Going after the double-wide vote

Fading country star Sammy Kershaw announced today he's running for Louisiana lieutenant governor as a Republican. (OK, you can do this. You can get through this post without debilitating laughing jags.)

The thrice-married singer of hits like "Cadillac Style," "She Don't Know She's Beautiful," and "Queen of My Double Wide Trailer" . . . I'm sorry, I can't do this . . . I'm gonna start. . . .

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHA HAHAHA! HAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HEE HEE HEE HEE!!! WHOOOOOOOOO BOY!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HA! HA! HA! HAHAHA!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

(gasp)

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Do . . . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You . . . HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Have . . . HOO! HOO! HOO! Any . . . HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD AMIGHTY!!! Idea . . . HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEE!!!!!

(SLAP!) Thanks. I needed that.

As I was trying to say, do you have any idea what Letterman and Leno and Kimmel and Conan are going to do with Mister Queen of My Double Wide Trailer running for lieutenant governor of the Gret Stet of Louisiana?

Oh, Lordy! And God help Kershaw when Dennis Miller gets a hold of it.

It's like pitching underhand to Barry Bonds.

And then there's the matter of what Sammy Kershaw's opponents are going to do to him if he shows any sign of garnering more than 10 votes. For one, incumbent Lt. Gov. Mitch Landrieu probably will do to pore Sammy what he oughta have done to C. (for Crazy) Ray Nagin but didn't in the New Orleans mayoral race last year.

Really, if you wanted to win a statewide election in the Bible Belt, what would you do with an opponent who:

* Has been married three times,

* Had quite the history of substance-abuse issues before kicking the bad stuff cold turkey in 1988,

* Just filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy this past February in Nashville,

* Oh, and there's that whole has-lived-mostly-in-Nashville-for-most-of-the-past-17-years thang. And had lived in Oklahoma for years before that.

As someone born and raised in the Gret Stet -- and who's familiar with Louisiana politics -- I'm feeling more than a little sorry for pore Sammy. They gonna kiyul hiyum.

ON THE OTHER HAND, Louisianians always have been suckers for a politician who can carry a tune -- I was born during the second administration of Gov. Jimmie Davis. And if Sammy were to win, Lorrie Morgan would be the Gret Stet's second lady.