Your Daily '80s: Total sports

Back in December 1980, cable systems still had to be sold on ESPN. Go figure.

Your Daily '80s: Lotsa space in this mall

Blues Brothers Tour the Maill | Sports | SPIKE.com

The Blues Brothers.

1980.

"They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God."

Meanwhile, 30 years later. . . .

Wonderful WOKE Radio

When you look at radio today, it is impossible not to dwell on what's been lost in recent decades -- provided you're old enough to remember what we once had.
One thing we had was humanity . . . humanity that, more often than not, rang out through the speaker of your radio along with the music, news, weather and jingles. Humanity flowed from a relationship between broadcaster and listener.

That relationship flowed from personal involvement.

Personal involvement flowed from a deep sense of caring.

And that deep sense of caring flowed from love. I get the feeling that Wonderful WOKE Radio in Charleston, S.C., was all about love.

BACK IN 1979, on Top-40 radio stations around the world, Earth, Wind & Fire described where we find ourselves now this way:

Something happened along the way
What used to be happy was sad
Something happened along the way
And yesterday was all we had

And, oh, after the love has gone
How could you lead me on
And not let me stay around?
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found?

INDEED. In a bottom-line world of corporate rule and "cost saving" -- a world where young people no longer know radio and, frankly, don't care -- "can love that's been lost be found?"

WOKE's Harry Weaver is long dead now. So are legions like him. And our questions for the future hang just as heavily as our longing for all the love we've lost.

Hannity's mom can deal with Hannity

This is all fine and dandy, Rachel Maddow. We get it.

Fox News Channel and its video politicos using an alleged cable-news outfit for unending political propaganda is bad. Worse than Keith Olbermann even.

Fine.

Now, if you're in high school and get called into the vice-principal's office -- or, hell, get called into your boss' office at work -- on a disciplinary matter, what is the instantaneous response when you earnestly point out how much worse (and unpunished) everybody else is than you?

C'MON, this is a no-brainer. I'm sure your mom came back at you with this one a bazillion times.

The instant, and universal, response to your protestations is "This is not about them. This is about what you did. I will deal with them when the time comes."

And then you get suspended. Or fired. Or grounded.

Because Mom always liked him better.

Listen, Rach. We all know what Fox is. Fox is not MSNBC's kid.

We all know that Fox is a spoiled juvenile delinquent and, chances are, he's going to come to no damned good. He'll probably wind up in jail. You're not being raised that way.

I DON'T WANT to hear anymore of your whining. Now go to your room.

And I don't want to hear that stereo of yours blasting, either, young lady! Don't you give me that look!

3 Chords & the Truth: Let's just be

There. I've just poured myself another cup of minty tea, and that makes it the last of the pot.

It has been that kind of a day. A chilly day here in Omaha, by God, Nebraska, as well as a laid-back kind of day. I say it's been a fine day just to be.

As in, "Just be."

As in "Let the day come to you. No need to expend any excess energy on it."

THAT'S THE kind of day it's been here around the 3 Chords & the Truth studios, and that's the kind of show you're going to get this week. It's a fine show all about sitting back, enjoying the tunes, and just letting it be.

The Beatles, 1970.

IT'S A laid-back affair on the Big Show but, to tell you the truth, I think those are some of the best ones. And this week's episode of 3 Chords & the Truth is a fine one, indeed.

So click on a link, or click on the player at the top of this page. I don't care. Just click on something, sit back, listen to the music . . . and be. Just be.

It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. "Be" there. Aloha.

Your Daily '80s: When pinkos advertised

Back in 1981, television viewers would, from time to time, see these ads for the International Ladies' Garment Workers' Union.

Thirty years ago -- shockingly -- this sort of thing was perfectly respectable. Unenlightened as we were, we didn't once think we were being indoctrinated by leftist union goons.

Worse, if one came from a blue-collar background, chances were that the Old Man belonged to one of these socialist-front outfits. I know, it's shocking. Lots of people smoked then, too.

Now, thanks to tea-party edjumacashun outreach and Mr. Glenn Beck and Mr. Rush Limbaugh, we know socialists when we see 'em, and we take appropriate action.

And you won't see these commercials on the tube anymore. In fact, you won't see the ILGWU anymore, either.

Heh.

