Watch out where the huskies go. . . .

Have a houseful of dogs, especially those of the yappy variety? Has your locality just been smacked good by a blizzard?

Are the drifts in your back yard deep enough for Fido to disappear into, never to be seen again . . . at least until spring?

Well, Bucko, Revolution 21's Blog for the People and 3 Chords & the Truth have the helpful hints you needed yesterday.

Follow your host, the Mighty Favog, as he shows off the Wintertime Canine Superhighway of Bidness Doing. All you need to keep your furry friends happy, dry and . . . alive . . . is a snow shovel and the basic knowledge one can gain from listening to Frank Zappa's 1974 album Apostrophe(').

AND ALL you need to remember is "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow":

Dreamed I was an Eskimo
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Frozen wind began to blow
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Under my boots 'n around my toe
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Frost had bit the ground below
(Boop-boop aiee-ay-ah!)
Was a hundred degrees below zero
(Booh!)
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
And my momma cried:
Boo-a-hoo hoo-ooo
And my momma cried:
Nanook-a, no no (no no . . . )
Nanook-a, no no (no no . . . )
Don't be a naughty Eskimo-wo-oh
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop-bop Ta-da-da)
Save your money: don't go to the show
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
(Booh!)
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
(Booh!)
Well I turned around an' I said:
HO HO
An' the Northern Lites commenced t' glow
An' she said
(Bop-bop ta-da-da bop . . . )
With a tear in her eye:
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW
WATCH OUT WHERE THE HUSKIES GO
AN' DON'T YOU EAT THAT YELLOW SNOW

WELL, THAT'S ALL your fearless leader has for you right now, my children. So, until next time, this is Mighty (Nanook) Favog signing off.

You could even say he glows

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Rudolph the Dog is as amazing as his flying, glowing-nosed reindeer namesake.

Like Santa's lead sled-puller, the Chicago canine is "different," and he faces some pretty severe challenges, too. But I guess that's why he's so perfect for teaching little kids about compassion and the intrinsic worth of all God's creation.

IT'S ALSO WHY this cutie of a dachshund was deemed worthy of a piece on MSNBC.com and a story on the NBC Nightly News:

It's not easy to imagine a better messenger of compassion than a pup named Rudolph. Especially when the recipients of the message are elementary-age children. They're young enough to respond to floppy ears and a soft coat, and old enough to understand the life lessons they are receiving.

Rudolph is not an ordinary dog, and Marcia Fishman knew this when she decided to take him in. She already had one dachshund, named Gunther, and wanted another one. That's when an online search led Marcia to a small fawn-colored dachshund she would call Rudolph. Not only was his coloring a result of over-breeding, so too were his inability to see or hear. Marcia's favorite hobby is training dogs, but this would present a unique challenge -- how to care for a dog that is blind and deaf? She decided to find out.

He was skittish at first. No wonder. In addition to his sensory challenges, Rudolph had spent the first year of his life in a cage at a puppy mill, then in four different homes. Now in a permanent and nurturing home with Marcia and his canine brother Gunther, Rudolph burrows and hides under blankets, as dachshunds like to do. When Marcia comes home, she can call out to Gunther.

But not Rudolph. Marcia jokes: "People ask, do you call him Rudy? I say, I don't call him!" He wouldn't hear her if she did.

It's no coincidence that this dog that lives in darkness shares a name with an unlikely reindeer hero who was able to navigate through darkness too. Canine Rudolph's nose is also his guide.

That gave Marcia an idea, and she decided to write a short story coloring book with a lesson. The title: Rudolph's Nose Knows, starring a certain dachshund who was teased by other dogs. When a little chick that is too young to fly falls into a deep dark hole, it is only the dachshund named Rudolph who can save it. He is then received by the other dogs with kindness rather than taunts.

The message is tolerance and acceptance of differences. It's a message Marcia delivers compassionately to young children. And she decided to do this with Rudolph's help.

"The kids think he's darling. They just seem to want to embrace him," she said.

MAYBE WE should just elect little kids to Congress. And let them run for president.

And be governors. And doctors. And academics.

And journalists.

Perhaps then we would think Down Syndrome children were so "darling" that we wouldn't abort the vast majority of them. And maybe we wouldn't be starving "gorks" to death because, surely, theirs is not fit enough a quality of life to be worthy of . . . life.

AND MAYBE we wouldn't be having hissy fits about making sure -- as part of health-care "reform" -- the government can subsidize aborting every baby that someone feels is less worthy of life than an inbred deaf and blind dog.

Indeed, that little dog's life is precious. But to the extent that we can no longer recognize the innate preciousness of every human life, too, we are just committing slow-motion suicide as a people and a civilization.

She who must be obeyed

This is Molly the Dog. She is the boss of us.

For the most part, she is a benevolent dictator. She doesn't require much of her subjects -- just food, water, treats, outside, inside and constant adoration.

Sometimes, she treats her unworthy footservants with amusing displays such as this. To Molly, however, it was simple dog logic: Want to lie in sun. Sun on table. Jump up on table. Lie in sun on newspaper on table.

