Bobby Jindal: Cafeteria Catholic

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal is furious that the U.S. Supreme Court told his state, "No, you can't execute child-rapers," but plans to do nothing about it -- beyond affecting outrage in a bid to placate Bubba -- so the justices have no excuse to strike down his reform agenda.

WHAT THE GUB'NA has failed to address is that Louisiana's penchant for killing murderers -- and trying to kill those who rape kids -- seemingly has done nothing to lower the stratospheric rate at which its citizens assault, maim, bugger and slay one another. In a state where life already is cheap, government policy has been to make it even cheaper by dispensing death sentences like so many Chiclets out of a penny gum machine.

And in a state where educational achievement has always lagged, Louisianians never have figured out, exactly, that death + death = more death. Not respect for life.

Neither have they figured out that kiddie rape + death = one dead rapist plus a lot more live ones in the pipeline. Death is no "deterrent" to people already sick enough to rape children. And the state's murder of killers and rapists capable of being punished and removed from society without use of the death penalty is not justice . . . or punishment.

It is vengeance. The modern state has no business in the vengeance business. The vengeance business is the monopoly of the Almighty.

YOU'D THINK SOMEONE who styles himself as something of a Catholic apologist would know that. And you'd think that someone who goes around writing essays about the Catholic Church being The Church would pay a little bit more attention to its clear teaching:

2265
Legitimate defense can be not only a right but a grave duty for one who is responsible for the lives of others. The defense of the common good requires that an unjust aggressor be rendered unable to cause harm. For this reason, those who legitimately hold authority also have the right to use arms to repel aggressors against the civil community entrusted to their responsibility.

2266
The efforts of the state to curb the spread of behavior harmful to people's rights and to the basic rules of civil society correspond to the requirement of safeguarding the common good. Legitimate public authority has the right and the duty to inflict punishment proportionate to the gravity of the offense. Punishment has the primary aim of redressing the disorder introduced by the offense. When it is willingly accepted by the guilty party, it assumes the value of expiation. Punishment then, in addition to defending public order and protecting people's safety, has a medicinal purpose: as far as possible, it must contribute to the correction of the guilty party.

2267
Assuming that the guilty party's identity and responsibility have been fully determined, the traditional teaching of the Church does not exclude recourse to the death penalty, if this is the only possible way of effectively defending human lives against the unjust aggressor.

If, however, non-lethal means are sufficient to defend and protect people's safety from the aggressor, authority will limit itself to such means, as these are more in keeping with the concrete conditions of the common good and more in conformity with the dignity of the human person.

Today, in fact, as a consequence of the possibilities which the state has for effectively preventing crime, by rendering one who has committed an offense incapable of doing harm—without definitively taking away from him the possibility of redeeming himself—the cases in which the execution of the offender is an absolute necessity "are very rare, if not practically non-existent."

[Emphasis mine -- R21]

INSTEAD, THIS is what we get from Louisiana's holier-than-thou chief executive, who suddenly discovered the joys of "cafeteria Catholicism," where you get to pick and choose the moral truths that suit you:

"I am outraged by the Supreme Court's decision. It is an affront to the people of Louisiana and the jury's unanimous decision in this case. The opinion reflects a clear abuse of judicial authority, trampling the constitutional authority of states to act through the legislative process. The Court found, 'there is a distinction between intentional first degree murder on the one hand and nonhomicide crimes against individual persons, even including child rape, on the other. The latter crimes may be devastating in their harm, as here, but in terms of moral depravity and of the injury to the person and to the public, they cannot be compared to murder in their severity and irrevocability.'

"The Supreme Court is dead wrong. It is fundamentally improper for the Supreme Court to base an important decision like this on its 'independent judgment' about a perceived 'national consensus against capital punishment for the crime of child rape.' The opinion reads more like an out-of-control legislative debate than a constitutional analysis.

One thing is clear: the five members of the Court who issued the opinion do not share the same ‘standards of decency' as the people of Louisiana. One Justice said that 'the death penalty is not a proportional punishment for the rape of a child.' That is incredibly absurd. The most repugnant crimes deserve the harshest penalties, and nothing is more repugnant than the brutal rape of an eight-year-old child.

We will evaluate ways to amend our statute to maintain death as a penalty for this horrific crime."

IF SOME SICK S.O.B. brutally raped a daughter of mine, would I want him dead? Would I be capable of killing him myself, in cold blood? Probably so.

And I would expect that, in a civilized and just world, I would be arrested and put away for a long, long time. My desire to see that rapist dead -- and my ability to make it a do-it-yourself project -- is not a reflection of my goodness, but instead of what a fallen, wretched and sinful creature I am.

The state exists to help save me from myself and -- failing that -- to save others from my baser instincts. Even crooks.

When the state decides it's against only some baser instincts -- and not only that, but decides it will codify some of our baser instincts . . . provided they're carried out only against the "right" people -- the barbarians no longer are at the gate, but are running the show.

You'd think that an Ivy League-educated, Catholic-apologist governor would know that. But, like his empty promises of "transparency" and "reform," that would be just another "bridge too far."

Bobby Jindal slinks back home . . .

. . . after foolin' around with John McCain. And Louisiana is not amused.

I'm tellin' you, there's nothing in the world that hasn't been in a classic country song.

I didn't know God made honky tonk gub'nas

Hank Thompson used to sing some classic cheatin' songs about the likes of Bobby Jindal.

AND IT LOOKS LIKE Louisiana done got itself stuck with a honky-tonk angel because -- as Jerry Lee's cousin Mickey Gilley could have told voters last year -- the candidates all look prettier at closin' time. And it's been last call for the Gret Stet for some time now.

So now, after folks thought they'd found themselves a sweet young thing who was going to make them feel alive again . . . who was going to cure what ailed 'em . . . who was going to be their sunshine, their only sunshine . . . who'd make them happy when skies were gray. . . . Well, it's starting to look like a down-on-its-luck state gave its heart away only to get a rust-standard ethics law and an earful of sweet nothing before Gov. Honky Tonk Angel went social-climbing after a rich old man.

The New York Times, that private dick of the public record, is talking out of school and naming names:

Senator John McCain is planning to meet this weekend with at least three potential Republican running mates at a gathering at his ranch in Arizona, suggesting that he is stepping up his search for a vice president now that the Democratic contest appears basically decided, according to Republicans familiar with Mr. McCain’s plans.

Gov. Charlie Crist of Florida, Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana and Mitt Romney, the former governor of Massachusetts and a one-time rival for the Republican nomination, have all accepted invitations to visit with Mr. McCain at his ranch in Sedona, these Republicans said.