Ratings or credibility, that is the question

Keith Olbermann is many things. Until now, I didn't figure that moron was one of them.

I may have been horribly wrong. At any rate, MSNBC's liberal firebrand -- amid a whole cable channel of them -- is sitting on the bench, sans paycheck, "indefinitely," according to management.

Benched for being a moron. And for giving maximum contributions to three political candidates, all of whom he had as guests on his Countdown program.

That's a gross violation of a pretty unambiguous NBC News policy. It's also a gross violation of common sense for anyone who calls himself a journalist.

It's one thing to have a point of view as a reporter or news personality. It's entirely another to be "in the tank" for one -- or several -- of the people or entities you cover.

OLBERMANN, whether he thinks so or not, nevertheless has given the strongest impression that he's absolutely, positively in the tank. Politico, which broke the story of the TV host's faux-est of journalistic "pas" reports on the aftermath:

MSNBC host Keith Olbermann has been suspended indefinitely without pay after POLITICO reported that he made three campaign contributions to Democratic candidates.

MSNBC President Phil Griffin said in a statement Friday: “I became aware of Keith's political contributions late last night. Mindful of NBC News policy and standards, I have suspended him indefinitely without pay."

Olbermann made campaign contributions to two Arizona members of Congress and failed Kentucky Senate candidate Jack Conway ahead of Tuesday’s election.

Olbermann, who acknowledged the contributions in a statement to POLITICO, made the maximum legal donations of $2,400 apiece to Conway and to Arizona Reps. Raul Grijalva and Gabrielle Giffords. He donated to the Arizona pair on Oct. 28 — the same day that Grijalva appeared as a guest on Olbermann’s “Countdown” show.

NBC has a rule against employees contributing to political campaigns, and a wide range of news organizations prohibit political contributions — considering it a breach of journalistic independence to contribute to the candidates they cover.

Chris Hayes, the Washington editor for The Nation and a previous fill-in for Rachel Maddow, will fill in for Olbermann tonight, MSNBC confirmed.

Olbermann is one of MSNBC’s most recognizable faces, and has emerged as one of the country’s most prominent liberal commentators. A former ESPN star, Olbermann’s “Countdown With Keith Olbermann” started in 2003 as a traditional news show but evolved into a left-leaning opinion program – and in some ways, led the network into its new identity as the cable-news voice of the left and an attempt to be a counterweight to Fox News.

Inside MSNBC, employees were shocked at the news of Olbermann’s suspension. Despite a reputation for a prickly personality off-air, Olbermann was given wide berth inside the network because of his stature – and his ratings.

Insiders were stunned that Griffin moved so swiftly to yank one of the network’s true stars off the air, and some suspected that the recent tensions with NBC News, which has grown increasingly uneasy with its sister network’s more ideological stance, contributed to the swift decision. Some have even speculated that Comcast’s coming merger with NBC Universal has heightened sensitivities about MSNBC’s ideological profile.

MSNBC has branded Olbermann as a prominent face in its new “Lean Forward” marketing campaign. He tripled MSNBC’s ratings at 8 p.m. In the past two years, MSNBC’s more opinionated hosts have helped propel it past CNN in prime time, and even lately during the daytime, too.

Despite MSNBC’s embrace of a more opinionated format, NBC News has a policy against its employees making political contributions – and it appears that Olbermann ran afoul of that policy, even by contributing to candidates he gave a platform on his show, like Grijalva.

In addition, Olbermann has been a critic of the political donations made by Fox News’s parent company, News Corp., which contributed $1 million each to a pair of organizations trying to defeat Democratic candidates.

Griffin also tweaked rival network Fox over the contributions. “Show me an example of us fundraising,” Griffin told The New York Times last month.

GETTING good ratings is one thing. As far as I'm concerned, the lengths to which America's cable-news outfits have gone to obtain them neither is good for journalism nor good for the civic life of the country.

Basically, how much is a soul worth -- either human or institutional?

If MSNBC's is worth anything anymore, Keith Olbermann, the sports commentator turned liberal news host, needs to be taken off the bench . . . and put on waivers.

No, forget that. He just needs to be flat-out released.

Mr. Rock and Mr. Roll . . . together again

Go grab youself a cold one, Cap, then get back here.

