Friday, August 24, 2012

GOP finds a solution for democracy


The Republican National Committee comes to the conclusion that democracy is overrated, then employs North Korean techniques to improve upon it.

Who knew that the Great Successor was a Mormon?

At any rate,
WXIX television in Cincinnati has all the sordid details the glorious saga of the Great Patriotic Republican Party's wise and ingenious countermeasures against the nefarious sedition of the party's pig-dog counterrevolutionary traitors.

Film at 11. Firing squads at midnight.

Look, folks! They're not actually singing!


There really was a more innocent time in TV history. Hosts would tell you when the acts were faking it.

Well, OK. Maybe only Arthur Godfrey would tell you when the acts were faking it, er . . . lip synching . . . which is one of the dadgum hardest things to pull off in show bidness, dadgummit!

Certainly more difficult than getting the performers' names right -- when the Carpenters appeared on this 1969 episode of the syndicated Your All-American College Show, Arthur managed to turn Richard into "Ed."

No, Ed was the name of the slab of carved stone placed next to Godfrey. Back in the day, slabs of carved rock were known to have long-running variety shows on network television. We are hopeful this age's brightest archaeologists -- soon, one hopes -- will be able to explain this ancient practice.

ANYWAY, it was just as well that Godfrey proudly touted that "what they're gonna do is give you the number right off the album, and what these kids are gonna do is lip-sync it." Viewers would have figured it out from a few clicks and pops in the audio . . . because they were playing "Ticket to Ride" right off the album. Not a tape.

Thus was the world of syndicated TV shows in the 1960s.


AND FOR your trivia enjoyment, here from 1968 is The Carpenters' first TV appearance -- as The Dick Carpenter Trio, also on Your All-American College Show.

The Interwebs . . . you can find
anything in there.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Radio-geek photos of the day


At the Iowa State Fair on Saturday night . . .


. . . and Sunday afternoon.

Bobby Jindal's Louisiana












Them that's got shall get
Them that's not shall lose
So the Bible said,
and it still is news
Mama may have,
Papa may have
But God bless the child
that's got his own
That's got his own . . .

The University of Louisiana System Board of Supervisors heard Tuesday that state budget cuts caused a wide range of dismal conditions in the state’s higher education system, from low morale and program cutbacks to tuition hikes and faculty layoffs.

Board members for the system that oversees nine public universities received testimony that state budget cuts may be the cause of an increase in employee thefts on campuses, particularly the institutions that haven’t been able to keep a full-time internal auditor on staff.

Board members learned about the increased thefts moments before adopting a $762 million operating budget, which leaves the system’s nine universities with about $38 million less than last year.

“There is a lot of cash on campus and we’re starting to see where the cash is not getting into the bank,” said Robbie Robinson, UL System vice president for business and finance.

Yes, the strong gets more
While the weak ones fade
Empty pockets don't ever make the grade
Mama may have, Papa may have
But God bless the child that's got his own
That's got his own . . .

Without going into specifics, Robinson mentioned an ongoing investigation on one UL System campus, where administrators believe an employee diverted about $40,000 into a credit card account.

Robinson said something that auditors call the “fraud triangle” comes into play when times are tough.

The fraud triangle is a term coined by sociologist Donald Cressey. The points of the triangle are made up of the three most common factors that occur in cases of fraud. They are incentive, or financial stress; rationalization, where the person believes the money won’t be missed; and opportunity, where a person may see a weakness within the organization.

Money, you've got lots of friends
Crowding round the door
When you're gone, spending ends
They don't come no more
Rich relations give
Crust of bread and such
You can help yourself
But don't take too much
Mama may have, Papa may have
But God bless the child that's got his own
That's got his own . . .

UL System President Randy Moffett said some employees have spouses who have lost jobs, making them more prone to stress.

“Their financial situation has changed,” Moffett said. “Most of them haven’t had an increase in pay for four years.”

Moffett, however, said the system’s campuses have “done a great job” reporting when money isn’t accounted for.

On the budget, the UL board sat through a presentation that showed largely the same trend Louisiana’s other three college systems have been going through.

The reduction in state dollars is a continuation of a familiar trend in Louisiana’s higher education system that has seen state funding cut by $426 million since 2008.

Cuts to the UL System have totaled $207 million during the same period.

Mama may have, Papa may have
But God bless the child that's got his own
That's got his own
He just worry 'bout nothin'
Cause he's got his own



Song: "God Bless the Child" -- Billie Holiday and Arthur Herzog, Jr., 1939
News story: "UL budget cuts cited as thefts rise" -- The Advocate, 8/22/2012

It is (pretty much) finished


In a few weeks, you'd never guess there ever was a baseball stadium on the hill.


