Louisiana . . . they're trying to wash us away

What has happened down here is the winds have changed
Clouds roll in from the north and it started to rain
Rained real hard and it rained for a real long time
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tyrin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

POOR STATES, like poor people, just can't catch a break. If you're not doing yourself in -- usually through some of the same pathologies that helped impoverish you -- the fatcats are using you for target practice, either for sport or in the name of "bettering" society.

Louisiana is a poor state, and a relatively uneducated one, too. New Orleans is a basket case, and the state is hemorrhaging educated and skilled people . . . not to mention political clout.

Louisiana 2007 is a lot like Louisiana 1927. And the little fat men with notepads in their hands would just as soon have the Gulf of Mexico wash it away. So would their boss, President George W. Bush.

President Coolidge came down in a railroad train
With a little fat man with a notepad in his hand
The President say, "Little fat man isn't it a shame what the river has done
To this poor cracker's land."

After the federally misconstructed levees broke during a glancing blow by Hurricane Katrina two years ago, almost wiping out New Orleans, President Bush made some big promises after his FEMA minions left thousands of people stranded and starving for days after the storm.

"Tonight so many victims of the hurricane and the flood are far from home and friends and familiar things," Bush said on national television, standing before a spotlighted St. Louis Cathedral (thanks to the floodlights and generators the White House shipped in for the live shot). "You need to know that our whole nation cares about you, and in the journey ahead you're not alone. To all who carry a burden of loss, I extend the deepest sympathy of our country. To every person who has served and sacrificed in this emergency, I offer the gratitude of our country."

BY THIS TIME, the words "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job" had been bitterly burned onto all our brains, and we were reaching for the hip waders. And the Lysol. But then . . . le deluge.

"And tonight I also offer this pledge of the American people: Throughout the area hit by the hurricane, we will do what it takes, we will stay as long as it takes, to help citizens rebuild their communities and their lives," Bush said. "And all who question the future of the Crescent City need to know there is no way to imagine America without New Orleans, and this great city will rise again."

The president and his administration have spent the last 23 months proving to Louisianians, expatriates and sympathetic fellow Americans what a load of bull excrement that pledge was.

Every proposal that could have addressed big needs comprehensively somehow managed to get shot down or denuded because it was "too expensive." This at a time when we're in the process of flushing $1 trillion -- with a "T" -- down a toilet called Iraq.

AND NOW, it seems the president and his Beltway goons are trying to make sure what's left of a hard-case, hardscrabble state literally washes away. From The (New Orleans) Times-Picayune:

In a sharp and unexpected blow to Louisiana, President Bush threatened Wednesday to veto long-awaited legislation that would enhance hurricane protection along a Gulf Coast still struggling to recover from the devastating storms of two years ago.

House and Senate negotiators struck a bargain late last week on a $21 billion reauthorization of the Water Resources Development Act, with about 20 percent going to projects in Louisiana. The measure has broad support and is expected to get final passage this week before lawmakers leave for the monthlong August recess, and is expected to pass by veto-proof margins.

In a strong bipartisan vote, the House passed the bill 381-40.

But in a letter to key lawmakers, Bush's Office of Management and Budget said the price tag is too high. The administration also said the bipartisan deal shifted too much of the cost of new projects onto federal taxpayers and that it improperly green-lighted projects outside the jurisdiction of the Army Corps of Engineers.

"This is not how most Americans would expect their representatives in Washington to reach agreement, especially when it is their tax dollars that are being spent," OMB Director Rob Portman and John Paul Woodley, the assistant Army secretary over the Corps of Engineers, said in the letter.

Among other things, the bill would authorize a 72-mile system of levees and floodwalls to shield Terrebonne and Lafourche parishes from storms sweeping in from the Gulf of Mexico and up to $1.9 billion in Louisiana coastal restoration work. It would fortify New Orleans-area levees to withstand a 100-year storm and authorize $100 million for hurricane protection in Jean Lafitte and lower Jefferson Parish.

While the bill does not pay for the projects, it gives lawmakers the authorization to appropriate the money, something Louisiana has been waiting for since the last renewal of the Water Resources Development Act seven years ago. The clamor for action grew exponentially after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita damaged 90,000 square miles along the Gulf Coast and sent more than 2 million people fleeing from their homes in 2005.

"WE WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES." Right. Don't pee down our legs and tell us the levee broke . . . again.

It seems the present American preoccupation with deciding what lives are unworthy of life -- from the unborn to the unwell to the unfortunate -- has been extended to entire unwell and unfortunate states by this "pro-life" administration.

Looks like George Bush and those Washington hands of a like mind already have Louisiana's coffin picked out for it. All they need to do now is to create a corpse with a witch's brew of pretty words and malign neglect.

Well, maybe we can't stop what is starting to look inevitable -- though we can try like hell so long as life remains. But while we're doing that, we also can throw a nice jazz funeral for Louisiana.

That's what we're doing with this week's episode of the Revolution 21 podcast.

We can celebrate its life and treasure its culture. We can hold tight its memory in our hearts, and if it's going to go down -- maybe another good chunk washed away with the next Katrina or Rita -- at least it can go down with a song on its lips.

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away

I didn't do it; nobody saw me do it . . . Satan did it!

The Internet Monk notes today that Christian comboxes have been filled with discussion about what God's purpose might be in allowing the I-35W bridge to crumple into the Mississippi River between Minneapolis and St. Paul.

And he rightly wonders what up with that?

The questions I have this morning aren’t about divine causation or Satanic mischief or even evangelistic opportunity. My questions are more earthly minded.

Where did inspections go wrong?

How much of our urban infrastructure is in similar condition?

Is the blame shifting that’s sure to come going to solve the problem?

How much security can we expect in urban life?

Ultimately, how much risk do we engage in that would be unacceptable if we “knew the score,” so to speak?

Does it do any good to talk about who is responsible?
What are families going through?

Where there enough first responders? Who is caring for them?

One of the things that bothers me about religion in general and evangelical Christianity in particular is a tendency to change the focus of ordinary things to religious things. “So heavenly minded, they are of no earthly good” is a valid criticism. It makes me feel good when Baptists and Catholics send disaster relief teams into these situations to just help out. Blessings on those people.

What should happen with a God-centered mind is a redemption and elevation of the ordinary. God is pleased when engineers, politicians and road inspectors have a Christian testimony. He’s also pleased- just as pleased, but in a different way- when the engineer designs a safe bridge, when the politician funds a sufficient infrastructure and when the inspector is thorough and rigorous.

There’s a time to ask theological questions, but there is a time to ask important, humanly significant ordinary Christians. There’s a time to judge a movie by the faith statements of the creators, and a time to judge a movie by the standards of good movie making. There’s a time to evaluate work by its potential for evangelism, but there is also a time to judge work by pragmatic standards.

Christians are sometimes shoddy thinkers, shoddy workers and shoddy creators. That’s usually accompanied by all the expected scripture quoting, testimony giving and God/Satan chatter.

There’s a time for theology, and there’s a time to talk about why bridges fall and what we can do about it.

MY PROBLEM with that kind of thinking exactly reflects IMonk's problem with that kind of mindlessness . . . that it's mindless, and it compromises Christian compassion and the Christian witness. There's something seriously messed up about people whose first reaction to a horrific tragedy is to ponder supernatural causes when their first reaction ought to be praying for the victims, praying for the souls of the dead . . . and rolling up their sleeves and getting their hands dirty being the hands (and strong backs) of Christ on earth.

