Poor, poor pitiful Brits (sniff)

Pity the poor British. Apparently, we're being mean to them.

It's even said that Barack Obama hates them.

And there's this one other little thing. They're invested up to their formerly stiff upper lips in BP stock, which is getting pretty close to becoming worthless.

To paraphrase the illustrious Eric "Otter" Stratton, "Hey, you f***ed up, you trusted 'em." That mournful sound you now hear is the world's smallest violin playing "My Heart Spills Crude for You."

THIS SAD, SAD tale of woe and ruin from across the waters comes to us from MSNBC:

“Obama’s boot on the throat of British pensioners” read the front-page headline in Thursday's Daily Telegraph, which added that the president's "attacks on BP were blamed for wiping billions off the company’s value."

“U.K. alarm over attack on BP” was the Financial Times' take on the crisis, which it suggested could damage transatlantic relations. The newspaper accused President Barack Obama of employing "increasingly aggressive rhetoric" against BP.

Shares in BP hit their lowest level in 13 years on Thursday. According to the Telegraph, BP executives are so worried that Obama’s comments could continue to drive down BP's share price that the firm has asked Prime Minister David Cameron to intervene. Cameron is due to speak with Obama this weekend.

Obama and U.S. officials have repeatedly referred to BP as “British Petroleum” -- despite the fact that the company officially changed its name in 2000. Some have interpreted this as an attack on the country's reputation.

Last Friday, Obama declared “what I don’t want to hear is, when they’re spending that kind of money on their shareholders and … TV advertising, that they’re nickel-and-diming fishermen or small businesses here in the Gulf.”

Some are concerned about the battering the U.K.'s image is taking in the U.S.

"I do think there's something slightly worrying about the anti-British rhetoric that seems to be permeating from America,” Boris Johnson, London's New York-born mayor, told the BBC on Thursday. “I do think that it starts to become a matter of national concern if a great British company is being continually beaten up on the international airwaves.

"I would like to see a bit of cool heads and a bit of calm reflection about how to deal with this problem rather than endlessly buck passing and name calling."

At London’s King’s Cross train station, Thelma Aengenheister echoed the mayor’s sentiments.

“It’s easier for Obama to kick a British company than an American one; there will be fewer repercussions,” said the 80-year-old, who was on her way to Brussels. “It’s like kicking someone when they’re down. But I do feel for the people of Louisiana, it must be dreadful for them.”

OH, YES. It is "dreadful" for the people of Louisiana. Then again, they're used to people -- and companies . . . and countries (particularly their own) -- being dreadful to them.

I don't live there now, but I was born and raised there, and my family has been In Louisiana since long before "les Americains" were. So I don't think the people of the Gret Stet would mind too much if I said a few words to these "dreadfully" put-upon Brits on their behalf:

Kiss.

Our.

British Petroleum-slimed.

Ass.

Natural selection 1, snake owner 0

Draping a 9-foot python around your neck? What could go wrong?

Strangulation, for one thing. No doubt, this poor Papillion, Neb., fool's last words were "Hey, y'all! Watch this!"

PRAISE GOD the snake-squeezed corpse here didn't belong to the little neighbor girl Cory Byrne let play with his python . . . and put around her neck, as recounted by the Omaha World-Herald:

He placed it on the trampoline outside. He let the children play with it.

“My daughter actually had it around her neck,” said David Driggers, 44, the neighbor. “There were about five or six kids over here that day.”

Things went terribly wrong Wednesday when Byrne, 34, tried to show off the python to a friend.

He was critically injured when the snake, estimated by authorities to be 9 feet long, wrapped around his neck and began strangling him.

Byrne died later at Midlands Community Hospital.

A friend tried to pull the reptile loose. Police arrived, finding Byrne unconscious and without a pulse. They managed to pry the python off Byrne.

“It took all they could do to get it back in the cage,” said Lt. Chris Whitted of the Papillion Police Department.

UNFORTUNATELY, congratulations are not in order for Mr. Byrne as a possible Darwin Award winner, being that you win one by "naturally selecting" yourself out of the gene pool.

On the other hand, we can all look at it this way: He may have accidentally sacrificed his life so the neighborhood kids might keep theirs.

That's not nothing.

God help me, I know it sounds cruel -- and maybe it is -- but it's true. Somebody usually ends up paying for that level of stupidity and irresponsibility, and thank God it wasn't an innocent child.

Thanks, I needed that

Some off-color language, but funny as hell.

Oil spill, hell! The Aussies might be offended!

There's a gushing wound in the Gulf, pumping out tens of thousands of barrels a day of this country's toxic lifeblood -- oil.