After a week of campaigning, Mr. McCain is heading home on Friday for three days without a public schedule. His campaign described this as a social weekend that would include a number of couples, and — as has been its policy it declined to discuss any aspect of the vice presidential search.

“We don’t talk about the V.P. selection process,” said Steve Schmidt a senior adviser.

In addition to Mr. Crist, Mr. Jindal and Mr. Romney, Mr. McCain’s guest list includes some of top his political counselors, among them Charlie Black, a senior strategist, and Senator Lindsay Graham of South Carolina, his frequent traveling companion and probably his closest colleague in the Senate.

If the gathering does not involve actual interviews, as some of Mr. McCain’s associates said Wednesday, it will provide Mr. McCain with a chance to know some potential running mates in a social context. Mr. McCain is known as a social and gregarious candidate and senator, and his associates said personal chemistry would be a key consideration in his choice.

The gathering is taking place on a weekend when Mr. McCain is releasing his health care records, itself a high-profile event that could — by design or not — draw attention away from the event at the Arizona ranch.

The identities of the potential running mates who have been invited to Sedona is not a surprise: Mr. Romney, Mr. Crist and Mr. Jindal have been on most lists of potential running mates, and they have made no secret of their interest. And even the perception that they are under consideration could be more a matter of appearance than reality: the mere impression that Mr. McCain is considering Mr. Crist of Florida, for example, could by itself help him in a critical state where Mr. McCain campaigned Wednesday

Still, Mr. Cain’s gathering comes as Senator Barack Obama appears to have all but nailed down the Democratic nomination in his competition with Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, and its timing suggests an acceleration in reaching a decision that several Republicans said could prove critical to Mr. McCain’s success in a tough political environment for their party. Mr. McCain, arguably more than most presidential candidates, has a lot riding on choosing a running mate who could make up for any weaknesses in his own résumé and give him a boost in his public standing.

Mr. McCain himself has said his choice of a running mate would draw particular scrutiny from voters, given his age; he is now 71 year old, or “as old as dirt,” as he likes to joke, while quickly adding that he is in good health.

More than that, with Mr. Obama’s selection now almost assured, Mr. McCain is contemplating a contest involving an energized electorate that has put a focus on race and gender.

(snip)

Mr. Jindal, who was born in Baton Rouge, La., to a family that had just arrived there from the Punjab area of India, took office as Louisiana’s governor in January after serving three years in the House of Representatives. Mr. Jindal, who was born a Hindu but became a Roman Catholic as a teenager, campaigned for governor as a social conservative, opposing human embryonic stem cell research and abortion in any form and favoring teaching “intelligent design” in schools as an alternative to evolution.

But Mr. Jindal also has a reputation as a policy wonk, like the Clintons, with a specialty in health care issues. After graduating in 1991 from Brown University, where he majored in biology and public policy, and attending Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar, Mr. Jindal worked for the management consulting firm McKinsey and Company and was executive director of the National Bipartisan Commission on the Future of Medicare. He later served as secretary of the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals and in the Bush administration as Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services for planning and evaluation.

ME, IF I WERE LOUISIANA, I'd be thinking that I'd been played. That I'd been suckered into taking home a purty little thing who looked and talked like an angel, but who -- after I'd lived with her for a spell -- turned out to be just another common little tramp.

And, unfortunately for me, that realization would have come after the little floozy had spent all my money, drank all my liquor, given me a social disease and then went runnin' off after Mr. Moneybags. Or somebody who might could set her up in a much nicer place than what I could.

What is it that Bobby Jindal has been telling newly minted high-school and college graduates all across the state? That "there's no place like home" and that "you can dream big right here in Louisiana"?

I'LL TELL YOU TRUE, podna. The gub'na ain't going to Sen. McCain's Arizona hacienda to make the case for more federal aid down on the bayou. He's going down there to audition for a new job only a few months after you hired him to fix what ails Louisiana.

Jindal indeed might think "there's no place like home," but I'll garon-damn-tee you that he thinks there's a place better than home. That would be Washington, D.C.

After all, the shotgun shack by the tracks might be quaint and all . . . and, of course, it's plenty good for the likes of you rustics. But the Golden Boy obviously thinks he can do better. Surely you will understand, Louisiana.

Surely you can see why your sweetheart just had to leave you. Leave you in that smoky old honky tonk, sittin' there cryin' in your beer.

SITTIN' THERE. Sittin' there just a poor as you ever were. Just as ignorant as always. Just as sick, and just as tired. And you can't even hold down a good economy.

You thought you had found yourself a honky-tonk angel -- a purty little thing -- at closin' time. You thought she'd write you a new chapter . . . a happy ending to your hard-luck story.

And all she's itchin' to write you is just another damn Dear John letter.

Hell, Hank Thompson could have told you that.

Slush funds make the world go 'round

The Louisiana House of Representatives has passed a budget in which there's no room for elderly veterans, some Medicaid expenditures or for full funding for higher education.

THERE IS ROOM in the budget, however, for largesse for private and religious organizations, and for local-government expenditures that rightly ought to be funded locally. After all, isn't that why God invented property taxes and local sales-tax levies?

When you read how state legislators "earmark" a budget to death while cutting monies for legitimate state obligations -- like health care and colleges -- it certainly ought to give the American taxpayer pause when the Gret Stet next goes to Washington, hat in hand and crying "Katrina" crocodile tears.

As a native Louisianian, I am embarrassed that my people never developed past the "padrón" model of government, where the Big Man at the statehouse doles out favors to his infantilized dependents.