I've experienced that kind of supernatural fatalism first hand and, for my money, it's nothing more than a conscious or subconscious effort to absolve oneself of responsibility for things going wrong by blaming it on God . . . or the devil.

Here's a concrete example for you. I used to work for a Catholic radio station hereabouts, and the whole culture of the place oozed looking for a "spiritual warfare" explanation for every single, blessed thing. A garbage truck accidentally backs into our transmitter shack and almost destroys the transmitter? Satan drives for Deffenbaugh.

The sewer line keeps getting clogged up underneath the station's rest room in the aging strip center in a bad part of town? Satan is harassing us to disrupt the spreading of the gospel.

The cheap, broken-down equipment in the control room and production studio keeps . . . well . . . breaking down? We're being attacked.

ONE TIME, during a station fund raiser, my boss was having a (ahem) devil of a time getting a telephone guest onto the air from her perch in the production studio. I asked whether she'd done A, B and C.

Yes, yes, yes. OK, let me check it out.

When I walked into the production studio, I found her commanding "Be gone, Satan!" Upon inspecting the control board and phone interface, I found the problem wasn't Telco Satan.

Despite her protestations, my boss had not done A, B and C. I pressed a button . . . et voila!

Just call me St. Michael, slayer of phone demons.

IF ONLY I HAD THE POWER to slay the Interstate bridge demons. But that, I think, will be up to the State of Minnesota.

Tragically, it will come dozens of dead motorists too late. Lord, have mercy.

Please.

Too little, too late to save my home state?

There's a new public-interest group that's grown out of the business community in my home state, Louisiana, and it's setting out on what -- to these jaded eyes -- looks like a Sisyphean quest, pressuring "statewide and legislative candidates to endorse sweeping policy changes in ethics, education and road funding to try to remake Louisiana."

As the article in The (Baton Rouge) Advocate put it:

Officials of the group, called Blueprint Louisiana, also said they are prepared to spend $1 million this year for television advertising and other expenses to convince political contenders to get behind the push.

“We are capable of so much more as a state,” said Maura Donahue, vice-president of a Mandeville firm and a member of the organization’s steering committee.

WELL, YEAH . . . so what? Louisiana has been capable of so much more as a state since, oh, 1812. The problem has been in 300 years of underachievement, lack of initiative and low expectations since Iberville and Bienville established a French colony there.

Most states -- indeed, most countries -- would give anything to have the natural resources and mild climate found in the Gret Stet. Most states -- indeed, most countries -- would settle for a crappy climate if they could just tap into the oil and natural-gas reserves sitting under Louisiana and off its coast.

On the most basic level there is, no one should ever go hungry in a state where the climate lets you plant both spring and fall vegetable gardens. But we know that's not the case. We know too well that Louisiana has one of the nation's highest poverty rates, including 23 percent of children under 18 . . . of which 13 percent live in "extreme poverty."

We also know that the state has an abysmal high-school dropout rate and ranks 44th in its graduation rate. Overall, 21 percent of Louisianians have less than a high-school diploma or its equivalent, including almost one-third of African-Americans.

And in 2000, only 22 percent of adult Louisianians had college degrees.

I REALIZE you have to start somewhere, and I'm not saying Blueprint Louisiana's efforts aren't desperately needed or will be futile. But the chronic nature of the state's disastrous poverty and educational-attainment statistics point to problems that lobbying some politicians can't touch.

The underlying problems in Louisiana are cultural ones, and they go back a long, long way. And unless Blueprint Louisiana can wave a magic wand and make Louisiana into an authoritarian state governed by enlightened and generous despots with the power to interrupt the deviant cycle of stupid does as stupid is -- and then force the unknowing and unwilling to educate themselves whether they want to or not -- I fear the groups' leaders have a long and frustrating row to hoe.

To be really blunt about it, a deviant (in sociological terms) population, given free will and universal emancipation, is apt to install a pretty damned deviant government (in political terms). I think Louisiana has borne that out for generation upon generation -- giving its citizens a genuinely biracial kleptocracy that, in 1991, almost ended up being headed by an ex-Klan-wizard, ex-neo-Nazi governor.

Pardon my French but, ladies and gentlemen, that's one seriously f***ed up political system.

Like I said, long row to hoe. Extremely frustrating.

SO, SHORT OF "Shape up or we'll shoot you," how do the Blueprint Louisiana folks aim to change the underlying civic culture that tolerates extreme poverty, extreme corruption, extreme racism (in both directions, I might add) and extreme disinterest in educational attainment? That's the linchpin to defeating the Dumbass Insurgency, and it's a quagmire not unlike the one we face in trying to "stabilize" Iraq.

At least we can thank God that insurgent Cajuns aren't setting off fresh-shrimp-truck bombs next to busy thoroughfares.

I'm asking here, because I don't know whether I have any good answers. I hope the Blueprint Louisiana leaders and other long-suffering good-government types do.

I TAKE THE LIBERTY of saying what I do, as bluntly as I do, because -- as I said -- I was born and raised in Baton Rouge, coming from an exceedingly working-class background and the beneficiary of a dirt-cheap, reasonably thorough college education from Louisiana State University. I was fortunate to go to college when $400 a semester would cover my tuition and fees, and I reckon I have to give thanks for at least that portion of the Long dynasty's populist legacy, one that gave generations of Louisianians so much that was so good . . . and so much that was soooooooooo bad.

As anyone who regularly reads Revolution 21's Blog for the People knows, I write a lot about my home state in Katrina's wake. And I mean a lot.

Odd, I suppose, being that I've lived in Nebraska the last 19 years. My wife and I left searching for greener, less dysfunctional pastures in 1988, and we ended up in Omaha, her hometown.

And here, as I'm wont to say, people generally care and government generally works. Schools are good, crime is relatively low and the city doesn't look like a Third World backwater. Yes, property taxes are pretty high, but then again, schools are good, crime is relatively low and the city doesn't look like a Third World backwater.

Generally, you get what you pay for.

Likewise, I'm fairly sure that many -- hell, probably most -- Louisianians would be horrified by our local property-tax rates. I'm also sure they'd be horrified by our gasoline tax and by the property- and wheel taxes we pay every year to get our cars licensed. Then again, Nebraska has very little oil revenue and our highway system isn't the worst in the nation, like some other state.

No, there's no oil in Omaha . . . but there are four Fortune 500 companies here. And there is a downtown that has been utterly transformed in the time we've lived here, as well as a citywide design and development plan that stands to transform whole swaths of this old market- and cow town on the Missouri River.

What is happening in Omaha today is what is possible when you have good schools, business involvement and a strong civic culture. We're harvesting the bounty of a Midwestern work ethic coupled with a generally progressive political culture and enough civic insecurity to push people to look at bigger cities and cultural centers and ask, "How come we can't be like that?"

LOOKING FROM UP HERE back toward Down There, I find I have developed the perspective of someone with a foot in each world . . . and Nebraska and Louisiana are different worlds. And I see that the tragedy of Louisiana -- the reason the good people of outfits like Blueprint Louisiana have their work more than cut out for them -- is that Uncle Earl (former Louisiana Gov. Earl Long) knew his state and was, oh, so right when he said "Someday Louisiana is going to get good government. And they ain't gonna like it."