Right now, Louisiana is choking to death on the stuff. Soon enough, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida will be, too. Later, it will be Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina. And maybe more states up the Eastern Seaboard.

That poisonous vein has been gushing out of control for 50-odd days. The oil field is hardly in any danger of exsanguination anytime soon, though south Louisiana, in particular, is in imminent danger of becoming an uninhabitable toxic wasteland -- a giant dead zone -- with countless thousands breathing in benzene fumes as they watch their jobs, their ecosystem and their culture sink beneath the soiled sea, the muck-filled marshes and befouled bayous.

BUT THAT'S not important now, according to the Kearney (Neb.) Hub. What's important is that President Obama might be pissing off Indonesia and Australia by canceling on them a second time to tend to an American BPocalypse:

To their credit, the foreign leaders have graciously accepted Obama’s excuses. They are legitimate. Many Americans opposed much of his health care reforms, but they accepted his judgment regarding the visits to Indonesia and Australia. If Obama believed health reforms would sink without his guiding hand, then it is understandable why he stayed home to finish what he started.

We’re less supportive about Obama excusing himself from the Indonesia-Australia visit for a second time. For all practical purposes, there’s not much Obama can do now about the oil spill other than to act interested.

He’s recently played that role well, having visited the Gulf Coast three times to express that he cares about people’s hardships and to prove that his boot remains on BP’s neck.

Appearances are important for Obama’s approval rating at home. Being present is the best way to demonstrate his resolve to end the Gulf crisis.

However, there’s a pressing need to follow through on his commitments to our Southern Hemisphere allies. Indonesia and Australia are valued trading partners and important to U.S. interests in many other ways.

Obama could fulfill his obligation to those nations while his deputies at home tend to the Gulf crisis.

YES, PEOPLE out in the boonies of Nebraska really can be that clueless. Some of them, like the editors of the Kearney Hub, even get paid for it.

Let me explain this to the booboisie out in Kearney so that even their newspaper editors might be able to understand.

I'm going to start asking some questions now. Try not to panic.

Now what would be the equivalent if BP ran amok in rural Nebraska?

How about this: What if, say, an oil company decided to bury a massive oil pipeline deep beneath the rolling farmland of Nebraska? Not only that, let's say the oilmen, to cut costs, didn't install equipment that could be relied upon to shut off the oil flow once it had started.

And let's also say the oil company decided to use thinner pipe -- to save costs -- and run the pipeline at pressures much higher than the industry norm.

NOW, IMAGINE that -- despite all the sweet nothings and promises of right-of-way fees whispered into the ears of the Hub editors' fellow members of the booboisie -- one day it all went to shit. The pipeline blew. It blew deep underground, nobody could stop it, and not a body knew what to do.

That pipeline blew and blew and blew, pumping millions and millions and millions more barrels of petroleum deep into the Ogallala Aquifer, eventually poisoning it for decades, if not forever.

In a matter of weeks, vast swaths of Nebraska were rendered too damned arid to grow much of anything other than winter wheat, or maybe some sugar beets and potatoes -- not on 15 inches of rain a year. In some places, crops outright failed. In others, yields plummeted without irrigation.

Meantime, streams fed by the aquifer were fouled, killing everything in them. And then the birds and other wildlife started to die, having drunk the fetid water or eaten what was in it.

Drinking water supplies suddenly were poisonous. Livestock began to die en masse, either of thirst or poisoning. And the government, faced with a logistical nightmare, was failing badly at trucking in sufficient drinking water for humans.

Seemingly overnight, 31 percent of the state's total employment had been to some degree threatened, if not eliminated. Not that any of that would matter if you lived somewhere with no drinkable water.

IF SOME future BP, through utter negligence and recklessness, were to do that to Nebraska, what would it mean for the state's future viability? What would it mean for its citizens' lives? Their livelihoods?

What would it mean to Nebraskans' lifestyle and culture? If much of the groundwater was no good and the land uninhabitable because of that, and if hundreds of thousands no longer could farm -- ever -- how would that affect how Nebraskans see themselves? What, then, would be their identity . . . even the city slickers in Lincoln and Omaha?

If you can't get a job, if you lose your identity, if you can't live on your land anymore, if all you know and love is destroyed because of somebody's greed and criminal negligence . . . do you think that might be a kind of genocide?

If all hell were breaking loose all around you, and the news kept going from catastrophic to unthinkable, would you then be so damned upset that President Obama canceled on the Indonesians and Aussies yet again? Wouldn't you want the president of the United States right here, in country, dealing with the crisis that just blew up your world?

