If only your BlackBerry could crap in your pocket. Or be a surly brat.

Love, honor and cherish your BlackBerry.

MORE THAN your wife. More than your kids.

Wives and kids are disposable. Thus, we have this story from WCBS-TV in New York:

Of all the possible things that can come between spouses, you can now add BlackBerrys -- or more precisely -- BlackBerry addiction to the list.

A new study reveals BlackBerry's are becoming -- among other things -- the 800-pound gorilla in the bedroom.

'Berry, 'Berry, addictive?

"I live with it. I can't live without it," one New York City resident told CBS 2 HD.

Yeah ... there's a reason some call 'em ... CrackBerrys.

But are you having a love affair with yours?

"I am on my BlackBerry more than I see my boyfriend," one woman said.

The study of 6,500 traveling executives says 35 percent of them would choose their PDA over their spouse.

"That's a tough call," one said.

"Oh you don't want to go there," another added.

AND THEN, we have this story from the Omaha World-Herald:

Nebraska lawmakers didn't expect the first children dropped off at hospitals under the state's new "safe haven" law would be a teenager and a preteen.

The law was intended to save newborns.

People who work with children and families say they were not surprised, though, and called the dropoffs a "wakeup call."

The 2-month-old law was used twice Saturday, both times by people leaving misbehaving adolescents with whom they could no longer cope.

An 11-year-old boy was dropped off Saturday afternoon at Immanuel Medical Center in Omaha. A few hours later, a 15-year-old boy was left at BryanLGH Medical Center West in Lincoln.

"This is what we feared," said Kathy Bigsby Moore, executive director for Voices for Children of Nebraska. "It appears this law has now created a new front door to the child welfare system."

Karen Authier, executive director of the Nebraska Children's Home society adoption agency, said the cases should be a "wakeup call" to alert communities to the need for more resources to help struggling families.

State Sen. Brad Ashford of Omaha, the chairman of the Judiciary Committee, said he had not anticipated many older children would be dropped off when he agreed to remove the age limit in the original safe haven proposal.

Upon reflection, however, he said the law's first use is an indicator that Nebraska needs better ways to deal with young people with behavioral problems. Other indicators, he said, include the level of gun violence in Omaha and teen suicides.

"It's an alarm bell, clearly another alarm signal," Ashford said. "I'm very concerned about how pervasive these issues are."

WE ARE A SICK BUNCH of SOBs, we enlightened and knowledgeable postmodern Americans.

There's no need for "safe haven" laws for CrackBerries. No one in his right mind would think of throwing one away.

What kind of barbarian would treat such a fine communication device like he would his wife? Or a child?