Return of the Washington Bullets

Word on the grapevine is that the National Basketball Association is going to a new championship format this year.

Best-of-seven drive-by shootings.

I jest. I think.

FORTUNATELY for The Associated Press, however, its writers and editors don't have to make any of this s*** up. Because they couldn't.

Washington Wizards teammates Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton reportedly drew guns on each other during a locker-room argument over a gambling debt.

Law enforcement is investigating the presence of weapons in the locker room, and the league is not taking action now.

The Wizards said Friday they are cooperating with authorities and the NBA and “take this situation and the ongoing investigation very seriously.” The team had no further comment.

Arenas, a three-time All Star, tweeted Friday about the developments.

“i wake up this morning and seen i was the new JOHN WAYNE. ... Media is too funny,” he wrote.

About 2½ hours later, his tweet was more straightforward: “i understand this is serious..but if u ever met me you know i dont do serious things im a goof ball this story today dont sound goofy to me.”
The investigation into possible firearms in the locker room at the Verizon Center revealed the alleged Dec. 21 dispute between Arenas and Crittenton, Yahoo! Sports reported Friday, citing unidentified sources.

IS THERE anymore reason for any sports fan to take the NBA seriously? It's Rollerball with hoops and nets. It's a work-release program for athletically inclined offenders.

It's where college pimp-daddies send their top-flight talent when they've wrung all the cash they can out of "students" who write sentences like "i wake up this morning and seen i was the new JOHN WAYNE."

Oh, it's also a sign of cultural apocalypse. But that's not important now, is it?