What the hell's so complicated about 'Don Ho'?

A nawth Tejas pol thinks Amurcans is so thowed by Asian names thet voters whut come fum thar oughta change unpronounceateable names like "Ho" and "Chen" to sumthin' Texicans can say, like "Yeller" and "Chop Chop."

It all started in a Texas House committee hearing when a representative from the Organization of Chinese Americans tried to explain to Rep. Betty Brown, R-Bugtussle Terrell, that Asians have problems voting because they often use an anglicized name on driver's licenses and other documents rather than the transliteration of their legal, given name.

AT THAT POINT, according to the Houston Chronicle, Brown told Ramey Ko that his fellow Asians wouldn't have no trouble no mo' if they would just change their names to something easier to pronounce than, say, "Ko."

“Rather than everyone here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a rather difficult language — do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here?” the legislator asked.

Later on -- apparently sensing the hole she'd dug for herself wasn't nearly deep enough -- Brown decided to make herself absolutely clear to the Chinese-American rep.

“Can’t you see that this is something that would make it a lot easier for you and the people who are poll workers if you could adopt a name just for identification purposes that’s easier for Americans to deal with?”

THE WOMAN has a point. Imagine how much bigger of a career the late Don Ho could have had if he'd recorded "Tiny Bubbles" under the name "Don Wojciehowicz."

Ditto for Japanese singing star Kyu Sakamoto, of "Sukiyaki" fame. If he'd had the sense God gave Americans and called himself "K. Hackysack," the man could have been bigger than the Beatles.

At least with the Beatles, you had you a Limey name whut Texicans could deal with. Even if them Anglish people spelt it funny 'n' all.

Oops! Zorry about that

Life in America is just one big movie. Unfortunately, now playing at the Bijou is Full Metal Jacket, and on the second screen . . . Zorro.

The latest American craziness -- this one closer to farce than atrocity on the tragic continuum -- come from Indianapolis, where a 77-year old grandma got herself killed trying to break up a sword fight. Really.

I MEAN, The Associated Press said it, so it can't be totally made up, right?

Anyway, here's the deal: Franziska Stegbauer was trying to break up a sword duel between her grandson and her brother-in-law. It didn't work out.

According to an investigating officer quoted in the AP dispatch: "We're unsure yet who started this fight, how the swordplay got involved. We're not sure who it was who stabbed the woman. We'll have to do some testing on the swords and figure out who had which sword, whose blood is on which sword."

The grandson -- who apparently won the fight -- is being held by police in a secure hospital ward, while the sliced-and-diced brother-in-law is in critical condition.

Sigh. Maybe the proportion of crazy people has gotten high enough in American society that we now need some sort of sword-control legislation.

IF THE COPS can't figure out who killed grandma, maybe -- after everybody is all healed up -- they can just let the warring parties settle things with pistols at 50 paces.

Today, meanwhile, is Holy Thursday. Tonight at my church, we will commemorate the Last Supper, and the Eucharist will be placed upon an altar of repose, where the Body and Blood of Christ will remain until the Good Friday service.

I call these three solemn, holy days -- Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Vigil, known by Catholics as the Triduum -- our yearly attitude adjustment. Three days during which we get to reflect upon exactly how each of us has managed to kill God. How our manifest sins sent Him to the cross.

This year, it seems like, our inherent meanness and insanity is particularly apparent. Or maybe not.

Some people actually thought a sword fight to the death was a good problem-solving mechanism. And look what happened to grandma.

Another day, another newspaper bloodbath

If it's Wednesday, it must be the Dallas Morning News.

And it isn't pretty. Out of 200 job cuts at the newspaper this week, 50 came from the news-editorial side of things.

Reading the DMNcuts blog today, it occurs to me that the only time journalists get to go out gracefully -- at least amid the Great Cull -- is when the whole newspaper goes bow down and slides under the waves forever.

Then, at least the band gets to play "Nearer My God to Thee," the captain (or, in this case, editor) gets to say some last noble words and everybody dies like Englishmen.

But when the corporate sniper is picking off ink-stained wretches one-by-one, luring them into Human Resources for the kill . . . well, what's the glory in that? The last journalist well remembered for going out that way was when a Japanese sniper got Ernie Pyle.

At least that was war, and not some non-lethal, corporate version of a campus shooter.

NO, WHEN THE corporate reaper comes calling with a machete, not Fat Man, there is no blaze of glory, nor is there one last spiffy "farewell" front page. There's just all the grace, and anger, and fear, and bitterness and nastiness of average human beings being dealt a losing hand.

There's no warm fuzzies, and there's no collective sense of loss that causes loyal readers to say "She was a great old gal; I'll damn well miss her, bless her heart." No, all there is is the messiness of fear and loathing, with the occasional poignant leaven of grace.

That's what I saw today reading the DMNcuts blog. Here's a sampling . . . and let's start with the grace amid some real tragedy:

I too have had the hammer fall on my head. I devoted myself to the newspaper biz and the Morning News. It has been an honor to work with so many talented and committed people in news. I appreciate the prayers and best wishes. I am 58 years old, a woman, single and have had a stroke. What now? Here is part of the breakdown: 6 off the news copy desk, all in their 50s except one; one off the news desk, 13 in sports; 2 in business; mostly zone reporters in metro; no one from TSW, national or international except a special writer. Where are the managers? God bless you all.
Laura Miller, 15 years at DMN, 32 year career

Thank all of you in The DMN newsroom for your words of support and encouragement this morning. It's the world's greatest understatement to say that it has been an honor to work with you.