Good government. Stuff like this, as reported in the Advocate piece:

Organizers said they will ask statewide and legislative candidates to sign pledges to support legislation in 2008 that would:

-- Enact the nation’s best ethics law, including detailed personal financial disclosure on employment, investments, property and liabilities for legislators, statewide elected officials, candidates for those offices and their spouses.

-- Allow every 4-year-old in the state to attend public school classes, up from about 60 percent who do so now.

-- Increase annual state aid for roads and bridges by nearly $570 million per year, mostly by moving money that now finances a wide range of state services to one that pays for roads only.

-- Reshuffle nearly $1 billion in state health-care spending so that the money follows patients rather than state-run hospitals

-- Make community and technical schools the center of efforts to improve Louisiana’s work force.

Employers often complain that they cannot find trained workers for top-paying jobs, many of which require two-year degrees.

Sean Reilly of Baton Rouge, vice chairman of Blueprint Louisiana, insisted that the plan is no pie-in-the-sky quest.

“If the citizens lead, then legislators will follow,” Reilly said. “You can adopt this agenda and win.”

BLUEPRINT LOUISIANA wants to bring the state good government. Louisianians ain't gonna like it. I mean, since when have voters there ever led -- at least led legislators toward any long-term commitment to good government?

That's the problem. What to do?

As I said earlier, I have found myself writing a lot about Louisiana here. Why?

Obviously, because I still love the place -- perhaps in a warped love-hate relationship at times, but love nonetheless. Louisiana has defined who I am and how I interact with the world, both good and bad. It is home, and I can't change that.

And no matter how fine a place Omaha is (which it is), and no matter how much I like it (which I do), and no matter how proud I am of what it has become (which I am), it isn't home. To some degree, I am and will always be an outsider here.

To some degree, I will always feel like a fish out of water here on the edge of the Middle West and the cusp of the Great Plains. Maybe it's just me, but when you're a Louisianian in a land of practical, understated Midwesterners, you sometimes get this feeling that people are sizing you up and deciding that you're Borat with a drawl.

Or that if your drawl isn't thick enough for what someone thinks a Louisiana native's ought to be, you're causing a disruption in the Region-Stereotype Continuum.

All this is to say I miss home. Despite all home's dysfunction and crookedness and poverty and crippling fatalism -- and may the phrase "Well, dat's Louisiana for you" be forever banished, amen -- I often feel that, not being home, I'm not quite right.

ON MANY LEVELS, particularly since The Thing (otherwise known as Katrina), I want to go home. I want to live out my days (pray God, many more) at home. I want to die and be buried back home.

But I look at what remains "The Poor Man of America" -- and in some ways is even more so -- and I think twice. I think hard.

I look at the seeming futility of changing a culture warped by long history and bad governance, and at the parochialism and insularity of Louisiana. I look at the distrust of "outsiders," and I wonder whether now I have become one.

I look at all this and wonder whether Thomas Wolfe was right, that, indeed, "You can't go home again." I wonder whether you don't just suck up your ennui and not even try.

I speak on the phone with my 84-year-old mother, a product -- actually, more a victim -- of all the screwed up crap that's gotten Louisiana, over generations, into the damn fix it's in now, and I feel like an able-bodied man who jumped off the Titanic and into a lifeboat, leaving the women and children behind. I am living up here in Omaha, by God, Nebraska, where people generally care and government generally works, while my functionally illiterate, widowed mother lives in Dystopialand, in her home in a declining Baton Rouge neighborhood, dependent on the kindness of my cousins.

And I know that after 84 years of knowing nothing but South Louisiana, and being as insulated as insular gets, moving her up here would be a cultural shock that just might kill her. Assuming that I ever could get her to leave Louisiana.

Likewise, I know that Louisiana isn't exactly a dream destination for people like my wife, born and raised in the Midwest and unconvinced that the cultural richness of the Bayou State outweighs the damn tough slog that living there (and knowing better) can be.

I AM COLLEGE EDUCATED. I'm also a creative person; I know what good government and a decent civic infrastructure look like, and I'm not over the hill yet. From what I've heard and read, I know that folks like those who created Blueprint Louisiana are desperate for folks like me to move -- or move back -- to the Gret Stet.

My heart tells me to go home. That's the only thing that does, because there's no rational reason -- generally speaking -- for me or anyone else to move to Louisiana.

We're not all burgeoning Rhett Butlers -- blockade runners and riverboat gamblers who've "always had a weakness for lost causes once they're really lost." And the confluence of history, recent events and never-changing statistics do little to convince Americans, or even natives like me -- particularly jaded natives like myself -- that Louisiana is anything but a lost cause.

What do Louisiana boosters say to people like me, folks whose hearts ache but, alas, do not have the last say?

What do Blueprint Louisiana types say to sympathetic folks with no Louisiana roots, those who have sympathy for your plight and might be open to a challenge but who must be practical as well?

What can the best-intentioned Louisianians do to change a civic culture that does not work up to First World standards, by and large, and hasn't for a long, long time . . . if it ever did?

How do you fix a failed state? How do you interrupt a death spiral? How do you cajole the smart and talented not to flee, and how do you convince the industrious and productive to move in?

The Blueprint Louisiana agenda is a start. And even if it's enacted, defying the long odds against it, are you ready for what lies beyond those first few steps of a thousand-mile journey?

I want to go home. I don't know whether I dare try.

It's official: The Dark Ages are back

A culture in which Paris Hilton can make a living is, by definition, problematic.

A culture in which you have a "horror rock opera" about buying replacement human organs "on the installment plan" (subject to being repo'd if you can't pay) co-starring Paris Hilton just screams "Abandon all hope ye who enter here."

Well, abandon all hope ye who are stuck in this culture, in these times. Paris will share the big screen with Paul Sorvino and Alexa Vega in Repo! The Genetic Opera. It starts shooting in Canada next month.

Now, if George Bush were looking for a good reason for preemptive war, this might be it. Quick! Somebody put a bug in Dick Cheney's ear: Nuke Canada -- next month.

Here are the ghastly details on Repo! from The Associated Press:

The horror rock opera, based on a stage musical, is set in a plague-ravaged future where people can purchase new organs on the installment plan from a corporation called Geneco. The catch is that if the payments stop, the organs are repossessed.

Hilton will portray the fame-seeking daughter of Geneco’s owner (Sorvino).

“We saw many actresses for the role, and Paris sang it better than all of them,” producer Carl Mazzocone told the Hollywood trade paper Daily Variety in Monday editions.

The director, Darren Lynn Bousman, also praised Hilton.

“I have auditioned at least 30 actresses for this role — Paris came in and owned it,” he told Variety. “She is this role.”

OH, THE GLORIES of typecasting, eh? Imagine, Paris is perfect for a role about a fame-seeking daughter.

Still, one would think you'd still have to have some talent even to play yourself. I guess they're rolling the dice on that one.

But this statement by the producer that “We saw many actresses for the role, and Paris sang it better than all of them,” frankly, beggars creduilty. I think the unspun version of what Mazzocone was trying to say is, "Holy crap! This is Hollywood Freakin' California, and we couldn't get 30 actresses who could outsing a hyena undergoing electroshock treatments? Well, maybe Paris can camp it up and get by . . . but she's definitely gonna have to get naked in this movie."

And so it goes in a culture where, pretty soon, the only words anybody knows will be F*** and Duh.

Maybe D'oh!

Hurt me! Hurt me! It hurts so gooood!

Click on the photo for full-size image.

