More in common than not, methinks

Michael Spencer, a.k.a. The Internet Monk, addresses the outbreak of Evangelicals Behaving Badly after evangelical scholar Francis Beckwith, who was raised Catholic, swam back across the Tiber.

He lays into the general lack of Christian charity toward Beckwith, a professor at Baylor University -- good luck to him . . . he'll need it -- who just resigned as president of the Evangelical Theological Society. Likewise, Spencer (who's the campus minister at Oneida Baptist Institute in Kentucky) takes on anti-Catholic bigotry that, like a Timex, "takes a licking but keeps on ticking."

Here's a prime example of such, as blogged by James White, director of Alpha & Omega Ministries:

Let's ponder the hypothetical situation of a President of the Evangelical Theological Society converting to Roman Catholicism in the midst of his tenure. In 1998 I attended the national meeting of the ETS in Orlando, Florida. At one of the sessions some of the founding members were being asked questions about why they did certain things, why they wrote the statement of faith as they did, etc. A woman asked a question of the panel. "Why did you write 'the Bible alone' in the statement of faith?" The ETS statement of faith is very, very short. It reads:

"The Bible alone, and the Bible in its entirety, is the Word of God written and is therefore inerrant in the autographs. God is a Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, each an uncreated person, one in essence, equal in power and glory."

Roger Nicole rose, slowly, and made his way to the podium. He looked out at the lady and said, "Because we didn't want any Roman Catholics in the group." He then turned around and went back to his seat. While most sat in stunned silence, I and a friend with me broke into wild applause. The brevity of the response, and Nicole's dead-pan look, was classic. Most looked at us like we were nuts, but we appreciated what he said. Here, one of the founding members made it clear that the ETS was founded as a Protestant organization and that primary to their own self-understanding was a belief in sola scriptura.

YOU KNOW, if sola scriptura were a legitimately big sticking point regarding ETS' aims, there are a lot of ways Nicole could have framed his response to the question. And any reframing Nicole might have chosen would have been more precise, because Roman Catholics aren't the only Christians running afoul of the sola scriptura standard.

But nooooooooooo . . . Nicole said "because we didn't want any Roman Catholics in the group" because they didn't want any Roman Catholics in the group. Period.

Substitute "niggers" for "Roman Catholics" and it doesn't get any more offensive. Well, at least he didn't use the words "popery" or "papists," nor did he call us "mackerel snappers." As far as I know.

ANYWAY, Spencer continues over on The Internet Monk:

I admit that I struggle in the area of a charitable and Christ-honoring attitude and I need the prayers of other Christians. Much of my own upbringing was saturated in hateful, ignorant anti-Catholicism and that sinful residue still remains in my own personality. I anticipate future conversions to the RCC among those I love. I need to be able to embrace what is a shared experienced of Christ, but I also must know how to differ without, frankly, being a jackass (something so common among some segments of the reformed and fundamentalist world it’s embarrassing.). And I can assure you that despite my love of Merton and Kreeft, my occasional attendance at Roman Catholic services, etc., a good attitude is a challenge for me. Those deep prejudices plug directly into my emotions and control far too much of what I say and feel. I need the forgiveness of God and of other people.

AND THERE LIES a giant area in common between me, Catholic-convert layman and general smartass, and Michael Spencer, Southern Baptist preacher and campus minister.

I was raised by an ex-Catholic mother and an anti-Catholic father (though, to be fair, my old man was anti-everything . . . not just Catholic). I have had to wage a fight to the death with a bigoted upbringing in the Deep South -- struggling to rise above it and stay there, despite all the residual scars and conditioning.

As well, a good attitude is a challenge for me as I attend Mass every week.

I weary of the constant politically-correct "God-God-Goddity-God" in the hymnody (for lack of a better description, like "crappy '70s show tunes"). I long for the soothing sound of personal pronouns, as applied to the Almighty.

In a Church with 2,000 years of theology, tradition and culture, I ache for some liturgical or practical sign that such once was . . . still is. Dang it, Poprah just ain't cutting it for me.

And . . . I LOVE THIS WEBSITE.

Finally, like Michael Spencer, all the above plugs "directly into my emotions and control far too much of what I say and feel." And I, too, need the forgiveness of God and others.

Hell, maybe the Mighty Favog and the Internet Monk ought to scandalize the Christian world by forming a common front against Marty Haugen and Joel Osteen. Of course, this would be accomplished over beer and polish-sausage dogs at an Omaha Royals game -- preferably before they tear down Rosenblatt Stadium in favor of a new "family-friendly" ballpark downtown.

Unshackling my inner Shaidle

One of the more entertaining spectacles on the "Internets" is when Canadian blogger Kathy Shaidle at Relapsed Catholic (Happy birthday, Kathy! You're still a kid!) publicly dismantles those who seek to shut her up.

It's a beautiful thing to behold.

NOW, ONE WAY to get your comments posted to this moderated blog is to write something both so stupid and so arrogant that it allows me to access my inner Shaidle, give it a pop of Early Times, then exhort it to "Run! Run like the wind!"

I want to thank some friends of alleged pothead Richard Ryan Wargo of Louisiana State University, who allegedly wanted to kill Hillary Clinton in a spectacular manner during a weekend appearance in Baton Rouge. It would seem they are waging an online campaign to defend him against the likes of folks like me, who A) reckon the media have gotten the story at least mostly right, and B) think that dope smoking is bad and threatening murder is way worse.

Haven't changed my mind, alas. And -- obviously -- I'm not shutting up.

UNFORTUNATELY for Wargo's friends, all they've done is unleash my inner Shaidle. And my inner Shaidle likes to have fun.

So, what kind of folks does an alleged head who allegedly wants to be the next Lee Harvey Oswald hang out with? Inquiring minds want to know, and I aim to let them know:

Anonymous said...
whoever wrote this sucks in a real big way. i mean seriously... gay. you're a moron dude, even without the drugs.

9:21 PM


The Mighty Favog said...
A well reasoned response by "anonymous." It's articulate and lays out facts and contradictory evidence for an immaculately crafted rebuttal of the original post.

P.S.: Anybody notice that the Qwest Dex white pages are really, really funny stuff this year? Dude, I was ROFLMAO all night.

Hand over the Doritos, will ya', man?

And don't forget, pass the kouchie from the left-hand side.

-- Ashley Roachclip,
High Times

3:50 AM


Anonymous said...
ok mighty favog - i dont know who you are but you obviously do not know wargo personally. i do. by no means is he pathetic and he sure as hell has more brain cells than you do, even if he does smoke pot- he is one of the smartest people i know actually. so i think you should stop your judgmental comments that you are posting based on information that you got from the advocate. i hate to tell you - but the media is not always right, actually they seldom seem to be. they portray wargo as some psychotic kid on drugs which is the exact opposite. so stop making accusations. obviously he isn't some loner like the Virginia Tech kid, his friends are standing up for him all over the place - even people who don't know him very well at all. so shutup with all your little comments.
- a personal friend of wargo's

4:07 PM

The Mighty Favog said...
Oh, little prole who can't even post a pseudonym!

