Sunday, May 30, 2010

Oh my God! BP killed Louisiana!

You bastards!

The Associated Press explains how the oil company's latest attempt to stop the BPocalypse joined the long list of epic BP fails:

The company determined the "top kill" had failed after it spent three days pumping heavy drilling mud into the crippled well 5,000 feet underwater. It's the latest in a series of failures to stop the crude that's fouling marshland and beaches, as estimates of how much oil is leaking grow more dire.

The spill is the worst in U.S. history — exceeding even the 1989 Exxon Valdez disaster — and has dumped between 18 million and 40 million gallons into the Gulf, according to government estimates.

"This scares everybody, the fact that we can't make this well stop flowing, the fact that we haven't succeeded so far," BP PLC Chief Operating Officer Doug Suttles said Saturday. "Many of the things we're trying have been done on the surface before, but have never been tried at 5,000 feet."


Word that the top-kill had failed hit hard in fishing communities along Louisiana's coast.

"Everybody's starting to realize this summer's lost. And our whole lifestyle might be lost," said Michael Ballay, the 59-year-old manager of the Cypress Cove Marina in Venice, La., near where oil first made landfall in large quantities almost two weeks ago.

Johnny Nunez, owner of Fishing Magician Charters in Shell Beach, La., said the spill is hurting his business during what's normally the best time of year — and there's no end in sight.

"If fishing's bad for five years, I'll be 60 years old. I'll be done for," he said after watching BP's televised announcement.

The top official in coastal Plaquemines Parish said news of the top kill failure brought tears to his eyes.

"They are going to destroy south Louisiana. We are dying a slow death here," said Billy Nungesser, the parish president. "We don't have time to wait while they try solutions. Hurricane season starts on Tuesday."
OK, I KNOW the cofferdam, the siphon, the top kill and the junk shot all failed to make a dent in the geyser of doom's flow rate. But have BP engineers tried the "jerk shot"?

You know, the procedure where you put a cork in the mouth of BP CEO Tony Hayward, shoot him under pressure into the damaged wellhead, then let him expand from his own hot air until the oil flow is stopped.

The "jerk shot" may or may not work but, in this case, stopping the oil flow would just be lagniappe,

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