This edition of 3 Chords & the Truth is brought to you by a 60-something-year-old RCA KN-1A pressure microphone . . . and the croaking, hacking crud.
Trust me, the music on this week's edition of the Big Show sounds better than I do. It ain't even close because, of course, the music on the program always sounds great.
And a host who sounds like he's 85 going on eternity at least should benefit from the vintage "golden age of radio" warmth of a cool, old microphone.
Yes, it all started at a 20-watt FM station in Baton Rouge, La. . . .
I KNOW, I know. Knock it off, Ted Baxter!
And stop the radio-gear geekery while you're at it.
Message heard. Now about the music. . . .
Well, we have a little of everything on this 3 Chords & the Truth, spanning much of the 20th and a little of the 21st centuries. That includes a jazz band of future legends led by a dude playing a comb.
We also get our tie dye on, then jam with the Night Tripper a bit later on the show. And we got 78s. More than our share of 78s.
And that's about it. I need to go hack up a lung now.
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
My hobby is dead people's music.
OK, maybe not all of them are dead. Some just have moved into nursing homes or senior apartments.
And, to be fair, some of the music I fixate upon probably was their kids', left decades ago at Mom and Dad's place. But what we're talking about today definitely was Mom and Dad's music . . . which, alas, they couldn't take with them. Wherever.
A fair amount of what you hear on 3 Chords & the Truth falls into that category -- especially on this episode. After all, when there's only two kinds of music in the world -- good and bad, and the bad, you don't mess with -- you tend to mix and match.
A lot.
BUT GRANDPA'S LOSS is your gain on the Big Show. My parents' generation, as it turns out, had much better taste than I gave it credit for four decades ago. Once again, the old folks' have the last laugh, even if it might be from the Great Beyond.
I've been grabbing music -- much of it long out of print -- at estate sales for a long time now. At first, the main attraction of the "grown-up music" from back when I wasn't yet one was one of sheer irony. It was a hoot. Turning the tables on oneself, and one's misspent youth, for kicks and giggles.
The other attraction of "the velvet sounds" was that, back in the day, it was actually owned by grown-ups. Grown-ups took care of their records, generally. Their kids . . . my generation . . . didn't, due to being teenagers, who are well-known idiots. (I have long, very personal experience with this from four decades and change ago.)
Thus, when I find "my" music at estate sales, good luck finding good rock LPs and 45s that haven't been beat to hell. So you grab Mom and Dad's stuff that hasn't.
AND THE funny thing is, well, it's not bad. Actually, it's damned good. The "elevator music" of one's youth, it seems, has been sullied by both your youthful prejudice and its (shall we say) leaden presentation on the radio back in the day.
Let's just say some of those easy-listening FM stations may have developed rigor mortis decades before their listeners did. That was a damn shame.
So here we go on this edition of the Big Show, which once again sees us in something of a mood. We're mixing and matching and re-contextualizing that at which we scoffed, snot-nosed punks that we used to be.
Now sit back, tune in, turn on and open your musical mind. And if you can't manage to do that . . . get the hell off my lawn.
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
If you don't know, the answer is here.
We got a '48 Buick with the feather-touch steering.
We got a tankful of Ethyl.
We got a fistful of Green Stamps.
It's dark, and 3 Chords & the Truth is wearing sunglasses.
Hit it.
That's right. This week, the Big Show hits the road.
Sure, the road in this case only may be in our mind's ear . . . but in times like these, you take what you can get. Am I right?
SO, IT'S ONE for my baby, and one more for Ethyl. What? You don't know Ethyl? Look her up; she's probably listed in the Google book.
Let's get started -- it's a long, long road.
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
It all starts here.
Right, Robin? Becky? Michaela? Carol and Ashley?
This . . . is 3 Chords & the Truth. And it allllllllll starts here.
Not there. Here. And we've put it all in a nifty Summer 2018 scrapbook to prove it.
Because the great sounds of summer all start here on the Big Show.
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
Government by tweet.
Elections brought to you by . . . Russia.
Four words: Conspiracy theorist-in-Chief.
Rampant, resurgent racism and xenophobia. A large part of the American population who'd ask "Zee-no-what???"
And our president was filmed saying "bing bong bing-bing bong" in public. With accompanying gestures.
If you, like we at 3 Chords & the Truth, find this state of affairs to be some weird sh*t . . . you probably have had your patriotism and morality questioned by someone who actually is allowed to vote in this country. Well, friend, this edition of the Big Show has a message for you amid this dumpster fire of a country (and decade): Hold on.
Just hold on.