Wouldn't you?

I'm waiting.

WHAT IF that were to happen here? Uh-oh.

According to a story in the Omaha World-Herald, some much lesser, yet awful still, version of Nebraska's petro-nightmare scenario isn't exactly unthinkable:

The ever-widening oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico has state lawmakers rethinking whether Nebraska is doing enough to protect the fragile Sand Hills and groundwater-rich Ogallala Aquifer from a planned crude-oil pipeline.

The proposed Keystone XL Pipeline would pump 700,000 barrels of oil a day from the tar sand mines of western Canada.

It would cross 254 miles of Nebraska, including about 112 miles of the Sand Hills, intersecting with a pipeline near Kansas.

Proponents say the pipeline would provide an environmentally safe, politically stable and reliable source of crude oil and avoid risks exposed by the deep-sea drilling blowout in the Gulf.

Opponents worry that the Sand Hills region could host its own oil spill that could contaminate a precious deposit of groundwater.

Duane Hovorka, executive director of the Nebraska Wildlife Federation, said a small pipeline leak in the sparsely populated Sand Hills might go undetected for days and do major damage.

“There's a limit to how closely you can monitor that stuff,” Hovorka said. “You can pump a lot of oil into the aquifer before someone discovers it.”

Of key concern is TransCanada's application for a federal waiver to pump the pipeline oil at a higher pressure, using thinner pipe. The pipe could pump more oil and use less steel.

Cesar de Leon, former head of the nation's pipeline safety agency, said there's no question that using thinner pipe at higher pressure “lessens” the safety margin, although he said increased monitoring and maintenance could offset that risk.

Still, de Leon, now a private consultant based in Boerne, Texas, said using the higher pumping pressure “pushes the technological envelope,” which he likened to BP drilling deeper and deeper into the Gulf.

“It's running beyond what's been the norm,” he said of the pipeline project. “I think they'll be successful in getting it, but I certainly think you'd be safer running at a lower pressure.”

TransCanada, the Canadian company building the pipeline, has been safely using thinner pipe made of stronger steel for years in Canada, a spokesman said.

Jeff Rauh said the company plans several extra safeguards, including X-ray checks on every weld, more confirmation of steel integrity and coatings, and burying the pipeline 4 feet deep instead of the required 30 inches.

Historically, pipeline leaks are rare, small and localized, he said. The historic average is less than three barrels, or 126 gallons, he said. Leaks would be especially slow moving through the sands and groundwater of the Sand Hills, Rauh said.

Aerial surveillance of the pipeline would be done every two weeks. The pipe is designed to withstand puncturing by excavation equipment.

“This is a welded pipeline. It is designed for zero leakage,” he said. “However, if a leak occurs, we are absolutely ready to respond.”

A recent draft environmental impact statement on the project acknowledges that oil spills occur and that some could go undetected for “days or weeks.”

The draft statement also concludes Keystone XL would have “limited adverse environmental impacts” if the pipeline adheres to safety rules and laws.

SO, PERHAPS the time of geopolitically minded editors of a teeny weenie newspaper in the middle of nowhere might be better spent making sure TransCanada does pipelines a hell of a lot more safely than BP does deepwater oil wells.

It would be a terrible thing for them to have a certain editorial thrown back in their faces if everything went to shit one day and some future president took off for parts unknown, figuring the White House aides could handle it because, after all, it's only Nebraska.

He who laughs last. . . .

. . . laughs loudest.

Bo Pelini, to put it in Facebook speak, likes this.

HERE'S an Omaha World-Herald classic from December:

Bo Pelini had played it cool walking off the field, telling Texas coaches to go win a national title.

But he heard about a conflict at the threshold of the tunnel. Seemed a Texas fan and somebody from NU had exchanged words.

Bo marched toward the scene. Who was it? Bo wanted to engage the Texas fan.

Told nothing happened, he went back toward the locker room, where he saw Marc Boehm, NU assistant athletic director.

“Marc, I want to see (Big 12 head of officiating) Walt Anderson in there right (expletive) now!” Pelini shouted.

“BCS!” Pelini said as he entered the locker room. “That's why they make that call!”

Nebraska lost another heartbreaker to Texas Saturday. You saw it. Felt it. What you didn't feel were the post-game aftershocks reverberating through the concrete tunnels of Cowboys Stadium.

It hit hardest the Pelinis, who nearly orchestrated a monumental upset.

The reason why they didn't, according to Bo's and Carl's immediate reactions, was the officials' decision to add one second to the game clock after Colt McCoy's last throw out of bounds.

