Campaign for Boorish Dignity

I always used to think of "A Confederacy of Dunces" as a New Orleans thing. A fabulously hilarious, rooted-in-people-I-know, only in New Orleans -- or at least South Louisiana -- thing.

HOW COULD YOU place the likes of Ignatius P. Reilly anywhere else? Squabbling with Mama in front of D.H. Holmeses on Canal Street. Ravenous -- and, unsuprisingly, failed -- vendor of Lucky Dogs in da Quarter. Wearer of a wool hunting cap and plagued by a problematic "valve."

Filler of Big Chief tablets and owner of a soiled bed sheet. Abysmally unsuited leader of a worker rebellion at the Levy Pants factory, soiled-sheeted standard bearer for the Campaign for Moorish Dignity.

Could such a quixotic character, such a comically oblivious lost-causer, exist anywhere outside the Crescent City?

Well, come to think of it . . . yeah.

Enter Omaha City Councilman Garry Gernandt, leader of the fight to save Rosenblatt Stadium and defender of South O residents' right to shake down hapless College World Series fans for ad hoc parking spots on their well-worn lawns.

Concrete blocks optional.

Gernandt and the bedraggled masses behind his Campaign for Boorish Dignity standard stand unalterably and vocally opposed to Mayor Mike Fahey's plan to move the baseball series to a brand-new, state-of-the-art downtown stadium.

Yes, it would cost city coffers just as much to renovate the 60-year-old Rosenblatt to less than what the National Collegiate Athletic Association wants in a CWS venue as it would to build new downtown. And no, down in South O, there still wouldn't be many hotel rooms within walking distance of the CWS site -- so Omaha would have to stiff the NCAA on that point, too.

True, the NCAA has a lengthy list of wants for its fast-growing championship event. And, no, Omaha wouldn't be able to satisfy a lot of those wants at the old park that's been the CWS' home since 1950.

And yes, a new downtown park -- Have I mentioned it would cost the city no more than trying to fix up the aging 'Blatt? -- would meet all those NCAA demands and likely earn the city a 20- to 25-year contract extension as host of the Series. Meanwhile, failure to build a new downtown park likely would cost Omaha the CWS forever and ever, amen.

After 60 years.

But that's not important now. Not to Garry Gernandt and his foot soldiers in the Campaign for Boorish Dignity.

Some of the campaign's well-researched counterarguments were reported in Friday's Omaha World-Herald:

"Rosenblatt is Omaha. Rosenblatt is the College World Series. Rosenblatt is the tradition of baseball in Omaha," said Al Italia, 75, who has attended CWS games at the old stadium for 58 years.

Mary Ehrhart summed it up: "We are angry, and we are frustrated."

HOW CAN economic-development rationales and financial spreadsheets refute that? Not that CWS of Omaha, Inc., chief Jack Diesing Jr. didn't try . . . when he could get a word in edgewise amid the revolutionary hecklers and boobirds:

Diesing appeared to have the most trouble balancing the emotional attachment to Rosenblatt and the decision to move downtown. He acknowledged several friends in the audience he had spent hours with enjoying the CWS over the past four decades.

"It's been the crown jewel for Omaha for 59 years," Diesing said. "But the decision is not about the past. It's about the future."

"Change is hard," Diesing said, "but change is good."

But Diesing also was heckled when he told the crowd that the NCAA was presented with only the downtown option and not an alternative of a renovated Rosenblatt. After the uproar subsided, Diesing explained that the NCAA asked Omaha to bring its single best proposal and not a stack of options.

AH, but the Good Book sayeth "Let not thy mind be troubled by facts and logic when you think The Man is out to screweth thou overeth and smiteth thy annual lawn-parking windfall."

I'm not sure what book and chapter, but it's somewhere near the back, I think. Right in there between Revelation and Zesto.

No, the important thing to remember is "Rosenblatt is Omaha. Rosenblatt is the College World Series." And if making that point means the actual CWS picks up and moves to Indianapolis . . . or Oklahoma City . . . or Orlando, then so be it. Right?

Thing is, the only other permanent tenant for beloved Rosenblatt Stadium is the Omaha Royals, the Triple-A baseball team whose management really, really would rather play somewhere else than in a ballpark that's three quarters empty just about every time those not-ready-for-prime-time boys of summer take the field.

Without the CWS to justify the existence of -- and forcing the Royals to play in -- a too-big hilltop ballyard, you can bet your last kolache that the club's owners will build their own smaller stadium downtown or extort the city to build one for them. Or else.

Of course, the Campaign for Boorish Dignity could gear up to "save Rosenblatt" one more time, but success would just be telling the O Royals not to let the door hit them in the arse on their way out of town. And where would that leave Rosenblatt Stadium, not to mention South Omaha yard-parking economics?

SEE, THAT'S THE PROBLEM with fired-up mobs of loud people with small brains. They can't see past their slogans, and they never wonder "Who is that odd man with the banner made out of a soiled bedsheet?"

That man would be Garry ("Extra 'R' for sale! Five dolla . . . cheap!") Gernandt. And the thing Gernandt won't tell his 'Blatt mob -- probably because he hasn't figured it out himself -- is that Rosenblatt Stadium is toast, no matter what.

It might be sooner, or it might be later, but the 'Blatt has had it. The only question still open is whether Omaha will lose the 'Blatt and keep the College World Series, or whether it will lose them both.

Now, if it would smooth the path toward building a new baseball stadium in North Downtown, maybe the city could meet the Campaign for Boorish Dignity halfway. Rosenblatt still would come down, and the Henry Doorly Zoo still would get the property, but the city could funnel all the CWS overflow traffic down 13th Street to South O residents' front yards.

Councilman Gernandt would be in charge of the free hayrack shuttle to the new ballpark, and the parking hucksters in the old neighborhood still could soak the out-of-towners for whatever the parking market will bear.

Concrete blocks extra.