GRIT YOUR teeth, steel your nerves, take one minute at a time . . . and hold on. You can get through this.
We can get through this. Crazy can't endure forever if the sane hold on -- stubbornly hold on. It's not you who's nuts.
Consider this edition of the program, and the music within, your daily affirmation this week -- I'm OK; you're OK; the rest of the world is cray-cray.
Got it? Good. You're gonna get through this. We're gonna get through this together.
That is all.
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
You can do it. We can do it.
It's the Big Show, coming up for the holiday weekend.
Be there. Aloha.
Timeless chic, eh?
Well, throw in a liberal dash of jamming, dancing, groovin' and just plain bizarre flapdoodlery . . . and we may just have a recipe for getting ourselves through the news. Which we accidentally happened to read online and watch on the TV.
It's enough to tempt you to major depression and bedsheet cocoonery.
This week on 3 Chords & the Truth, drastic action was called for. Primarily by me.
After all, one has to look out for Numero Uno first.
AMID THE drastic action on this week's program, there is one unifying theme -- the Big Show will limit itself to a tasteful and satisfying mixture of only four kinds of music. Those tuneful types are as follows:
◼︎ Music on 7 inch.
◼︎ Music on 10 inch.
◼︎ Music on 12 inch.
◼︎ Music on silvery CD thingies.
Sounds timelessly chic to me, Skipper. Sanity preserving, too. I find it helpful, and I'm betting you will also.
If not, I'll see you in the Happy Hotel. Where life, no doubt, is beautiful all the time.
Hell, it's got to be better than the evening news.
IT'S 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
People think social media is in a computer somewhere.
As if folks are being social when their eyes are glued to a screen.
Social media is when you have some records, something to drink, something to snack on, a good sound system . . . and friends. In your house or apartment. Enjoying the media with you. In the manner of sociable people.
That's social media. Feel free to replace the records with 3 Chords & the Truth.
This week on the Big Show, we're engaging in social media of the proper sort. Feel free to join the party at the 3C&T studio via your streaming device. Please restrict usage of the streaming device to getting the show off of the Internet and into your hi-fi.
DO INVITE friends over for this exercise in actual social media. Reserve your attention for them . . . and for 3 Chords & the Truth. The screen on your smartphone or your computer gets plenty of attention from you already.
Don't forget the beer and snacks. Coffee is a good choice as well.
So you know what you have to do: Call your friends, invite them over, listen to the show, and pay attention to one another. Not your screen thingy.
A good time will be had by all.
You can bank on it, Cap.
IT'S 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
Life is a three-ring circus. Now more than ever.
And what we all are is stuck in the slow lane of a clown-car traffic jam. Rogue elephants up ahead have just shucked Peter Peanut (may Chuckles the Clown rest in peace) and a Flying Wallenda has just done a bug impression . . . all over your teeny-tiny windshield.
That's right, ladies and germs, Ringling Bros. is no more because it no longer could compete with the United States of Big Top, which has the advantage of scale.
Oooooh, watch your step there, pally. Elephants eat a lot of peanuts.
But I have got a deal for you. Step right up, and I will show you the great deal 3 Chords & the Truth has got for you.
Right over here, I present to you the Big Show, a fine program of musical erudition -- one this week that features an excellent set of tip-top, Big Top music for the times in which we find ourselves this fine day.
IT'S A CIRCUS out there, gents . . . and ladies . . . and, boy, do I have the music for you.
Right here, and for an unlimited time only, I give you the best in musical programming -- three full rings of musical bliss -- for the low, low price of absolutely nothing. That's right! Absolutely nothing. And all I require from you is . . . your undying devotion.
That's it! No catches, no regrets . . . just the finest music on the Internets for the low price of zilch! Zip! Nada!
Squat!
And if you stay tuned to this here episode of 3 Chords & the Truth, you will witness something too dangerous to ever hear on the regular, pedestrian radio airwaves! You will see -- somewhere in the middle of the show -- the death-defying segué that mere mortals dare not attempt at your crappy corporate radio station!
WILL your Mighty Favog live? Or will . . . he . . . die . . . in the flaming wreckage of a musical transition gone terribly . . . horribly . . . wrong?
You must stay glued to -- transfixed upon -- your high-fidelity listening device to find out the answer to that perilous question. Yes, indeed!
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, ladies and gentlemen! Be there. And let the show begin!
Hello?
Is this thing on?
Hello! Hello! Hello???
Echo echo echo echooooooooo!
Hello! Hello! What's goin' on? This week's 3 Chords & the Truth is comin' on strong.
This one is 401, that's the number, it's true. And we just wanted to say hello . . . not to do so is wrong.
