Lousy, rotten, hypocritical GOP poltroons

No, I'm not talking about Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, busted by Officer Mancuso in the Minneapolis airport john. The "family values" senator is one sick puppy deep in denial . . . not a hypocrite.

And his wife needs to get tested. Now.

The lousy, rotten, hypocritical Republican poltroons I'm talking about are all those outraged -- outraged! -- by the senator's alleged toilet-trolling ways. They want him to resign tout de suite as a betrayer of "values voters" and an embarrasser of the party.

These folks are lousy, rotten hypocrites and scumbags because -- apparently in their book -- it's one thing for a Republican social conservative to engage in illegal conduct with female prostitutes (complete with an alleged diaper fetish) and lie about it, but entirely another for a Republican social conservative to engage in illegal conduct with another man in a public-bathroom stall and lie about it.

IN SHORT, where are the Republican senators and congressmen calling for the head of "Diaperman," a.k.a., Sen. David Vitter, R.-La.? (Insert sound of crickets.)

After all, last I checked, boinking a high-class whore is no more or less illegal than a tawdry, anonymous assignation between two men in an airport latrine. The only thing saving Vitter there is the statute of limitations.

And last I checked my catechism, homosexual acts are no more or less gravely sinful than screwing around on your wife with a prostitute.

Neither the law nor the Catholic catechism offers any guidance on diaper fetishes.

And Vitter's wife needs to get tested. Now.

Still, when the poor old Idaho poofter gets caught by the Twin Cities potty patrol, we are subjected to twaddle such as this from Sen. John McCain, taking a break from his flagging presidential campaign to spew thusly:

“My opinion is that when you plead guilty to a crime, you shouldn’t serve. That’s not a moral stand. That’s not a holier-than-thou. It’s just a factual situation.”

NO, SENATOR, that's just self-righteous bull. Factual is that you'll never, ever be president, and that's probably a good thing.

And then there's this from Family Inanity Research Council poobah Tony Perkins:

“Exit polls show that was the No. 1 factor in depressing Republican enthusiasm. There is an expectation that leaders who espouse family values will live by those values. And while the values voters don’t demand perfection, I do believe they want leaders with integrity.”

Of course, when the malefactor was the promiscuously heterosexual Vitter -- an old buddy from their days in the Louisiana Legislature -- Perkins was singing from a different page of the hymnal:

The statement by my friend and former colleague, Louisiana Senator David Vitter, was very disappointing. He admitted to a “serious sin” in a statement he released to the press on Monday, prior to news reports revealing that his phone number appeared on a long list of client’s numbers of the now infamous DC Madam, Deborah Jeane Palfrey.

In the release David assumed complete responsibility for what he did and that he “asked for and received forgiveness from God and [his] wife in confession and marriage counseling.” These allegations first surfaced about 4 or 5 years ago when David was considering running for governor of Louisiana. He backed away from the race admitting to marital problems and he and his wife sought counseling. This public revelation coincides with that time frame.

While I commend him on assuming personal responsibility and working to make things whole in his life, I cannot defend David’s behavior. Adultery is a serious matter that affects not only the individuals involved but families and the well being of the entire community. Voters have the right to consider issues like this when they assess the character of an elected official.

Having said that, the American people have shown themselves to be very forgiving toward a public official who admits their failures and takes redemptive steps. And despite what some have said since he released his statement, so does God. Proverbs 24:16 reads “For a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again, but the wicked shall fall by calamity.” I hope to see David back on his feet again.

SIN IS SIN. Illegal is illegal. Vitter's no better than Larry Craig.

Both should go.

And, come to think of it, so should the dishonorable men who have so little legal or moral vision that they cannot discern the obvious when it kicks them right in their Kinsey Reports.