As a Nebraskan, however, I am infuriated that the American taxpayer is now expected to be the padrón's padrón, with no expectation that the Gret Stet will even attempt to budget that largesse like adults, as opposed to dissolute teen-agers. With that, here's the entire slush-fund list -- and, yes, Asparagus for Allah is still down for 20 grand:

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Jefferson Parish for the Jefferson Parish Department
of Parks and Recreation for Pontiff Playground $ 250,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Hungarian Settlement Historical Society, Inc.
for museum restoration $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Lafayette Housing Authority for
an affordable housing program $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Vivian for purchase of a new generator
for the police department $ 65,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Caddo Parish Sheriff's Office for mobile video
digital upgrade $ 40,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Allen Parish Fire District No. 3 for the purchase
and installation of fire hydrants in Fire District 3
and Ward 4 $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Elizabeth for firefighting equipment
and fire hydrant replacement $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Beauregard Parish Recreation District for site
preparation and equipment in Ward 7 and Ward 8 $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Merryville Historical Society and Museum, Inc.
for construction of restroom facilities $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Vernon Parish Police Jury for repairs to
Donald Perkins Road $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Vernon Parish Police Jury for repairs to
Mathis Cemetery Road $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Ida for wastewater system
improvements $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Beauregard Parish Sheriff for the 2008
Veterans Day celebration in Dry Creek $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church Charitable
Foundation for summer youth enrichment program $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Eunice for tennis court construction
and renovations $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Jefferson Parish Recreation Department for
improvements to Thomas Jefferson Playground
for restrooms and drinking fountains $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Sabine Parish for purchase of three hydraulic
rescue tools for Fire District Nos. 1, 3, and 5 $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Stonewall to purchase a vehicle for
the Road System Department $ 12,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Mansfield Fire Department for purchase of
equipment $ 12,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Longstreet for handicap accessible
renovations for Longstreet Village Hall $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Historic Grand Cane Association for safety
upgrades and maintenance in the historic district $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Logansport for a walking trail in
Riverfront Park $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Heflin for the Heflin Civic Center
for renovations and acquisitions $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Sarepta for purchase of a new police
vehicle $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Springhill for purchase of a trailer-mounted
pump unit $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Springhill for purchase of a video unit $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Rosepine for construction of a new
town hall/police station $ 40,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Boys and Girls Club of Natchitoches, Inc. for
tutorial and enrichment programs for youth $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Community Awareness Revitalization and
Enhancement Corporation $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Jackson Parish Watershed District for repairs
and improvements to the Ebenezer Boat Landing on
Caney Lake $ 45,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Young Men's Christian Association of Baton
Rouge Baranco/Clark Branch $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the American Muslim Mission of Baton Rouge, Inc.
for provision of a year-round farmers market in old
south Baton Rouge $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Friends of the Algiers Courthouse for repairs
and restoration of the courthouse and grounds $ 150,000

Payable out of the State General Fund by
Statutory Dedications out of the Algiers
Economic Development Foundation Fund to
Algiers Economic Development Foundation,
pursuant to R. S. 27:392(C)(3) $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Algiers Athletic Club Inc. dba PAC Sports
for restoration and repairs to PAC sports facilities $ 250,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Westbank Redevelopment Corporation for
improvements to the Brechtel Park, Terrytown
Park, and General DeGaulle Boulevard neutral ground $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Beauregard Parish Police Jury for the
South Beauregard Recreation District for park
and recreational facilities equipment acquisitions $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the City of Crowley for the Crowley Police
Department $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Arnaudville for infrastructure repairs
and improvements and playground equipment acquisitions $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Cankton for infrastructure improvements
and playground equipment acquisitions $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Calcasieu Parish Police Jury for Waterworks
District One for a waterline on Alamitos Court $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the City of Westlake Fire Department for acquisition
of personal protection equipment and fire preplanning
computer software $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Calcasieu Parish Police Jury for Ward One
Drainage District #8 for equipment acquisitions $ 90,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Calcasieu Parish district attorney's office for the
Prosecutor's Early Intervention Program $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Freed Men, Inc. for repairs to facilities $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Calcasieu Parish Police Jury for the Ward 6
High Hope Drainage Project $ 40,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Acadia Parish to be distributed equally to the
volunteer fire departments for Mire, Egan and
Mermenta $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Kent Plantation House, Inc. for programs
and services $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Rapides Children's Advocacy Center, Inc.
for programs for victims of child abuse $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Caddo Parish Commission for the STAR
Boot Camp $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the McKinley High School Alumni Association, Inc.
for youth outreach activities $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Iberia Parish Government for repairs to parish
veterans buildings, to be divided equally among the
Jeanerette Veterans Building No. 1, the Jeanerette
Veterans Building No. 2, and the Lydia Veterans Building $ 45,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Department for the
Cops and Clergy Program $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Evangeline Parish Recreation District for
construction of a ballpark $ 150,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Melville Volunteer Fire Department for equipment
acquisitions $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Vermilion Parish Police Jury for replacement
of the Henry fire station destroyed by Hurricane Rita $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Delcambre for infrastructure
improvements $ 40,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Erath for infrastructure
improvements $ 40,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Port Vincent for renovations to the
community center $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Killian for water meters $ 35,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Albany for renovations to the police
station $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Springfield for drainage improvements $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Sorrento for purchase of new
police cars $ 40,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Maurepas for renovations to the
community center $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Amant Fire Department #63 for
operations $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Avoyelles Parish Port Commission for port
improvements $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Moreauville for improvements to
Couvillon Street $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of St. Francisville for a drainage project $ 205,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Booker T. Community Outreach Project $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Slaughter for construction of a storage
building $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Novice House, Inc. $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to The New Way Center, Inc. for supports and
services for at-risk youth $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Helena Parish 6th Ward Volunteer Fire
Department $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Amite for a police department building $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Roseland for purchase of a vehicle
for the police department $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Tangipahoa for purchase of a vehicle
for the water department $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Top Gun Boy Scouts of Ouachita $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Central for purchase of generators
for the fire department $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Crowley for acquisition of playground
equipment $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Rayne for acquisition of playground
equipment $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of French Settlement for renovations to
the town hall $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Livonia for building acquisition $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Pointe Coupee Parish Police Jury for drainage
and erosion mitigation on Portage Canal $ 110,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Rapides Parish Fire District #12 for renovations
to the fire station in Cheneyville $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Franklin Parish for the Croweville Volunteer
Fire District $ 60,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Columbia for the Main Street
program $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Winnsboro for the Main Street
program $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the New Orleans Recreation Department for
the Treme Recreational Center $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the New Orleans Recreation Department $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Ruston Airport Authority $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Simsboro $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Gibsland $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Homer $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Junction City $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Haynesvillle $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Community Coordinating Council, Inc. $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Men of Vision and Enlightenment, Inc. $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Boys and Girls Club of North Central Louisiana, Inc. $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Louisiana Alliance for Boys & Girls Clubs of
America for activities in Claiborne Parish $ 60,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Project Each One Reach One, Inc. $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Greater Grambling Chamber of Commerce $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Jackson Parish Police Jury for support
of community action agencies in the parish $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Achieve to Succeed for provision of services to
the elderly $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to City at Peace for a youth-centered conflict resolution
program $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Scotlandville Community Development
Corporation for housing for low income families $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Iberia Parish government for the Iberia Parish
Economic Development Authority $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of New Iberia for the Santa Ines wastewater
maintenance project $ 7,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of New Iberia for pump station
expansion at the Virginia Street station $ 7,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Loreauville for water plant
improvement and sidewalks $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Lake Charles for a traffic light on Mill
Street and Ent Boulevard $ 12,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Lake Charles for turn signals at Pineview
and East Street $ 12,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Lake Charles for a turn lane at Moeling
Road $ 12,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Lake Charles to close the canal on
Opelousas Street $ 12,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Gueydan for a phone system for city
hall $ 8,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Cameron Parish Police Jury for Recreation
District No. 9 for equipment acquisitions $ 12,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Kaplan for the electrical system $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Abbeville for a walking trail for the
elderly at Gertie Huntsberry Park $ 14,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Meaux/Nunez Volunteer Fire Department
for equipment acquisition $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund by
Statutory Dedications out of the Greater New
Orleans Sports Foundation Fund for the Greater
New Orleans Sports Foundation $ 1,000,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Louisiana Alliance of Boys and Girls Clubs of
America to promote the social welfare of the boys
and girls in the state $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Mercy Endeavors, Inc. for services for seniors $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Global Green USA for the Build It Right Back
Initiative to provide assistance to Road Home grant
recipients $ 30,000 [What? Is Brad Pitt tapped out? -- R21]