Originally, the clock expired, sending a flood of Nebraska players onto the field. But a review changed that call, led to Texas' game-winning kick and sent the Pelinis into madness.

According to Dan Beebe, Big 12 commissioner, officials did the right thing.

According to Walt Anderson, officials did the right thing. Where was the clock when the ball hit something out of bounds?

“There was a second left,” Anderson said.

But nothing or nobody could convince Bo Pelini.

“I want an explanation!” Pelini yelled outside his locker room.

Standing in that tunnel quietly watching him: Harvey Perlman, Paul Meyers, Eric Crouch.

“Get Coach Osborne down here!” Pelini said. “Can you go get Coach Osborne?”

Minutes later, Athletic Director Tom Osborne walked slowly toward the locker room in black trench coat. He entered the double doors to meet Pelini.

From outside the doors, one word could be heard loudest: “Cheaters!”

Then Osborne strode back to the field, where Texas was wrapping up its trophy presentation. En route to midfield, Osborne said to a World-Herald reporter: “Where is Dan Beebe?''

Beebe was standing at the 40-yard line talking to Assistant Commissioner Ed Stewart, a former Nebraska All-America linebacker.

As Osborne reached Beebe, the commissioner extended his hand. But Osborne didn't shake it. Osborne pointed at Beebe and said, “Would you go see Bo? Right now?''

By then, Nebraska Chancellor Harvey Perlman had come on to the field. Perlman and Osborne walked with Beebe off the field and down a stadium tunnel.

The three exchanged no words on the walk. Down the tunnel, Osborne walked three steps in front of Beebe and Perlman walked to Beebe's right.

OF COURSE, you don't make a high-stakes decision like blowing up the Big 12 Conference just because you see Texas getting every benefit of the doubt because the conference's slot in the BCS championship was at stake.

(I'm not saying the call that saved Texas' hide was wrong, but I am questioning whether, if the Huskers had been in Texas' position in that game -- with the Longhorns' shot at the national title still at stake -- whether Big 12 officials don't let the clock run out and call it a night.)

But the fragrant aroma of a dish called revenge being served cold, much as a bowl of gazpacho, sure is a wonderful thing to greet you as you step into the Big Ten café.

What time is it, boys and girls?

That's right!

It's just like Starbucks, only better. And much, much cheaper.

I say, Kingfish! Dis heah be o-fensibe!

Randy Newman said it best in 1974, some 13 years after this ad for a "Negro" station in New York City ran in Broadcasting:

Now your northern nigger's a Negro
You see he's got his dignity
Down here we're too ignorant to realize
That the North has set the nigger free

Yes he's free to be put in a cage
In Harlem in New York City
And he's free to be put in a cage on the South-Side of Chicago
And the West-Side
And he's free to be put in a cage in Hough in Cleveland
And he's free to be put in a cage in East St. Louis
And he's free to be put in a cage in Fillmore in San Francisco
And he's free to be put in a cage in Roxbury in Boston
They're gatherin' 'em up from miles around
Keepin' the niggers down

YOU JUST have to love the use of stereotypical dialect -- "lib" -- for the purpose of selling a "Negro" radio station to Madison Avenue. Would that were the only demeaning stereotype:

"Whether you sell a LIBation or appeal to the LIBido only WLIB can do the effective job."

Because "Negroes" are all about drinking and screwing, don't you know? Hell, add 'bling" and capping somebody's ass, and you've just described your average hip-hop station in 2010.

Isn't it AMAZING how much more enlightened we've become since March 27, 1961?

Before Louisiana had to deal with irony (2)

The irony is this, from the pages of the Broadcasting Yearbook, is a pluperfect 1958 map of what, decades later, would come to be known as "Cancer Alley."

The further irony is that folks in many of the worst-affected communities in the area aren't worth advertisers' time, not having a pot to piss in and barely a window to piss out.

Even the BBC has heard of "Cancer Alley." And heard of WBRZ? Not so much.

Coffee time

Cher, I was gettin' tired tired, and I damn near fall asleep, yeah! So I made me a pot of coffee.

The Mid-Continent formula

For Todd Storz, it all began in 1949 at a little 500-watt daytimer in Omaha, Neb.

He and his brewing-baron dad bought KOWH radio from the Omaha World-Herald, which apparently had run the struggling station as something of an afterthought to printing the day's news on dead trees.


TWO YEARS later, in December 1951, KOWH was the biggest thing in the Big O.