I have learned so much from you during my two decades at The News. The talent and dedication in that room is amazing. Some of you, and you know who you are, have given help and understanding during many difficult times.

I consider myself very fortunate to have been able to work at a job that has allowed me to do so much with my life so far.

I'm still a little numb, knowing that for the first time in nearly 32 years I do not have a newspaper job.

But I will be fine. I have many good friends, a loving family and a partner whose unconditional love has indeed made me a better person. We will celebrate 21 years of being together next weekend.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Frank Trejo

At the moment, it’s hard to imagine work that’s as invigorating, as important and as much fun as being a journalist at a daily newspaper. It’s been a pleasure and a privilege to work alongside some of the best reporters, editors, photographers and designers in my years at the Morning News and the Star-Telegram, and I’ll always cherish the memories.

That said, tomorrow will be a new day, with new adventures. I’m looking forward to exploring them.

Here’s hoping that, for democracy’s sake if nothing else, the decision-makers in our industry figure out how to steer journalism through these icebergs safely. Meanwhile, my parting requests to you are that you never abandon the principles and passions that drew you to journalism and that you continue to be kind to each other.

Journalists are some of the smartest, funniest and most compassionate people I know. Please stay in touch. You can find me on Facebook.
All the best,
Mary McMullen Gladstone

NOW, with that over, let's get to the everything else part. And, for what it's worth, I would NOT want to be an editor at that newspaper tomorrow. Or any other time soon.

Anonymous said...
While I do not want anyone at the DMN to be out of a job, I am confused why, once again, the worker bees took the hits.

Where are the mid-level managers and managers in this?

I thought one of our problems is that we are too top heavy.

Please explain.

Anonymous said...
...still no managers? In my section, we now have an editor for almost every staff member. Literally.

Anonymous said...
I'm sorry, but anyone surprised that the grunts are the ones being given their walking papers while the professional meeting attenders will still be going to those meetings must be new or not paying attention. When you decide who stays and goes, you normally stay.

Anonymous said...
I'm not surprised, I guess. But I did think more editors would go if we were too top heavy?

Who are they going to edit?

We still have just as many layers of management. With fewer to manage.

Anonymous said...
"..still no managers? In my section, we now have an editor for almost every staff member. Literally."

Why the manager envy? They'll get sacked or demoted after they sweep up the debris from this debacle. Make a prisoner dig his own grave, it saves the VIPs from putting forth energy and their own time.

Anonymous said...
11 gone in Metro. None are editors.

Anonymous said...
"11 gone in Metro. None are editors."

Um, it's because there are out sourcing constituents who will be put in place of many of those pink slipped today. Mgrs. will be needed to put it all into shape for the next several weeks and then the next bloodbath will begin once protocols has been established. Soon it will only be top heavy on the top 2 tiers of A.H. Belo - CEO's and VPs.

Anonymous said...
If past layoffs are any indication, I still don't think any metro editors will be getting sacked -- at any time. When it's done today, that's it. Management always takes care of itself -- look at every single department. At other newspapers, editors have been laid off or demoted, but not in Dallas.

Anonymous said...
WHY, WHY, WHY were there no editors in the newsroom laid off? I just returned from a very painful "cry in your beer" booster party for 3 of the folks laid off from our department -- all very talented, hard working people. I am sick and tired of all of this. Are we worker bees eternally destined to get the shaft at this paper? Who is the little grubby guy gonna push around the newsroom now?

Anonymous said...
I think the worker bees are about to be replaced with much cheaper, less qualified, worker bees. They will need the editors to back stop these inexperienced reporters who will provide all the community news coverage under the supervision of the editors.

Anonymous said...
So, I'm leaving the HR guy's office after hearing the official, carefully crafted adios spiel, and in a remarkable display of dorkery, my supervisor, who had, up to that moment, cleverly kept his mouth shut, says: "Thanks for your service." Cue the spit take. I knew he was a gossipy, anal little dweeb, but, man, what a goof to say that.

Anonymous said...
I count 50 people gone. I fear what management has done is give readers 50 fewer reasons to read the paper. It's already starting to read like a printed version of TV news. It seems to me that putting out a product of lower value is not the way to position yourself for the future.

Anonymous said...
This paper has never done the right thing.

Anonymous said...
If DMN were the only newspaper to start dying then one could justify total outrage toward "Uncle Belo" but the entire industry has been caught behind a new paradigm that marks the end of the Newspaper Press era. Arrogance and blind faith in the status quo have crippled the newspaper industry.

The funny thing about pruning a tree is that if you know what you're doing, the tree will come back healthier, if not and you are just blindly hacking at every limb in sight, then the tree probably won't survive. We'll soon see if the A. H. Belo's chief pruner knows what he is doing.

Rod Dreher said...
Rod Dreher here. Three things:

1. I am not operating this blog, though like everyone in the building, I'm reading it.

2. This terrible thing we're all living through has nothing to do with George W. Bush. Many of my conservative friends are convinced liberal bias is what's dooming newspapers, but I point out to them that liberal newspapers serving liberal audiences are in the same sinking boat as the rest of us. I wish the political bias arguments on either side were correct, because that would suggest a way out of this hole. But they're not.

3) Anyway, today should be about mourning for and helping the colleagues we've lost, and doing what we can going forward to make sure this is the last time the paper has to take a hit like this. It should not be about cheap recriminations.