From the Radio and Internet Newsletter, here's a story that begs the question, "Then why in the world do record labels send scads of free promo copies of albums and singles to radio stations? Not to mention willingly play the payola game with broadcasters?" Read on:

Recording artists and a member of the U.S. Copyright office were among witnesses who argued today in a Congressional hearing that the promotional value of broadcast radio insufficiently compensates artists for their work, and asked Congress to impose a new performance royalty on broadcast radio.

Much of the testimony heard today by the Committee for the Courts, the Internet, and Intellectual Property, a subcommittee of the House Committee on the Judiciary, challenged the broadcast industry's longstanding exemption from paying a performance royalty.

Sam Moore, part of the best-selling Stax recording act Sam & Dave and founding member of pro-performance royalty coalition musicFIRST, argued in his testimony that, "without a huge promotional budget and massive marketing support, radio does absolutely nothing to promote sales of my records."

AND WHILE I'M ON A ROLL, if radio so sucks as a promotional vehicle for musicians and labels, why do artist websites routinely exhort their "street teams" to call radio stations (even listing all the appropriately formatted ones by city and state, then listing their E-mail addresses and request-line numbers) and DEMAND that they play the singer's or band's single du jour?

Hello? Is this K-Puke? Dude, can you ruin MetalDeth's CD sales and, ultimately, wreck their career by playing Nookie Na-Na Rawwwwwwwk? You can!?! EXCELLENT! The guys are really hosed now!

UM HMMMMMMMM. . . .

Murdoch gets Wall Street Journal

Now, in all truth, we'll be able to say we read the Wall Street Journal for the pictures.

It's not a lull, it's a coma

Legendary radio consultant and XM programming guru Lee Abrams has a theory about intense periods and lulls in our culture. Fascinating stuff, and I think he's pretty spot on -- Abrams says we're in a "lull" period now.

Kelly Clarkson apologizes to Clive Davis. Huh? Actually it's typical in the "musical/cultural" lull period we are in. Lull periods are characterized by things like Business controlling artists (ulnike the opposite "Intense periods" where Artists drive things)...In lulls there's fashion over art; Boyfriend/girlfriend lyrics are in command; no major musical advances that make the prior generation of music nostalgic more than relevant; the "look" of artists is flashy but not scary...and the list goes on. Let's just say that we are SO in the American Idol era... It's actually a fascinating study of music and cultural trends over the past 50 years that I did...well, I think it's fascinating...I also know it's valid because I developed it in 1978 and it has been extremely accurate for the last 29 years in assessing and to a certain degree predicting trends. I guess I'll dive into it next blog. The point right now is that an artist apologizing to a label head is typical during a lull period--During an intense period (like 55, 64, 70, 80 or 93, A label head would bow to an artist that sells as many CD's as she does)...Can you imagine Elvis, The Beatles, Hendrix, the Police or Nirvana APOLOGIZING to a record company???!!!! Yeah--those are "big names" but any important artist from "intense" periods wouldn't even bother. More on this lull/intense thing later...but suffice to say, we are in a lull...

BUT IF YOU ALSO TAKE into consideration Abrams' other observation -- again, spot on -- about how utterly dumbed down our culture has become, it only follows that our lulls become almost as black holes and our "intense periods" are nothing to write home about. Abrams again:

I suppose the argument would be that it makes sense to duplicate a successful formula. Yeah—but this ain’t duplication…this is mindless sheep herding. Just as bad as terrestrial radio. No bitterness here—nothing to be bitter about---It’s more about the sheer amazement at the ongoing homogenization of media. America used to be the place where innovation drove the train. Now, with the exception of the Apples, HBO’s and a handful of others, there’s no engine..Just a lot of freight cars carrying a vacant message. That vacant message feeds junk culture and junk culture feeds mass stupidity…which...Ok—you see the domino effect. That’s scary..And that’s why I really believe in the NEED to innovate! –or at least TRY to innovate.

ME, I'M BEGINNING to wonder how, exactly, we're supposed to tell the lulls from the creative ferment. So to speak.

I also wonder whether we have become so dumbed down as a culture -- and this is equally or more true in the Church -- that by even trying to do what Abrams advises (that is, innovate) that the best one can hope for is a mere fruitless tilting at windmills as the collapse proceeds apace.

At worst. . . .

Two, four, six, eight, we can't spell matriculate!

NEWS ITEM (from the Sunday Advocate in Baton Rouge, La.):

Members of the Louisiana NAACP and nearly 100 protesters rallied Saturday at the State Capitol to demand the Board of Elementary and Secondary Schools end its “unlawful” policy of requiring fourth- and eighth-grade students to pass standardized tests for promotion to the next grade.

Amid choruses of “We Shall Overcome,” President Ernest Johnson of the Louisiana National Association for the Advancement of Colored People called use of the Louisiana Educational Assessment Program testing by BESE for grade promotion unlawful, unconstitutional and said it should be stopped.

Public school students in the fourth and eighth grades must pass the LEAP test before moving on to the next grade.

Johnson said more than 28,000 public school students failed the exit examination for the 2006-07 school year.

“There is no law in the state constitution that says our children have to take this test before they can pass,” Johnson said.

“I believe that what happened to the 28,000-plus children (who failed the LEAP test) is a curse for those kids and their families. It can’t be considered a blessing that you flunk a kid by a test that is not even required by law.”

Johnson asserted many schoolchildren fulfill their classroom requirements but are being held back because of LEAP test failure.

The protest rally was the second in two months staged on the Capitol steps by the NAACP.

(snip)

Helen Stewart, of Covington, said her grandson, Corey Turner Jr., failed the fourth-grade test at Pineview Middle School.

Stewart and her grandson stood before the protesters to speak.

“My grandson did fail the LEAP test and went through the eight-week remediation class,” Stewart said. “I don’t know to this date if he has passed.

“I would like to say to BESE that we are failing our kids, but we should have 27,999 parents here today to speak for their children.”

Vanessa Norman Rivet of Baton Rouge said her children have twice flunked the LEAP test.

“I teach my children to do their best, but when they’ve done their best and they come to you and still fail, what do you say?” Rivet said. “Academically, they have done what they have to do. Change is here today so I’m going to march on, run on and talk on until BESE hears what I have to say.”

* * *

Dear NAACP protesters,


A standardized test is not oppressing your children. It's a test; it merely measures whether or not your kids know some very basic things at the fourth- and eighth-grade levels.

If your kids and grandkids flunk, I would suggest three more likely reasons than Racist Oppression by Whitey:

1) They might be dumbasses.

2) You might be dumbasses who never read to your kids or take much interest in their academic achievement . . . until their dismal failure gives you a reason to mau-mau for the TV cameras.

3) Their schools might be rotten, a small detail you never noticed or raised a stink about because that would have taken away valuable time and energy from pursuing your constitutional right to perpetual victimhood.

Now, might I suggest you stop wasting your time and others' patience with silly protests blaming your youth's non-performance on everybody except those with whom the fault lies. In other words, sorry excuses for parents and a culture of diminished -- or no -- expectations.

I think pathetic protests such as the Louisiana NAACP's marches on the state capitol are graphic evidence of a culture of diminished -- or no -- expectations. If you really want better lives for your underachieving children -- and an actual future for the great majority of the state's African-American population -- I would suggest forgetting the P-R-O-T-E-S-T and start thinking more along the lines of S-Y-L-V-A-N.

Or perhaps L-I-B-R-A-R-Y.

