What IS it about pols named Edwards?

Well, we know who the Democratic vice-presidential nominee won't be.

That would be John Edwards. Or, rather won't be John Edwards.

LAST YEAR, during the failed presidential run by the former senator from North Carolina, the National Enquirer came out with a story that he had been keeping coital company with a blonde divorcée, and had the love child to prove it. This while his wife of 30 years and mother of his children, Elizabeth, battled incurable metastatic breast cancer.

In December, everybody denied everything. Except for an old Edwards pal who -- wink wink, nudge nudge -- stepped up to the plate to humiliate his own wife and kids by telling the onlooking worldwide press that HE was Mr. Goodbar.

The story died down, Edwards eventually dropped out of the Democratic race, and everybody lost interest. Except for the ex-senator with the incurably ill wife, the blonde who . . . well, whatever . . . and the National Enquirer, whose reporters kept working their sources.

And then the scandal sheet got a tip:

Vice Presidential candidate Sen. John Edwards was caught visiting his mistress and secret love child at 2:40 this morning in a Los Angeles hotel by the NATIONAL ENQUIRER.

The married ex-senator from North Carolina - whose wife Elizabeth continues to battle cancer -- met with his mistress, blonde divorcée Rielle Hunter, at the Beverly Hilton on Monday night, July 21 - and the NATIONAL ENQUIRER was there! He didn't leave until early the next morning.

Rielle had driven to Los Angeles from Santa Barbara with a male friend for the rendezvous with Edwards. The former senator attended a press event Monday afternoon with L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa on the topic of how to combat homelessness.

(snip)

At 9:45 p.m. (PST) Monday, Edwards appeared at the hotel, and was dropped off at a side entrance. NATIONAL ENQUIRER reporter Alan Butterfield witnessed the ex-senator get out of a BMW driven by a male companion and stroll into the hotel.

Said Butterfield: "Edwards was not carrying anything. He walked in alone. He was wearing a blue dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He was looking around nervously before he entered the hotel.

"Once inside, he interestingly bypassed the lobby and ducked down a side stairs to go to the bottom floor to catch the elevator up - rather than taking the elevator in the main lobby. He went out of his way not to be seen."

Meanwhile, Rielle had reserved rooms 246 and 252 under the name of the friend who had accompanied her from Santa Barbara, Bob McGovern. Rielle was in one room and McGovern was in another with her baby. This allowed her and Edwards to spend time alone, a source revealed.

Edwards went out of the hotel briefly with Rielle, they were observed by the NATIONAL ENQUIRER and then went back to her room, where he stayed until attempting to sneak out of the hotel unseen at 2:40 a.m. (PST). But when he emerged alone from an elevator into the hotel basement he was greeted by several reporters from the NATIONAL ENQUIRER.

Senior NATIONAL ENQUIRER Reporter Alexander Hitchen asked Edwards why he was visiting Rielle and whether he was ready to confirm that he was the father of her baby.

SPENDING FIVE HOURS -- largely out of sight -- at an L.A. hotel where the woman he was accused of messing around with has a room. Trying his damnedest not to be seen coming and going. Going downstairs to catch an elevator upstairs.

If you're John Edwards, this doesn't look good.

If you're the National Enquirer . . . BINGO!

If you're Elizabeth Edwards, doesn't life suck enough already?

And what is it with politicians named Edwards?

ANYWAY, the Enquirer story gets better. A lot better. Let's return to the Beverly Hilton for just a little bit:

Shocked to see a reporter, and without saying anything, Edwards ran up the stairs leading from the hotel basement to the lobby. But, spotting a photographer, he doubled back into the basement. As he emerged from the stairwell, reporter Butterfield questioned him about his hookup with Rielle.

Edwards did not answer and then ran into a nearby restroom. He stayed inside for about 15 minutes, refusing to answer questions from the NATIONAL ENQUIRER about what he was doing in the hotel. A group of hotel security men eventually escorted him from the men's room, while preventing the NATIONAL ENQUIRER reporters from following him out of the hotel.

Said reporter Hitchen: "After we confronted him about seeing Rielle, Edwards looked like a deer caught in headlights!

"He was clearly surprised that we had caught him at this very late hour inside the hotel.

"Some guests up at this late hour watched the spectacle in amusement from a staircase nearby."

AS DO WE. As do we.

It can get messy as a great empire runs out of gas and begins the long coast toward an ignoble resting place on history's shoulder, with a reflective sign in the rear window entreating passersby to SEND HELP!

On the other hand, orderly and topped off isn't amusing in the least. Unless you're a politician's wife fighting cancer and raising kids . . . while your hubby's out raising Cain and sowing seed.