Except for the last bits of its torn-down and blown-up carcass, the demolition men have relegated Omaha's Rosenblatt Stadium to blessed memory for those of us who loved it.


The missus and I didn't go back to Rosenblatt in June when zoo officials opened it up during the College World Series for fans to say goodbye. We did that during the last baseball game to be played there in 2010.

I prefer to remember the old gal like this (above). We hold closed-casket funerals for a reason.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Get on the stick


Hidey ho, neighbors!


Welcome to the Iowa State Fair!


Here, food comes on a stick. Even food that wouldn't seem to be particularly stick-friendly.

I'm guessing PBJ on a stick is heavy on the PB and light on the J.


In Iowa, even salad dressing and juice come on a stick.


Not to mention origami.


Look, even Cajun "cheeze" comes on a stick, cher. I think Cajun cheeze must be cheeze that you roll around in "garlik" and "kayenne" pepper and call it "Cajun" -- a
nd "cheeze."

I wonder whether "cheeze" is to cheese what "krab" is to crab.


But if you think "cheeze" on a stick might give you a heart attack on a stick, you certainly can opt for salad on a stick.


Or perhaps some fruit on a stick.


Or . . . you could just go for the original stick food.

I won't tell your cardiologist.

Monday, August 20, 2012

What I learned at the fair


Everything is better on a stick.

Even this meatball-and-melted cheese sandwich on focaccia that I just made. And consumed. After removing the stick.

I'm not that dumb.

Friday, August 17, 2012

3 Chords & the Truth: Rock-a-hula baby!


When the show is in the can, and on the Internets, and you can't decide what to write about it, that just might mean it's double good this week.

As a matter of fact, 3 Chords & the Truth is double good this week. I mean, do I tell you all about the Elvis tribute marking the 35th anniversary of the king of rock 'n' roll's passing?

Or maybe I should highlight out musical trip to the Hawaiian islands in this edition of the Big Show.

Elvis . . . audio luau . . . Elvis . . . audio luau. . . .

What to decide?

OH, the perils of being double good! Total PR paralysis!

Well, I can't decide, and I shall free myself from fretting over it.

OK, people, listen up! We got ourselves a mighty fine segment featuring the sounds of Hawaii over the years. We also got a wonderlific set of music by and about the King to mark that sad day in August 1977.

You can't go wrong with the Big Show this week. So you decide what you're tuning in for, I'm taking the night off.

IT'S 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Today's picture from Mars


The NASA rover Curiosity continues to send back breathtaking panoramas of the Martian surface -- this latest one from just a day ago. You'd think, if you didn't know better, that the spacecraft was in the Arizona desert, or maybe the Nevada desert near Las Vegas.

Yeah . . . Las Vegas for sure.

I don't know why; it just looks that way to me.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Bonne anniversaire, Julia!


Sometimes, America cranks out a true individual. And even more rarely, that person gets recognized for what he or she is, earning the embrace of the Powers That Be.

And even more rarely than that, those Powers That Be are in television.

A hundred years ago today, America cranked out Juila Child. A half-century ago, a public television station in Boston realized who -- and what -- had walked into its studios.

Before the centenary of Julia's birth slips away from us here, let's enjoy the second-ever episode of
The French Chef, which originally aired Feb. 11, 1963.

Et la révolution gastronomique commencé.
Vive la chef française . . . et bon appetit!

Hate is not a family value. Right?


So . . . do you think this might be a case where politically correct types, in a frenzy to wipe out "hate" -- I'm sorry, H8 -- have fostered hate against the "haters" in the name of "love," only to encourage a hate crime?

If that indeed is the case with the shooting today at what some regard as H8 Central, otherwise known as the Family Research Council in Washington, it would be the most unsurprising thing in the world. When you begin to dehumanize the "haters" in the service of what you hold as a righteous crusade of liberation, you not only have just made yourself indistinguishable from your enemy but you also have unleashed a darkness unlimited by ideology.

The darkness doesn't know "rights."

It could care less about "justice."

Diversity? Homogeneity?
It's all the same to the abyss.


I WOULD IMAGINE the extent of one's outrage over the events reported by The Associated Press today is largely determined by which side of the culture war you're fighting for. We're Americans, and that's what Americans do these days.
An armed man walked into the Washington headquarters of a conservative Christian lobbying group Wednesday morning and was confronted by a security guard, whom he shot in the arm before the guard and others wrestled him to the ground, authorities said.