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Community Opportunities of East Ascension for
the construction of a multipurpose facility to provide
respite center and adult day care, as well as serve as a
disaster evacuation shelter for persons with disabilities $ 405,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Greenwell Springs-Airline Economic
Development District for economic development
purposes $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Dryades Street Young Men's Christian
Association $ 700,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Progress 63, Incorporated for education, skill
training, healthcare awareness, and referral services $ 400,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Crimestoppers, Inc. for crime reduction activities $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Just the Right Attitude, Inc. for nourishment and
counseling assistance to needy individuals and families $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the George & Leah McKenna Museum of
African American Art $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Serving People District 40 (SP40) for educational
and training programs $ 340,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Martin Parish government for infrastructure
improvements $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Youngsville for infrastructure
improvements $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Broussard for infrastructure
improvements $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Rayville for infrastructure
improvements $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Delhi for infrastructure improvements $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Mangham for infrastructure
improvements $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Richmond for infrastructure
improvements $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Epps for infrastructure improvements $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Mer Rouge for infrastructure
improvements $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Jefferson Davis Parish Police Jury for Houssiere
Park $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Calcasieu Parish Ward 1 Volunteer
Fire Department for equipment acquisition $ 60,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Westlake Police Department for
weapons and equipment acquisitions $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Winnfield Civic Center for improvements
to the parking lot $ 300,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Lafayette City-Parish Consolidated Government
for road improvements on LA 733 and US 167 $ 140,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Hammond for repair of water and
sewer lines $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Pontchatoula for sidewalk
improvements and litter abatement $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Kenner for infrastructure
improvements $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Kenner for infrastructure
improvements $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Saline for infrastructure improvements $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Chatham for infrastructure
improvements $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Ringgold for infrastructure
improvements $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Calvin for infrastructure improvements $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Sikes for infrastructure
improvements $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Human Assistance Needs and Development Inc.
(HAND) for additional support $ 200,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Mary Parish Council for flood control and
drainage improvement projects $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Tammany Parish Government for the
Maritime Training Institute $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Maurice for facilities renovations
and improvements $ 150,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Harahan for road improvements $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Mandeville for implementation of
the Master Pedestrian and Bicycle Plan $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Terrebonne Parish Veterans' Memorial District
for the Regional Military Museum in Terrebonne
Parish, in the event that Senate Bill No. 25 of the
2008 Regular Session of the Louisiana Legislature
is enacted into law $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Neighborhoods Planning and Community
Development Network $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to St. Bernard Parish for the Hospital Service District
for planning and studies $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Grand Isle Port Commission for public
dock facilities $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Golden Meadow for infrastructure
improvements $ 17,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Lockport for infrastructure
improvements $ 17,500