For someone who is against judgmentalism, you certainly are being judgmental. Not knowing me -- or my IQ . . . or my college GPA . . . or anything -- you have deemed me judgmental, and less intelligent than someone who is stupid enough to be IN POSSESSION of ganja AND whatever "drug paraphernalia" he got from the head shop.

Even Forrest Gump knew enough to listen to his mama when she said "Stupid is as stupid does."

Child, don't EVEN get me started on the amount of intelligence it takes to just JOKE (if indeed Mr. Wargo was joking) about killing Hillary Clinton a-tall, much less mere weeks after Virginia Tech.

Finally, this is MY BLOG and the only reason I even ALLOWED your semiliterate response telling me to "shutup with all your little comments" was so I could have the immense pleasure of BLISTERING YOUR ASS.

And it was fun, I admit.

Oh, while I'm thinking of it: Locate the shift key. Learn to punctuate.

And here I was, thinking standards had been raised in the decades since my tenure at the Ol' War Skule. I think, perhaps, I prefer the old paradigm of "Let 'em all in, then it's 'Root, hog, or die' time, boys."

12:50 AM


Anonymous said...
wow, you have no idea what your talking about.. you dont even know ryan so why dont you stick to writing what you so know about

9:08 PM


The Mighty Favog said...
Dear Anonymous the Third,

If "your" in college, and if "your" passing, I'm moving, because the educational system has imploded and we're all doomed.

OH, WAIT. I did move out of Louisiana . . . 19 years ago.

You represent so well for my benighted home state.

1:01 AM

Stupid newspaper tricks

The (Minneapolis) Star-Tribune is run by insane people.

What else can one say about management "geniuses" who would take away James Lileks' daily column and -- even I, who used to work for some newspaper doozies in a previous incarnation, couldn't believe this one -- turn him into a local straight-news scribbler?

NEWSPAPERMEN USED TO USE words like "scribbler" in their copy without irony or snarkiness, back when "ink-stained wretches" (another winning phrase) mostly were all men. Today, it sounds stupid. But at least it indicates a functioning sense of whimsy and the occasional awkward stab at imagination.

Obviously, someone at the Strib slapped Do Not Resuscitate orders on both whimsy and imagination.

Here's what Lileks has to say about the whole thing on his blog:

There’s been some talk that I might leverage my mad web skillz into a tech beat, reporting on the Internet. But a local beat about the Internet? How many stories can do you about six guys in a loft coding a hot new start-up? And heaven forbid we have to illustrate them, because then you get the inevitable geek-by-the-screen shot. Look! He’s customizing the drop-down location menu so it defaults to the United States instead of Afghanistan!

I don’t want to write about the Internet. I want to write on the Internet. I’d rather develop content than report about content developers. It’s that simple, and it’s also a matter of recognizing my failings: I am not Biff Deadline, Ace Reporter. I can do long stories with lots of color, all aslosh with subjective opinions, but writing straight news - clearly, simply, briskly - is a skill I lack, and I take off my hat to those who've mastered that discipline.

My column will end a week from this Friday. (There’s a series of pieces I can’t wait to write.) After that, it's just-the-facts-ma'am - and I'll no longer be telecommuting, either. This means I will start burning my share of hydrocarbons like a good American. Hell, I may leave the vehicle running all day outside the building just to make up for lost time. Maybe I will put a green roof on the car to balance things out. Some turf, some switchgrass. It's murder on the paint but we all must do our part.

Would it matter if you contacted the paper? It very well might. Here's the reader's rep's page.

If I can get my column back and / or a nice big Online gig, that would be a satisfactory conclusion. Reporting on internet start-ups as opposed to joining an internet start-up – eh, not so much.

And let that be the last time the phrase “not so much” is used here. It’s old. We’ve all had a jolly laugh, but I heard Jeff Foxworthy use it on an oil-change commercial, which is like the UN-approved international standard for something being over.

I THINK I KNOW -- because it's pretty obvious -- what's going on. Star-Tribune management is trying to make Lileks quit. And if that fails, they hope that putting him in a grossly enough mismatched job might allow them to conjure up some grounds to can him.

Why?

Here's why.

From what I gather, the Star-Tribune is a Guild (newspaper union) paper. Harder to outright fire people just because. Must downsize. Must make paper more attractive by emasculating it.

Must. (CLUNK!) Make. "Non-essential." Personnel. Quit.

Avoid. Buyout. When. (BEEP!) Possible.

Must. Make. Work. (SPROING!) Lives. Living. Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell.

IF YOU ASK ME, the Devil has a corner office.

Louisiana 1927 1965 2005 2007

If the definition of insanity, as some contend, is doing the same idiotic thing over and over again, each time expecting different results, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is nuts. Not to mention incompetent.

And New Orleans and much of the surrounding area is doomed. Sooner or later.

Now, maybe you don't care that New Orleans is doomed. Maybe you figure anyone who lives in a place below sea level near the Gulf of Mexico ought to drown when the hurricane blows -- or at least lose everything and get no help from nobody -- for being that damned stupid.

Personally, I feel the same way -- kind of -- about Oklahoma (or Kansas) and tornadoes. On the other hand, I live in Omaha, which has had sizable chunks leveled by past twisters. Call me a stupid hypocrite.

BUT IF YOU CAN'T MUSTER any sympathy for the poor people of New Orleans, at least get angry that the Corps of Engineers is being crazy-dumb with your tax dollars. And be furious -- and ashamed -- that the government of the United States of America can't seem to protect one lousy city from the surge when the Netherlands has managed to do just that for an entire country for decades.

Note, also, that some of those still-dry Dutch regions lie farther below sea level than New Orleans. The New York Times is on the story, which also gets the full multimedia treatment from National Geographic Magazine.

Here's some of the NYT account:

Some of the most celebrated levee repairs by the Army Corps of Engineers after Hurricane Katrina are already showing signs of serious flaws, a leading critic of the corps says.

The critic, Robert G. Bea, a professor of engineering at the University of California, Berkeley, said he encountered several areas of concern on a tour in March.

The most troubling, Dr. Bea said, was erosion on a levee by the Mississippi River Gulf Outlet, a navigation canal that helped channel water into New Orleans during the storm.

Breaches in that 13-mile levee devastated communities in St. Bernard Parish, just east of New Orleans, and the rapid reconstruction of the barrier was hailed as one of the corps’ most significant rebuilding achievements in the months after the storm.

But Dr. Bea, an author of a blistering 2006 report on the levee failures paid for by the National Science Foundation, said erosion furrows, or rills, suggest that “the risks are still high.” Heavy storms, he said, may cause “tear-on-the-dotted-line levees.”

Dr. Bea examined the hurricane protection system at the request of National Geographic magazine, which is publishing photographs of the levee and an article on his concerns about the levee and other spots on its Web site at ngm.com/levees.

Corps officials argue that Dr. Bea is overstating the risk and say that they will reinspect elements of the levee system he has identified and fix problems they find. The disagreement underscores the difficulty of evaluating risk in hurricane protection here, where even dirt is a contentious issue. And discussing safety in a region still struggling with a 2005 disaster requires delicacy.

Hurricane season begins again next month.