The man was taken into custody by the FBI and was being interviewed. Authorities did not identify the man or disclose where he was being interviewed. The guard was taken to a hospital in stable condition.

FBI spokeswoman Jacqueline Maguire said the man got into an altercation with the guard. However, police and FBI officials said it's too early to know the circumstances of the shooting, which occurred around 10:45 a.m. at the headquarters of the Family Research Council, or whether it was connected to the group's activities.

"We don't know enough yet about him ... or mentally what he's thinking," said James McJunkin, assistant director in charge of the FBI's Washington field office.

The Family Research Council confirmed in a statement that the security guard was employed by the group.

"Our first concern is with our colleague who was shot today," the group's president, Tony Perkins, said in a statement.

The Family Research Council advocates conservative positions on social issues and strongly opposes gay marriage and abortion.
DID I MENTION that FRC head Tony Perkins had been strongly supportive of Chick Fil-A and the stance of its president, Dan Cathy, against same-sex marriage?

I wonder what the Buchanan Obama Administration will have to say about ginning up the hate -- sorry again . . . H8 -- to the point where some start to think the final solution is some version of a Final Solution?


NEVER MIND.

It's just different down there


They take their football seriously in the Gret Stet.

And they take it even more seriously than that in Tejas.

Look at this opening sequence for the high school
Game of the Week on Cox cable in southeast Louisiana. The high school Game of the Week . . . which airs live.

We have Cox cable here in Omaha, too. But we don't have that. We do good to have games on tape delay, if you can find them.

There just may be a good reason the SEC absolutely pwns the Big Ten
in head-to-head matchups.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

He has met the enemy. . . .


I hate it when this happens. . . .
As a rising star in Hungary's far-right Jobbik Party, Csanad Szegedi was notorious for his incendiary comments on Jews: He accused them of "buying up" the country, railed about the "Jewishness" of the political elite and claimed Jews were desecrating national symbols.

Then came a revelation that knocked him off his perch as ultra-nationalist standard-bearer: Szegedi himself is a Jew.

Following weeks of Internet rumors, Szegedi acknowledged in June that his grandparents on his mother's side were Jews — making him one too under Jewish law, even though he doesn't practice the faith. His grandmother was an Auschwitz survivor and his grandfather a veteran of forced labor camps.

Since then, the 30-year-old has become a pariah in Jobbik and his political career is on the brink of collapse. He declined to be interviewed for this story.

At the root of the drama is an audio tape of a 2010 meeting between Szegedi and a convicted felon. Szegedi acknowledges that the meeting took place but contends the tape was altered in unspecified ways; Jobbik considers it real.

In the recording, the felon is heard confronting Szegedi with evidence of his Jewish roots. Szegedi sounds surprised, then offers money and favors in exchange for keeping quiet.

Under pressure, Szegedi resigned last month from all party positions and gave up his Jobbik membership. That wasn't good enough for the party: Last week it asked him to give up his seat in the European Parliament as well. Jobbik says its issue is the suspected bribery, not his Jewish roots.

Szegedi came to prominence in 2007 as a founding member of the Hungarian Guard, a group whose black uniforms and striped flags recalled the Arrow Cross, a pro-Nazi party which briefly governed Hungary at the end of World War II and killed thousands of Jews. In all, 550,000 Hungarian Jews were killed during the Holocaust, most of them after being sent in trains to death camps like Auschwitz. The Hungarian Guard was banned by the courts in 2009.

By then, Szegedi had already joined the Jobbik Party, which was launched in 2003 to become the country's biggest far-right political force. He soon became one of its most vocal and visible members, and a pillar of the party leadership. Since 2009, he has served in the European Parliament in Brussels as one of the party's three EU lawmakers, a position he says he wants to keep.

Friday, August 10, 2012

3 Chords & the Truth: Overboard over 'over'


We're all over "over" over here on 3 Chords & the Truth.

What? No, really.

But that's "over," not Oveur. As in captain.

Victor's got the vector, and Clarence has the clearance, and Roger just rogered that . . . so we're taking off for a destination high over "over" and definitely not under the radar tracking tasty tunes on the Internets.

In other words, 3 Chords & the Truth, your one-stop source for audio wonderliciousness, is all over that sucker.


SURE, giving a whole segment of the show over to "over" may be overdoing it, but I don't think we're exactly going overboard over the thing on this week's edition of the Big Show. It sounds good to me over here, and I figure it will overwhelm you with excellence over there, too.

But it'll go over easy and sunny side up.