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Youth Education Solutions, Inc. for an urban
youth entrepreneurship program $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Youth Education Solutions, Inc. for a fishing
program $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Youth Education Solutions, Inc. for after-school
programs $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Algiers Development District for post-hurricane
blighted housing remediation $ 500,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Terrebonne Parish for construction of dog parks
at Glenn F. Pope Memorial Park and Lafayette
Woods Park, to be equally divided between the
two parks $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Community Renewal International, Inc. for
activities related to restoration of safe and caring
communities $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Children and Arthritis for the jambalaya jubilee $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Denham Springs for park improvements $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Bunkie for purchase of a computer
voice stress analysis program $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Cottonport for street maintenance
equipment $ 2,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Pineville Concerned Citizens, Inc. for
community support $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Hessmer for sewer treatment plant
repairs $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Mansura for parks and recreation $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Evergreen for installation of warning
and safety signs $ 3,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Mt. Zion Community Development Corporation
for the Health and Wellness Ministry for promotion
of healthy living among under-served populations $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Marksville for the Edgar Park Senior
Citizen Walking Track for installation of lighting $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the village of Plaucheville for community
center repairs $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Simmesport for purchase of a commercial
zero-turn mower $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Boys & Girls Clubs of Central Louisiana, Inc.
for enhancements to the teen program $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Arna Bontemps African American Museum
for additional support $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Education Foundation of Epsilon Psi Lambda
Chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. for
educational enhancement programs for middle and
high school students $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Bossier Parish Government for infrastructure
improvements to Sewer District #1 $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Southeast Louisiana Council Boy Scouts
of America for enrichment programs for boys $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Tammany Parish Government for the
Slidell levee project $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Tammany Parish Government for the
Slidell levee project $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Tammany Parish Government for the
Maritime Training Institute $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Pearl River for the Town of Pearl
River Museum $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Girl Scouts Louisiana East, Inc. for enrichment
programs for girls $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Abita Springs for community
development projects $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Plaquemines Parish Council for support of
volunteer fire departments which were directly
impacted by Hurricane Katrina $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Unity of Greater New Orleans, Inc. for
homelessness prevention activities $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. George Fire Protection District in East
Baton Rouge Parish for equipment acquisitions $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Baton Rouge Fire Department for equipment
acquisitions $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Catholic Charities Hope Haven Center for
road repairs $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Arcadia for infrastructure
improvements $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Northeast Louisiana Family Literacy
Interagency Consortium for Even Start $ 60,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Our House, Inc. for support services for
homeless, runaway, and victimized youth $ 60,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Monroe for the Cooley House restoration $ 35,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Jefferson Parish for the Jefferson Parish Department
of Parks and Recreation to be equally divided between
Bright Playground, and Lakeshore Playground $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Evangeline Parish Volunteer Fire District No. 4 $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Assumption Parish for the Paincourtville Fire District $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Assumption Parish for Recreation District #2 $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Rayne Police Department for operations $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Acadia Police Department for operations $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to East Baton Rouge Parish for the Pride Fire
Department $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Plaquemines Parish Council for an architectural
and engineering study for a new government complex $ 250,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Pontilly Association, Inc. for disaster recovery
efforts $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Pontchartrain Park Community Development
Corporation for a housing initiative $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of New Orleans Recreation Department
and neighborhood taxing districts $ 175,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Scott for the municipal complex
building $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Scott for the Scott Volunteer Fire
Department for materials and service needs $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Vermilion Parish Police Jury to be distributed
equally among the volunteer fire departments of
Maurice, LeBlanc, Indian Bayou, and Leleux for
materials and service needs $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Lafayette Parish Consolidated Government
for the Milton Volunteer Fire Department for
materials and service needs $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Assumption Parish Police Jury for the E.G.
Robichaux Ball Park $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Assumption Parish Police Jury for the
Bayou L'Ourse Ball Park $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Assumption Parish School Board for the
Assumption High School Tutoring Fund for Athletes $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Terrebonne Parish Veterans' Memorial District
for the Regional Military Museum, in the event that
Senate Bill No. 25 of the 2008 Regular Session of the
Louisiana Legislature is enacted into law $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Terrebonne Parish Police Jury for assistance
to shrimpers $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Terrebonne Parish for Recreation District No. 10 $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Morgan City for the Morgan City
Auditorium parking project $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to St. Martin Parish for infrastructure improvements $ 100,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to Lafayette Parish for infrastructure improvements $ 150,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct) to
Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church Charitable
Foundation for assistance to needy families, at risk
youth, and the elderly. $ 5,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Ferriday for infrastructure
improvements $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Clayton for infrastructure improvements $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Vidalia for infrastructure improvements $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Tallulah for infrastructure improvements $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Waterproof for infrastructure
improvements $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Lake Providence for infrastructure
improvements $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of St. Joseph for infrastructure
improvements $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Newellton for infrastructure
improvements $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Concordia Police Jury for infrastructure
improvements $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Tensas Parish Police Jury for infrastructure
improvements $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Madison Parish Police Jury for infrastructure
improvements $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the East Carroll Parish Police Jury for infrastructure
improvements $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Tammany Parish Council for aid to the
needy in the Bayou Lacombe area $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Tammany Parish Council for support of
local humane society efforts $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Tammany Parish Council for support
of community activities to assist persons with
severe disabilities $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Mandeville for community enrichment
programs $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Sterlington for operational support $ 50,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Bernard Parish Hospital Service District
for additional support $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Top Gun Boy Scouts of Ouachita for
mentoring and leadership programs for urban youth $ 15,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the LifeShare Blood Centers for the Louisiana
Public Umbilical Cord Blood Program $ 20,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Northeast Louisiana Sickle Cell Anemia
Technical Resource Foundation, Inc. for community
education workshops $ 10,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the Louisiana Alliance of Boys & Girls Clubs
of America for expansion of community-based
prevention and mentoring programs $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Bogalusa for public safety equipment $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the town of Franklinton for public safety equipment $ 25,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the St. Tammany Parish Government for the
Maritime Training Institute $ 30,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Covington for utility improvements $ 75,000

Payable out of the State General Fund (Direct)
to the city of Madisonville for sewer repairs $ 35,000

They could have watched Leno for free

The new graduates of Our Lady of Holy Cross College in New Orleans paid thousands of dollars a year for four years to get their degrees and sit through commencement . . . just to get a rerun of Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal's performance on the Tonight Show when it came time for their Big Moment.

FOR THAT MATTER, people paid 50 cents to buy a copy of The Times-Picayune to read about what they could have watched on YouTube for free:

Gov. Bobby Jindal told a group of college graduates on Sunday they didn't have to leave Louisiana to find opportunity.

"Dorothy from 'The Wizard of Oz' was right: 'There's no place like home,' " he said. "You can dream big right here at home."

AH, BUT THAT'S THE RUB. Lots of people dream big in Louisiana. Then they go somewhere else to make them come true. Somewhere where mediocrity is not a height that's seldom achieved.

Over the years, Jindal said Louisiana has exported gas, oil, culture and its sons and daughters "who felt they had to leave home to pursue their dreams."

Jindal said that he'd called his mother that morning to wish her a happy Mother's Day, and that she had told him she was proud of him, but for her, his greatest achievement was her grandchildren.

So, Jindal told the graduates, before looking for an out-of-state job, consider the parents in the audience.

"They're looking forward to the day when you fulfill your real purpose by giving them grandchildren," he said. "And they're not letting you take those grandchildren out of this state."

THEY HAVE for decades now.

The trouble with Louisiana -- and with the kind of governor Bobby Jindal is shaping up to be -- is that talk and dreams are plentiful and cheap in the Gret Stet. Success is rare and difficult.

Yes, Dorothy was right in The Wizard of Oz. There is no place like home.

And the wizard's balloon says "State Fair Omaha."

UPDATE: Who knew that the gub'na's speechwriter gets a salary and not paid by the speech? Three commencement addresses, one speech.

Why try harder, eh, Cap?

Screw the veterans, we want Muslim veggies!

The Advocate in Baton Rouge reports that the House Appropriation Committee found room for some extra spending while it was recommending cuts to Louisiana's colleges and universities . . . and cuts to Medicaid, a veterans nursing home and biomedical research.

Here's what the folks who Louisiana voters elected to represent them think is more important than educating young people, caring for war veterans or curing dread diseases:

* $75,000 for the city of Zachary for an economic development master plan.
* $50,000 to the city of Central for economic development planning.
* $25,000 for the Louisiana Arts and Science Museum operations.
* $100,000 to improve the intersection at Florida and Sherwood Forest boulevards.
* $400,000 to improve Coursey Boulevard between Airline Highway and Jones Creek Road.
* $100,000 to improve the intersection at Jones Creek Road and Coursey Boulevard.
* $25,000 for equipment for the Baton Rouge Fire Department.
* $75,000 for the Pride Fire Department.
* $50,000 for park improvements for the city of Denham Springs.
* $50,000 to the McKinley High School Alumni Association for youth outreach activities.
* $20,000 to the American Muslim Mission of Baton Rouge for a year-round farmers market in old south Baton Rouge.