In its long history, the NAACP has fought for noble and serious causes. Its members have suffered greatly for principles like the colorblindness of human dignity and equality under the law.

But if one insists upon the full rights of citizenship, one has no moral standing to shirk its accompanying responsibilities. And it would seem that being accountable for one's actions -- or scholastic inaction -- is so simple, even a child could do it.

When TV was smart . . . and human

Tom Snyder is dead. If that doesn't matter to you -- if you don't know who Tom Snyder was -- you are the poorer for it.

In the '70s and '80s, Snyder's Tomorrow came on after Johnny Carson signed off at midnight. And if you stayed up, you were usually in for interesting conversations -- back when people on TV had interesting conversations, as opposed to infomercials for their just-released whatever.

Sometimes Snyder's conversations were hilarious, sometimes awkward, sometimes just this side of a televised streetfight, most of the time wonderfully quirky. All of them bathed in swirling wisps of cigarette smoke.

Above, we have three YouTube clips of Snyder Does Punk. First, a couple of delicious 1980 segments where the King of the Colortini exposes the Artist Formerly Known as Johnny Rotten for the overgrown-adolescent poseur he was, and then a 1981 interview with The Clash.

Tom Snyder could do "straight" interviews with the best of them. But Snyder at his best usually had little to do with "straight" interviewing. At his best, Tom Snyder was your brilliant, smart-assed uncle, telling funny stories and engaging in verbal swordplay with fascinating guests in from the fringes of somewhere or something.

All of it, as noted, bathed in swirling wisps of cigarette smoke.

Tom Snyder was bigger than life, as evidenced by Dan Aykroyd's hilarious Saturday Night Live parodies of Tomorrow, and our culture is diminished by his passing.

Los Miserables

Cecilia Guevara, 39, sat in the Sarpy County Jail as her 16-year-old daughter and two grandchildren died Wednesday morning after their Bellevue, Neb., townhouse went up in flames.

Guevara was locked up awaiting trial on third-offense shoplifting charges, a felony. She couldn't come up with $1,000 to get out of jail.

Meanwhile, Cecilia's elder daughter, 20-year-old Jolynna Kaiser, was volunteering at a local food bank as her two children and her teen-age sister, babysitting at the time, were trapped by the thick smoke and flames. Guevara's three youngest children and a neighbor baby escaped the fire.

Authorities placed the surviving kids in foster care, with their ultimate placement to be decided later this week. Relatives are trying to get custody.

"MAN," YOU MUST BE WONDERING, "what kind of felonious miscreant must this jailbird Cecilia Guevara be? Felony shoplifting? Did she shoplift a Hummer? A hi-def plasma TV? An entire Walgreens?"

Saturday's article in the Omaha World-Herald answered some of those questions. The byline said Christopher Burbach, but I'm thinking it was really the ghost of Victor Hugo, because I'm definitely picking up a strong Jean Valjean vibe, here:

Cecilia Guevara, 39, was in the Sarpy County Jail at the time of the fire. She had been arrested on suspicion of shoplifting two coolers, four squirt guns, five swimming toys, nine toy pails and other items July 4 from a Dollar General store in Bellevue. The merchandise totaled $81.

"I had five kids and no money," she said Friday. "It was the Fourth of July. I just wanted them to have some fun."

She said a chaplain and sergeant broke the news of the fire to her in the jail shortly after it occurred.

"The sergeant was crying with me, telling me, 'We're going to get you out of here,'" Guevara said. "And they did."

While still in jail, a caller from the hospital told her that her grandchildren were still alive. She had some hope they would live, she said.

"Ten minutes later, they called back and said 'They just took their last breaths together,'" Guevara said.

Ironically, a hair tie and a ring were the only two possessions of her own returned to Guevara when she was released from jail.

Her ring matched Alma's. They were gag items that they had ordered through the mail because they were supposed to attract money. Cecilia Guevara, Alma and Kaiser all wore the rings.

"We were so tired of always being broke," Guevara said.

EIGHTY. ONE. DOLLARS. In toys.

Nebraska is a crappy state in which to be poor and desperate. Read this story, if you have any doubts.

Upon Guevara's release, Sarpy County Attorney Lee Polikov said springing the grieving mother and grandmother was the right move.

"Compassion would dictate that if there's a consideration that can be made, it ought to be made," he told the World-Herald.

How about this, Mr. Sends People Up the River Over 81 Bucks? How about you just drop all charges against this poverty-stricken women who just lost a big chunk of her family?

After all, wouldn't compassion "dictate" she's damn well suffered enough?

Lyrics! We got lyrics!

As promised, here are the lyrics to Dégénérations by Mes Aïeux, both en français et en anglais (in French and in English):

DÉGÉNÉRATIONS
(S. Archambault, Mes Aïeux / S. Archambault, Mes Aïeux)

Ton arrière-arrière-grand-père, il a défriché la terre
Ton arrière-grand-père, il a labouré la terre
Et pis ton grand-père a rentabilisé la terre
Pis ton père, il l'a vendue pour devenir fonctionnaire

Et pis toi, mon p'tit gars, tu l'sais pus c'que tu vas faire
Dans ton p'tit trois et demi bien trop cher, frette en hiver
Il te vient des envies de devenir propriétaire
Et tu rêves la nuit d'avoir ton petit lopin de terre

Ton arrière-arrière-grand-mère, elle a eu quatorze enfants
Ton arrière-grand-mère en a eu quasiment autant
Et pis ta grand-mère en a eu trois c'tait suffisant
Pis ta mère en voulait pas ; toi t'étais un accident

Et pis toi, ma p'tite fille, tu changes de partenaire tout l'temps
Quand tu fais des conneries, tu t'en sauves en avortant
Mais y'a des matins, tu te réveilles en pleurant
Quand tu rêves la nuit d'une grande table entourée d'enfants

Ton arrière-arrière-grand-père a vécu la grosse misère
Ton arrière-grand-père, il ramassait les cennes noires
Et pis ton grand-père - miracle ! - est devenu millionnaire
Ton père en a hérité, il l'a tout mis dans ses RÉERs

Et pis toi, p'tite jeunesse, tu dois ton cul au ministère
Pas moyen d'avoir un prêt dans une institution bancaire
Pour calmer tes envies de hold-uper la caissière
Tu lis des livres qui parlent de simplicité volontaire

Tes arrière-arrière-grands-parents, ils savaient comment fêter
Tes arrière-grands-parents, ça swignait fort dans les veillées
Pis tes grands-parents ont connu l'époque yé-yé
Tes parents, c'tait les discos ; c'est là qu'ils se sont rencontrés

Et pis toi, mon ami, qu'est-ce que tu fais de ta soirée ?
Éteins donc ta tivi ; faut pas rester encabané
Heureusement que dans' vie certaines choses refusent de changer
Enfile tes plus beaux habits car nous allons ce soir danser...


Stéphane Archambault: Voix
Éric Desranleau: Voix
Frédéric Giroux: Voix
Marie-Hélène Fortin: Voix
Marc-André Paquet: Batterie, percussions
Benoît Archambault: Voix


* * *

DÉGÉNÉRATIONS
(S. Archambault, Mes Aïeux / S. Archambault, Mes Aïeux)


Your great-great-grandfather, he has cleared the land
Your great-grandfather, he has ploughed the land
And then your grandfather, made money with the land
And then your father sold it, to become a state employee

And then you lil' guy, you don’t know what you will do
In your small apartment, too expensive and cold in winter
You have desires, to become a home owner
And you dream at night, of owning your little piece of land . . .