Of course, this week's devotion to "over" is only a scintilla of the oeuvre of
3 Chords & the Truth over the years, so it's not like we go over the top over "over." Just on this week's Big Show, we also display our overt affection for all things jazz . . . and rock . . . and blues, soul, country and the sounds of my native Louisiana. That's just how we roll here in the www.Revolution 21.org studios, located in beautiful Omaha, by God, Neb.

Eclecticism is the name of our musical game, and that musical match won't be ending until the fat lady sings. Which is good, because we don't do opera.
Sorry.

WELL, I don't want to overtax your overwhelmingly ample patience, so I'll just say this week's show is a good 'un. That's all there is to it, plain and simple. I dare say you'll probably be over the moon once you start listening.

It's
3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.

Over and out.

Mad Hatter don't care


Honey Badger takes what he wants.

In the end, a source says, that's why LSU football Coach Les Miles did what he had to. To get to the point . . . why do you think they call it dope?

And when that's the problem (allegedly), and when the star Tiger defensive back already had a suspension on his permanent record for synthetic marijuana, Mad Hatter don't care. Tyrann Mathieu's off the team, national-championship consequences be damned.

Some things are more important than college football . Miles knows that, and that's why you ultimately have to love the guy. He's putting his own multimillion-dollar butt on the line to make the point that rules are rules -- and it's not the first time the Mad Hatter's done it.


ASK Ryan Perriloux . . . him and legions of LSU fans who spent several years apoplectic about the quarterback chaos that principled hammer drop set in motion.

Verily, there is no stupider creature than an under-25 male. Double that for certain big-time college jocks, amo
ng whom Matthieu now stands as Exhibit A.

Here's what the New Orleans Times-Picayune is reporting:
The Honey Badger's days at LSU are done. The Tiger's All American cornerback and Heisman finalist Tyrann Mathieu has been dismissed from the team because of a failed drug test, a source close to Mathieu said Friday.

LSU Coach Les Miles made the announcement of the dismissal at a hastily called noon press conference, but he would not elaborate on the nature of the infraction.

"This is a very difficult day for our team," Miles said. "We lose a quality person, teammate and contributor to the program. However, with that being said, we have a standard that our players are held to and when that standard is not met, there are consequences.

"It's hard because we all love Tyrann. We will do what we can as coaches, teammates, and friends to get him on a path where he can have success. We are going to miss him."


(snip)

Miles declined to elaborate what the violation was other than team and school policies. He said he felt Mathieu still had a chance to rectify the matter personally.

"We have a simple policy here of behavior," Miles said. "Consequences are pretty (well) spelled out and defined. We did what we could do but Tyrann is no longer on our team. He violated team policies.

"For Ty, it's an opportunity for him to redirect. He's still got a bright future. I think he can reeally accomplish all the goals he set for himself. It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be doable."
DOING the right thing is its own reward. The Tigers' infamously insane fan base might have to keep repeating that one this season.

It's a nostrum that's as true as it is facile, but that doesn't always make it any easier to swallow -- particularly if your priorities aren't as apparently in order as Miles' seem to be.

Geaux Tigers.

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

When alumni get mad, miracles happen

This . . .

. . . is the last I saw of my alma mater, Baton Rouge Magnet High School. I took these photos in October 2007.

Baton Rouge High is my hometown's best high school -- one of the nation's best, actually -- filled with talented, high-achieving students. Literally, filled with what hope a poor, dysfunctional state can count on for the future.

The facilities they inhabited pretty much showed them what a city and a state thought of them -- and about its future.


THEN enough alumni saw enough of what had become of the grand old school at 2825 Government St. And they got mad. And the engineers told the East Baton Rouge Parish School Board that the piddly repairs that had been scheduled for the campus were wholly insufficient -- indeed, impossible, given how far gone the facilities were.

So, in response, the school board considered tearing down the whole campus -- including the main building, a Gothic masterpiece built in 1926. And Bulldog alumni got really mad.

What grew out of that was a miracle. Just look at this grand tour of the school taken Friday by Channel 2 in Baton Rouge, WBRZ.


FIVE YEARS AGO, I was heartbroken at what I saw of my old school. No more.

Today, my heart soars. Investing in your children -- and in the places most important in their lives -- is never, ever a mistake.

These are the things futures are made of.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Leadership = Never having to say you're sorry


Your new superintendent-to-be quits her old job early because the emails she sent on official accounts read more like
Lady Chatterley's Lover, only with dildos attached to chairs.

Nancy Sebring advises you about the reason for her early departure -- and that she's desperately trying to keep the whole thing out of the newspaper. She says she doesn't want Omaha Public Schools board members to be blindsided.

