners -- if they're not digging a sixth hole, we forget about them. We as a society, we really don't give a d*mn."

Guess what, buddy? You're right; nobody does "give a s*** about New Orleans" any more other than a few saints and a lot of manipulative Democrats looking for a political issue they can exploit. That's the nature of life. Today you're here, tomorrow you are gone, and 99% of the time everyone other than your closest family members have practically forgotten that you existed two weeks later -- but at least New Orleans got $127 billion, more than we spent on the Marshall Plan, before people moved on to something else. That's more than most of us get to say after something bad happens to us and it's why the citizens of New Orleans should be thanking the rest of America for our generosity instead of griping.

AND SOME OF THE COMMENTS are even worse. As are many of the comments from fine 'Merkuns out there -- who either need more antacids or a real life -- whenever anyone posts a Katrina-related article on the Web.

Apparently, this is what conservatism has come to in the United States -- not that liberalism has acquitted itself any better, really, on other hot-button issues. And it is precisely because American conservatism has taken "the Cain excuse" to heart is why I cannot be an American conservative.

See, I try to be a Catholic Christian. I'm crappy at it, but I try. And I have determined that to be a Rush Limbaugh-John Hawkins conservative would do to my immortal soul what the U.S. government's piss-poor civil engineering did to New Orleans.

The Limbaughs and the Hawkinses of the world are all about "Am I my brother's keeper?" In fact, they are all about trying to convince the rest of us that we're not our brother's keepers. That is a lie.

IT'S ONE OF THE BIGGEST LIES Satan ever spawned and set loose upon the earth to ravage lives and consign souls to hell.

I don't want to go to hell. Neither should you. And we all should avoid hateful, selfish, self-righteous venom -- and attitudes -- such as Mr. Hawkins' like the deadly plague they represent.