I'm not embarrassed because of my alma mater. I'm embarrassed for my alma mater.Oh, Lord, with the national-championship football game coming up . . . why, oh WHY couldn't you have made Britney Spears' daddy a gol-danged Tulane fan?
I'm just astin', is what I'm doin'.
ANYWAY, since every damn Louisianian is embarrassed as bad as we can get already . . . here's the latest episode of The Bud Light Empties Don't Fall Far From the Double-Wide, as aired in London's Evening Standard:
Britney Spears has been banned from seeing her sons after a dramatic breakdown in which she held the two boys hostage.
A judge suspended all her visiting rights and gave sole custody to their father, Kevin Federline.
Miss Spears was reported to be on suicide watch in hospital, where by law she can be held against her will for 72 hours.
The events mark a new low for the 26-year-old, who was once the best-selling female artist on the planet. The drama began after Miss Spears attended the latest court hearing in her custody battle with Federline, early on Thursday.
After staying just a few minutes, she returned home for an approved visit with their sons Sean Preston, two, and Jayden James, one.
Federline had temporary custody of the boys because Miss Spears has failed to comply with court orders.
Inside the house she began drinking vodka, sources report. And when it was time to hand the boys back in the evening, she refused.
When a court-appointed monitor and later Federline's bodyguards were refused entry, the situation rapidly deteriorated and police were called.
Miss Spears then barricaded herself and the children inside the master bedroom's ensuite bathroom, and refused to emerge.
Eventually, her cousin Alli Sims smashed the bathroom door open with a hammer, sources say. Shortly after 10pm, police and paramedics were allowed to enter the home.
By 10.50pm, when the singer emerged on a stretcher, there were five police cars, a fire crew and paramedics outside, with a police helicopter hovering overhead.
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