You, the board president, along with the board's lawyer, tell no one. And when it all hits the fan, you lie through your teeth about what you knew. You claim ignorance.

And when your lies are found out, your supporters start to cry racism. And sexism, for you are a black woman.
If you've gone this far, what's a little shamelessness?

It must be interesting to be you, Freddie Gray.


ULTIMATELY, your fellow board members vote 8-4 to keep you as president, because the OPS board is more a close-knit conspiracy than a governing body. According to the Omaha World-Herald:
Before the vote, Gray made a statement highlighting her goals and accomplishments and urging her fellow board members to “continue on this journey with unity and purpose regardless of tonight's outcome.”

Gray said she wished to be judged on her entire work, not just the Sebring situation.

“There are privacy and withholding of information rationales that can be debated,” she said. “But it comes down to my fellow board members looking at my president's tenure totally and coming to the conclusion that we are, or are not, moving in the right direction.”

She said she believed that she still could be an effective board spokesman and leader. With a crowd of nearly 250 people packing the board room, Gray's supporters on the board praised her leadership and said she shouldn't be removed for a well-intentioned mistake.

“She made a mistake,” [board member Shirley] Tyree said. “She's going to have to live with that mistake.”

Tyree said she didn't want to disrupt the board as a second superintendent search gets under way and kids head back to school on Aug. 20.

[Member Justin] Wayne said the board “can't preach about accountability if we don't hold ourselves accountable.”

He said he wanted Gray to acknowledge that she made a mistake. If she did, he said, he would be willing to support the board publicly censuring Gray but allowing her to stay on as president.

“I heard a lot of people today talking about mistake. I've never heard Mrs. Gray use that word,” Wayne said.

Kersten Borer made the motion to remove Gray, calling her a “bold and passionate leader” but saying that removal was necessary “in order to move forward, improve communication and regain trust from the community.”

Wayne seconded the motion, but the votes weren't there.

[Member Nancy] Huston said Gray was at the center of “a scandal she did not create.”

“She has been a good president,” Huston said. “She is leading us.”


LEADING YOU is no virtue if it happens to be over a cliff.

Support for public education is a tenuous thing these days. When an inner-city school district starts to look as if its governed by arrogant, unaccountable incompetents and overall moral cyphers, it is only a matter of time before middle-class parents with the money to have options abandon it to the poor and to the incorrigible, who have neither.

Really, if you can't deal with l'affaire Sebring, can't get rid of a renegade board president and your moral compass can't point straight, running a successful school system really is a bridge too far. "Urban nightmare," on the other hand, isn't.

And "pathetic" is your everyday reality.

Monday, August 06, 2012

The cure for Monday


Normally, about this time on Mondays, my advice to you would be to start drinking heavily.

And you ought to listen to me. I've been to a doctor.

Sometimes, unfortunately, drinking heavily isn't a Monday-night option -- namely, because you used up the last of your booze Saturday night. Well, in that case, I recommend this bit from a 1990 episode of
A Bit of Fry and Laurie -- Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie -- on BBC2.

It'll make it all better.
I promise.

I love it when a plan comes together


How it was supposed to work -- and the NASA scientists themselves admit it's sheer craziness -- is exactly how it did work.

And the Mars rover Curiosity just phoned home this morning. It even texted a picture of itself on the Martian surface.
Kids today.

Meantime, CBS News and The Associated Press fill in the details:

Dutifully executing its complex flight control software, the Mars Science Laboratory silently raced toward its target Sunday, picking up speed as it closed in for a 13,200-mph plunge into the Red Planet's atmosphere and an action-packed seven-minute descent required a rocket-powered "sky crane" to lower the one-ton nuclear-powered rover to the surface. It seems to have gone off without a hitch.

"We are wheels down on Mars," came the news from JPL as engineers saw the first grainy image beamed directly back from the rover - showing one of its wheels on the Martian surface.

CBS News space consultant William Harwood reports from NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in California that the rover's target was Gale Crater and the goal was a pinpoint landing near the base of a three-mile-high mound of layered rock that represents hundreds of thousands to tens of millions of years of Martian history, a frozen record of the planet's changing environment and evolution.

Exploring the crater floor and climbing Mount Sharp over the next two years, the Curiosity rover will look for signs of past or present habitability and search for carbon compounds, the building blocks of life as it is known on Earth.

But first, the rover had to get there and its entry, descent, and landing represented the most challenging robotic descent to the surface of another world ever attempted, a tightly choreographed sequence of autonomously executed events with little margin for error.