In 1955, Storz' second purchase, WHB in Kansas City, was well on the way to similar success. As was WTIX in New Orleans, the third station in the Mid-Continent Broadcasting Co., chain.

THESE ADS for the Storz chain, found in the 1955 Broadcasting Yearbook and the April 13, 1953 edition of Broadcasting, attribute the stations' speedy rise to "the Mid-Continent formula." Roughly speaking, that formula grew from a skeleton of "spaced repetition" of hit records, hourly newscasts and non-stop fun promotions.

What the trade ads called "the Mid-Continent formula" soon enough swept the radio world and saved a dying industry, one nearly obliterated by the rapid rise of television.

What we came to know it as was much simpler -- Top 40.

Todd Storz died in 1964, of an apparent stroke at just 39. But his radio kingdom survived him and went on for years after.

And his creation lives on in the rock 'n' roll hearts of we who are forever young.

Just like Todd.

'Are you f***ing happy? Are you f***ing happy?'

The sailor . . . was on the ship's bridge when Deepwater Horizon installation manager Jimmy Harrell, a top employee of rig owner Transocean, was speaking with someone in Houston via satellite phone. Buzbee told Mother Jones that, according to this witness account, Harrell was screaming, "Are you f***ing happy? Are you f***ng happy? The rig's on fire! I told you this was gonna happen."

Whoever was on the other end of the line was apparently trying to calm Harrell down. "I am f***ing calm," he went on, according to Buzbee. "You realize the rig is burning?"

THIS . . . is the latest from Mother Jones' indispensable coverage of the BPocalypse.

There is no part of hell hot enough for the vile, corner-cutting, avaricious sons of bitches responsible for this thing. And for federal "regulators" whose real business was the business of enabling bad behavior by business?

Their route to les feux d'infer ought to involve being keelhauled through every bit of the oil slick left by their former buddies at BP.

Genocide. Always remember this is the bottom line of what has happened here.

If what passes for civilization in these parts, in these times, is to somehow endure, it's really, really important that consequences fit the crime.

I'm shocked that people are shocked

It's a horrible thing when you're 89 years old and the brain's equivalent of a spam filter no longer works so well.

"Captcha" by a Jewish activist and his camcorder was only a matter of time for poor Helen Thomas, who is being singled out as some sort of singular anti-Semite bigot. I can't judge her heart, so I couldn't tell you.

What I can tell you is that I'm shocked that people are shocked.

LISTEN, she was born Greek Orthodox, the daughter of Lebanese immigrants by the name of Antonious, which later was changed to Thomas. As far as I know, neither the country of Lebanon nor the Greek Orthodox Church are hotbeds of support for Zionism or the state of Israel.

And, to be fair, neither is the state of Israel exactly on hugs-and-kisses terms with Lebanon or Greek Orthodox Christians. To wit, from a 2004 article in Haaretz:

A few weeks ago, a senior Greek Orthodox clergyman in Israel attended a meeting at a government office in Jerusalem's Givat Shaul quarter. When he returned to his car, an elderly man wearing a skullcap came and knocked on the window. When the clergyman let the window down, the passerby spat in his face.

(snip)

On Sunday, a fracas developed when a yeshiva student spat at the cross being carried by the Armenian Archbishop during a procession near the Holy Sepulchre in the Old City. The archbishop's 17th-century cross was broken during the brawl and he slapped the yeshiva student.

Both were questioned by police and the yeshiva student will be brought to trial. The Jerusalem District Court has meanwhile banned the student from approaching the Old City for 75 days.

But the Armenians are far from satisfied by the police action and say this sort of thing has been going on for years. Archbishop Nourhan Manougian says he expects the education minister to say something.

"When there is an attack against Jews anywhere in the world, the Israeli government is incensed, so why when our religion and pride are hurt, don't they take harsher measures?" he asks.

According to Daniel Rossing, former adviser to the Religious Affairs Ministry on Christian affairs and director of a Jerusalem center for Christian-Jewish dialogue, there has been an increase in the number of such incidents recently, "as part of a general atmosphere of lack of tolerance in the country."

Rossing says there are certain common characeristics from the point of view of time and location to the incidents. He points to the fact that there are more incidents in areas where Jews and Christians mingle, such as the Jewish and Armenian quarters of the Old City and the Jaffa Gate.

There are an increased number at certain times of year, such as during the Purim holiday."I know Christians who lock themselves indoors during the entire Purim holiday," he says.

Former adviser to the mayor on Christian affairs, Shmuel Evyatar, describes the situation as "a huge disgrace." He says most of the instigators are yeshiva students studying in the Old City who view the Christian religion with disdain.