You good?

OK, now sit youself down and watch this story from WWL-TV in New Orleans. After a bunch of years, Channel 4's Eric Paulsen brought Fats Domino and Dave Bartholomew back together to remember the days when they were helping to birth rock 'n' roll . . . and to play some of the old songs, too.

This is as close as you're ever going to get to seeing -- alive and still kickin' and in the flesh -- the origins of the music that changed the world.

Look at this. These are the men of a time, of the glory days, of the most musical place on earth.

IF YOU WANT to see inside the soul of Louisianians of a certain age -- black and white, rich and poor -- if you want to see what makes up a goodly portion of my soul . . . formed in my parents' back bedroom in Baton Rouge, playing Fats Domino 78s on a 1949 Silvertone console, you're looking at it right here.

The Times-Picayune's Keith Spera describes the scene:

Dave Bartholomew straightens up and pulls on his gray suit jacket. He enters the home, the residence of an old friend he hasn’t seen in years.

Fats Domino.

Together, Bartholomew and Domino authored the richest chapter in New Orleans music, making rock ’n’ roll history along the way. Bartholomew “discovered” Domino, co-wrote his hits and produced the recordings that sold millions of copies in the 1950s and early ’60s.

Next week, Bartholomew and Domino are the subject of the Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of Fame’s 15th American Music Masters series. A week of lectures, interviews and film screenings at the museum and a day-long conference at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland culminate with a Nov. 13 tribute concert featuring Toots & the Maytals, Lloyd Price, Dr. John, Irma Thomas, Theresa Andersson, the Dixie Cups and many more. Bartholomew, 89, plans to travel to Cleveland for the concert; Domino, 82, is not making the trip.

In 1999, Bartholomew and Domino sat down with me for a joint interview prior to their separate performances at that year’s New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. Since then, they’ve had little contact.

In advance of the Hall of Fame festivities — only the third time the prestigious American Music Masters series has honored living musicians — WWL-TV news anchor Eric Paulsen conspired to reunite Bartholomew and Domino. Paulsen and Domino are buddies; it was Paulsen who spirited Domino to the Fair Grounds in an unsuccessful gambit to get him to perform as scheduled at the 2006 Jazz Fest.

Paulsen arranged for Bartholomew to visit Domino’s post-Hurricane Katrina home in Harvey for the first time on Oct. 5. The result of that effort airs on Thursday, Nov. 4 during WWL-TV’s 10 p.m. newscast.

(snip)

Domino’s infamous performance anxiety stems in part from doubts about his own abilities. He’ll tinker on a piano at home with family and friends, but his days of performing publicly are likely over.

With a camera rolling, he is reluctant even to play at home. But grudgingly, he takes a seat at a black baby grand. A Lifetime Achievement Grammy and a commemoration of his 1986 induction into the Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of Fame rest atop the piano. Gold records hang above a couch fashioned from a classic pink Cadillac’s tail section. The couch was salvaged from his flooded Lower 9th Ward home, and restored.

Bartholomew hoists his trumpet to his lips. Domino touches the piano keys. Instinctively, his right hand reels off triplets as his left struts to a distinctly New Orleans rhythm.

Bartholomew encourages him: “Antoine, you still got it, man!”

“You still got it, too!”

They knock off the first verse of “The Fat Man,” Domino’s first single, recorded in December 1949 on North Rampart Street. Bartholomew reminisces about their initial encounter at the Hideaway Lounge in the 9th Ward.

Meanwhile, Domino picks up steam at the piano.

“Just get him started and he’ll never stop,” Bartholomew says. “Yeah! Yeah you right!”

Paulsen notes that the Rock ’n’ Roll Hall of Fame considers “The Fat Man” one of, if not the, first rock ’n’ roll songs.

“I’m glad they said that,” Bartholomew says. “Because Fats had been playing the blues for a long, long time. It was good that somebody actually recognized what we were doing.”

They slip into their old roles of producer and artist, with Bartholomew directing and coaching. “Why don’t we play ‘The Fat Man’ all the way?”

Domino plunges in. Bartholomew cheers him on: “That’s you! That’s you!” But Domino loses steam, and they don’t make it all the way.

Bartholomew spins tales set in Philadelphia and London, two stops for the barnstorming Domino band back in the day.

