Mr. D.A., the crook's here. Gumbo party!

Well, it's probably a good thing that President Bush really couldn't care less about what goes on in New Orleans.

If he did, with stories like this in the news -- and you really, really can't make this stuff up -- he'd probably go all Vladimir Putin on their ass and bomb this American Chechnya back to the Stone Age.

To totally switch gears, however, can you think of a better place in New Orleans for an alleged armed robber to flee to than District Attorney Eddie Jordan's house? After all, the guy can't convict anybody -- even the worst felon would be perfectly safe under the D.A.'s wing.

The Times-Picayune -- amid much hilarity in the newsroom, no doubt -- reports on the latest absurdity in the Naked City:

A man New Orleans police believe committed an armed robbery -- and afterward fled to the home of District Attorney Eddie Jordan -- is also a suspect in the home invasion and shooting of a police officer and his wife a day later, several police sources confirmed Wednesday.

The bizarre confluence of events began the evening of Oct. 11, according to those sources and police documents obtained by The Times-Picayune.

The 20-year-old man stopped by Jordan's house minutes after he allegedly fled after an armed robbery outside a nearby Shell gas station. He arrived at Jordan's house on foot, having run away after the robbery victim rammed his sport utility vehicle into the car carrying the suspect, police documents said.

Investigators later also connected the suspect, Elton Phillips, to an eastern New Orleans robbery and shooting by two gunmen, who critically wounded a police officer and shot the officer's wife in the foot after breaking into their home late at night.

On Wednesday, Jordan said he didn't know Phillips, and didn't know Phillips had allegedly committed armed robbery shortly before arriving at his home. The district attorney said his longtime girlfriend Cherylynn Robinson knows Phillips, and she in fact had spent Oct. 11 -- her birthday -- with him and his relatives in Baton Rouge. He said Robinson is not related to Phillips.

After Jordan saw a news report naming Phillips as a robbery suspect, he said, he immediately called New Orleans Police Superintendent Warren Riley.

"I called Warren Riley and said I wanted to speak to the police," Jordan said. "I called him immediately after I discovered he had been wanted for an armed robbery," he said, referring to Phillips.

But investigators had difficulty interviewing Jordan, according to documents. Those reports indicate investigators repeatedly called Jordan's cell phone over the course of three days, but he failed to answer and his voice mail was full. At one point, investigators went to Jordan's home and rang the doorbell for 10 minutes, but no one came to the door.

An investigator finally confirmed Jordan had gotten the interview request by sending it through an intermediary, Ralph Brandt, head of Jordan's trials division, according to a police document. The investigator had told Brandt that Jordan's lack of cooperation could result in bad publicity, the document said.

The officers "didn't express concern about any substantial delay," Jordan said. "The question was, 'How do we find this guy?'¤"

Jordan said he could not be reached simply because it was a busy week, not because he sought to avoid investigators.

"I don't know if you've been reading the papers lately, but I got some things going on," he said. "I got one or two things going on. I'm getting it from all sides."

Jordan, who is black, has taken heavy criticism this week after a federal judge ruled that the assets of his office could be seized to pay off a $3.7 million judgment against his office for racial discrimination in the firing of white employees.