THE OTHER THING I can tell you is that Thomas has company. Here's one bouquet thrown her way by a fellow Lebanese-American:

I was going through the news and found this article...all i can say is Helen Thomas is one brave woman! of course she made a mistake by using the word "Jew" because jews arent the issue. Zionists are the issue. i think sometimes people get confused with the difference between the 2. i love Jewish people! they went through a lot because of their religion. however zionists are another story!

So Helen Thomas, your awesome! next time use the word zionist...because there is a BIG difference. there are jews who are against the zionists nation.


ps...considering her position, i'd say that shes fed up with that country using the USA!

THE TROUBLE with this country's chattering class is it doesn't understand it's not the norm. Helen Thomas is not a singular bigot and, at any rate, people have lots of reasons for their long-nursed hatreds -- some of them good ones.

That starves journalism of a certain depth to its practice. And it even denies bigotry's victims -- in this case, Israelis -- a certain opportunity for self-examination.

Racists in the henhouse, 1941

Click on the ad for a larger version.

History books are one thing.

Stories from people who lived history are another.

But when you come face-to-face with what historians call "primary-source materials," sometimes the sheer power of it can leave you gobsmacked . . . despite having lived through a bit of ugly history yourself.

I, as you surely know, grew up in the Deep South in the 1960s and '70s. I attended legally segregated schools until 1970. I was indoctrinated with a full load of the sort of white, Southern racism that one breathed in back then pretty much as one breathed in air.

Polluted air.

Among certain sorts of folk -- common in occurrence, common in behavior -- the N-word was an all-purpose thing back then . . . noun, adjective and occasionally verb. But still, you run across bits of tangible history that show you that things once were even worse.

That even as bad as things might seem -- as delusional and demented as people might seem today -- once they were more so.

I REMEMBER coming across an old Baton Rouge High yearbook -- from 1928, I think -- as a senior in high school. We had a large archive of the things in the yearbook office. And in this one, under the category of what passed for humor at the "white school," was a cartoon of a stereotypically drawn black child, a "pickaninny" in the parlance of the day.

This African-American child was pictured in a watermelon patch, stealing the fruit of the vine next to a sign saying "No Trespassing." A gun was at his head.

The caption? "Read the signs," or some such.

In 1978, I figured it should have more appropriately read "Holy s***!"

ABOVE, WE FIND another one of those moments in this Broadcasting magazine ad for Free & Peters, Inc., radio station representatives. The firm prided itself on being able to "spot a nigger in the henhouse as far as we can see it."

"That's just one more reason why our fifteen good men are welcomed friends and trusted co-workers to most of the radio advertisers and agencies in America," the ad concluded.

With friends like those. . . .

Oh, one more thing. The date of the Broadcasting issue containing our bit of primary-source material? Dec. 8, 1941.

When wankers get portfolios

While the shores of America's Gulf coast are slowly being choked to death by a foul tide of British-owned petroleum, some in the new UK government are terribly, terribly concerned that the colonials are being mean to them.

No, really.

British Petroleum -- as a byproduct of greed, corner-cutting and blatant disregard for, well . . . everything -- killed 11 American oil workers, 140 miles and counting of the Louisiana coastline, God-only-knows how much of the Gulf's wildlife and ecosystem, a big chunk of the Dead Pelican State's economy and culture, and then the livelihoods of thousands all along the coast, and now some asshole minister in the British government is terribly, terribly concerned that Americans are saying harsh things about the Limeys?

Really?

YOU CAN'T make this crap up. It's in the Daily Mail:

Vince Cable has hit out at the "extreme and unhelpful" anti-British rhetoric from the U.S. over BP's handling of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill.

The Business Secretary stopped short of criticising President Barack Obama personally, and declared that Britain should not use "gunboat diplomacy".

Some MPs, however, have said Mr Obama was wrong to blame Britain for the problem.

The comments, which came yesterday as BP announced that a plan to funnel the oil away had partially worked, risked provoking a trans-Atlantic rift.

American politicians and broadcasters have laid the blame for the accident on the Deepwater Horizon rig at the feet of the UK - despite BP being a multinational company.

Mr Obama has continually referred to the company as "British Petroleum" although it changed its name to BP more than a decade ago.

Mr Cable said yesterday: "It's clear that some of the rhetoric in the U.S. is extreme and unhelpful."

He added that the fury being levelled at the company was "a reaction to big oil".

Mr Cable cautioned against the Government resorting to "gunboat diplomacy" by aggressively lobbying the White House on the oil company's behalf.