The most revealing of the photographs, taken from a helicopter, looks out from the levee across the navigation canal and a skinny strip of land to the expanses of Lake Borgne. From the grassy crown of the levee, small, wormy patterns of rills carved by rain make their way down the landward side, widening at the base into broad fissures that extend beyond the border of the grass.

Dr. Bea, who was recently appointed to an expert committee for plaintiffs’ lawyers in federal suits against the government and private contractors over Hurricane Katrina losses, said that he could not be certain the situation was dangerous without further inspection and that he wanted to avoid what he called “cry wolf syndrome.” But, he added, he does not want to ignore “potentially important early warning signs.”

He praised the corps for much of the work it had done since the storm, but he added that the levee should be armored with rock or concrete against overtopping, a move the corps has rejected in the short term.

Another expert who has viewed the photographs, J. David Rogers, called the images “troubling.” Dr. Rogers, who holds the Karl F. Hasselmann chair in geological engineering at the University of Missouri-Rolla, said it would take more work, including an analysis of the levee soils, to determine whether there was a possibility of catastrophic failure.

But he said his first thought upon viewing the images was, “That won’t survive another Katrina.” Dr. Rogers worked on the 2006 report on levee failures with Dr. Bea.

An army of squat . . . .

When Katrina hit the Gulf Coast, the a lot of the National Guard -- and its equipment -- was in Iraq.

When wildfires charred western Nebraska last year, the Black Hawk helicopter the state's National Guard brought into the fight was a loaner from Arizona. All Nebraska's Black Hawks were in Iraq.

When a monster EF-5 tornado wiped the town of Greensburg, Kan., off the map Friday night . . . .

From The Associated Press:

Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius said Sunday evening that the state's response will likely be hampered because much of the equipment usually positioned around the state to respond to emergencies - including tents, trucks and semitrailers - is now in Iraq.

"Not having the National Guard equipment, which used to be positioned in various parts of the state, to bring in immediately is really going to handicap this effort to rebuild," said Sebelius.

Sharon Watson, a spokeswoman for the adjutant general's office, which manages state resources during emergencies, acknowledged the strain.

"We are never at 100 percent because we are allocated a certain amount from the National Guard Bureau. With the war, we are much shorter than we would be. We have about 40 percent of what is allocated," Watson said.

She said the state has a shortage of heavy equipment transport trailers, pallet-sized loading systems, Humvees, dump trucks and other large equipment that would be help move massive amount of debris.

Pot makes would-be assassins stupid. Allegedly.

This is your political assassin.

This is your political assassin on drugs.

Doesn't he take a pathetic mug shot?

(Standard legal disclaimer: Louisiana State student Richard Ryan Wargo is presumed innocent until proven guilty, and nothing written here is to suggest that he is, in fact, absolutely, positively guilty and will spend a long, long time in jail because heads are screw-ups. Allegedly. After all, it all COULD have been a really sick joke -- particularly after Virgina Tech -- gone horribly, horribly wrong because alleged potheads allegedly lack the brain cells that once controlled good judgment. Some say.)

The details are in The (Baton Rouge) Advocate today:

An LSU student accused of threatening to kill U.S. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., first approached a classmate about the plot April 20, LSU Police said Friday.

The classmate, after being approached a second time and then learning Clinton was due to arrive in Baton Rouge today for the National Conference of Black Mayors, alerted police of the threat, LSU Police Chief Ricky Adams said.

That information led to the arrest of Richard Ryan Wargo, 19, 10301 Evangeline, Shreveport. He was booked into East Baton Rouge Parish Prison Thursday night on counts of terrorizing, communicating false information of planned arson, simple possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. State District Judge Mike Erwin set a $1 million bond Thursday.

Phone messages left by The Advocate at the Wargo’s family home in Shreveport and at Clinton’s Senate office in Washington, D.C., were not immediately returned.

Although Clinton, a declared presidential candidate, is scheduled to speak today at the mayors’ conference, the arrest warrant for Wargo issued Thursday by LSU Police does not mention the conference nor does it give a specific day or time when the alleged threat might be carried out.

Adams said Friday his office learned of the alleged threat at 6 p.m. Thursday when the student came in to report it to Officer Patrick Arden McCarty. Adams said the student told McCarty that Wargo first mentioned the alleged attack April 20. Wargo approached the classmate a second time three days later, the warrant says.

“He put one and one together after he saw (Clinton) was coming to town. That compelled him to come forward,” Adams said.

(snip)

The warrant says a classmate of Wargo’s told an LSU Police officer the two students were talking when Wargo made the alleged threat.

Wargo told the other student that he was interested in committing an act of terrorism, and that it would be a “national event,” the warrant says. Wargo asked if the other student was interested in participating, the warrant says.

When the classmate asked Wargo if the act of terrorism was politically motivated, Wargo nodded, and said, “Hillary Clinton,” the warrant said.

According to the warrant, the other student said he assumed Wargo was talking about Clinton’s headquarters and told Wargo, “You know that that’s only going to make her more popular.”

Wargo replied: “True, but have you ever heard of a dead president?” the warrant says.

According to the warrant, Wargo indicated that he would commit the act when Clinton, D-N.Y., was in Baton Rouge to campaign for the upcoming presidential election.

Under Louisiana law, a terrorizing conviction carries a sentence of up to 15 years in prison and a fine up to $15,000 while communicating false information of a planned arson carries a sentence of up to 20 years in prison.

According to a profile of Wargo on his Facebook page, he is member of Stop Hillary Clinton: One Million Strong Against Hillary. According to a Stop Hillary Clinton online page, also on Facebook, the group has 244,782 members.

Facebook is an online social network that links people with common interests.

LSU Chancellor Sean O’Keefe issued a statement after Wargo’s arrest.

“LSU is saddened to learn that one of our students has been arrested in connection with this case. But, the heightened security and awareness procedures we have implemented at LSU have contributed to averting a tragedy,” O’Keefe said.

Adams said the security and awareness procedures were implemented after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Those procedures were re-emphasized at LSU following the recent attacks by a gunman at Virginia Tech.

Old stuff . . . alt stuff . . . same stuff? Good stuff.

OK. That took a while.

I've been trying to upload this week's Revolution 21 podcast since 11-something last night. Pod-O-matic picked a fine time for its new software to have a nervous breakdown.

Here's a good reason for gun control: If I'd had one handy last night and most of today, I'd be sitting at the public library -- at the bank of PCs at the Omaha Public Library -- putting a PayPal button on the Revolution 21 homepage and on the blog. Right before I wrote a post -- a bleg, actually -- seeking donations so I could purchase a new computer.

Mentioning nothing about the unfortunate gunplay.

Anyway . . . .

IF THERE'S A THEME for this latest installment of the Revolution 21 podcast, it's everything old is new again. Or . . . your "new" music's not as "new" as you think it is.

Or something like that.

In other words, we mix things up real good this go 'round, with the result being that -- if you didn't know better . . . and, hey, maybe you don't -- it's hard to tell the new "out there" stuff from the "out there" stuff of your Mighty Favog's generation. But that's OK.

It's all good. You know?

Also, to close the show, we'll play you a great piece of music, and you'll get to hear the poignant story behind the song.