Your great-great-grandmother, gave birth to 14 children
Your great-grandmother, had almost as many
And then your grandmother, had only 3, it was enough
And then your mother didn’t want any, you were an accident

And then you lil' girl, you swap partners all the time
When you’re in trouble, you save yourself by aborting
But on some mornings, you wake-up crying
When you dream at night . . . of a large table surrounded by children

Your great-great-grandfather has lived in extreme poverty
Your great-grandfather, he saved every penny
And then your grandfather -- miracle -- has become a millionaire
Your father inherited and put it all in his RRSP

And then you lil' youth, you owe your ass to the government
There’s no way you can have a loan, at a financial institution
To calm your desire to hold up the cashier
You read books about voluntary simplicity . . .

Your great-great-grandparents knew how to celebrate
Your great-grandparents were swinging hard in the parties
And then your grandparents live the Yé-Yé era
For your parents it was the Discos; that is where they met

And then you, my friend, what are you doing tonight?
Shut off your T.V.; you shouldn’t stay locked inside
It’s a good thing that in life some things refuse to change
Put on your nicest clothes ‘cause we’re going out to dance


Stéphane Archambault: Vocals
Éric Desranleau: Vocals
Frédéric Giroux: Vocals
Marie-Hélène Fortin: Vocals
Marc-André Paquet: Drums, percussion
Benoît Archambault: Vocals

What's the Big Show worth to you?

So . . . what is the Big Show worth to you?

Is it worth telling people about Revolution 21?

Is the podcast worth creating a little word-of-mouth action?

Is not being hit up for money worth helping your Mighty Favog advertise the Revolution 21 empire for free (that's where the word-of-mouth comes in) -- in both its podcast and blog domains?

HERE'S THE DEAL, most explicitly. Revolution 21 is an experiment in how to live a faithful Christian life while also living out one's vocation as a media type. It's not bait-and-switch evangelization -- though it would be most excellent if we accidentally said or did or played something that causes you to consider Christ and His Church.

No, Revolution 21 is both bigger and smaller than that. It's about being faithful while being relevant. It's about being intelligent while being Catholic. It's about reclaiming the Church's (in its broad sense) place at the cultural table, a place we as Christians (and particularly Catholics) forfeited because we went all metaphysically Gnostic, in that we thought we could seperate our faith from how we live.

From how we work.

From how we interact with the world.

From how we commit culture.

Cultural pursuits became merely utilitarian . . . that is, trying to bait-and-switch you onto Our Team.

Revolution 21 is not about that. Faith is more important than a cosmic contest. Revolution 21 is about being faithful. About being authentically human. About having one foot in Heaven and one foot in the muck of humanity.

Revolution 21 is here as, hopefully, something intelligent yet accessible that can be a refuge for Christians and a friendly place to hang out even if you're not.

LIKE I SAID, it's an experiment. Maybe no one wants such a thing. Maybe it's before its time -- or has come too late. One way or the other, I need to find out.

Do you think this place on the Internet has some value? Let people know if you do. Let ME know if you do. I know I'm being kind of "out there," and, frankly, it's kind of lonely out here . . . Out There.

Obviously, I think what we're doing here has some merit. I think the show's pretty decent, and that your Mighty Favog isn't totally offputting as a host.

Than again, I could be horribly wrong. Lots of people are horribly wrong about things they're passionate about and committed to. It's a sad thing, but it happens.

But I gotta know. Revolution 21 is going to start to grow, or it's going to go away because no one can tilt at windmills forever. Time is fleeting, and life is short.

So, what do you think?

At least I didn't hit you up for any cash, right?

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT . . . the new episode of The Big Show is a dang fine one, if I do say so myself. But like I said, I could be wrong about these things.

But I don't think so.

Anyway, judge for yourself. You can download it here, or just go to the player at the top of this page.

Mau-mauing while Rome bleeds to death

Some black ministers in New Orleans (Yes, I'm writing about New Orleans again, because it's the greatest collection of Flannery O'Connor stories since the death of Flannery O'Connor.) are upset that the White Man is pickin' on a pore brother, the incompetent and embattled district attorney, Eddie Jordan.

They want the White Man to stop it, because it's racist. They're standing behind their Black Man, for he is Not White.

Meanwhile, New Orleans' young African-American men -- mostly -- still are being gunned down at a shocking rate, and on the odd chance the city's Keystone Cops catch the perps, there's an even odder chance that Jordan can prosecute them successfully. But that's not important now.

Getting outraged at whitey is. The Times-Picayune reported on this outbreak of unholy insanity Wednesday:

Orleans Parish District Attorney Eddie Jordan, called upon recently by a city councilwoman to resign, got a solid vote of confidence Tuesday from black ministers who said he has done an outstanding job with the resources of his office and is being unfairly blamed for the city's high murder rate.

The 13 ministers who gathered at a Central City church to voice their support of the DA belong to the Ideal Missionary Baptist Association, founded in 1937. Its membership consists of 30 pastors of Baptist churches across the city.

It was the Rev. Joseph C. Profit Sr., the association's president, who laid out the group's case for being in Jordan's corner.

For starters, Profit said, New Orleans' high murder rate is nothing new. It was also high in the years before Jordan became the first African-American DA in the city's history, he said.

But when Jordan's predecessors were in office, Profit said, "No one cried out for their resignation or threatened impeachment." The difference, he said, is that the former DA's were all white.

Jordan, who'd been seated with the ministers during their news conference at the Passing Onward Baptist Church, 2414 Danneel St., rose to thank them, calling them "integral spokesmen in their own right about the conditions in the city."

I THINK I CAN EXPLAIN the reality of what's happening here with a small parable.

Say, for example, there is an old redneck farmer working his plot of vegetables one day, and that plot happens to lie within 100 yards or so of the railroad tracks. Now, the old man isn't exacty racist -- he doesn't think about black folk much one way or the other, but he's not exactly the most politically correct fella in the world, either.

Usually, this isn't a problem for him out in the sticks. He keeps to himself and, anyway, those he runs into are pretty much old rednecks like himself.

But on this day, as he's working his vegetable plot, the old farmer spies a young African-American man walking down the railroad tracks, oblivious to the world. And to the 5:30 freight barreling toward him a quarter-mile down the line.

The young guy's back is to the train. Like I said, he's oblivious to the rumbling. Oblivious to the blaring horn.

Startled, the redneck farmer starts running toward the young man on the tracks, at least as fast as a 77-year-old can run. He's yelling at the top of his lungs.

"Hey, boy! Get off the tracks! You're gonna get hit by the train! Boy! GET OFF THE TRACKS! Hey! BOY!"

THE YOUNG MAN snaps out of it, now fully alert. He glares at the old white man, his eyes flashing with pure fury.

The farmer is screaming as loudly as he can, still running toward what, to him, is a young boy about to get smushed by a train.

"BOY! GET OFF THE TRACKS! YOU"RE GONNA GET SMUSHED! RUN!!!"

The young man, his face contorted with rage, yells back at the old man as the train -- horn wailing, air brakes squealing -- bears down on his back.

"WHO YOU CALLIN' 'BOY,' MOTHERF. . . ."

The farmer, screaming, turns his head away at the instant of impact.

Éteignez les lumières, le partie est fini

Click on the picture for video.

It would have been, perhaps, better -- and much less painful, ultimately . . . and much less deadly, ultimately -- if New Orleans had just been finished off once and for all by the Federal Flood in the wake of Katrina.

La Nouvelle Orleans, elle est mort. But the corpse is still twitching -- some. I'm told that sometimes happens, but the decedent is still quite dead.

I had held out some faint hope that what's left of the once-grand city would avoid becoming another Camden -- or Gary -- only much, much worse. But you know it's over when the cops are saying stuff like this without the faintest hint of irony or black humor:

"I think people can take some comfort in knowing that it was a random act of violence," said Sgt. Joe Narcisse, and NOPD spokesman. "I think the residents will tell you that the neighborhood is pretty safe, it's rare to have crime in this neighborhood, especially violent crime."

WHAT NEW ORLEANIANS are supposed to "take some comfort" in is that a Colorado contractor who moved to the city to help in the rebuilding got himself carjacked, shot in the face and killed in one of its "pretty safe" neighborhoods. I think you would call that "cold comfort" -- as in, "A hell of a guy who was minding his own business now lies on a shelf that slides into a big refrigerator in the Orleans Parish morgue."

If the cops ever catch who put Tony White on that shelf, in the fridge, in the morgue -- and that's pretty damned unlikely, given it's the New Orleans Police Department we're talking about, here -- you can run down to Harrah's down by the river off of Canal Street and make book that District Attorney Eddie Jordan will never convict the SOB.

And when that becomes the daily reality of an already poor, already devastated city, who the hell will want to move there? Who the hell already there and in their right mind will stick it out?

NOT MANY PEOPLE any sane city planner would covet having there, that's for damn sure.

Here's the sad, sad story from WWL television:

The murder of a man who had relocated to New Orleans to help the city rebuild is the city’s 108th of the year and it’s the final straw for his wife and some of his friends, who say they are headed out, driven from a city they love by out of control crime.

Tony White, a contractor who moved from Colorado after Katrina, was killed early Thursday morning while returning from work. Police believe he was the victim of a random carjacking.

"He'd come home about 2 in the morning, minding his own business,” said his wife Tammy. “He was the nicest guy. If they wanted his wallet, he would have given it to him. But they took our jeep and killed him. That's the call I got."

Tammy White said her husband was planning to get out of the construction management business and the couple was going to open a photography studio.

His wife said Tony often worried about crime. Authorities say he was coming home from a job around 3 a.m. when he was shot once in the face in a neighborhood that is normally considered a safe one.

“He was the greatest man,” said his wife. “He was my best friend. The kids and grandkids just idolized him. He was it, and for those guys to snuff out a life like that is pitiful.”

Tammy White says she is leaving as soon as she can.

Brad Robinson, who is White’s friend and landlord, said he is also going to move from a city he no longer considers safe.

“I’m finished. I’m finished with the city of New Orleans,” he said. “As soon as me and my wife can liquidate our assets, our rental properties and our businesses, we’re leaving.”

Detectives believe it was a carjacking and said the murder appeared to be random.

"I think people can take some comfort in knowing that it was a random act of violence," said Sgt. Joe Narcisse, and NOPD spokesman. "I think the residents will tell you that the neighborhood is pretty safe, it's rare to have crime in this neighborhood, especially violent crime."

High as a kite . . . and then some

Click on the picture for video.

"Honest occifer . . . I only had tee

martoonis. I can sly dis thing

in my fleep. Rully! (Hic!)"

IT IS A GOOD THING to still have old-timers like NBC's Jay Barbree on the space beat -- or any beat -- to add much-needed institutional knowledge, perspective and dang amusing anecdotes to flesh out the big stories of the day.

And I would tell you what that perspective and really funny anecdote was, but that might keep you from clicking on the photo to see Barbree tell it himself on MSNBC.

This is the gist of the story Barbree fleshes out for us:

A panel has found that astronauts were allowed to fly on at least two occasions despite warnings they were so drunk they posed a flight risk, sources familiar with the panel's report said Thursday.

Aviation Week also reported that the independent panel set up by NASA to study astronaut health issues found evidence of "heavy use of alcohol" before launch that was within the standard 12-hour "bottle-to-throttle" rule. Flight surgeons and other astronauts warned that drunken astronauts posed a flight risk when they flew on the two known occasions, according to the publication.

A source who has seen the panel's draft report confirmed that it referred to the two occasions — but noted that the claims were based strictly on anecdotal reports, rather than hard evidence such as blood tests. The source spoke with NBC News on condition of anonymity because NASA did not provide authorization to discuss the report.

The report came to light even as NASA was dealing with an alleged case of space-computer sabotage, and served to highlight the challenges facing the space agency as it moves from the "right stuff" stereotypes of its past into a less forgiving future.

"Astronauts used to get away with all manner of rule-breaking back in the 1980s and 1990s, when NASA top managers used the astronaut office as their auxiliary drinking team, baseball team and dating service," said NBC News space analyst James Oberg, a 22-year veteran of NASA's Mission Control. "That has largely been cleaned up under the last two administrators."

Nevertheless, controversies still crop up: Most notably, astronaut Lisa Nowak was arrested in February and is facing assault charges for confronting a romantic rival. That sensational case sparked NASA to authorize the independent panel investigation as well as an internal review of the space agency's astronaut screening procedures.

Sources said that the panel's draft report does not address Nowak's case directly or mention any other astronaut by name.

A spokeswoman at NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston, where the astronaut corps is based, would not comment on the report. The space agency said it would release the findings of "two reviews regarding astronaut medical and behavioral health assessments" at a press conference on Friday in Washington.

Bill Gerstenmaier, NASA's associate administrator for human spaceflight, rebuffed repeated inquiries about the report Thursday during a news briefing on the shuttle Endeavour's upcoming launch. He said he had not personally dealt with any instances of drunken behavior during a shuttle mission. "There's not been a disciplinary action or anything I've been involved with regarding this type of activity," he said.

HALLELUJAH! Pope rebukes Twits for Jesus

If you were a space alien beamed over from the planet Zorkon to observe the "Christianity phenomenon," what would you conclude -- absent any extensive knowledge of historical Christian belief, liturgy, music and art? How would you evaluate the bad lounge-lizardry that passes for liturgical (or "praise") music? What would you make of the banal, Stuart Smalleyesque lyrical content?

What would you think if you went to your neighborhood Lifeway or local Catholic bookstore to peruse what Christians were reading about? What would you make of the gaudy, tacky and superficial "Jesus junk" cluttering the display space?

What would you think of this "Christianity phenomenon" by observing how it interacted -- both intellectually and on a grassroots, practical level -- with the secular spheres of letters, philosophy, science and art?

What conclusions would you draw when you compared and contrasted "Christian" contemporary music, books, television and film with the best of their "secular" counterparts?

AND HOW WOULD YOU EXPLAIN the phenomenon of "Bible-believing" Christians -- and their counterparts among "orthodox" Catholics -- who can look at almost two centuries of the fossil record supporting the evolution of species and the antiquity of humanity and its humanoid ancestors -- and find it easier to believe the Earth is 6,000-odd years old and all of science is out to get God rather than that perhaps they've been taking Genesis literally when it was meant to be taken metaphorically?

Then again, some of these folks are just as adept at taking parts of the Bible -- like John 6 -- metaphorically despite numerous clues it was meant to be taken quite literally.