Any questions?

No, Your Highness.

Pug. In diapers. Snoring.

This is Smudge.

He's a little friend we're dogsitting for a while. He likes to sleep and snore loudly. The snore loudly is a pug thing, I think.


DID YOU KNOW there's such a thing as doggie Depends? I do now. Poor Smudge -- the grief he must get from the other dogs.

Smudge is a sweetie, though. Kind of like Shrek.

It's ruff being a writer nowadays

Used to be you had to be able to read and write to get a book deal.

Sky News reports times have changed:

His remarkable journey to the White House has already captivated a global audience and now he will star in his own children's book.

Barack Obama gets a walk-on part, but it is his new best friend Bo who has been given the central role in his own shaggy dog story.

The book Bo, America's Commander In Leash will be released next week, despite the Portuguese water dog being barely days into his role as First Puppy.

Mascot Books, a small independent publisher from Virginia, has rushed out the title to capitalise on the world media coverage of the Presidential family's new pet.

LET'S HOPE BO doesn't piddle on Jay Leno's couch during the book tour.

Dogs don't blow stuff up . . .

But some folks who hate them because they're "ritually impure" will blow you, your kids and Fido, too, to Kingdom Come to feed the bloodlust of "Allah the merciful."

And they'll blow themselves up to take out Western whoremongers, which will make them martyrs of Islam, which will earn them serious freak time in Paradise with 72 virgins.

And they'll blow other Muslims up because they're the wrong sort of Muslims.

And, I suspect, a lot of Muslims will blow themselves (and whatever else) up just because they're bored and aggrieved over some slight suffered yesterday or 700 years ago.

Maybe they'll blow somebody in Scotland up because Scottish cops -- and the Scottish people -- like filth. Which, in the warped world of Islam, equals a cute little puppy:

A postcard featuring a cute puppy sitting in a policeman's hat advertising a Scottish police force's new telephone number has sparked outrage from Muslims.

Tayside Police's new non-emergency phone number has prompted complaints from members of the Islamic community.

The choice of image on the Tayside Police cards - a black dog sitting in a police officer's hat - has now been raised with Chief Constable John Vine.

The advert has upset Muslims because dogs are considered ritually unclean and has sparked such anger that some shopkeepers in Dundee have refused to display the advert.

Dundee councillor Mohammed Asif said: 'My concern was that it's not welcomed by all communities, with the dog on the cards.

'It was probably a waste of resources going to these communities.

'They (the police) should have understood. Since then, the police have explained that it was an oversight on their part, and that if they'd seen it was going to cause upset they wouldn't have done it.'

Councillor Asif, who is a member of the Tayside Joint Police Board, said that the force had a diversity adviser and was generally very aware of such issues.

He raised the matter with Mr Vine at a meeting of the board.

The chief constable said he was unaware of the concerns and that the force had not sought to cause any upset but added he would look into the matter.

Councillor Asif said: 'People who have shops just won't put up the postcard. But the police have said to me that it was simply an oversight and they did not seek to offend or upset.'

COME TO THINK OF IT, I wonder whether the outraged Musselmans are angry because God hates dogs -- a cracked idea that's reason enough to raise grave doubts about Islam -- or because the cute pup featured in the Scottish police ad, Rebel, is training to be a police dog.

I mean, who knows? Rebel could end up being a bomb-sniffing dog.

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you," Mark Twain once said. "This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. . . ."

That sounds like the exact difference between Rebel and Scotland's caterwauling Mohammedans. Just replace "man" with "Muslim."

And the difference between a man and Scottish authorities is a man would have told Councillor Asif to piss off.

Get up. Make coffee. Ruh roh!

Alex Chaney should have called it good after making the coffee.

BUT HE DIDN'T, say federal marshals, and that's where a common expression -- "screwed the pooch" -- reportedly turned into something more in a Baton Rouge back yard. Unfortunately for Chaney, and fortunately for Fifi, they weren't, uh . . . alone.

A team of U.S. marshals had surrounded the house at 9425 Tracy Ave. to ensure that Alex Chaney could not escape while they attempted to serve him with a warrant for failure to register as a sex offender, the affidavit says.

Chaney, clad in only a white T-shirt and black slippers, was standing in front of a chair where a brown and white dog was standing, the affidavit says. Marshals observed Chaney try to penetrate the dog several different ways.

The marshals alerted Chaney to their presence and asked him to meet them at the front of the house, the affidavit says. East Baton Rouge Sheriff’s Deputies were called out to arrest Chaney.

In his statement to deputies, Chaney said that he woke up that morning with the urge to have sex. He then made himself a cup of coffee before going into the backyard, where he began to think about having sex with animals. He then sat one of his dogs on a chair and attempted to have sex with her.

Chaney was arrested and booked on a count of crimes against nature, booking documents show. Bond was set at $80,000.

East Baton Rouge Parish Animal Control came out and took custody of the four dogs found at the residence, director Hilton Cole said.

LOUISIANA . . . it's just different down there. And some folks are more different than others.

That's why God invented jail. And California.