The Revolution 21 podcast. Be there. Aloha.

It's starting to look a lot like Brezh-nev . . .

If George Bush has been doing his best impression of a doddering Soviet dictator overseeing a Near Eastern debacle, and an increasingly beleaguered U.S. military is starting to develop Red Army ethics . . . does that make us the new Evil Empire?

After reading this Associated Press account, you have to wonder. That is, after you read it and, first, weep:

In a survey of U.S. troops in combat in Iraq, fewer than half of Marines and a little more than half of Army soldiers said they would report a member of their unit for killing or wounding an innocent civilian.

More than 40 percent support the idea of torture in some cases, and 10 percent reported personally abusing Iraqi civilians, the Pentagon said Friday in what it called its first ethics study of troops at the war front. Units exposed to the most combat were chosen for the study, officials said.

"It is disappointing," said analyst John Pike of the Globalsecurity.org think tank. "But anybody who is surprised by it doesn't understand war. ... This is about combat stress."

The military has seen a number of high-profile incidents of alleged abuse in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, including the killings of 24 civilians by Marines in Haditha, the rape and killing of a 14-year-old girl and the slaying of her family in Iraq and the sexual humiliation of detainees at Abu Ghraib prison.

"I don't want to, for a minute, second-guess the behavior of any person in the military — look at the kind of moral dilemma you are putting people in," Christopher Preble of the libertarian Cato Institute think tank said of the mission in Iraq. "There's a real tension between using too much force, which generally means using force to protect yourself, and using too little and therefore exposing yourself to greater risk."

The overall study was the fourth in a series done by a special mental health advisory team since 2003 aimed at assessing the well-being of forces serving in Iraq.

Officials said the teams visited Iraq last August to October, talking to troops, health care providers and chaplains.

The study team also found that long and repeated deployments were increasing troop mental health problems.

But Maj. Gen. Gale Pollock, the Army's acting surgeon general, said the team's "most critical" findings were on ethics.

"They looked under every rock, and what they found was not always easy to look at," said Ward Casscells, assistant secretary of defense for health.

THIS UNJUST, UNNECESSARY WAR has tainted everything it has touched. The home of the free -- this "nation of laws" -- tortures "enemy combatants" to dubious effect.

The "war on terror" has been a boon for . . . terror. The "freedom" we brought to those once oppressed by Saddam turned out to be the freedom of the grave. And the peace? That of the dead.

Iraq is a bloody debacle. Our military is broken -- materially, bodily, ethically and spiritually. Some 3,358 American soldiers have died.

At home, we are less free and dubiously secure.

Iran is gonna get The Bomb.

BACK IN 2000, a lot of us voted for George Bush, and prayed for his victory in the disputed election because, frankly, we despaired over abortion and our country's worsening embrace of the Culture of Death and desperately wanted to buy ourselves some time via the shortcut of presidential politics.

Judgment is nigh, we thought. After all, God is just, we are wicked and He could not and would not forever stay our comeuppance when we'd sooooooo been asking for it. At least that was my metaphysical reasoning.

I wasn't thrilled about Bush, but he was spouting the social-conservative party line. Maybe he could hold the line on depravity. Maybe he could appoint the justices needed to start rolling back Roe v. Wade.

Maybe if in politics we trusted, we could be a little less death loving. Maybe we could stay God's hand. Buy some time for turning around the culture. ("How?" you ask? I dunno. Politics? More Catholic and evangelical media projects? Blowing up MTV? I dunno.)

In hindsight, it all sounds pretty damned stupid and presumptuous. Now, it sounds like we "saints" were tempting the Almighty as much -- if not more -- than all Planned Parenthood's shrieking pro-abort storm troopers.

But that's what I was thinking, and that's what millions of others will admit to thinking, if they're honest. Redemption through politics was tempting when you looked at the long, hard and dirty slog required to effect true cultural change.

Give us another chance, Lord. See? We'll elect this nice Republican man. Well, yeah, he'll probably suck up to the rich and do nothing for the poor, but he talks right about abortion and sodomy!

WHOM DID WE THINK we were fooling? Obviously not God.

And, I fear, in trying to stave off judgment by voting right, instead of by living right and witnessing right, we brought upon ourselves the very instrument of divine judgment.

By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion . . . .

Justice is blind. Stars are jailed.

Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer of Los Angeles County is my new hero. Idiot socialite Paris Hilton dared him to throw the book at her . . . and he did.

All hail Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer. God save this honorable court!

MSNBC has the cellebrity scoop:

Hilton, who parlayed her name and relentless partying into worldwide notoriety, must go to jail on June 5 and she will not be allowed any work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or electronic monitoring in lieu of jail, Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer ruled after a hearing.

The judge ruled that she was in violation of the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.

“I’m very sorry and from now on I’m going to pay complete attention to everything. I’m sorry and I did not do it on purpose at all,” she told the judge before he announced the sentence.

She was then ordered to report to a women’s jail in suburban Lynwood on the set date or face 90 days behind bars. The judge’s ruling excluded her from paying to serve time in a jail of her choice, as some are allowed.

As a city prosecutor said during closing arguments that Hilton deserved jail time, Hilton’s mother, Kathy, laughed. When the judge ruled, Kathy Hilton, then blurted out: “May I have your autograph?”

Paris Hilton was among a series of witnesses who took the stand during the hearing. She testified she believed her license was initially suspended for 30 days and that she was allowed to drive for work purposes during the next 90 days.

She said that when an officer who stopped her in January made her sign a document stating her license was suspended, she thought he was mistaken and did not actually look at the document.

Also called to the stand was Hilton’s spokesman, Elliot Mintz. Hilton and her attorneys characterized Mintz as a liaison between Hilton and her lawyers.

Mintz testified that to his knowledge Hilton did not drive during the 30-day period. He said he then advised her that he believed her license was no longer suspended.

The judge called Mintz’s testimony worthless and expressed disbelief at Hilton’s lawyers.

“I can’t believe that either attorney did not tell her that the suspension had been upheld,” the judge said. “She wanted to disregard everything that was said and continue to drive no matter what.”

Hilton looked forward and didn’t speak to news media as she left court. Her mother looked upset.

When a reporter asked what she thought of the judge’s decision, a visibly angry Kathy Hilton responded: “What do you think? This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayer money with all this nonsense. This is a joke.”

One of her attorneys, Howard Weitzman, said he would appeal.

“I’m shocked, I’m surprised and really disheartened in the system that I’ve worked in for close to 40 years,” Weitzman said.

A COUPLE OF QUICK COMMENTS . . . first, can His Honor throw Paris' sorry excuses for parents in jail, too? Just because?

Second, this, the world's smallest violin, is playing "My Heart Bleeds for You," attorney Weitzman.

SO FAR in Paris Hilton's 26 years, her mark on the world -- more of a skidmark, actually -- consists basically of a bad TV show, a bad record, a bad movie and being very, very bad on videotape. (Nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean? Know what I mean? Say no more, say no more!)

As she cools her jets in not-so-splendid isolation, learning to love chicken -- lots and lots of chicken . . . no beef or pork served to inmates -- may God grant her a really miserable 45 days, and the major attitude adjustment she so desperately needs.

If they were selling cigarettes to kids, you know there would be hell to pay

What do you suppose would happen to some male employee of Verizon Wireless or Universal Music Group if he wandered through Corporate Cubicle Land serenading female employees thus?

I see you windin' n grindin' up on that pole,
I know you see me lookin' at you and you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know, girl

Money in the air as mo feel grab you by your coattail, take you to the motel, hoe sale,
Don't tell, won't tell, baby said I don't talk Dogg but she told on me, oh well,
Take a picture wit me, what the flick gon' do, baby stick to me & ima stick on u,
If you pick me then ima pick on you, d-o-double g and I'm here to put this d*** on you, I'm stuck on p**** n urs is right, wrip riding them poles and them doors is tight and tighter
And ima get me a shot for the end of the night cause p**** is p****, and baby you're p**** for life.

I see you windin' n grindin' up on that pole,
I know you see me lookin' at you and you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know, girl

Shorty I can see you ain't lonely handful of niggas n they all got cheese,
So you looking at me now whats it's gonna be? just another tease far as I can see,
Tryin' to get you up out this club if it means spendin' a couple dubs,
Throwin' bout 30 stacks in the back make it rain like that cause I'm far from a scrub,
U know my pedigree, ex-deala use to move phetamines,
Girl I spend money like it don't mean nuttin' n besides I got a thang for u.

I see you windin' n grindin' up on that pole,
I know you see me lookin' at you and you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know, girl

Mobbin' through club in low pressing I'm sitting in the back in the smokin' section (just smoking),
Birds eye, I got a clear view, you can't see me but I can see you (baby I see u),
It's cool we jet the mood is set,
Your p**** is wet, you rubbing your back and touching your neck,
Your body is movin' you humpin' n jumpin' your t****** is bouncin', you smilin' n grinin' n looking at me.

Girl n while your lookin' at me I'm ready to hit the caddy right up on the patio move the patty to the caddy,
Baby you got a phatty the type I'd like to marry wantin' to just give you everything, that's kinda scary,
'Cause I'm loving the way you shake your ass, bouncin', got me tippin' my glass,
Normally don't get caught up too fast but I got a thang for you.

I see you windin' n grindin' up on that pole,
I know you see me lookin' at you and you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know, girl

I see you windin' n grindin' up on that pole,
I know you see me lookin' at you and you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know
I wanna f*** you, (f*** you) you already know, girl

HE'D GET FIRED for sexual harrassment, you say? I'm sure you're probably correct.

Now watch the video below (and viewers be advised, this is highly vulgar, sexually explicit content) and tell me what would happen if some male employee tried this at the Verizon Wireless or Universal Music Group corporate "holiday" party.

HE'D GET CANNED, you say? Quite possibly get the hell beat out of him . . . before somebody called the cops and he got arrested for sexual assault?

I think you'd -- again -- be correct.

But if the first f'rinstance was a hit hip-hop single and the second f'rinstance was a "dance" onstage -- with a 14-year-old girl, no less -- at a concert in Trinidad, well, that's just show biz. And the soulless little men in the conservative suits at Verizon Wireless and the Universal Music Group won't be letting niggling matters like extreme vulgarity or sexual assualt on a juvenile get in the way of making a buck off the popularity of ex-con R&B star Akon.

From World Net Daily:

Hip-hop superstar Akon is touring the U.S. with the help of major U.S. corporations, including a partnership with Verizon, despite being under investigation for a simulated rape of a 14-year-old preacher's daughter caught on video last month at a concert in Trinidad.

Patrick Manning, prime minister of Trinidad, called for a formal investigation of the explicit April 12 performance at Trinidad's Club Zen, which has since been closed by authorities.

"I have taken very careful notice of this matter and the owner of Zen owes it to the public to take responsibility," said Manning. "I will be interfacing with Zen because that kind of thing should never be allowed to happen in this country."

Security Minister Fitzgerald Hinds described the on-stage antics with Danah Alleyne as "lewd." He insists Akon should be prosecuted.

The girl is the daughter of Flaming World Ministry pastor David Alleyne. She came forward, with her father, to apologize for going on stage with the Senegalese-American Akon, saying she regrets attending the concert.

The shocking video has been pulled from the popular video site YouTube, though copies of it can be found on many other Internet sites.

The teen said she was permitted into the club despite being underage. She was part of what was characterized as an impromptu dance competition announced by the singer. The competition featured seven girls. Akon promised a trip to Africa to the winner. After the teen "won" the contest, Akon announced the Africa prize was actually him.

"I got carried away, I started to dance as well, but I never thought it was going to be like that," Danah Alleyne told the Trinidad Express. "I was shocked. My head was hitting the floor.

Other officials in Trinidad have called for Akon to be banned from further public performances on the island.

The video shows Akon throwing Alleyne on the floor like a "rag doll" and simulating violent sex with her in various positions. The crowd cheers the entire ordeal.

Though Akon and his managers have refused comment on the incident, his defenders on the Internet have attacked the girl for her provocative dress and alluring looks.

"This whole hip hop thing is a guise and I don't want any part of it," said the girl later. "I don't want any part of it. Look at what I have to go through with one mistake that I made. My Dad warned me every time and I didn't listen. I am sorry."

She says now her only dancing will be in the dance ministry of her father's church.

(snip)

Besides the controversy in Trinidad, Akon has served jail time for armed robbery and drug sales. But that hasn't stopped him from appearing recently as a guest performer on "American Idol" and receiving corporate support from companies like Verizon.

Earlier this year, Verizon Wireless announced a partnership with him on a marketing campaign to promote mobile music phones and appear in a TV ad currently airing throughout the U.S.

"Akon has emerged as one of the world's most compelling and exciting stars," said John Harrobin, vice president of marketing and new media for Verizon. "His commitment to his artistry and the community enables us to take our partnership with music industry innovators in yet another direction by collaborating on this unique TV advertising campaign."

Recently Akon participated in a Verizon Wireless event celebrating Black History Month coinciding with the launch of a new store in Harlem.

Akon's recording "Konvicted" was near the top of the Billboard album charts for weeks. He's a best-selling performer in more than a dozen countries including the United Kingdom, France, Canada and South Africa.

This is not the first time Akon has been criticized for dirty dancing. In his video for his hit "Snack Dat," Akon hits actress Tara Reid on her behind and then sandwiches her in a sexually provocative way between himself and another man.

Police officers were in the club during the act but did not intervene. Leela Ramdeen, chairwoman of the police service commission, said an investigation into why is under way.

WE ALWAYS SEEM to look for evil in the form of madmen flying jetliners into skyscrapers or, perhaps, unhinged gunmen slaughtering innocents on some unsuspecting campus. Or maybe you're looking for abject evil in the specter of George W. Bush or, alternatively, Hillary Clinton.

Rarely do we look for evil in the faceless corporate executive who'll sell any poison to anybody's kid so that share prices will soar heavenward. We think abject evil is some scary, macabre and twistedly dashing thing. We think the Devil still dresses in a red cape and carries a pitchfork.

I firmly believe in the banality of evil. I believe the Devil carries a BlackBerry.

I believe Satan is pulling overtime at Verizon Wireless and at the Universal Music Group. I believe Satan was physically present in the cheering Trinidadian crowd, the one egging Akon on as he molested a child.

I believe Beelzebub books guests and schedules videos on MTV. And at BET. I believe ol' Screwtape had a hand in slating Akon for a guest shot on American Idol.

I believe the Master of Lies is in charge of a big chunk of American radio. And I believe the Evil One is hiding out in all our hearts, particularly when we look upon his handiwork in the culture all around us -- in the office all around us, in the classroom all around us -- and we stare upon it slackjawed (or worse) and do nothing.

Unlike some other bloggers and commentators, I don't think the New Dark Ages are just down the road.

I think they're here.

Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

Just making extra sure?

This just in from the Department of Redundancy Department: Rage Against the Machine -- the politcal-rock band, not how I deal with computers -- is back, and lead singer Zack de la Rocha has a prescription for what ails us. Well, at least for the part of what ails us that is the Bush Administration.

The San Jose Mercury-News fills us in:

He also railed against the war in Iraq and likened Bush administration officials to Nazi war criminals.

"This current administration is no exception. They should be tried and hung and shot," he said.

Drummer Brad Wilk, bassist Tim Commerford and guitarist Tom Morello, who wore a hat with the word "UNITY" on it, completed the lineup.

"They changed my life. They made me a liberal," said sweat-drenched history teacher Rafael Ramon, 25, who had waited in a crowd packed shoulder-to-shoulder in front of the stage all day.

"All of America needed Rage to come back. They've been missing," he said.

Tried.

And hung.

And shot.

Well, Rage just believes in being thorough, I guess.

I'M NOT SURE who's the bigger idiot, Zack de la Rocha or the history teacher who thinks that kind of hate speech -- and don't tell me publicly advocating the violent death of the president isn't hate speech -- is what's needed today.

Contrary to half-witted 25-year-old schoolteachers' opinions, such talk -- even by idiot rockers -- probably merits a serious tete-a-tete with Secret Service or FBI agents, just on the principle that that's what surely would happen to me if I crossed that rhetorical line. Apart from that, however, I have a serious question that I intend to ask, and ask, and ask, and ask again . . . .

WHAT'S THE DEAL with a society when the only thing everybody can agree upon is that the solution to one problem or another -- we tend to disagree on which problems -- involves somebody getting killed?

As far as key members of the Bush Administration go, I would be perfectly happy with impeachment, indictment, trial and imprisonment. Of killing, we've had a gullet full.

Do you actually have to die to earn a Darwin Award?

BLESS THEIR HEARTS, some folks seem to keep on living through no fault of their own whatsoever.

Since any further introduction I might offer would just wreck the story, I'll throw it to George Sells of WAFB-TV in Baton Rouge, La. You can read the story here, but that hardly does it justice. Click on the picture above to watch the story.

Counting it all as joy

Unless you're Christopher Hitchens -- who has made hating Mother Teresa a sacrament in his very urbane, very clever worship of nothingness -- the more you learn about the little nun from Calcutta, the more you are convicted that you're a really, really crappy human being.

Not to mention Christian.

Hitchens, being a first-rate atheist, doesn't have to worry about being a crappy Christian. But I do. And, thus, yours truly stands double convicted of rottenness and sloth.

All it took was an article from Godspy.com. Here's a snippet:

In one of those long-secret letters, from 1957, she bared her soul to a spiritual director:

"In the darkness . . . Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? . . I call, I cling, I want, and there is no one to answer. . . Where I try to raise my thoughts to heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives and hurt my very soul . . . I am told God lives in me — and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul."

Other saints have confessed feelings of abandonment by God. In the sixteenth century, St. John of the Cross coined a phrase that now describes the experience — "the dark night of the soul." But we would be hard-pressed to find another saint who suffered a darkness so thick or a night so long as Mother Teresa.

To quote again from those long-secret letters:

"They say people in hell suffer eternal pain because of the loss of God... In my soul I feel just this terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me, of God not being God, of God not really existing. That terrible longing keeps growing, and I feel as if something will break in me one day."

But why would God permit such suffering in one who had given her life so completely to do his will? The answer may lie in the question.

We learned from her letters, that in 1942, while still serving as principal at a private girls' school in Calcutta, Mother Teresa had made a secret vow — "to give to God anything that He may ask, 'not to refuse Him anything.'"

God apparently took her at her word, and put her vow to the test. In 1946, when her locutions began, Jesus told her to quit her comfortable job and go serve the poor: "There are convents... caring for the rich and able-to-do people, but for my very poor there is absolutely none." She did what she was told. Then she didn't hear his voice again for another half-century.

As harsh and dreadful as it sounds, it's a pattern familiar in the Bible and in the lives of the saints. The servants of the Lord often undergo an ordeal, some test of their commitment and faithfulness. Think of Jeremiah or Hosea, or how much of the New Testament concerns suffering for the Lord's sake. "When you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials," the Book of Sirach says.

From her letters, we see that Mother Teresa understood herself to be enduring such a trial—a martyrdom less physical than psychological and spiritual.

So, what are we to make of her happiness and joy—was it all a front, an act? There's no evidence of that. She appears to have been giving us a modern day, flesh-and-blood lesson in the meaning of Christian joy. The fact that while she was alive we never had any inkling of how much she suffered only makes her witness that much more challenging to our complacencies.

Mother Teresa wrote a lot about joy. It comes, she said, from being close to Jesus. Or as she put it: "Joy is a sign of union with God—of God's presence." Knowing what we now know about her feelings of divine rejection, this sounds like an inside joke, or a deliciously dark irony. But she had no guile about her. She always told us that joy wasn't a matter of attitude adjustment or putting on a happy face. Joy was hard work: "It is always hard, all the more reason why we should try to acquire it and make it grow in our hearts."

In the logic of the saints, which is the logic of the Scriptures, this makes sense. We're supposed to strive to get closer to Jesus, to become more like him. To imitate Jesus means to offer ourselves in love to God—to accept suffering and even death, as he did on the cross. St. Paul wrote that we should offer our bodies as "living sacrifices" to God.

That's how Mother Teresa lived. Even the littlest task could be a beautiful sacrifice she offered to God. And she came to believe that her spiritual anguish was a sign of her deepening union with Jesus, a sharing in his experience of being forsaken on the cross.

This growing awareness, too, is reflected in her letters: "I have begun to love my darkness, for I believe now that it is a part, a very small part, of Jesus' darkness and pain on the earth."

HAT TIP: Parousian Post

Money for nothing . . . and death for free

Think of it this way: Take a dollar, throw it away. Take a dollar and throw it away every second.

Never take a break. Do it 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.

Keep at it for 15,855 years, roughly.

Congratulations. You will have pissed away as much money as George Bush has on the Iraq War.

From the McClatchy Newspapers bureau in D.C.:

WASHINGTON - The bitter fight over the latest Iraq spending bill has all but obscured a sobering fact: The war will soon cost more than $500 billion.

That's about ten times more than the Bush administration anticipated before the war started four years ago, and no one can predict how high the tab will go. The $124 billion spending bill that President Bush plans to veto this week includes about $78 billion for Iraq, with the rest earmarked for the war in Afghanistan, veterans' health care and other government programs.

Congressional Democrats and Bush agree that they cannot let their dispute over a withdrawal timetable block the latest cash installment for Iraq. Once that political fight is resolved, Congress can focus on the president's request for $116 billion more for the war in the fiscal year that starts on Sept. 1.

The combined spending requests would push the total for Iraq to $564 billion, according to the nonpartisan Congressional Research Service.

What could that kind of money buy?

A college education - tuition, fees, room and board at a public university - for about half of the nation's 17 million high-school-age teenagers.

Pre-school for every 3- and 4-year-old in the country for the next eight years.

A year's stay in an assisted-living facility for about half of the 35 million Americans age 65 or older.

Not surprisingly, opinions about the cost of the war track opinions about the war itself.

"If it's really vital, then whatever it costs, we should pay it. If it isn't, whatever we pay is too much," said Robert Hormats, author of "The Price of Liberty," a newly published book that examines the financing of America's wars.

Before the war, administration officials confidently predicted that the conflict would cost about $50 billion. White House economic adviser Lawrence Lindsey lost his job after he offered a $200 billion estimate - a prediction that drew scorn from his administration colleagues.

"They had no concept of what they were getting into in terms of lives or cost," said Winslow Wheeler, who monitors defense spending for the Center for Defense Information, a nonpartisan research institute.

(snip)

As wars go, Iraq is cheap. World War II cost more than $5 trillion in today's dollars. Korea and Vietnam each cost about $650 billion in today's dollars, but spending on those wars took a much bigger share of the economy when they were fought.

"For the average American, there's really been no economic consequence of the country being involved in a war," said Hormats, vice chairman of Goldman Sachs (International). "It doesn't have as much impact on the economy as those previous wars did."

Water into blood, frogs, gnats, flies, pestilence, boils, hail, locusts, three days' darkness, death of first-born . . . the Bush Administration

The Washington Post recounts -- in agonizing detail -- how the Bush Administration is the governmental equivalent of the hapless and hopeless underclass Republicans so like to perform their social Darwinism on because, well, they can.

That's right, my children, your government and mine is too bloody incompetent, incoherent and inured to common sense to take advantage of the help offered to it. Unbelievable. Un-be-lievable.

You know, I not only miss Bill Clinton, I miss Jimmy Carter. And that's coming from someone who cast his first presidential ballot for Ronald Reagan in 1980 . . . because he wasn't feckless, can't-do Jimmy Freakin' Carter.

I can't write anymore. I was born and raised in South Louisiana, and I'm just too furious to "go there" right now. You know?

Just read this excerpt from MSNBC.com and weep:

As the winds and water of Hurricane Katrina were receding, presidential confidante Karen Hughes sent a cable from her State Department office to U.S. ambassadors worldwide.

Titled "Echo-Chamber Message" -- a public relations term for talking points designed to be repeated again and again -- the Sept. 7, 2005, directive was unmistakable: Assure the scores of countries that had pledged or donated aid at the height of the disaster that their largesse had provided Americans "practical help and moral support" and "highlight the concrete benefits hurricane victims are receiving."

Many of the U.S. diplomats who received the message, however, were beginning to witness a more embarrassing reality. They knew the U.S. government was turning down many allies' offers of manpower, supplies and expertise worth untold millions of dollars. Eventually the United States also would fail to collect most of the unprecedented outpouring of international cash assistance for Katrina's victims.

Allies offered $854 million in cash and in oil that was to be sold for cash. But only $40 million has been used so far for disaster victims or reconstruction, according to U.S. officials and contractors. Most of the aid went uncollected, including $400 million worth of oil. Some offers were withdrawn or redirected to private groups such as the Red Cross. The rest has been delayed by red tape and bureaucratic limits on how it can be spent.

In addition, valuable supplies and services -- such as cellphone systems, medicine and cruise ships -- were delayed or declined because the government could not handle them. In some cases, supplies were wasted.

The struggle to apply foreign aid in the aftermath of the hurricane, which has cost U.S. taxpayers more than $125 billion so far, is another reminder of the federal government's difficulty leading the recovery. Reports of government waste and delays or denials of assistance have surfaced repeatedly since hurricanes Katrina and Rita struck in 2005.

Administration officials acknowledged in February 2006 that they were ill prepared to coordinate and distribute foreign aid and that only about half the $126 million received had been put to use. Now, 20 months after Katrina, newly released documents and interviews make clear the magnitude of the troubles.

More than 10,000 pages of cables, telegraphs and e-mails from U.S. diplomats around the globe -- released piecemeal since last fall under the Freedom of Information Act -- provide a fuller account of problems that, at times, mystified generous allies and left U.S. representatives at a loss for an explanation. The documents were obtained by Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, a public interest group, which provided them to The Washington Post.

In one exchange, State Department officials anguished over whether to tell Italy that its shipments of medicine, gauze and other medical supplies spoiled in the elements for weeks after Katrina's landfall on Aug. 29, 2005, and were destroyed. "Tell them we blew it," one disgusted official wrote. But she hedged: "The flip side is just to dispose of it and not come clean. I could be persuaded."

In another instance, the Department of Homeland Security accepted an offer from Greece on Sept. 3, 2005, to dispatch two cruise ships that could be used free as hotels or hospitals for displaced residents. The deal was rescinded Sept. 15 after it became clear a ship would not arrive before Oct. 10. The U.S. eventually paid $249 million to use Carnival Cruise Lines vessels.

And while television sets worldwide showed images of New Orleans residents begging to be rescued from rooftops as floodwaters rose, U.S. officials turned down countless offers of allied troops and search-and-rescue teams. The most common responses: "sent letter of thanks" and "will keep offer on hand," the new documents show.

Overall, the United States declined 54 of 77 recorded aid offers from three of its staunchest allies: Canada, Britain and Israel, according to a 40-page State Department table of the offers that had been received as of January 2006.

"There is a lack of accountability in where the money comes in and where it goes," said Melanie Sloan, executive director of the public interest group, which called for an investigation into the fate of foreign aid offers. She added: "It's clear that they're trying to hide their ineptitude, incompetence and malfeasance."

Hi, I'm the Mighty Favog (Hi, Favog!) and I'm a . . . .

OK, time to work the steps.

First step: Own up to the behavior. Admit it.

All right. My name is the Mighty Favog, and I like disco. Some of it.

I went through high school and college yelling "Disco sucks!" I was living a lie. I liked -- OK, I LIKE -- some of the stuff. I adore Yvonne Elliman, and I did back in the day. "If I Can't Have You" is one of my favorite songs, and it was on the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack.

I can't get enough of it. OK, ARE YOU FREAKIN' HAPPY NOW! I LIKE IT! I LIKE IT! I LIKE IT!

I WAS LIVING A LIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE . . . .

The only secret I have left is that the suit I was married in was very, very polyester . . . OHMIGAWD!!!!

The horror . . . the horror . . . I can't believe I said that! Ohhhhhhhh . . . .