Paulsen wants them to do “I’m Walkin’”: “How’s that song go, Fats? I can’t remember.”

“How I start it, Dave?”

“A-flat,” Bartholomew says, humming the melody as a guide. Domino launches, then abandons “I’m Walkin’” in favor of “Blue Monday,” a favorite of his. He turns to the WWL cameraman and grins, a sign that he’s having fun.

“The city of New Orleans has been so good to us, spread our music all over the world,” Bartholomew says. “We’ve been blessed by God. At this age I still can play the trumpet. And you can still play the piano. Two blessings together.”

“I’m still hanging in there,” Domino agrees.

FROM THEIR lips to God's ear. And may we always be walkin' to New Orleans.

Your Daily '80s: Cold coffee. I blame Reagan.

Cold coffee.

Before Starbucks.

Came to Omaha.

The state of office coffee drinking, circa 1983, immortalized by University Television at the University of Nebraska at Omaha. The weekly TV show was called Cityscape; the music was by Citydog.

Welcome back to when Omaha was New Wave.

ESPN rolls out IneligibleCam for Auburn games?

Good evening, I'm Tank McNamara with tonight's norts spews.

ESPN reports the NCAA is investigating Auburn's Heisman contender, Cam Newton, amid reports that a representative of the hotshot quarterback was shopping his services to Southeastern Conference football programs for a six-figure fee out of junior college.

According to the cable network's incendiary report:

Former Mississippi State quarterback John Bond told ESPN.com a teammate of Bond's at Mississippi State in the early 1980s contacted him soon after Newton's official visit to Mississippi State during the Ole Miss game in December, and said he was representing Newton.

"He said it would take some cash to get Cam," Bond said. "I called our athletic director, Greg Byrne, and he took it from there. That was pretty much it."

Multiple sources told ESPN.com that Mississippi State called the SEC office with Bond's information shortly after he brought it to the attention of the school.

Sources told ESPN.com the former teammate is Kenny Rogers, who played at Mississippi State from 1982 to '85. Rogers operates a Chicago-based company called Elite Football Preparation, which holds camps in Chicago, Alabama and Mississippi. A Lexis search for that business lists Kenneth Rogers as the contact and his title as "agent." A Birmingham News story from 2008 said Elite Football Preparation "matches high school athletes with college programs."

Bond said the former teammate told him other schools had already offered $200,000, but since Newton really liked Mississippi State and had a relationship with head coach Dan Mullen dating to when both were at Florida, Mississippi State could get him for $180,000.

"I have no agenda other than protecting Mississippi State," Bond said. "We've done what we were supposed to do from the very beginning. Mississippi State has done nothing wrong, and I've done nothing wrong. It's been handed off to the NCAA, and it's in their hands now. I don't know what happened at Auburn. I don't know why he went to Auburn. That's not my concern. My concern is Mississippi State and making sure this doesn't cause us any trouble."

Bond said an NCAA investigator came to Mississippi to meet with him in early September, as well as with Mississippi State officials.

When interviewed by ESPN.com Thursday at the family's home in Atlanta, Cecil Newton, Cam's father, denied any wrongdoing.

"If Rogers tried to solicit money from Mississippi State, he did it on his own, without our knowledge," Cecil Newton said.

Cecil Newton said he first met Rogers two years ago, when Cam Newton left Florida. He said he talked to Rogers on several occasions to find out more about Mississippi State, but never met Rogers until Cam Newton's official visit to Starkville, Miss.

Cecil Newton said the family received a letter from the NCAA "about a month ago" asking for financial statements. He said he submitted bank statements and records for the church where he is pastor, Holy Zion Center of Deliverance in Newnan, Ga., along with other records.

REACTION IS coming fast and furious from SEC fans about the NCAA's "pay for play" investigation of Newton.

Now, sports fans, here's a brief sampling of the conference buzz:

*Mississippi State issued a press release today saying "We didn't do it. We just ratted 'em out."

*From Alabama came just this Twitter update: "ROFLMAO."

*Elsewhere across the state of Alabama, hundreds of thousands of single gunshots rang out today, followed by an equal number of soft thuds. Utter silence followed the last of the reports, lasting a few seconds. Then . . . hysterical laughter and cries of "ROLL, TIDE!"