Hello! Hello! Can you hear me out there? Sometimes you just wonder. Sometimes, it's a bear.
This week's Big Show -- boy howdy, it's fun! The music's wonderful . . . there's joy in the air!
Hello! Hello! There's no more to say. So I'll just tell you "Ta-ta!"
The show's 3 Chords & the Truth. Be there. Aloha!
It all started in a 5,000-watt radio station in Fresno, California -- a $65 paycheck and a crazy dream.
Now 3 Chords & the Truth has just released its 400th episode, and while the dream is still crazy, the paycheck is down to $5.32. Working in the media is not for sissies.
Or, actually, for people who like to eat.
So, what can I say on this occasion of the 400th program of the Big Show?
OK, I got something.
This 400th episode of 3 Chords & the Truth is one more than 399. And it's 399 more than episode No. 1 back in January 2008.
Thank you.
Oh . . . and the music's good. Real good.
Is this long enough to turn in now, teacher?
Is anybody in here?
ECHO! ECHO! (ECHOOOOO! ECHOOOOO!)
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
It's the Big Show, y'all. Stay tuned for a new edition this week.
Be there.
Aloha.
Let's play a game.
Chuck, Chuck bo-buck, banana fanna fo f . . . .
Uh, let's play another game. Let's play Psych-Out here on the Big Show and try to identify the sound of green. This should be a blast, man.
How we play Psych-Out is we play a bunch of far-out music, man, and we try to figure out what sounds like green . . . man. Come on, dude. This should be groovy.
We'll start you off with a mellow one, in three . . . two . . . one . . . .
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
Maaaaan.
The president is said to be branching out from Fox & Friends, and that means all media -- for easy comprehension -- are being required to employ Trumplators. This program is no exception.
We at 3 Chords & the Truth have learned, and learned the hard way, that Trumplation can be a fraught affair. And during the course of this rather jazz-centric edition of the show, some quick conclusions may be drawn about Trumplators and their inherent biases, ideologies and -- alas -- not-so-benign agendas.
To wit:
1. Never trust a Trumplator.
2. Never trust a Trumplator.
3. The Trumplator is not worthy of your trust.
4. Bad things will happen if you trust the Trumplator.
5. Do not assume that the Trumplator is translating for the president what you actually are saying.
6. Something ain't right in this whole deal.
7. I do not believe that Trumplators particularly like America or "decadent" American music.
8. Everybody in this whole Trumplation thing is up to something.
9. It is possible to do an excellent edition of the Big Showsky . . . uh . . . Big Show despite the mandated Trumplator causing all hell to break loose.
10. DO NOT trust the Trumplator, comrade.
That's about it.
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
Here's what we're going to do this week on the Big Show: First of all, we're going to tune in.
Then we will turn on, maaaaan.
Finally, we will rock out. It's as simple as that.
Oh . . . we may end up jazzing out some, too. But we definitely will rock out.
Is what I'm saying.
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
groovy adj. \ ˈgrü-vē \
groovier; grooviest
1 : marvelous, wonderful, excellent
"If you really want to hear something really groovy on the Internet, check out 3 Chords & the Truth."
2 : hip, trendy
A more enjoyable and groovier listening experience -- that's what the Big Show is.
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Groovy.
I could tell you all about this week's exciting and relevant episode of 3 Chords & the Truth, but . . . no.
Rest assured, however, that you remain in our thoughts and prayers.
It's the Big Show, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
This is an unusual edition of the Big Show, which this week explores the whole notion of . . . home.
Was Thomas Wolfe right in his posthumous 1940 novel, You Can’t Go Home Again? And what if you can’t go home again — sometimes — even when you never left?
And have you ever had the sick feeling that the country you call home suddenly feels like it’s anything but? You thought you knew your country . . . your people. But what if you were mistaken?
DID YOU change? Did it? Did they?
Yep. That's where we're going this time on 3 Chords & the Truth.
And . . . what about the American Dream? What about your hopes and expectations for your home — your life, your family, your place, your country?
As Bruce Springsteen wrote, "Is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is it something worse?"
IN DONALD TRUMP'S Amerika, are you still feeling like you’re at home? What if your dreams are crashing down around you?
We have questions this week on the Big Show. Maybe we do or we don't have answers, but we sure have a lot of music to make you think.
I don’t care who you are, there’s one constant in this vale of tears: One way or another, nothing will break your heart like home. Yet home is what we always yearn for.
It's the damnedest thing.
It's 3 Chords & the Truth, y'all. Be there. Aloha.
I KNOW, I know. Knock it off, Ted Baxter!