"We're about to land a rover that is 10 times heavier than (earlier rovers) with 15 times the payload," Doug McCuistion, director of Mars exploration at NASA Headquarters, told reporters. "Tonight's the Super Bowl of planetary exploration, one yard line, one play left. We score and win, or we don't score and we don't win.
TOUCHDOWN! In every sense of the word.

Saturday, August 04, 2012

Life can be bright in America



Have I mentioned lately that I think Rita Moreno is the bomb?

And can you believe that this woman is 80?
Eighty??? Really?

The eighth wonder of the world, she is.
And she's here in America.

Friday, August 03, 2012

3 Chords & the Truth: Moved by the spirit


Sometimes, you just have to go where the spirit moves you.

That was the case on this week's episode of 3 Chords & the Truth -- the spirit was moving, and we at the Big Show went with the flow. I think you will enjoy the musical results of that.

But as the spirit was -- and is -- moving and I can't stop, I can't stop, I can't stop going with the noncorporeal flow, I'll finish telling you all about this spirit-driven installment of 3 Chords & the Truth . . . in tongues.

I say hey now -- hey now -- iko iko I day. Jockomo feeno ah nah nay . . . jockomo fee nah nay. Mairsey doats and dosey doats and littlelambsydivy, a kiddlely divey too, wouldn't you?

HEY! Theresabathroomontheright. Hey diddle diddle, put your kitty in the middle and we'll mmmmmf ! Mmmmmmf! Nanoo! Nanoo! The Big Show!

Ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby.
Ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby, dooby-do-wah-do-wah-do-wah! Well ya wigga to the lef, ya wigga to da ri! Ya do the ooby-dooby with all of your might!

Ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby. Ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby, ooby-dooby, dooby-do-wah-do-wah-do-wah coz I'm Henery the aighth, oy am! 3 Chords & the Truth!

Louie Louie, oh no! Me gadda go! Aye-yi-yi-yi, I seh, Louie Louie, oh bay, me gadda go!

IBIDA? Wir fahren fahren fahren auf der Autobahn! Howsyer mamandem?

It's
3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.

He's on a mission from Jah


Working in a stout former bank building with windows closed and air conditioners humming, Orleans County, Vt., sheriff's deputies didn't know what was happening in their parking lot until a neighbor called 911. A man on a big farm tractor, angry about his recent arrest for resisting arrest and marijuana possession, was rolling across their vehicles -- five marked cruisers, one unmarked car and a transport van. By the time they ran outside, the tractor was down the driveway and out onto the road.

With their vehicles crushed, "We had nothing to pursue him with," said Chief Deputy Philip Brooks.

Thursday afternoon's incident ended when city police in Newport, the county seat of the northern Vermont county, caught up with Roger Pion, 34, a short distance away.

No one was injured. At least two deputies had gone inside a few moments before after washing their vehicles, officials said.

"Nobody was hurt. That's the thing everybody's got to cherish," said Sheriff Kirk Martin.

Vermont State Police said in a statement that Pion would face seven counts of felony unlawful mischief, one count of misdemeanor unlawful mischief, one count aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, one count of gross negligent operation, and one count of leaving the scene of an accident.


The cops forgot to add the one count of AWESOME!

I mean . . . ummm . . . in the most unfortunate, deviant sense of the word.

Um hmm. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Thursday, August 02, 2012

All . . . and nothing at all


Behold Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte, the man who has it all. Except for everything.

He does, however, have an excuse-making, enabling mother who raised her baby boy to be a pluperfect, self-absorbed cad. She seems to be proud of this, blabbing to the Today show that her son's penis only has time for "one-night stands."

If you have the stomach for it, here's part of the story from Fox Sports:

American swimmer Ryan Lochte has become a heartthrob over the past few months, but according to his mother anyone trying to lock him into a relationship will probably be left disappointed.

Lochte's mother Ike told Today that her son focuses so much on his career that he doesn't have time for a girlfriend. She said the following:

"He goes out on one-night stands. He's not able to give fully to a relationship because he's always on the go."

This report comes after an interview in Women's Health when Lochte revealed that the most attractive thing about a woman is keeping a "fit body," and that his celebrity crush is Carmen Electra.

Lochte also claims he mostly sleeps naked, prefers sex with the lights on, and when he sees a woman he wants to meet he makes eye contact and will, "give a wink and come back later because it keeps her thinking."
YOU'D HOPE she's thinking "What an ass!" Or . . . "A social disease is still a social disease, no matter from whom you contract it." But that's probably too much to hope for in this day and age.


WAY TO GO,
Mrs. Lochte! You sure know how to raise 'em. Not.