Anonymous said...
Need a laugh today?

I am informed (by a DMN colleague who remains behind) that when the laid-off newsies went down to HR, they "gave them all leather-bound books with DVDs and forms for writing resumes valued at (they were proud to tell you) $700."

This demonstrates the mindset that's going on in DMN's HR. Is there anyone here who really wouldn't have just rather had $700 cash to walk out with, to help tide them over till the first TWC benefits arrive?

Anonymous said...
Trust me when I tell you that "the leather-bound books with DVDs and forms for writing resumes valued at (they were proud to tell you) $700" were regifted leftovers or promotions never intended for those now RIF'd. HR may be trying to spin how gracious A.H. Belo is but I can promise you that Belo paid nowhere near $700 each for that stuff unless it was originally intended for execs.

Bad form for HR to mention the prize value with no option to decline it for cash. Tacky, tacky, tacky but for those left the beatings will continue until morale is restored. Say "thank you Uncle Belo!" and walk away.

SOME SAY journalists are just a bunch of liberal-commie-pinko bastards and, at long last, they're finally getting theirs. That they just did it to themselves, because no real American wants to pay for Pravda.

Some might be liberal, commie, etc., etc.. Most, I am sure, aren't . . . at least the commie-pinko-bastard part. Besides, let he who is without sin, and all that. . . .

No, these reporters, designers, copy editors, et al, are just as human as you and me. With all the good, the bad and the ugly that implies. Remember that.

And remember this, too. Times are hard, and any of us could be next.

There but for the grace of God. . . .

And you thought GM was a mess

People, I have been around the block a couple of times.

I have worked with, and for, some Michelangelo-scale pieces of work. On my bad days, I am a Michelangelo-scale piece of work.

But nothing -- NOTHING -- tops this bit of corporate idiocy and incompetence from The Associated Press. You know, the people you get your news from.

ON HIS BLOG -- AAAAIIIIEEEEE!!! A BLOG!!! -- Christian Grantham explains to us why we should be afraid . . . very afraid. In short, the AP is threatening a member radio station in Tennessee for posting the news organization's YouTube videos on its website.

I don't want to ruin the rest of it for you. Just watch the video and go to the blog.

Morons. Mouth-breathing, authority-tripping, journalism-destroying morons.

OH . . . by the way:

This should go over big in Brussels

Hey! If you can exterminate 1.5 million Armenians, what's the big deal with a little blackface, eh?

I'm sure the European Union will welcome with open arms a lot as civilized and sensitive as the Turks, who saw fit to welcome President Obama in such a manner.

What? The TV anchor couldn't come up with some chitlins, fried chicken and watermelon to supplement his shtick?

OK, forget the chitlins. Allah would be pissed.

The next sick thing

What do you get when you combine producers from the country that gave us legal euthanasia and the network that specializes in "Mouth-Breathe TV"?

This.

Fox has fast-tracked a reality series in which real companies that are struggling to stay afloat in this lousy economy agree to let their staffs decide who among them will get pink-slipped to cut costs.

Fox is already in production on "Someone's Gotta Go," having lined up companies -- smaller, Dunder Mifflin-esque outfits with 15 to 20 employees -- Fox's reality-series madman/genius Mike Darnell told the TV Column. We sounded incredulous. Darnell notes that every time he comes up with one of these trashtastic reality series, we ask the same question: What on Earth would motivate anyone to be on this show? And his answer is always the same: "They want to be on TV. Who knows? There's never a shortage."

Each week, a different company will be showcased. Each week, that company's boss or owner will call the employees together and tell them someone has to be laid off. He or she will give the employees all the available information about one another -- salaries, job evaluations, etc. -- and let them decide who gets the pink slip.

Darnell thinks millions of Americans who fear for their jobs or have lost them will flock to a TV series in which someone loses a job every week, because the show is about . . . Wish Fulfillment.

The idea came from watching a segment on a cable news channel in which a small-business owner decided to let all her employees know what each of them was paid.

"We've taken it a step further and opened up the books to everybody's salary, opened up their HR files and let them talk about each other and to each other -- this one's lazy, this one's a hard worker, I hear this one's having an affair. And in the end they will decide who's to go.

"I'm sure you've been through a situation where someone at your company gets fired and you think, 'Why did that guy get fired and that idiot is still here?' " Darnell asked us, rhetorically. We had no comment.

The show will be brought to us by Endemol -- the Dutch-based production company that also gave the world "Big Brother," which used to seem mean-spirited and skanky, but which suddenly looks quaint and charming.

I THINK The Washington Post's Lisa de Moraes summed it up right nicely with that last paragraph. Or, to paraphrase Boon's description to Katy after a night of frat debauchery at Animal House: "Unbelievable. A new low. They're so ashamed."

Not.

That's because if you're a miserable enough SOB to watch it, they're miserable enough SOBs to make it -- "it" being yet another show that degrades people for the entertainment of others, thereby turning human misery into a media cash cow.

And you're a miserable enough SOB to watch it. After all, how long have The Jerry Springer Show and Maury been on the air?

Way back there then, Caesar used to provide bread and circuses for the people as a means of keeping everybody amused . . . and in line. Then the barbarians came.

Now, we find our "elites" -- both governmental and cultural -- providing bread and circuses for the barbarians (that is, us) as a means of keeping everybody amused . . . and in line. I mean, we have everything -- gladiators, temple prostitutes, chariot races (NASCAR), freak shows . . . everything.

WELL, ACTUALLY, not quite everything. We don't feed Christians to the lions yet.

Give Fox another couple of TV seasons, though, and they'll see what they can do.

Why I didn't vote for Obama

The trouble with left-leaning Democrats -- and I say this as a left-leaning Democrat -- is they'll stab your average social traditionalist in the back every time.

They just can't help themselves -- and I say this as your average social traditionalist -- because the Democratic "big money" is all about the "Big O." I am not talking about the nickname for Omaha here.

Nor am I referring to Overstock.com.

YOU SEE, candidate Barack Obama was all "let us come and reason together" on social issues, only to become Mr. Abortion and Fetal Stem Cell Guy once he walked into 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. as President Barack Obama. And now, here we go again with Iowa Gov. Chet Culver.

Candidate Culver was all against same-sex marriage. Now, when the rubber has hit the road . . . not so much. The Omaha World-Herald has the "liar, liar, pants on fire" details:

Iowa Gov. Chet Culver said Tuesday he will not support a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage.

The statement was in stark contrast to a past pledge Culver made to do "whatever it takes" to limit marriage to heterosexual couples.

It was Culver’s first public comment on Friday’s Iowa Supreme Court decision, which overturned a 1998 state law prohibiting gay marriage.

Culver reiterated his personal opposition to same-sex marriage, saying it is a "tenet of (his) personal faith." But he said the Supreme Court decision should not have an effect on religious marriage or religious marriage ceremonies.

"At the outset, I want to emphasize that the question before the Iowa Supreme Court was one of civil marriage only – a state-recognized legal status constituting a civil contract. Civil marriage always has been, and will continue to be, separate from religious marriage that takes place in churches and places of worship," said Culver.

PERSONALLY OPPOSED . . . BUT. Another day, another disingenuous dodge in Democratic Politician Land.

It doesn't matter a hill of beans whether a politician is "personally opposed." What matters is the action he takes in office. And "personally opposed but" differs not one whit from "enthusiastically for" from a public-policy perspective.

And from a religious perspective, I wonder how many politicians -- politicians of whatever stripe, I hasten to add -- will hear this from the Almighty on Judgment Day:

"Well, you see, I am personally opposed to casting you into an inner circle of hell, but. . . ."

Another day in Elkhorn. Look closer.

My name is Brian Carson. This is my neighborhood. This is my street. This is my life. I'm 45 years old -- and I'm already dead.

I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all.

IT STRETCHES ON at least long enough for you to read what happened to you -- and where it all went so horribly wrong -- in the Omaha World-Herald:

Brian K. Carson was scheduled to be in court this morning to answer charges that he beat up his wife.

Teresa Carson told police that she and her husband fought Dec. 17 in the living room of their Elkhorn home. Brian struck her twice in the back of the head, then punched her in the nose, causing her to seek medical help at an area hospital, Teresa told police.

The reason for their argument: Brian was sleeping with his son’s girlfriend, court records state.

On Sunday, less than 24 hours before his scheduled court appearance, Brian Carson, 45, was found slain, his body abandoned in a car parked near 234th and State Streets.

His son Ryan Carson, 19, is accused of killing the elder Carson. He is being held in Douglas County jail on suspicion of second-degree murder.

Nicole M. Walker, 19, and Jeffrey P. Hill, 22, also have been arrested. They are accused of being accessories to a felony.

Court records don’t indicate if the Carsons have more than one son. Nor do they cite the name of the girlfriend over whom the Carsons had argued.

Walker had been dating Ryan Carson, according to one of her relatives. The relative did not know if the two still dated. Police also said Ryan Carson and Nicole Walker had a relationship, but would not say if they currently are involved.

JUST ANOTHER suburban house in just another quiet bedroom community. A man living a typical life, with a typical wife, raising typical kids.

And, I guess, all of that is true enough. Right down to having a couple of typical beers with a typical neighbor guy:

Brent Ruppert said he used to live in the Ramblewood neighborhood near Brian Carson. Rupert said Carson was a good guy and a hard worker.

Ruppert said he remembers Carson working maintenance at some apartment complexes during the day and then stocking shelves at a No Frills overnight.

"He was a pretty good guy," Ruppert said. "He and I would sometimes kick back in the driveway and have some beers."

TYPICAL. Look closer.

This is the start of Holy Week, the most solemn on the Christian calandar. It is now -- not exclusively now, but especially now -- that we are forced to reflect on where, exactly, the ripples eminating from our wretchedness all ended up.

That would be Calvary.

But the ripples from our sins continue to roil the waters of our existence. And sometimes typical lives -- lived in a typical house, on a typical street in a typical community -- can slide beneath the waves, never to emerge again.

Screw basketball. I'm going to my church's penance service tonight.

Nobody ever listens to Cassandra

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

If somebody had warned the citizens of ancient Pompeii that Vesuvius was about to blow its top, they probably would have accused him of fear mongering.

Whole towns and cities just northeast of Rome lie in ruins today, victims of a powerful earthquake. Scores are dead. They needn't have died, because they had been warned.

THE DEPRESSING DETAILS come from Reuters:

An Italian scientist predicted a major earthquake around L'Aquila weeks before disaster struck the city on Monday, killing dozens of people, but was reported to authorities for spreading panic among the population.

The first tremors in the region were felt in mid-January and continued at regular intervals, creating mounting alarm in the medieval city, about 100 km (60 miles) east of Rome.

Vans with loudspeakers had driven around the town a month ago telling locals to evacuate their houses after seismologist Gioacchino Giuliani predicted a large quake was on the way, prompting the mayor's anger.

Giuliani, who based his forecast on concentrations of radon gas around seismically active areas, was reported to police for "spreading alarm" and was forced to remove his findings from the Internet.

Italy's Civil Protection agency held a meeting of the Major Risks Committee, grouping scientists charged with assessing such risks, in L'Aquila on March 31 to reassure the townspeople.

"The tremors being felt by the population are part of a typical sequence ... (which is) absolutely normal in a seismic area like the one around L'Aquila," the civil protection agency said in a statement on the eve of that meeting.

"It is useful to underline that it is not in any way possible to predict an earthquake," it said, adding that the agency saw no reason for alarm but was nonetheless effecting "continuous monitoring and attention."

EVEN TODAY, an Italian science-o-crat still was blowing off the tragically obvious: "As far as I know nobody predicted this earthquake with precision. It is not possible to predict earthquakes."

Except that someone just did. The man who, as it turns out, was Cassandra.

That dynamic worked out well for Troy, too.

But don't go picking on the Italians. They're just as human as the rest of us -- a motley lot who never want to hear the bleedin' obvious when the obvious involves bad tidings.

After all, who'd a thunk that, someday, a major hurricane would hit New Orleans, swamp the whole place and kill more than a thousand?

Uhhhhh. . . .

HISTORY TELLS US no one much cared to hear what the New Orleans Times-Picayune (and all its scientific sources) predicted, either. Faced with the sure knowledge more than 100,000 poor people would be completely unable to flee an oncoming hurricane, the city's best response was to settle on telling them they were on their own.

But something happened before the official notification to that effect. Her name was Katrina.

The weird thing is that Katrina missed New Orleans, landing only a swiping blow. And look what still happened.

Of course, lots of people still try to stick their heads in the sand about climate change and the rising oceans. And all they get is a snootful of salt water. Every time.

UPDATE: Hey! Big spender! Nothin' like rich Uncle Sam throwin' the big money around to help whole cities that have been wiped out.

From Agence France-Presse:

The United States said Monday it would donate 50,000 dollars in emergency aid to Italy after a powerful earthquake killed at least 100 people.

"We send our heartfelt condolences to the families of those killed in the earthquake. Our embassy in Rome will provide 50,000 (dollars) in emergency relief funding," State Department spokesman Robert Wood told reporters.

Remind me not to bother trick or treating at the Obamas' house.

“Remember, man, you are dust . . ."

". . . and to dust you will return.”

Above is the iconic poster of actress Farrah Fawcett from three decades ago, back when lots of guys my age had it in a prominent place in their rooms. She was a young woman at the top of her celebrity game.

We were younger men just figuring out the game of life.

WE THOUGHT we would be forever young. And so would Farrah.

Who now is 62 and critically ill with cancer. From RadarOnline:

Farrah Fawcett has been hospitalized and is in bad shape, sources close to family and friends tell RadarOnline.com exclusively.

She has been battling cancer for three years and recently returned from Germany, where she had experimental stem-cell treatment. Sources told RadarOnline.com that she is critical but stable in a Los Angeles-area hospital. They also say she is unconscious and has been hospitalized for days.

Long-time love Ryan O’Neal has been by Farrah’s bedside, as has troubled son Redmond, who bolted from rehab earlier this week.

3 Chords & the Truth: Feel like a number

Hard times keep calling us back.

Calling us back to explore the subject one more time, at least, on 3 Chords & the Truth. Why not? We're in them . . . just as well plumb the depths of where we find ourselves.

What interests me this go around is the death of "livin' large." Or the death of that notion for some -- the ones not taking the bonus money and running. If you listen to the news, or the cultural zeitgeist, you can be forgiven for thinking we all were riding high . . . and then something happened.

THE TRUTH is more complicated. Truth is, the American Dream has been under assault for the better part of two generations. For that long, great American industries have been on the skids, and the Americans who worked in them have been progressively thrown away.

Now we watch as the government goes about "shuttin' Detroit down" -- which may or may not be a mercy killing -- and the loss of industrial jobs kicks into overdrive. Pedal to the metal.

Used to be, you could work in a factory (or plant) make a good wage, support your family, send the kids to college, then retire with a comfortable pension. Used to be.

Global competition and the quest for short-term returns killed that notion dead. We've thrown away workers' security, and now we're busily throwing away the workers themselves.

Job retraining, in too many cases, is learning to say "Would you like fries with that?" in both English and Español.

First, we began to import throwaway products. Now we have throwaway workers. Check out the tent cities of the homeless all over California.

REALLY, is there anything -- or, for that matter, anyone -- we don't throw away these days? We have disposable plates, disposable utensils, disposable containers and disposable appliances.

Disposable napkins, disposable clothes, disposable bags and disposable lighters.

Disposable relationships, disposable contracts, disposable jobs and disposable workers.

Disposable music, disposable culture, disposable arts and disposable media.

Disposable lovers, disposable kids, disposable marriages and disposable morality.

AGAIN . . . CAN SOMEBODY tell me what we don't discard?

Well, banks do seem to have some difficulty in disposing of "toxic assets." And we fervently hope you won't chuck this week's episode of the Big Show.

Such is life in a world where people serve the economy, and not the other way around. Maybe that's why we keep returning to this theme in these times.

Or, as Bob Seger once sang:

Feel like a number,
Feel like a stranger,
A stranger in this land,
I feel like a number,
I'm not a number,
I'm not a number,
Dammit I'm a man,
I said I'm a man

THAT'S KIND OF a Motor City translation of a Christmas sermon Pope Leo the Great once gave. The money line: "Christian, remember your dignity."

It would be nice if the suits remembered our dignity once in a while, too. "Dammit, I'm a man. I said I'm a man."

And, as always, it's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.

Honk if you love gay marriage

Oh, what fools we have been.

We used to think marriage -- matrimony -- was "the union of man and woman as husband and wife."

We used to think this marriage thing existed as a sacrament, a "covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring."

Idiots that we are, we used to think this was so self-evident that no one had to spell it out in the law. We thought it was holy, created by God at the beginning, more or less, and that you just didn't mess with holy things.

ABOVE ALL, we thought this conception of marriage was so blatantly logical as to be unassailable by anyone of sound mind or serious intent.

We were wrong.

Soon enough, the dominoes began falling. Divorce. Artificial contraception. Abortion. No-fault divorce. "Open" marriage. Single-parent chic.

And now another "same-sex marriage" domino has fallen in Iowa. Iowa!

The Iowa Supreme Court legalized gay marriage Friday in a unanimous and emphatic decision that makes Iowa the third state — and the first in the nation's heartland — to allow same-sex couples to wed.

In its decision, the high court upheld a lower court's ruling that found a state law restricting marriage to between a man and woman violated Iowa's constitution.

"We are firmly convinced the exclusion of gay and lesbian people from the institution of civil marriage does not substantially further any important governmental objective," the Supreme Court wrote in its decision. "The Legislature has excluded a historically disfavored class of persons from a supremely important civil institution without a constitutionally sufficient justification."

The ruling set off celebration among the state's gay-marriage proponents.

"Iowa is about justice, and that's what happened here today," said Laura Fefchak, who was hosting a verdict party in the Des Moines suburb of Urbandale with partner of 13 years, Nancy Robinson.

Robinson added: "To tell the truth, I didn't think I'd see this day."

Richard Socarides, an attorney and former senior adviser on gay rights to President Clinton, said the ruling carries extra significance coming from Iowa.

"It's a big win because, coming from Iowa, it represents the mainstreaming of gay marriage. And it shows that despite attempts stop gay marriage through right-wing ballot initiatives, like in California, the courts will continue to support the case for equal rights for gays," he said.

IT IS THE MAINSTREAMING of gay marriage.

Up is down, black is white, right is left and the epitome of pointlessness has been turned into a civil right. It's not enough to have civil arrangements so that gay partners might have the same legal rights afforded family members. No, our postmodern world will not be sated until meaning has been evacuated from all things once seen as holy.

The new gods of our existence will not be happy until we believe -- and do -- three impossible things every day. You know, achieve endless economic growth without producing anything of value, fight successful loser-bankrolled foreign wars of conquest . . . and give Heather two mommies.

Or two daddies, as the case may be.

FRANKLY, if it's unconstitutional for two guys (or two gals) to be denied the right to "marry" one another, I don't know what we now say to the Muslim who wants four wives or the fundamentalist Mormon who wants 44. Personally, I've found one wife for the past quarter century to be almost more than I can handle -- but I guess that's just me.

But as long as we're committing ourselves as a society to the worship of the pointlessly implausible, I'm sure polygamy will be embraced shortly. Then we'll move on to a brave new world where "men are men, and sheep are nervous."

Yes, sheep are backwards, but I'm sure they'll "see the light" soon enough. (Baa the way, would it be murder to make your wife into mutton?)

Now we truly live in a world of endless possibilities, where the old TV sitcom My Mother the Car has just become a lot less ridiculous. As has this. (Contains some vulgar language, not to mention the general creepiness of the subject matter. But what do I know? I'm not very open-minded.)

GOD HELP US ALL. But, under the circumstances, I somehow doubt He will be so disposed.

Barbarians in the Quad

Just what today's kids need. More porn.

AND IT'S THEIR colleges and universities giving it to them. Like the University of Maryland, for just one, as reported by the Baltimore Sun:

The student union at the University of Maryland, College Park, will be showing a hard-core pornographic film this weekend, causing some to worry that the university is promoting the degradation of women.

Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge will be shown at midnight Saturday in a campus theater usually home to tamer fare such as independent and foreign films. The distributor of the film, Digital Playground, offered it to the student union for free, so student activities fees are not being used to finance it. A student programming committee voted to screen the film, billed as a "XXX blockbuster."

But the chaplain of the Catholic Student Center at Maryland, the Rev. Kyle Ingels, said screening pornographic films does not lead to a positive atmosphere on campus. "We're trying to promote greater respect on campus of all people and something like a pornographic film is not contributing to the buildup of the human person," Ingels said. "It's degrading to the human person. It really runs counter to our efforts to try to form people to be men and women who will go out and contribute to society."

University officials acknowledge that the film is "not for everyone" but say the idea was to provide students with an alternative to late-night drinking and other dangerous activities. The student union screens a wide variety of films for a wide variety of audiences, they said.

"We thought this would be something fun for the students to do, especially since we're getting close to the end of the semester," said Lisa Cunningham, program coordinator for the Hoff Theater, which is showing the film. "We're a college movie theater and we thought it would bring out the students."

A university spokesman, Lee Tune, said the administration was aware that the film had been scheduled and would not block its screening.

The admission cost of $4 will cover the expense of staffing the film. About 60 advance tickets had been sold as of Wednesday. The 138-minute film, released last fall, was the most expensive hard-core porn film ever made, at $10 million, according to Digital Playground. The story centers on a group of pirates seeking revenge on another pirate.

An R-rated version of the film is also available, but Maryland chose to screen the XXX version because it would generate greater student interest, Cunningham said.

IN A SOCIETY SATURATED in every conceivable manner with the premise that human beings are mere pieces of meat, the University of Maryland proposes to reinforce the idea with porno screenings in the name of good, not-so-clean fun. Oh joy.

Out of one side of their mouths, members of this country's educational establishment decry "sexting," sexual assault and sexual harassment, but from the other spews pornographic films that contribute to the degradation of sex -- and of the humans who have it.

Educators, make up your minds. Can what's really, really, really bad for the 17-year-old really be all that good for the 18- and 19-year-old?

When we actively -- or passively, out of moral and educational cowardice -- tell young people they are objects, mere humanoid sex toys to use and be used for giggles and orgasms, we ought not be surprised with what we ultimately get. Dysfunctional relationships, for one thing. Illegitimacy, for another.

Abortion, sexually transmitted diseases, sexual abuse, sexual harassment and divorce, just to name a few more.

Ultimately, as this cultural toxic waste filters down to the hoi polloi, we end up with stuff like this. Gee, I wonder where that idea came from?

A tale of two Kentuckies

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

It's a hard-knock life. Unless you're a big-time athletic program.

Then you get to tell a nation in the middle of the worst hard times since the Great Depression. . . . Well, let's just say you get to rub big money and f***ed-up priorities in folks' faces.

We act like life is a game and a game is life. No, and hell no.

The mystery of darkness

Sometimes, the darkness just descends.

Sometimes, something just snaps.

Sometimes, atrocity happens, and we have no clue why.

It's a mystery. As a Catholic, I'm big on "It's a mystery." The mystery of the Godhead. The mystery of life. The mystery of death.

The mystery of evil. A darkness that, sometimes, just descends -- and consumes.

I SUSPECT that many of you are ready to scoff about now. Call me a superstitious Catholic religious fanatic. Go ahead, call me a religious fanatic. My wife and my priest probably could use a good laugh about now.

And after you do, you try and explain this, the story that's consumed the pages of the World-Herald, and Omaha, so far this week:

The Andersons’ final day began with an early morning trip to Robert “Andy” Anderson’s hometown of Shubert in southeastern Nebraska.

Later Sunday, after visiting with Andy’s elderly mother, the pair returned to Omaha.

Neighbors saw the Andersons’ car in the driveway, and everything seemed normal until about 5 p.m., says a daughter. Then Karla Anderson failed to call her elderly mother, an important part of both women’s routine. Neither Andy nor Karla checked in with their daughters.

By Sunday night, family members were worried and police entered the couple’s longtime Dundee home, 112 S. 50th St.

Andy and Karla were dead.

Omaha police say it was murder-suicide. Andy shot Karla, then turned the gun on himself, according to police.

But nothing in the couple’s background or life together fits such a scenario, said Robyn Anderson, one of two daughters Andy had with a previous wife.

Her father and Karla were loving, caring people who liked to laugh and did it often, she said today.

“They had a normal family life and normal family pressures.”

To say that they died in a murder-suicide is completely opposite “of what everyone knows about their character,” Robyn said. “It’s as if something is white and they tell you it’s black "

That’s why Robyn doesn’t want police to reach a conclusion about the couple’s death until all the evidence — particularly forensic tests — has been gathered.

“I am only asking for the testing to be completed and then studied to prove, or to rule out, any possible scenarios or events,” Robyn wrote in an e-mail.

A ruling of murder-sucide has significant implications for the reputation of a well-regarded and much-loved couple, and shouldn’t be reached without scientific evidence, she said.

Andy was a 71-year-old vocational rehabilitation specialist for the State of Nebraska. He held a doctorate in psychology, had been a teacher and was considered a talented musician. Karla, 63, was a revered nurse in the intensive-care unit at Nebraska Medical Center.

Robyn said she speaks only for herself in calling for forensic evidence. The family also includes her older sister, plus two daughters from Andy and Karla’s marriage and nine grandchildren, one of whom preceded them in death.

I HOPE THE COPS can give the Andersons' children and family all the evidence they need. I hope forensics can shine some small light of comprehension on a dark mystery.

Some mysteries we can live with. Others, a body just can't.

Lord, have mercy. The darkness is closer than we like to admit.

The point of hilarity

St. Thomas Aquinas counseled us to "drink to the point of hilarity."

This evening, for me, that would be one shot of Early Times. Because I hardly can contain my "hilarity" looking at this, sober as a judge. Oh, Lord have mercy!

This is so rich!

What's sad is that any serious Catholic gives a flying intercourse what Rush Limbaugh has to say about l'affaire Obama at Notre Dame. I'll worry about that, however, after a bit of hilarity.

Kids today

Funny -- isn't it? -- how we wait, amid these uncertain and trying times, for our figurative "end of days" and the arrival of the postmodern-day equivalent of the Huns.

We wait for a secular Pope Leo the Great to meet Attila at the gates of Rome -- or somewhere -- and convince him to leave us in peace. Leave us be so we might continue driving our oversized cars, continue chatting about nothing on our ubiquitous cell phones and continue being pampered at our favorite spa.

I fear we wait in vain. The economy will lay waste to "livin' large," and the spiritual successors of Leo the Great scarcely can deal with the Catholics, much less the barbarians.

THE BARBARIANS . . . who happen to be us. And our children, now perfecting the whole looting, raping, killing and pillaging thing.

From The Advocate in Baton Rouge, La. (sigh):

A 15-year-old girl was shot in the face early today after she refused to have sex with the shooter, Baton Rouge police said.

The shooting, which occurred in the 2500 block of Jura Street, happened at 4:20 a.m., police spokesman Cpl. L’Jean Mckneely Jr. said in a news release.

The suspect, along with two other boys, fled the scene, McKneely said.

The victim was talking with several boys with whom she was acquainted, when one asked her to perform a sex act, McKneely said.

The girl refused and one of the boys pulled out a gun and shot her, McKneely said.

Police officers found and apprehended a 14-year-old boy at 8 a.m. at the home of a relative in the 400 block of St. Rose, McKneely said.

UPDATE: Oh, and there's also this:

A 7-year-old girl was reportedly raped at Park Forest Elementary School on March 13, police said today.

Baton Rouge Police spokesman Sgt. Don Kelly said the girl told a family member Sunday that one boy raped her while several older boys pinned her down.

Park Forest Elementary is located at 10717 Elain Drive.

Sex crimes detectives are currently investigating the incident, and no arrests have been made yet, Kelly said.

OK, fair is fair

I interrupt my permanent fast from fretting about Louisiana for this important announcement.

Der pissen-anten Führer im der Swampen ist atten it again.

State Rep. John LaBruzzo, National Socialist R-Metairie, wants to require all welfare applicants to undergo drug testing and ban anyone with a felony drug conviction from receiving state aid for 10 years.

FROM AN Associated Press report:

State law now bans drug felons from obtaining public assistance for one year from the date of conviction. LaBruzzo's bill would expand that to 10 years; however, a drug felon who goes through a drug treatment program approved by the Department of Social Services could become eligible for assistance two years after completing the program.

As for drug testing, current law calls for drug testing of "certain" adult recipients of aid through the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program but leaves it to the state Department of Social Services to determine which recipients will be tested. LaBruzzo's bill would require testing for all adult TANF recipients.

Although less controversial than the sterilization proposal, which drew no public support from any other lawmaker last year, the drug testing and welfare eligibility proposals will face opposition.

"That is a suspicionless, warrantless search," Marjorie Esman, Louisiana director of the American Civil Liberties Union, said of the drug testing proposal. "It's a presumption that someone who needs a little bit of financial assistance has done something wrong."

IN ONE RESPECT, I have little to say about LaBruzzo's proposed legislation apart from "Consider the source." Really, really consider the source.

Consider that folks who had problems with LaBruzzo's eugenic scheme have little problem -- other than the bureaucratic requirements, perhaps -- with der Führer von Metairie pushing something just a little less draconian.

Consider also that most Louisianians probably think making poor people pee in a bottle before getting their welfare check is a fine idea. That cutting off drug felons for a decade is a better idea.

But then consider how these self-same folk might react if Rep. B. Lack Ascoal proposed banning from public assistance for 10 long years anyone convicted of minor in possession or driving under the influence. What about making grandma pass the piss test to collect her Social Security? Or grandpa blow into the Breathalyzer before the doctor submits his bill to Medicare?

Oh, no. They're not those people.

NO, TELL ME. Who are "those people," pray tell?

Well, that's my one reaction. My other reaction is to ask whether we get to apply similar high standards to the state of Louisiana before allowing it to continue suckling at the federal teat.

Think of the money we could save.

Copper-plated coins denominated at .01 dollar eminating from a paranormal entity of bliss

Your government wants you to know:

Economic turmoil (e.g., increased unemployment, foreclosures, loss of investments and other financial distress) can result in a whole host of negative health effects - both physical and mental. It can be particularly devastating to your emotional and mental well-being. Although each of us is affected differently by economic troubles, these problems can add tremendous stress, which in turn can substantially increase the risk for developing such problems as:

* Depression
* Anxiety
* Compulsive Behaviors (over-eating, excessive gambling, spending, etc.)
* Substance Abuse

(snip)

Other Steps You Can Take

Acknowledge that economic downturns can be frightening to everyone, but that there are ways of getting through them - from engaging in healthy activities, positive thinking, supportive relationships, to seeking help when needed from health professionals.

Encourage community-based organizations and groups to provide increased levels of mental health treatment and support to those who are severely affected by the economy.

Work together to help all members of the community build their resiliency and successfully return to healthy and productive lives.

For further information on mental health or substance abuse issues please visit The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).

PERSONALLY, I really prefer how Americans dealt with this kind of stuff in the 1930s (see video above).

Shutting Detroit Down

Sometimes, it takes a songwriter to distill into digestible form what's been happening to a people.

For a generation in this country, we've seen the rich get richer and the poor and working class get the shaft. By and large, we have been too distracted with bread and circuses to notice what's been happening in Novus Rome.

But the bubble has burst. The fit has hit the shan. We notice.

And now, as country singer John Rich notes, we're bailing out the bankers while we're shutting Detroit down. And throwing the working man under the limousine.

If, as many fear, the worst is yet to come -- and if Americans have any civic-mindedness and fundamental concern for justice left -- there's going to be a revolution in this country.

You can take that to the zombie bank.