Friday, September 24, 2010

Sick of Suttle? Vote for the San with the plan

Omaha always has loved a good joke.

Take the court jesters trying to recall Mayor Jim Suttle, for example. About a third of the steering committee doesn't even live in Omaha, couldn't vote for the mayor and certainly can't vote to recall him.

But they can tell you to. Now,
that's funny.

Almost as funny as a bunch of slumlords property owners and greasy-spoon hash slingers
restaurateurs trying to oust a mayor 14 months into his term, all because he's raising taxes, all because the city's broke. Oh . . . and because he hasn't gone beyond the past two years of budget cutting to decimate city services in ways the recall folks thus far have failed to specify.

Folks, that's comedy.

BUT WAIT . . . there's more. If the "concerned citizens" garner enough signatures, the recall election will cost $250,000 to $300,000 Omaha doesn't have.

And if voters give Suttle the ol' heave-ho, taxpayers could be on the hook for
another $300 grand -- $600 grand if there's a runoff. Like I said, Omahans love a good joke.

Sometimes we elect them. Other times, they ride in to tickle our funny bones unbidden.

Undoubtedly, recalling a mayor a year and a half into his term -- barring some high crime or misdemeanor -- is funny.

That non-Omahans are leading the charge is even funnier.

Racking up huge deficits to recall a mayor because he allegedly is taxing and spending too much . . . by God, that's getting pretty near pee-your-pants hilarious.

BUT IT'S ALL missing a certain something -- a coup de grace of ridiculous hilarity, so to speak.

That why, if the prairie Jacobins manage to oust Jim Suttle, I say we throw out the unintentional comics and let the professionals take over.

If Suttle's not our man, let's dig up San.

I'm talking about Dr. San Guinary, the late host of Creature Feature, the late-night horror movie on Channel 3 back in the day. That's the great thing about green-ghoul mad scientists -- being dead since 1988 is no obstacle to getting the job done.

Or undone, as the case may be.

Besides, it all makes sense. First, a funny mayor is a definite plus when something funny is definitely going on.

And second, this wouldn't be San Guinary's first time at the rodeo -- the Green One ran a spirited campaign for Omaha mayor in 1976 when Ed Zorinsky resigned to become Nebraska's junior U.S. senator. After drawing major celebrity endorsements in his bid to be interim mayor, he was unfortunately edged out by Robert Cunningham under, I am told, questionable circumstances.

FINALLY, San is just the man to bring stability to city hall in unsettled political times. There will be no attempt to scupper a San Guinary administration; there will be no flak from the City Council; there will be no recall attempts.

The new chief of staff, Igor, would make sure of it.


Doc San Guinary said...

If anyone wants to speak with me about this possible career change, please come out and visit with me... I'm back from grave and looking to have a pretty good time. I'm sure I can clean up this town. I got Igor's giant pooper scooper to do it with, and a whole bunch of zombies to fill positions in the really financially challenged city departments. Nobody will really notice much of a change, with the exception of the city secretary pool mysteriously becoming a whole lot younger, prettier and even less effective at basic typing skills. I'll be haunting around at:
1. Nebraska Brewing Company (food drive)- Oct. 21st
2. Scary Acres- Oct. 22nd
3. Omaha Zombie Walk ("Zombikini" MDA fundraiser)- Oct 23rd
4. Bag 'N Save, on 90th (Food Drive)- Oct 24th
Visit www.DrSanGuinary.Org for more details!
Your old pal,
Doc San Guinary

Fuad1138 said...

Lol this blog cracked me up! Thanks for sharing it on Dr. San Guinary's Facebook page! Would you mind if I add this blog to the article archives on

Take care.