I really can't add much to what Dr. Ruth tweeted today. A mother who's "wingman" for a son as he goes around using women
sexually, then casting them aside due to being "always on the go" . . . what the hell can you say about that? Words fail, except to repeat that Ryan Lochte has everything, but ultimately nothing at all.

If Lochte represents the stuff postmodern American "heroes" are made of -- and he does -- our end is nearer than we think. You really don't need Chick-Fil-A's Dan Cathy to tell you stuff like that. We presume upon God's mercy at the risk of incurring His justice.

And I say this as "presumer" No. 1.

Sigh.

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

The United States of Acme


This country only starts to make sense if you think of it as a Looney Tunes cartoon.

Things start to fall into place further if you imagine some sort of superpower client state of the Acme Corporation. And you begin to achieve perfect clarity if you view the executive, legislative and judicial branches of government in the personages of Wile E. Coyote, Foghorn Leghorn and Daffy Duck.

Bugs Bunny and the Road Runner? Emigrated to Canada in '04.

IN THAT LIGHT, may I present the latest Looney Tunes: Washington episode, "The Postal Service Runs Off a Fiscal Cliff" -- presented with limited commercial interruptions by Acme.

"Acme Corporation . . . if you're askin' for it, we'll let you have it. But good.
"

Now we switch you -- live and direct -- to CBS News and The Associated Press:
The U.S. Postal Service braced Wednesday for a first-ever default on billions in payments due to the Treasury, adding to widening uncertainty about the mail agency's solvency as first-class letters plummet and Congress deadlocks on ways to stem the red ink.

With cash running perilously low, two legally required payments for future postal retirees' health benefits -- $5.5 billion due Wednesday, and another $5.6 billion due in September -- will be left unpaid, the mail agency said Monday. Postal officials said they also are studying whether they may need to delay other obligations. In the coming months, a $1.5 billion payment is due to the Labor Department for workers compensation, which for now it expects to make, as well as millions in interest payments to the Treasury.

Some members of Congress are seeing Wednesday's default as a cry for help, CBS Radio News correspondent Dan Raviv reports from Washington. The Senate passed a bill in April to spread retiree health payments over a longer period and to allow the Postal Service to save money by canceling Saturday deliveries, but the House of Representatives has not taken any action.

Congress let the Postal Service delay Wednesday's payment for more than half a year.

Financial analysts feel Wednesday's default could be a step toward filing for bankruptcy, Raviv reports.

The defaults won't stir any kind of catastrophe in day-to-day mail service. Post offices will stay open, mail trucks will run, employees will get paid, current retirees will get health benefits.

But a growing chorus of analysts, labor unions and business customers are troubled by continuing losses that point to deeper, longer-term financial damage, as the mail agency finds it increasingly preoccupied with staving off immediate bankruptcy while Congress delays on a postal overhaul bill.

Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe has described a "crisis of confidence" amid the mounting red ink that could lead even once-loyal customers to abandon use of the mail.


MEEP! MEEP!


Splat!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Dry around here. Real dry.


How dry is it around these parts?

Drier than a Baptist wedding reception, that's how dry. In fact, there's never been a drier July in Omaha.

Is it just me, or have there been a lot of fill-in-the-blank-ever meteorological moments lately? What we could use is a little melting ice sheet to water the parched and cracked earth of the Plains and Midwest.

Then again, climate change rarely does you any favors. As we hear from KETV television in Omaha:
For many farmers, this means giving up on the corn crop.

"The corn has basically stopped," farmer John McNamara said.

McNamara said he's been regularly watering his farm in Plattsmouth, but that it doesn't compare to a good rainfall; McNamara has lost 30 to 40 percent of his annual average production.

"You go to one plant, you have nothing. You go to another, you have nothing, this is happening a lot," McNamara said.
SUCKS, this does. Coastal Americans might be about to get a harsh economic lesson in the importance of "flyover country."

Word to the wise: Buy yourself a big freezer and stock up on beef now, when it's cheap because ranchers are having to sell off the herds they no longer can afford to feed because their pastures dried up and turned to dirt. Thus, the market is glutted.

Next year, however. . . .

Thank you, God!



Because the female breast is so unexceptional, tit libber Moira Johnston makes her living as a topless dancer at a topless bar, where cerebral gents pay good money to marvel at her sparkling personality and towering intellect.

And if a patron might get overenthusiastic about her towering intellect and sparkling personality, then grab hold of her unexceptional tatas, it of course would be no big deal. Obviously, that would be just one more way of saying "Atta girl!"

I'm sure that's how Johnston would see it, too. Because there's nothing exceptional --
or sexual -- about a woman's boobs.

But do you think she ever wonders why the most enthusiastic supporters of her tit-liberation movement are 13-year-old males?