I'M SURE the old, sick veterans are especially excited that they're getting screwed over so that the McKinley High School Alumni Association might reach out and touch some yutes. Not to mention so that the Muslims will be able to hawk asparagus for Allah in the 'hood.

God helps those. . . .

Get into a discussion about poverty or social dysfunction among most any group of white folks, and it won't be long before someone prescribes the "bootstrap" cure for what ails "those people."

This is especially true back home, in the Gret Stet of Looziana.

AFTER ALL, as eeevvverrrrybody knows, God helps those who help themselves. It's in the Bible. Somewhere toward the back. I think.

Well, if that's how things work in Heaven and on earth, then what are we to make of a state that's at the bottom of all the good rankings and at the top of all the bad ones? What do we make of a people who kill one another at a faster-than-average clip, elect a frightening parade of crooks and buffoons to public office, and are disproportionately poor, ill and uneducated?

And what of a place that never seems to get a clue about the importance of public education, or of honest government, or of a diverse economy, or of just having roads and cities that don't look like out-of-control landfills?

While we're thinking about it, what do we make of an electorate that alternates between idolizing amusing scoundrels or looking for a political messiah to magically lift Louisiana out of the civic poo after it's (yet again) crapped in its own bed?

NOW, TO A BUNCH of average Louisiana Bubbas -- and, for that matter, to your average gaggle of Uptown Brahmins -- the answer is simple enough if you're talking about a poverty-stricken single mother of five who's not of the Caucasian persuasion.

Keep your knees together, get a damn job and quit waiting for the taxpayer to solve your damn problems.

But what about when a whole state of four million (and shrinking) is a basket case? If God helps those who help themselves, can we then assume -- to borrow from the right-wing's favorite African-American preacher -- that God has damned Louisiana?

If we're willing to bring down holy fire and brimstone upon the pitiful minority wretch who has squandered the assistance money on Colt 45 and cigarettes, and who drives Junior to his preliminary hearings in a welfare Cadillac . . . what, then, of a chronically ignorant state that has squandered 300 years of human and natural riches? And which, when it's budget-cutting time, always slashes the essentials and protects the chaff?

The Monroe (La.) News-Star recounts the latest verse of the same old song:

Proposed higher education budget cuts could "cripple" Louisiana's public colleges and universities if they are adopted, according to officials at the state Board of Regents.

Subcommittees of the House Appropriations Committee have recommended a total of $116 million in budget cuts, and nearly $70 million, or about 60 percent, are education related.

The House Appropriations Committee sets ordinary operating expenses each fiscal year. Members are scheduled to discuss House Bill 1 this Sunday.

The cuts are in response to a legislative directive to trim 5 percent from Gov. Bobby Jindal's executive budget.

"It just doesn't seem equitable that the best strategy they (the legislators) could come up with targets educational institutions," said Commissioner of Higher Education Joseph Savoie.

Approximately $31 million in proposed cuts would come from public colleges and universities, meaning higher education would absorb about 23 percent of the total reduction in budget.

"Any reduction would naturally have a negative effect," said Dan Reneau, president of Louisiana Tech University, who has survived 13 budget cuts during his tenure.

"For the first time last year we had 100 percent funding. To go below that — it just doesn't send a good message to the faculty," he said.

Reneau was referring to a formula designed to fund state colleges at an average comparable to institutions in the 16-state region known as the Southern Regional Education Board.

Based on 2006 figures — the most recent year data is available — the board set the average at $6,213 per student at four-year institutions. The average at two-year colleges is currently $3,150.

However, several variables affect the exact amount from institution to institution.

To maintain the SREB "at average" level, 16 schools across the state would need an additional infusion of funds this year, including Louisiana Delta Community College.

Delta stands to lose about $150,000 in funding, said Savoie.

"Prior to last year, we were well below the average. We've been working toward (100 percent funding at the SREB average) for a long time," said Savoie. "This idea of retreating from progress is ridiculous."

AS NOTED in an earlier post, no less an authority than retired LSU baseball coach Skip Bertman easily identified Louisiana's self-fulfilling mentality of shiftlessness.

A profile of the soon-to-be-former athletic director in 225 magazine noted that "from his bosses to his players, from the governor to the maintenance crew that chafed under his daily calls for updates on Alex Box, Bertman has noticed something about Louisiana: Mediocrity is accepted." [Emphasis mine -- R21.]

The article went on in damning detail:

“When the past governor and the one before her say, ‘We want to get to the Southern average,’ I think, ‘Our goal is to be average?’” Bertman says. “I’m not putting them down, and I understand what they mean, but you can imagine how that sounds to me. I’m not saying I could be governor and not have to say that, but in baseball I could do it.” Bertman recalls having to convince his 1984 team that they were unique and capable of achieving their goals. Two years later LSU finished fifth in the country, and by then all his players had to do for a confidence boost was put on the uniform.

IF BERTMAN IS RIGHT -- and he is, you know -- then it just doesn't matter how much American taxpayers pay to rebuild broken levees, or how high the new levees are. It doesn't matter whether American taxpayers pay to rebuild New Orleans, or put Louisiana homeowners back in rebuilt homes.

It doesn't matter whether the American taxpayer pays to rebuild south Louisiana's ruined infrastructure or rebuild its crappy roads and highways.

It doesn't matter whether we pay outrageous gas prices or sky-high air fares to vacation in the Bayou State, stuffing our already overstuffed American guts in its restaurants and braving the state's crazy-high sales tax to buy Looziana geegaws and tacky tee shirts.

None of it matters, because no matter how the American taxpayer tries to help the Gret Stet, the stupid bastards will just screw themselves up again -- it's in their nature. It has to be in their nature, like Skip says.

Who else but some basket-case, doesn't-have-the-good-sense-God-gave-a-jackass, knuckle-dragging, moron, metaphorical welfare queen writ large would make higher education take 60 percent of proposed budget cuts?

Especially when you're already a basket-case, doesn't-have-the-good-sense-God-gave-a-jackass, knuckle-dragging, moron, metaphorical welfare queen writ large.

Tell 'em to grab their bootstraps and pull.

Isn't Louisiana the state whose educated young people are fleeing in droves? Isn't Louisiana the state already woefully short on intellectual capital -- and workers capable of meeting the needs of a high-tech, information-based economy?

Isn't Louisiana the state that's already chasing after all sorts of economic development but -- when corporate America asks "What do you have to show me?" -- the only thing she can resort to is lifting up her shirt?