He said Mr Obama was treating BP no more harshly than he would a U.S. company such as Exxon -- the previous holder of the dubious record for the biggest oil leak in American history.

But other MPs voiced their concern about the hostile tone of the U.S.

Tory MP Andrew Rosindell said: "It is not the British government or the British people who are to blame. It's a multinational company and it is up to them to fix this."

HOW DOES ONE argue with such arrogance and condescension? One doesn't.

One just points out that the f***ing Brits are evah so quick to condemn America and "brutish" Americans over our "insane gun laws" every time an English tourist takes a slug in the gut trying to score some weed in the 'hood, yet we're supposed to be nice about it when British Petroleum rapes whole cultures, peoples and ecosystems in the former colonies.

Holy s***, the "wogs" really do "begin at Calais" . . . and on the North American shoreline, don't they? And the wogs are supposed to . . . what? Say "Thank you, Tony, may we have another dose of death"?

NO, YOU CAN'T argue with the likes of Vince Cable and some of the other swells trolling the halls of Westminster. Or is is trolls swelling the halls of Westminster?

All one can do is remind the right members of Parliament what happened to Britain on Jan. 8, 1815 -- the last time it tried to screw with south Louisiana -- and leave the right members with some friendly final words.

Piss off.

Wankers.

Before Louisiana had to deal with irony . . .

Or Cancer Alley. Or clean-air regulations.

This ad for WJBO radio in Baton Rouge was found in a 1952 edition of the Broadcasting Yearbook. It wasn't a more innocent time, necessarily, but certainly more insanely optimistic and naive.

Down on the bayou, Boudreaux is f***ed

Hey, y'all! Watch this!

If you were wondering how a British oil giant figures it will get away with this whole "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" thang without its executives having to stockpile Soap on a Rope, read on.

It's nothing shocking, or even unusual by Washington standards, but the following information from CNN Money is well worth going over now and again so it's not too crazy-making to bear when, at long last, Boudreaux gets hung out to dry next to his empty shrimp nets:

The lobbying firms working for BP are among Washington's most influential, including one headed by Ken Duberstein, a chief of staff for President Ronald Reagan, and another led by Tony Podesta, whose brother was President Bill Clinton's chief of staff.

"They are among the biggest of the big. Consistently, year in and year out, they spend millions in federal lobbying efforts," said Dave Levinthal, spokesman for the Center for Responsive Politics. "How that will change post-oil spill remains to be seen, but it would be hard to believe their numbers would do anything but go up."

During the 2008 election cycle, BP spent $531,000, through its corporate political committee and in contributions to candidates. So far this cycle, it has spent $113,000, with most of the money going to Republicans.

WASHINGTON, you see, is where ugly people go to be high-dollar hookers. (I wonder whether Sarah Palin was sharp enough to know she committed a double entendre when she famously said "Drill, baby! Drill!"?)

God bless America, land of opportunity! Unless, of course, you're Boudreaux and you used to fish the southeast Louisiana coastal waters.

In that case, podna, you're just f***ed.


P.S.: Oh, and there's this, too.

3 Chords & the Truth: A cautionary tale

The following cautionary tale is brought to you by the Internet's finest music podcast, 3 Chords & the Truth.

Ready? Here you go:

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

SO SAD. So sad. It seems to me the quality of poor Eleanor's dream could have been enhanced by regular downloading of the Big Show.

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

WHERE DO all the lonely people come from? Obviously from that bitter and antisocial place where 3 Chords & the Truth is not a weekly part of one's life.

That prospect is depressing enough to turn anybody into a sad hermit.

Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near.
Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?

HELLO? FATHER? Nobody is listening to your sermons because they're booorrrrrrriiinnng! Really, if you listened to 3 Chords & the Truth, you'd be much happier, and I am sure there's scientific research somewhere pointing out that listening to good music increases the effectiveness of sermon writing 110 percent.

Get with the program, Fadda! Listen to the Big Show and quit being such a prig.

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH . . . been over all that. Yadda yadda yadda.

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

WELL, that's just sadder than hell. And such a waste, too.

It could have been avoided with something as simple as a weekly dose of 3 Chords & the Truth. Proven effective in combating the boredom that causes priggishness, a leading cause of loneliness.

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

UH HUH, uh huh. Yeah, yeah. Heard that, haven't we? Move along, nothing new here. Just listen to the Big Show, and all will be well.

It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.

Keeping up with the times

Louisiana's state flag hasn't much changed since its official adoption in 1912. And it probably hadn't changed drastically in the century before it got legal validation.