Monday, July 30, 2012

Precocious preteen sucks worse than Roseanne


Parents who let an 11-year-old girl call herself a "singer-songwriter" and traipse through the Texas coffeehouse and showcase circuit need to have their heads examined.

Parents who let an 11-year-old white girl with an OK voice run around oversinging oversung Christina Aguilera and Beyoncé songs in public probably need to be horsewhipped.

And parents old enough to know better who let an 11-year-old girl who isn't do this to the national anthem at a major-league soccer game --
on television, no less -- need killin', to put it in their native Texan.


CONGRATULATIONS, asshats. There's now a rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner worse than Roseanne Barr's. It's your daughter's.

You were happy to bask in the reflected glow of your little darling's prepubescent musical specialness. So you put her out there. And put her out there. And put her out there some more, because the fruit of mama's womb turned out to be a singer-songwriter!

I mean, if her website says it, it must be true!

And then you put her out there, before tens of thousands in a stadium and many more than that on TV. What could go wrong with an 11-year-old white girl trying to outdo Whitney Houston's version of a song that to most singers is what invading Afghanistan is to most empires?

Because, by God, people are gonna remember Harper Gruzins from Coppell, Texas!


Well, you got that right. The national anthem done in the style of Tibetan throat singing would have been less memorable . . . and more palatable.

Sadly for you, there's no reflected glory to bathe yourselves in. Worse for Harper, there's no shortage of Texas-size ridicule for a precocious preteen to bear all by her Lone Star self.

Somebody git a rope!


HAT TIP: Rod Dreher.

Friday, July 27, 2012

3 Chords & the Truth: The fundamentals


Listen, people. Rock 'n' roll ain't brain surgery.

If you learn a few fundamentals of the genre, learn its building blocks, you'll be fine. And there aren't too many fundamentals to rock music, even counting a tangential one -- that many fundamentalists are still suspicious of it.

This week, we devote most of 3 Chords & the Truth to the fundamentals of rock 'n' roll. Maybe that should be FUN-damentals, because they certainly are on the Big Show.

Anyway, here are the big ones that I could come up with off the top of my head.


F
IRST, you gotta have girls. Without girls to sing about, there probably would be very little music in the world. We'd all be using out iPods to listen to Koran verses or something. No, of all the musical genres out there, rock arguably gets the most mileage out of the fairer sex.

That sounded real bad, didn't it? No, it's not that way at all.

Well, maybe it kinda is.

Be that as it may, rock needs girls to look at, lust after, woo, win, lose and pine over. And on the Big Show this week, we'll be seeing how many kinds of girls we can fit into one set. Of course, the first kind is "bad."

But there are other fundamentals of rock 'n' roll, too.

YOU GOT your love. And you sure got your cars.

And heartbreak. And dancing . . . lots of dancing.

And S-E-X. I just got your attention, didn't I? Now watch me mess with the search engines . . . SEX, sex, S-E-X, sexy, sex, sex, sexual sex.

Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Party on , Garth, because this is about to be one of the most-listened to episodes of 3 Chords & the Truth, ever. Did I mention seXXX? It's a rock fundamental, you know.

Oh . . . by the way, we have a nice, long vocal-jazz set on this week's program, too. It classes up the joint.

IT'S 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Tweets from the tolerant



This is America, which now means that if you express the "wrong" opinion, the "right" people are justified in doing any damned thing they want to you.

Three words to that, Roseanne: "Eat mor chikin."

With that, we begin another episode of Tweets From the Tolerant, brought to you by the Internet . . . if you have nothing constructive to say, say it here!

* * *


Suck my d*** chick filet- nazi chicken f***ing pricks

-- Roseanne Barr,

flunked sex ed, biology
(via Twitter)

anyone who eats S*** Fil-A deserves to get the cancer that is sure to come from eating antibiotic filled tortured chickens 4Christ

-- Roseanne Barr,
humanitarian

off to grab a s*** fil-A sandwich on my way to worshipping Christ, supporting Aipac and war in Iran.
-- Roseanne Barr,
??????????????????

christian liars: i never wished cancer on you at all-jesus will punish u 4 ur deceit-I said processed foods cause cancer.
-- Roseanne Barr,
angry theologian

I lost two brothers to cancer, Roseanne. What a truly heinous thing to say.
-- Jim Henson,
OBVIOUSLY a hater

Retreading my tweet I realize that I used the wrong word-I shouldn't have used the word deserves

I shouldn't have used the word deserves in my tweet and I apologize

-- Roseanne Barr,
got a call from agent