After all, God helps those who help themselves, and Louisiana hasn't done much to help herself. Why the hell should the American taxpayer be more generous than God?

Tell 'em to grab their bootstraps and pull.

And when Gov. Bobby Jindal goes to Washington and gives the guardians of our cash a song and dance about how Louisiana is stiil hurting and, by the way, it now has "the gold standard" of ethics laws? Particularly when that "gold standard" is a big sham that may look good but actually is worse than the "crap standard"?

Tell 'em to grab their bootstraps and pull.

LISTEN, LOUISIANA. This is the United States speaking. We can't help you.

Your problems, with the exception of the New Orleans levees, are self-inflicted. We can't fix that. Hell, we can't even get Hillary Clinton out of the Democratic primaries.

As any good ol' boy in your neck of the woods knows, your problems will be solved when you get off your lazy asses. In that vein, take an interest in your own governance, have a little pride in yourselves and your state, for God's sake, and just damn fix it.

Here's a helpful hint. Education is important, which you might have figured out for yourselves if you weren't so fuggin' ignorant. Don't cut that.

Otherwise, just grab those bootstraps and remember that God helps those who help themselves. Certainly, your legislators must know a little something about helping themselves.

Right?

Louisiana: Stupid is as stupid cuts

If you want to cut a state budget, the logical place for a chop job would be all the places you can least afford it, right?

Only if you're a legislator in Louisiana.

SOME OF THE STUPIDEST members of the Stupid Party -- which, to tell the truth, could be either one in the Gret Stet -- plan to slash higher education and health care budgets to save a lousy $250 million out of a $30-plus billion spending blueprint. This in one of the stupidest and sickest states in the nation.

Which goes a long way toward explaining a lot of things, actually.

The Times-Picayune reports:

Gov. Bobby Jindal's $30.1 billion budget plan is facing friendly fire from his allies in the state House of Representatives, who are proposing to save up to $250 million by cutting planned spending on higher education, health care and other priorities.

House Speaker Jim Tucker said the goal is to reduce the state's reliance on non-recurring money to pay for ongoing programs in the fiscal year that starts July 1.

Tucker, R-Algiers, said doing so perpetuates spending policies that Republicans frequently criticized under former Gov. Kathleen Blanco. "It's got a number of members very concerned (because) they didn't get elected to continue the same-old, same-old," Tucker said.

DEAR JIMBO, I know you may not have gotten the memo, but when you get elected on an anti-same-old, same-old platform, that DOES NOT mean people want you to be an even bigger dumbass than "Mee Maw" Blanco was. When a state lags horribly behind the rest of the nation in education and health care, you don't go around crippling education and health care.

At least if you have a problem with the people around you being disproportionately ill-educated and just plain ill.

A spokesman for the Louisiana State University System said it would mean a $36.6 million cut, and that individual campuses are in the process of combing through their various programs to decide where to trim.

"The impact would be dramatic, if enacted," LSU System spokesman Charles Zewe said.

IMPACT. DRAMATIC. That for a university system that isn't even funded to the Southern regional average. I wonder what the state's GOP legislators plan for the health-care system?

Hospitals with no doctors?

Wheelchairs with no wheels?

Now, if cut $250 million they must, there are ways to do it without sacrificing, say, excellence in education or badly-needed facility upkeep.

Trouble is, the Louisiana Legislature isn't even close to dreaming of having the cojones to pare back the ridiculous number of public universities for a state of 4.2 million people and emptying out fast.

The state, of course, needs the LSU system. And it needs LSU-Baton Rouge as its "flagship" university -- the pre-eminent academic and research institution.

Excellence matters. I know Louisiana has little experience with excellence, but trust me on this. Other states "get it" -- even if many Louisianians don't.

BUT DOES LOUISIANA need Nicholls State University an hour's drive from the University of New Orleans? Does it need McNeese State a hour down the interstate from the University of Louisiana-Lafayette?

Couldn't Southeastern Louisiana University be changed into a smallish liberal-arts college? Couldn't LSU-Alexandria and LSU-Eunice be integrated into the state's fledgling community-college system?

Should the all-but-destroyed Southern University-New Orleans have been reopened after Katrina? Should not the historically struggling historically black school now be folded into UNO or closed altogether?

Which brings us to the 800-kiloton nuclear elephant in the room.

CAN LOUISIANA really afford, both financially and sociologically -- for all intents and purposes -- one state-university system for white people and another for African-Americans?

What, in a larger sense, does this really say to a state where not only isn't the past really past, but neither is Jim Crow?

I understand the rationale for historically black colleges. I do. Likewise, I understand their heroic and proud history.

And I don't think that history ought to be ignored or these universities' role completely relegated to the landfill of days gone by.

That said, the sheer duplication of facilities and programs between "white" and "black" institutions -- usually right next door to one another -- is insane, not to mention increasingly unaffordable on any number of levels.

So here's a modest proposal.

Because it just isn't feasible, culturally or politically, to kill off the oldest such school, Southern University, it stays as is. Indeed, it possibly could be enhanced with some of the resources of closed "white" schools.

On the other hand, it doesn't need a law school. Not unless someone could come up with some desperately needed, specialized niche it might fill -- being, as it is, right under the nose of the much larger and much better law school at LSU.

That leaves Grambling State University, another school that has a proud history but has suffered from terrible leadership in recent times. Grambling, just a short drive down the road from Louisiana Tech in Ruston.

How. In. The. World. Do. You. Objectively. Justify. That?

My solution: Merge 'em . . . probably on the present Louisiana Tech campus. But call the combined institution Grambling State University and commemorate the proud role that school played in educating a people once deliberately cut off from the "mainstream" of public life.

That leaves LSU-Shreveport and Northwestern State as the last candidates for major realignment. I don't see how you can justify the existence of both.

So, how about a compromise? LSU-Shreveport could merge with Northwestern State in Natchitoches, where the new school would remain. It would be brought into the LSU System, would be renamed the University of Northwestern Louisiana and would have a satellite campus in Shreveport.

THAT'S HOW you save money without needlessly sacrificing infrastructure or educational excellence. It's not brain surgery.

It does, however, require a few things not usually associated with my home state's governing class -- political will, intestinal fortitude . . . and wisdom.

Good luck, Louisiana. You'll need it.

Desperately seeking messiahs

America, a nation that has forgotten both God and common sense, busies itself this electoral "silly season" looking for messiahs in all the wrong places.

ON THE LEFT, some of Sen. Barack Obama's sillier supporters seem to think he, if only we elect him president, might lead us to the Promised Land. After all, the man is black (and white!), he's cool under fire and he gives a hell of a speech.

Meanwhile, on the right, some of the sillier members of a stupid party are looking into the fever swamps of Louisiana for their messiah. After all, the state's new governor, Bobby Jindal, is brown, he's a scary-smart policy wonk and he's conservative, dammit . . . whatever "conservative" happens to mean this month.

Now, silly young people designing silly faux-religious icons with Obama's serene visage replacing that of Christ, the Virgin Mary or a saint are way up there on the silly-o-meter.

And sillier yet might be author Alice Walker writing columns in British newspapers with prose like "He is, in fact, a remarkable human being, not perfect but humanly stunning, like King was and like Mandela is. He is the change America has been trying desperately and for centuries to hide, ignore, kill."

BUT I AM NOT convinced that, for all its nuttery, the Obama worship is any crazier than that of Jindal by the GOP chattering classes. I mean, get a load of this by Mary Katharine Ham on Townhall.com:

There once was a man who campaigned on a message of hope and change. In his victory speech he promised never to succumb to a worldview in which “lobbyists begin to look larger and the people begin to look smaller.” In exchange, he asked voters to help him “defeat cynicism” by believing in him and themselves.

For schools, for government, for business, “change is not just on the way . . . Change begins tonight,” he proclaimed, his quick grin and young family breathing life back into a process gone sour, his unique life story bringing voters from unexpected backgrounds.

Sound familiar? It should. You’ve heard the media tell the story a thousand times a day. They’re just telling it about the wrong guy.

These days, Bobby Jindal is working for change in a city that could eat the ethical foibles of Obama’s Chicago for breakfast, like so many shrimp upon a bed of grits. Elected governor of Louisiana in 2007, he replaced the politically deflated Kathleen Blanco, who did not seek reelection.

Jindal is keenly aware of the problematic legacy he inherits. Inside Huey Long’s sky-scraping capital building, “I wonder what crimes were committed here?” is a not infrequent visitor question, posed not quite jokingly. The state’s political history is fraught with the kind of men Southerners often euphemistically call “colorful,” who given proper federal investigation, end up being very uneuphemistically corrupt.

READY TO PUKE? No? Well hang on, then. Read this and, soon enough, you'll be purging like a New York model after a cheesecake binge:

He’s also aware of the opportunity his state offers. Hurricanes Katrina and Rita were talked about, on a national level, as revelations of persistent poverty in America. In Louisiana, they were a reminder, too, of the political perfidy that’s perpetuated it.

“Shame on us if all we build is what was here before,” Jindal told a small group of bloggers at the governor’s mansion in Baton Rouge last week.

Unwilling to accept Louisiana as it was — one of the most uneducated, unethical, and unhealthy states in the union — Jindal made ethics reform his first priority, working on the theory that being a national punchline doesn’t draw business investment.

The 36-year-old governor slid into a January special legislative session on the strength of his political capital and came out with one of the strongest ethics reform packages in a nation awash with attempts at reform.

(snip)

To Jindal, the big-government response to Hurricane Katrina betrayed conservatives’ lack of confidence in their own ideas, and his first three months in office have gone a long way toward showing he has all the courage of conviction he needs.

The Republican Party remains the party of ideas in Louisiana, under Jindal’s leadership. And, as the unabashed policy wonk runs through four-point plan after four-point plan in his detailed recipe for Cajun-style reform, his 3-year-old son big-wheeling through the foyer of the governor’s mansion, one can’t help but think, “So this is what real change looks like.”

OH. PUH. LEEZE. Just because the Democrats of Louisiana are, indeed, sad specimens it does not therefore follow that the state's Republicans -- headed by Jindal or no -- are exactly a bunch of Einsteins.

Before Jindal's election, about the biggest idea the Louisiana GOP had was "For a good time, call Wendy Cortez." And we see where that got U.S. Sen. David Vitter.

Then there's this bit of political idolatry from James P. Lucier, writing in The Wall Street Journal:

No, this is the time for change, real change. This is a time for someone whom everybody knows to be the rising star of the GOP, the new governor of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal.

And what a governor! Having taken office in January, after winning 54% of the vote in the open-field primary, Mr. Jindal immediately called a special session of the legislature and persuaded them to pass his 64-point agenda for ethics reform. They said ethics reform couldn't be done in Louisiana--a state whose reputation as a cesspool is legendary--but he did it in a two-week session. Now he's calling a second special session to pass the tax cuts necessary to jump-start the post-Katrina economy in his state.

I'M MIDDLE-AGED, I'm too fat, and I have a bad knee. If I went back home to touch the hem of my gubna's bidness suit, do you think I could be thin, young and have my lost hair back?

I didn't think so.

But it seems like Rebubbacans -- in some cases, the same ones who've been so aghast at the messianism of the Cult of Obama -- lust to bestow no less a plethora of mythical, wonder-working powers upon their own Great Brown Hope.

And the Rebubbacans' "theological proofs" are even more scanty than the Cult of Obama's. After all, the Louisiana savior merely jumped from wonkdom to wonkdom before losing to Kathleen Blanco in the 2003 gubernatorial race, then served an undistinguished term and a half in the U.S. House of Representatives.

Now, let me return to some of that Ham-handed purple prose on Townhall.com.

Jindal is the GOP messiah because he's going to fix "one of the most uneducated, unethical, and unhealthy states in the union." Oh, yes. He will do this despite being born, raised, educated and culturally assimilated in "one of the most uneducated, unethical, and unhealthy states in the union."

See, Bobby Jindal went to my old high school -- Baton Rouge Magnet High -- almost a decade after I did. It was -- and is -- an island of excellence established, staffed and funded by the East Baton Rouge Parish School Board, a governmental body Louisiana Republicans just love to hate . . . and which they regularly try to deny tax revenue because it's irredeemably awful, don't you know?

SO WHAT WE HAVE is the Rebubbacans' new messiah, educated by a school system that oughtn't have been able to properly educate a GOP savior . . . because it had not yet been healed by his policy touch. After all, Jindal was still in his messianic-formation program -- in that Louisiana public school.

In a school system many white Baton Rougeans, many of them loyal Rebubbacans, were so busy fleeing.

Got that?

Oops.

What kind of Republican messiah is this who can arise from unhealthy, unethical and uneducated backwardness? Probably an unneeded one. To steal a line from that other messiah, Louisianians themselves are the change they've been waiting for.

All they've needed all along is to just do it.

Right there in Baton Rouge, ordinary citizens and their "broken" institutions already have, after all, turned out a real-life political savior. Go figure.