EDITOR'S NOTE: His Imperial Favogitude, I am sure, would want you to know that this week's episode of the Revolution 21 podcast can be accessed at the top right of this page, or go to www.revolution21.org and click on "podcast." Thank you.

Bog-trotting Paddy producer cries in his ale

Don Imus' shanty-Irish producer has dragged his mackerel-snapping arse off his barstool long enough to cry in his figurative beer -- as opposed to his real one back at the pub he crawled from -- about getting canned along with Imus for using racist and sexist slurs against the Rutgers women's basketball team.

In addition to "hos," I do believe Bernard McGuirk used the word "jigaboos" to describe the team. But what do you expect from a stupid Mick, you know?

According to The Associated Press, here's what Paddy O'Dumbass said on Fox News Channel's Hannity & Colmes show:

McGuirk, in an interview on Fox News Channel's "Hannity & Colmes," said he "didn't get the memo" that the phrase 'hos' had reached the level of the n-word in offensiveness. But apologies to the Rutgers team were appropriate, he said.

But McGuirk said he and Imus had engaged in the same locker-room humor for many years, and received pats on the back and raises from their superiors before CBS Radio fired them this time.

He sharply criticized the Rev. Al Sharpton, who led the campaign to get them fired.
"It seemed like he terrorized broadcast executives," he said. "It seemed like they were in a fetal position under their desks sucking their thumbs on their Blackberrys, trying to coordinate their response."

The concept of "crossing the line" is hard to understand when it's not clear where the line is, he said.

OK, LET'S GRANT McGuirk what he says about the broadcast execs being craven hypocrites, Sharpton being a publicity-loving race-baiter and no one knowing where "The Line" is on any given day.

But like everybody's mother or teacher (or both) has lectured a million times, "I don't care what (fill in the blank) did. I care about what YOU did."

And what Imus and McGuirk did for far too long was to act like a couple of horse's asses, slurring innocent people for kicks and giggles. Which they got away with.

Until they got their comeuppance.

What goes around, and all that rot.

AND SPEAKING OF "THE LINE" McGuirk couldn't find until he and Imus crossed it . . . I'll bet he'd think I crossed it pretty good by using every Irish stereotype and slur I could fit into a short blog post. I think I crossed it pretty good, too.

In fact, if I were McGuirk, I'd want to knock my block off. God knows, I'd have some justification in doing so.

The question is, how would what I just did to Bernard McGuirk be any different from what he and Don Imus did for a living? On the public airwaves. Just like any number of other "shock jocks" on the air from Maine to Malibu.

That the jerk McGuirk and his pal Imus were egged on by amoral and spineless radio execs means nothing, except that we're overdue for another Day of Reckoning. And when that Electromagnetic Enema of the Airwaves takes place, God willing, it will be every bit as deserved as the one just administered.

I'm on the Monitor beacon . . . NBC Monitor beacon

Bloop. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Bloop.

If you are of a certain age -- and I am of a certain age -- you well remember the "Monitor beacon," and the "kaleidoscopic phantasmagoria" of a weekend radio program that it announced for almost 20 years from 1955 to early 1975 . . . the National Broadcasting Company's Monitor.

I loved Monitor when I was a kid, listening to it over WJBO, 1150 AM, in Baton Rouge, La. Monitor was big-time network radio. Monitor was exotic and sophisticated and brought the world into the living room -- into the transistor radio -- of our blue-collar, refinery-worker household someplace physically and sociologically far, far away from NBC's "Radio Central" at 30 Rockefeller Plaza.

New York City, that is. Skyscrapers . . . Broadway stars.

YEAH, the music folks like Gene Rayburn and Joe Garagiola played was pure middle-of-the-road "parent music," though it had its moments. But Joe Garagiola was my favorite sportscaster, and Gene Rayburn was the avuncular host of The Match Game on TV.

I remember one time, when I was little, we were watching The Match Game on TV and they made a random call to somewhere in the country. The phone rang in our kitchen. Fellow said he was Gene Rayburn. My mother didn't believe him (you'd have to know my mother).

The conversation went something like this, from the Baton Rouge end of Ma Bell's phone network:

"Hello?"

(Mama listens for a while.)

"Yeah? Weyul, ah'm Jimmy Durante, and you can kiss mah ass!"

(Click.)

SHORTLY AFTERWARD on the television, Mr. Rayburn, laughing, announced that the callee didn't want to play The Match Game today.

Oops.

I'm truly sorry that Gene Rayburn passed away some years back. I never got the chance to apologize to him on my mother's behalf . . . and to ask whether I might play The Match Game in her stead.

BUT WAIT . . . this post is about Monitor.

Anyway, to me, Monitor, was magic. It had a little bit of everything -- news, talk, music, features and comedy. And it went all weekend long -- 40 continuous hours at its height. For a while, it ran from 8-10 (Eastern) weeknights, too.

Monitor probably was the most ambitious thing ever done on radio. And Monitor was NPR's All Things Considered long before there was even a National Public Radio to put it on. Only funner.

I've been thinking a lot about Monitor the past couple of days -- lamenting the loss of radio like Monitor is more like it. And I've been spending some time on the Web, at the Monitor Tribute Pages, reading . . . and listening.

Monitor was radio as run by the "grownups," of whom there are only a few in broadcasting these days. Radio like that wasn't usually my default when I got to be a teen-ager -- just before Monitor's demise -- but it was always good to drop in now and again, you know?

It was good to know that there was a place on the dial where the adults were in charge, and where they were smart, and witty, and serious when they needed to be. And where the grownups weren't quite as square as we would have liked to imagine at the time.

BACK IN THE DAY, Monitor represented -- in a radio-broadcasting kind of way -- the best of us. It was radio that played to our curiosity, to our intelligence and, ultimately, to the best aspects of our God-given nature. In tragic contrast, radio today sometimes strikes me as some sort of cross between a fart joke and a hate crime.

I miss the days when we were almost as smart -- and almost as "grownup" -- as Monitor.

* * *

UPDATE: Reader, and major Monitor fan Louis weighs in with more on the show:

I'm also of an age that I remember Monitor. In fact, I listened to it every weekend on WDSU in New Orleans. But, when WDSU carried the Chicago White Sox games (for whatever reason), I'd listen to Monitor on WJBO which was just 90 miles away. I liked Monitor for all the reasons that you mentioned. And I even liked the music.

Monitor was the brainchild of Pat Weaver, the creative president of NBC in the 1950's who created Today, Tonight, the Home show, and the TV spectacular. This was an era when broadcasters had high hopes for the medium as an educational tool.

Monitor included broadcasters like Dave Garroway, Henry Morgan, Hugh Downs, David Brinkley, Morgan Beatty, Jim Fleming, and a bunch of other broadcasting legends. It truly was the kaleidoscopic phantasmagoria that Pat Weaver and Jim Fleming envisioned.

And you're right. It was funnier than NPR, much funnier. It had Nichols & May, Bob & Ray, Selma Diamond, Ernie Kovacs, and Jonathan Winters. How could it miss?

And Louis seconds my motion that you go forthwith to the Monitor Tribute Pages. Follow the links in this post.