Times change, though, and so do the symbols that represent who we are as a people. And given recent developments, perhaps it's time for the first overhaul of the Pelican State's banner since I don't know when.

The above one, I think, should do the trick.

Then again, if the United States can't do its damn job of protecting its citizens from being raped by foreign oil companies -- from having their culture, economy and environment destroyed -- then maybe this second flag would be more appropriate.

British Plantation

If you'd really like to know what's going on with the BPocalypse in Louisiana, it's helpful to tap into the experiences of people like Richard Shephard.

Shephard is an aerial photographer who has been teaming up with other grassroots types to document exactly what the hell is going on with the oil spill and cleanup. Or, rather, lack of cleanup.

IN A PHOTO GALLERY from last weekend, Shephard documents the breadth and depth of the public-relations farce BP is trying to perpetuate on the American public. As much as anything, this hearkens back to the South's sad past of slavery, racism and brutality, with the scene described below perhaps giving rise to yet another more-appropriate name for the United Kingdom-based oil spiller -- British Plantation:

So here I am on Grand Isle, surveying this fiasco. I carry no press credentials, emblems or logos, nor pretend to be other than some white dude taking pictures.

Apart from a few brave souls, these BP hired clean-up workers are under strict instructions not to speak to the press (which I am not). Within seconds of shooting as many images as possible, I am intercepted by white, paramilitary-cop-wanna-bees, who snap and growl to the workers to, quote, "shut the f*** up and say nothing".

Personally, I say nothing at all and continue shooting, filming their fake-bullshit badges, Rent-A-Cop black t-shirts and quasi-Special-Forces logos. The badges, I note, say nothing official, no county name, no badge number, not even a reference to BP. They appear to be just internet-purchase costumery.

They turn their heads, these wanna-bees, mumbling into Walmart walkie-talkies and eventually storming off in embarrassment. They have no authority what-so-ever. This is a total BP sham. Several times I am told to leave the beach as ‘it is under military control', yet no military is present. When I politely press them about this ridiculous contradiction, they fumble for an answer.

When I do leave the beach, the local (and very real) cops just smile and wave. They know who I am and what I'm doing.

The lack of Port-a-potties for this huge work force is nauseatingly apparent. Next to the main parking lot is a private campground, where the huge work force has been forced to relieve themselves. To quote a local, "It smells like a goddamn hog pen."

READ the whole thing. See all Shephard's photos.

Go here and here, too.

Best radio advertisement ever

North Carolina's "Smoke 'em if you got 'em" station for 1949 doesn't list the number of lung-cancer patients in its "primary area," but I guess you can't cram every marketing statistic into a single trade ad.

On the bright side, however, all its announcers had the most wonderful deep, smoky voices. And WGTM's ultramodern studios all featured the latest in "cough button" technology -- no ifs ands or butts.

Plus, you've got to love a cigarette pack that's giving you the finger. Or at least your lungs.

Still hangin' in there

Another scene from Memorial Day on the Missouri River. Right here in the Big O.

Meet BP's new CEO

Or the federal government's new "oil-spill czar."

Soon-to-be-former American League umpire Jim Joyce is still mulling his future career plans after screwing the Detroit Tigers' Armando Galarraga out of a perfect game after 8 2/3 innings.

HIS CHOICE apparently has come down to the two jobs that perfectly match his skill set -- he can be the new Barney Fife of BP, where he can continue the royal screwing of the people of Louisiana and the Gulf coast . . . or he can become the new Gomer Pyle of the federal response, where he can perpetuate the royal screwing of the people of Louisiana and the Gulf coast.

Decisions, decisions. . . .

Don't let the sun go down on me

In about three weeks, Omaha's Rosenblatt Stadium will play host to its final College World Series, an event that has made its home there since 1950.

Next year, the CWS will move to the brand-new downtown TD Ameritrade Park, and the sun will set on South Omaha's old ballyard on the hill, which will give way to expansion of the Henry Doorly Zoo next door.

For now, though, the Memorial Day sun sets on the new stadium being built in NoDo -- Omaha speak for North Downtown.

We forgot

From the 1946 Broadcasting Yearbook.

Sigh.

June is bustin' out all over . . . Doppler radar

Welcome to June in the Midwest.

This, in particular, is how the last month of spring is being ushered in here in Omaha, by God, Nebraska.

You have your dark, ominous clouds. You have the weather radio going off. You have the local television stations dropping everything to track the storms and relate an ongoing stream of thunderstorm and tornado warnings.

And you wonder what you might have time to grab just in case you have to make a mad dash for the basement.


Yes, dogs, you are on the list of things to grab.