It would appear that, when it comes to the whole evolution-creationism debate, Pope Benedict XVI has been thinking like a Zorkonite, concluding that a lot of us are just plain goofy.

According to this MSNBC story, Benedict has declared "the debate raging in some countries — particularly the United States and his native Germany — between creationism and evolution was an 'absurdity,' saying that evolution can coexist with faith."

HALLELUJAH! The Church has been saying this for a while now, but it's always nice to have the Holy Father restate -- forcefully -- the freakin' obvious. When we've taught religious education to eighth-graders, Mrs. Favog and I have gotten used to the disbelieving looks when we tell the kiddos that the Church has no particular problem with the concept of evolution . . . so long as there's room for the Almighty in there somewhere.

Which is what the pope has just restated (while making sense on climate change as well):

The pontiff, speaking as he was concluding his holiday in northern Italy, also said that while there is much scientific proof to support evolution, the theory could not exclude a role by God.

“They are presented as alternatives that exclude each other,” the pope said. “This clash is an absurdity because on one hand there is much scientific proof in favor of evolution, which appears as a reality that we must see and which enriches our understanding of life and being as such.”

He said evolution did not answer all the questions: “Above all it does not answer the great philosophical question, ‘Where does everything come from?’”

Benedict also said the human race must listen to “the voice of the Earth” or risk destroying its very existence.

The pope is wrapping up a three-week private holiday in the majestic mountains of northern Italy, where residents are alarmed by the prospect of climate change that can alter their way of life.

“We all see that today man can destroy the foundation of his existence, his Earth,” he said in a closed door meeting with 400 priests on Tuesday. A full transcript of the two-hour event was issued on Wednesday.

“We cannot simply do what we want with this Earth of ours, with what has been entrusted to us,” said the pope, who has been spending his time reading and walking in the scenic landscape bordering Austria.

NOW THAT THE CHURCH has spoken common sense -- again -- about the Evolution Wars, can we start working on how we engage the culture as people of God?

Jesus, being fully God, happened to be the smartest and most cultured human being Who ever lived. With that as a given, can we as His followers now just stop acting like the half-witted side of the human family, all too eager to show up to the fancy cocktail party wearing our ABREADCRUMB AND FISH T-shirts and telling people to pull our cross?

Cool cat warms up to dying patients

Be nice to all of God's creatures, because there's a lot more going on with "dumb animals" than you might think. Sometimes, they turn out to be smarter than us.

A lot of the time, they turn out to be kinder than us.

AND ONCE IN A WHILE, they turn out to be both. God can work with that, as this Associated Press story from Providence, R.I., so ably illustrates:

Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.
"He doesn't make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die," said Dr. David Dosa in an interview. He describes the phenomenon in a poignant essay in Thursday's issue of the New England Journal of Medicine.

"Many family members take some solace from it. They appreciate the companionship that the cat provides for their dying loved one," said Dosa, a geriatrician and assistant professor of medicine at Brown University.

The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third- floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. The facility treats people with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and other illnesses.

After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He'd sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours.

Dosa said Oscar seems to take his work seriously and is generally aloof. "This is not a cat that's friendly to people," he said.

Oscar is better at predicting death than the people who work there, said Dr. Joan Teno of Brown University, who treats patients at the nursing home and is an expert on care for the terminally ill

She was convinced of Oscar's talent when he made his 13th correct call. While observing one patient, Teno said she noticed the woman wasn't eating, was breathing with difficulty and that her legs had a bluish tinge, signs that often mean death is near.

Oscar wouldn't stay inside the room though, so Teno thought his streak was broken. Instead, it turned out the doctor's prediction was roughly 10 hours too early. Sure enough, during the patient's final two hours, nurses told Teno that Oscar joined the woman at her bedside.

Doctors say most of the people who get a visit from the sweet-faced, gray-and-white cat are so ill they probably don't know he's there, so patients aren't aware he's a harbinger of death. Most families are grateful for the advanced warning, although one wanted Oscar out of the room while a family member died. When Oscar is put outside, he paces and meows his displeasure.

I'M A DOG PERSON, but Oscar the Cat is all right by me. I think Molly and Scout, the Imperial Dogs, would make an exception and agree with their master.

I know how to make them talk

The New York Times reports there's a showdown a comin' between Congress and the White House over executive privilege:

The House Judiciary Committee voted today to seek contempt of Congress citations against a top aide to President Bush and a former presidential aide over their refusal to cooperate in an inquiry about the firing of federal prosecutors.

The 22-to-17 vote along party lines escalates the battle between the administration and Congressional Democrats over the dismissals of nine United States attorneys last year, an episode that Democrats say needs airing but that many Republicans say is much ado about nothing.

“It’s not a step that, as chairman, I take easily or lightly,” the head of the panel, Representative John D. Conyers, Democrat of Michigan, said before the committee voted to cite Joshua B. Bolten, the president’s chief of staff, and Harriet E. Miers, the former White House counsel.

To take effect, the Judiciary Committee’s recommendation must be voted upon by the full House, where Democrats have a 231-to-201 edge, with 3 vacancies. Speaker Nancy Pelosi has not said whether she would seek House action before the lawmakers recess in early August, or allow the issue to simmer until the House reconvenes after Labor Day.

(snip)

The White House has refused, on the grounds of executive privilege, to make Mr. Bolten and Ms. Miers available for sworn testimony before Congress. To do so, the White House argues, could stifle frank, confidential advice to the president, and future presidents, by their closest advisers.

THAT'S THE NUB OF THE FIGHT. The thing is, Congress is faced with a Catch-22: It can't make the Executive Branch enforce the contempt citation against itself. That's a problem as sticky as the executive branch faces with "What do we do with fall-between-the-cracks 'enemy combatants'?"

The Times again:

In the event that the full House voted contempt citations against Mr. Bolten and Ms. Miers, the next legal step would be a referral to the United States attorney for the District of Columbia (a Bush appointee) for prosecution.

But there is a further complication: the White House asserted last week that the law does not permit Congress to require a United States attorney to convene a grand jury or otherwise pursue a prosecution when someone refuses on the basis of executive privilege to testify or turn over documents. That stance was repeated in a Justice Department letter to the Judiciary Committee on Tuesday.

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I have a modest proposal for the House. I submit that representatives be every bit as creative as has the Executive Branch in dealing with "enemy combatants" and terror suspects.

First, the House needs to beef up the sergeant-at-arms office with a couple of crack units made up of former special-ops soldiers. Then the speaker's office needs to sign an order giving the sergeant at arms the power to carry out "renditions" against recalcitrant White House aides and former aides.

When Joshua Bolten and Harriet Miers have been seized successfully from the streets of Washington (or perhaps Dallas, if Miers has tried to flee the long arm of the House), they could be taken to a secret offshore House facility, where they would be forced to maintain stress positions, be deprived of sleep and -- if all else failed -- be subjected to waterboarding until the gave up the goods on the president.

I don't know that President Bush could make any plausible objection to the practice, since he has declared rendition, offshore detention facilities and "enhanced interrogation techniques" as Not Torture and ordered that We Not Torture.

Which House goons deputy sergeants-at-arms would not be doing, because We Don't Torture, because "enhanced interrogation techniques" ain't torture (no matter what we thought after World War II, when we imprisoned Germans and Japanese for being equally "enhanced"), because the president and the attorney general say they ain't.

I mean, what would be the prob? No Big Whoop. Elegant and creative solution.

Right?