Sketchy eyewitness reports from before the shooting began mentioned whimpering Auburn fans and threats to "end it all." Crews are on the scene across the land of red clay and black teeth, and we expect breaking-news updates momentarily on what exactly has happened there.

*At Auburn University itself, meantime, just one brief Facebook status update on the official Tigers/Plainsmen/War Eagle fan page: "God is dead. Life is pointless. Goodbye."

Calls to the university's sports-information department have not been returned. Also, there has been no answer at any Auburn phone extension since the ESPN report hit the Internet this afternoon.

* At LSU, fans were apoplectic at the possibility the Tigers might yet play for the SEC championship. Tiger fan boards in cyberspace were swamped with the same message, posted thousands of times by thousands of LSU fans: "G**DAMN THAT LUCKY SOB LES MILES!"

This just in . . . Baton Rouge police are responding to reports of rioting outside Tiger Stadium by rope-toting mobs clad in purple and gold.

Film at 11.

$#*! Capt. Kirk 'interprets'

People would have you believe we've progressed so much since the 1970s.

I disagree. I mean, look, for God's sake.

No, William Shatner was gracing us with $#*! the Actor Formerly Known as Capt. Kirk 'Interprets' when we all wore clothes that made humanity extremely vulnerable to open flame.


YOU THOUGHT that was a fluke, didn't you? HA!


WELL, surely we've progressed so much since the 1960s, right? No, Capt. Irk came out with a whole LP of this $#*! in 1968. I think that was the year of the brown acid.


SO, YOU SEE, when it comes to mass culture, $#*! is $#*!, no matter what the decade or whether or not your dad says it. Or "interprets" it, as the case may be.

The only difference between yesterday and today is the bleeps.

Thanks, William $#*!ner. Whom do we have to blame for you?


AH, YES. To quote a former American president, "The bombing starts in five minutes."

Your Daily '80s: (Radio) Anarchy in the U.K.

Bloody hell!

Pirate radio in the U.K.! Didn't the blokes in the Home Office take care of that in the late 1960s?

After all, it's 1982 now.


WELL, according to this documentary on Channel 4, I reckon not. I guess rock 'n' roll -- and pirate jocks -- are here to stay.

Congrats, tea party! U R tops! Love, the 'Oligarhs'

Outside big-money interest groups.

Lining candidates' pockets with money.

In the shadows, away from public scrutiny.

Giving gobs of cash to the likes of Karl Rove.

Angry because Barack HUSSEIN Obama and Democrats in Congress want to hike tax rates on what hedge funds pay their partners.

Republicans are the beneficiaries of the money.

Handing -- by anti-"oligarhy" voters, no less -- of House control to "oligarhs" who just want to co-opt "pro-liberty" voters in order preserve their ability to profit by gaming the political system.

THAT'S RIGHT, patriots. You've been had.

Glenn Beck won't tell you, but NBC News just has:

A tightly coordinated effort by outside Republican groups, spearheaded by Karl Rove and fueled by tens of millions of dollars in contributions from Wall Street hedge fund moguls and other wealthy donors, helped secure big GOP midterm victories Tuesday, according to campaign spending figures and Republican fundraising insiders.

Leading the GOP spending pack was a pair of groups — American Crossroads and its affiliate, Crossroads GPS — both of which were co-founded by two former aides in the George W. Bush White House: Rove, and Ed Gillespie.

Together, the groups — which are not formally part of the Republican Party — spent more than $38 million on attack ads and campaign mailings against Democrats, according to figures compiled by the Sunlight Foundation, a nonpartisan group that tracks campaign spending in congressional races.

A substantial portion of Crossroads GPS’ money came from a small circle of extremely wealthy Wall Street hedge fund and private equity moguls, according to GOP fundraising sources who spoke with NBC News on condition of anonymity. These donors have been bitterly opposed to a proposal by congressional Democrats — and endorsed by the Obama administration — to increase the tax rates on compensation that hedge funds pay their partners, the sources said.

A scorecard compiled by NBC News shows the ad barrage appeared to mostly pay off: Republican candidates won nine of the 12 Senate races and 14 of 22 House races where American Crossroads and Crossroads GPS spent money.

That had the groups’ leaders gloating Wednesday about what they described as their pivotal role in the election results.

SUCKERS. There's one born every minute, and there's a world of "oligarhs" out there ready, able and bankrolled enough to pull the wool over the eyes of every last one of them.

Cleanse your brain here

Politics is awful.

It's often hateful. The bullshit is so deep that you'll contract something nasty if you don't wear hip waders and occasionally spray yourself down with disinfectant.

And then there's Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Nancy Pelosi, talk-radio screamers . . . and Steve King. The tea party is outraged -- and largely victorious.

People are still talking big about "watering the tree of liberty" with the blood of tyrants. I am reminded, however, of Gov. Earl Long's question of the arch-segregationist boss of Plaquemines Parish, Leander Perez: "What are you going to do now, Leander? The Feds have got the atom bomb."

THAT'S WHY, today of all days, we need a palate cleanser. That would be this video, I Met the Walrus, based on an interview then 14-year-old Jerry Levitan recorded with John Lennon in a Toronto hotel room as he and Yoko Ono prepared to head to Montréal for their second 1969 "bed-in for peace."



THEN, in Montréal. . . .

Right of the great divide

If you care to look at what kind of political climate we're facing these days, look no further than Rep. Steve King, western Iowa's crazy-uncle congressman.

In 2008, King -- a three-term representative for whom the description "incendiary" may well be an understatement -- won with 60 percent of the vote. Tuesday, he won with 68 percent.

In February, he was being glib about the guy who flew his plane into the IRS offices in Austin, Texas. Two years before, it was this:


AND THE good people of western Iowa like him just fine, according to today's Omaha World-Herald:

King is a staunch conservative known for eyebrow-raising comments. He expects the GOP takeover of the House of Representatives to lead to his becoming chairman of the Judiciary Subcommittee on Immigration, Citizenship, Refugees, Border Security, and International Law. He is the senior Republican on the subcommittee.

He said Tuesday he wants to introduce legislation reducing and eventually ending federal aid to so-called “sanctuary cities” if they did not change their policies.

“We have a number of cities in our country that, essentially, forbid their law enforcement officers from gathering information on illegals,” he said. “We need to put an end to it.”

Cities — including Seattle, Los Angeles, Houston and San Francisco — have adopted ordinances banning city employees and police from asking residents about their immigration status. King described Des Moines as a “de-facto” sanctuary city where the practice is in place without an ordinance.

He also called for ending automatic citizenship for what he called “anchor babies,” children born in the United States to illegal-immigrant parents. Doing that would likely require changing the U.S. Constitution.

WHAT DEMOCRATS have to deal with isn't that King is a nut and attracts like addle-minded zealots. What Democrats have to deal with is that lots of normal people in the country's breadbasket keep electing a bomb-thrower like the congressman from Iowa's 5th Congressional District.

That they regard him as "normal" enough to represent them, and see Democrats as unfit.

What Democrats have to ask themselves is why they are so alienated from normal Midwestern folk -- angry, fearful, marginally knee-jerk and increasingly deluded folk, to be sure, but not particularly lunatic ones. Dismissing folks like Steve King's Iowa voters, deriding them as bigots and nuts, may be satisfying for the Democratic base, but it still amounts to pissing in the wind.

The difficult question that some Democrats need to ask themselves, but won't, isn't "Why is everybody but us so crazy?" The pertinent question, instead, is "Why do people find us significantly more frightening than somebody like Steve King?"

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars . . ." etc., and so on.

Your Daily '80s: Election '82

Just in time for Ronald Reagan's first midterm election in 1982, the economy was about as bad as it had been since the Great Depression.

We wouldn't see an economy that bad again until . . . now.

Funny -- isn't it? -- that Reagan (the real Reagan and not the mythologized one) probably would be derided as a RINO by the tea-party crowd today, and the Democrats have become a party that can't hold a lead. Ever.

The greatest country on earth

America today.

Politics today.

The state of anger management today.


We should be so proud this Election Day 2010. It won't get better starting tomorrow, you know.

It probably will get worse. God help us.

Then again, why should He?

FRC = Freaks' Radio Commercials

Here's all you need to know about Christian public-interest groups like the Family Research Council (and I use the terms "Christian" and "public-interest" loosely):

If you're a mainstream Catholic who may not approve of homosexual conduct or gay "marriage" but think that doesn't mean they forfeit their rights as American citizens, you're the enemy of God's self-appointed political goon squads. Like the FRC or its local Family Matters (or Family First, or Family Policy Council. or whatever) affiliates.

If you believe gays and lesbians haven't forfeited basic rights like not getting fired . . . or beat up . . . or killed . . . or otherwise having their human dignity offended just because someone doesn't like their sexual proclivities, the Family Research Council counts you as an enemy. Like they do the embattled Republican congressman from New Orleans, Joseph Cao.

THE FORMER Catholic seminarian has himself a big problem with the FRC, which is running attack ads against the staunchly pro-life representative. One has to wonder whether these Taliban for Jesus just figure that "God Hates Fags" -- à la the Westboro Baptist Church crowd -- and Cao should, too.

So, what horrible pro-gay, anti-family heresy has the diminutive congressman committed? The Times-Picayune fills us in:

Cao's "record is dismal on our issues," Tony Perkins, the former Louisiana legislator who heads the Washington-based FRC, said Saturday.

Cao responded that it was "ridiculous" to charge, as the ad campaign does, that his support for homosexual rights came at the expense of religious liberty.

"As a former Jesuit seminarian and practicing Catholic, it is ridiculous to say that I have ever taken a position against religious liberties," Cao said. "I am, however, a champion of human rights and justice for all."

Perkins said Cao was the only Republican candidate targeted with an FRC attack ad this fall. The ad, which has run on New Orleans station WRNO, known as "Rush Radio" because it airs conservative talk-show hosts such as Rush Limbaugh, ends with the tag line, "Washington doesn't need more liberal Republicans. Stop Joe Cao on Election Day."

"He's vulnerable," Perkins said of Cao's prospects for a second term. Perkins said he was keeping a close eye on the campaign to determine whether to ramp up the advertising effort before Tuesday.

Perkins said Richmond is also unacceptable to the FRC. "I know Cedric. I served in the Legislature with him," Perkins said. "He'll be no better."

Perkins said independent candidate Anthony Marquize is more in line with FRC thinking.

YES, Tony Perkins is as ridiculous as you think he is. You really should hear him go off on Christian environmentalists. He thinks they're pinkos or something.

Besides . . . how do these people have the nerve? I'd almost forgotten about George Alan Rekers and his "rent boy," and apparently the FRC thinks you have, too.

Let's keep reading, shall we?

"Who is Rep. Joseph Cao representing in Washington?" the FRC ad asks. "Cao has repeatedly voted for extra protections for homosexuals at the cost of religious liberty. Cao voted to use the military to advance the radical social agendas of homosexual activists and he voted for a so-called hate crimes bill that places your personal liberties at jeopardy."

Cao co-sponsored both the Hate Crimes Protection Act of 2009 and House legislation to repeal the policy that prohibits openly gay men and women from serving in the armed forces, known as "don't ask, don't tell."

"I believe it is a human rights violation to impose government-sanctioned penalties on a group of people just because of their sexual orientation, just as it would be a human rights violation to impose penalties on a group because of its religious affiliation or race," Cao said. "I will continue to fight for the protection of human rights for all people."

YOU KNOW, it's a good thing for the Almighty that he's . . . almighty. Because if He weren't -- with "friends" like Tony Perkins and the Family Research Council -- He'd be screwed.

Your Daily '80s: Shakin' over Shirley

Welcome back to 1982.

In May of this year, Shakin' Stevens took this little ditty, "Shirley," to No. 6 on the British charts.

But for me, the original of "Shirley" hits a little closer to home.


WELCOME to 1959 -- two years before I arrived on the scene -- in my hometown, Baton Rouge, La. Then, "Shirley" was a little somethin' put to hot wax by John Fred and the Playboys.


ABOUT NINE YEARS later, John Fred and His Playboy Band had a No. 1 hit with another little something you might remember.

Your Daily '80s: Sic transit gloria television

Broadcasting magazine, Oct. 27, 1980 -- 30 years ago this week.

Phil Donahue and his syndicated TV show -- Donahue -- were huge. He was Oprah before Oprah was Oprah, only in a very male, Caucasian manner.

Now? Not so much.