Sir Elton is a twit. But what do I know? I'm a hateful lemming.

In the UK's Observer Music Monthly (language alert: F-bombs abound), the Scissor Sisters' Jake Shears chats with Sir Elton John about "what it means to be a gay star, just what constitutes a gay sense of humour - and why everyone is welcome in their world. "

Except religious people. They're not welcome in Sir Elton's World. He's absolutely Stalinist on the point, actually:

We should all be together. I've got this really naive idea of what life should be like - it's an idealistic idea but it's completely integrated. We can't keep thinking of gay people as being ostracised; we can't keep thinking of Muslim people as being [ostracised] because of the fundamentalism that occurs in Islam. Muslim people have to do something about speaking up about it. We can't judge a book by its cover.

From my point of view I would ban religion completely, even though there are some wonderful things about it. I love the idea of the teachings of Jesus Christ and the beautiful stories about it, which I loved in Sunday school and I collected all the little stickers and put them in my book. But the reality is that organised religion doesn't seem to work. It turns people into hateful lemmings and it's not really compassionate.

The world is near escalating to World War Three and where are the leaders of each religion? Why aren't they having a conclave; why aren't they coming together? I said this after 9/11 and people thought I was nuts: instead of more violence why isn't there a [meeting of religious leaders]. It's all got to be dialogue - that's the only way. Get everybody from each religion together and say 'Listen, this can't go on. Why do we have all this hatred?'

We are all God's people; we have to get along and the [religious leaders] have to lead the way. If they don't do it, who else is going to do it? They're not going to do it and it's left to musicians or to someone else to deal with it. It's like the peace movement in the Sixties -- musicians got through [to people] by getting out there and doing peace concerts but we don't seem to do them any more. We seem to be doing fundraisers for
Africa and everything like that but I think peace is really important. If John Lennon were alive today he'd be leading it with a vengeance.

WE SHOULD ALL BE TOGETHER. Check. All God's people. Check. Religious leaders have to lead the way. Check. Love beautiful stories about teachings of Christ. Check.

And let's ban religion because it turns people into "hateful lemmings." Huh????????????????

OK, let me use the Elton John Logical Thought Process. Here we go . . . hang on, my children:

Elton John is an irrational and hysterical twit. It must be the gay thing. Therefore, homosexual tendencies turn you into irrational and hysterical twits. Gayness reduces one's thought processes to the level of immature 12-year-olds . . . as opposed to normal 12-year-olds. Let's ban homosexuals from our midst because homosexuality makes people stupid and insane.

Ouch. Thinking like Sir Elton makes my brain hurt. I don't know how he does it.

Oh . . . I thought I would show you what a religion-fueled "hateful lemming" who's "not really compassionate" looks like: