AOL to 1,300 employees: Goodbye!

The Associated Press reports the ax is falling at AOL:

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. -- AOL announced Wednesday it will lay off 1,300 employees by closing call centers in New Mexico and Arizona as part of a previously announced restructuring plan.

AOL, the Time Warner Inc. online unit formerly known as America Online, also plans to sell its call center in Ogden, Utah.

The cuts include 900 layoffs at the Albuquerque call center and 400 jobs at the center in Tucson, Ariz., AOL spokesman Nicholas Graham said. The Arizona and New Mexico call centers each have operated for 10 years.

Now, let me get this straight. The powers that be at AOL are trying to get rid of their customer-service people. Well . . . good luck to them on that (snicker, snort, guffaw).

AOL manager: Cory, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but we're letting you go.

Customer-service guy: Now, may I ask why you're considering letting me go? We have some excellent incentive packages in place if you keep me on.

AOL manager: Cory, you're not understanding, here. The center is closing. You're fired. Your job is gone in two weeks. The decision has been made.

Customer-service guy: Is there a specific reason why you're dissatisfied with my service today? Let me just renew my contract for another six months right now, and I think we have a one-month free offer in place if you keep me on.

AOL manager: Listen! Cut the bait-and-switch crap! You. Are. Out. Of. Here. Fired. Canned. Gesphincto. Toast. Disconnected. Done dealin'. We will be giving you two weeks' severance pay upon your separation.

Customer-service guy: Let's not be hasty. You've had my service, according to our records, for three years now. Obviously you have received some value from that association. So, let's see what we can work out. Now, at what point did you become dissatisfied with the association. I'm sure this matter is easily rectifiable.

AOL manager: Get out! You are fired! Get out! GET OUT, DAMN YOU! BE GONE! SECURITY! SECURITY!

Customer-sevice guy: I understand that you may be upset . . . .

AOL manager: Get . . . the . . . &*%$ . . . outta here!!! SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Security guard: Yes sir?

AOL manager: This man has been laid off but won't leave. Could you please remove him from the premises immediately?

Security guard: May I ask what the nature of your complaint is? I understand Cory has an excellent incentive package in place . . . .