Showing posts with label The Onion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Onion. Show all posts

Monday, February 06, 2012

Member of Idiotplex falls for Abortionplex


Louisiana has a brain-drain problem, OK?


It happens. And in the Gret Stet, it's been happening for a while now.

But even accounting for the dumbass-politician statistical deviation, the cogno-normal population of Louisiana probably wouldn't be overreacting if it threw up its hands, began to run wildly around and scream in complete panic at U.S. Rep. John Fleming's posting of an item from
The Onion on his official Facebook page as a serious news item.

The item:
Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex.

Here's just a sample from the article, which Fleming or someone on his staff thought was legitimate:

"We really want abortion to become a regular part of women's lives, especially younger women who have enough fertile years ahead of them to potentially have dozens of abortions," said Richards, adding that the Abortionplex would provide shuttle service to and from most residences, schools, and shopping malls in the region. "Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her uterus."

"All women should feel like they have a home at the Abortionplex," Richards continued. "Whether she's a high school junior who doesn't want to go to prom pregnant, a go-getter professional who can't be bothered with the time commitment of raising a child, or a prostitute who knows getting an abortion is the easiest form of birth control—all are welcome."

Nineteen-year-old Marcy Kolrath, one of the Abortionplex's first clients, told reporters that despite her initial hesitancy, she was quickly put at ease by staff members who reassured her that she could have abortions over and over for the next decade before finally committing to motherhood. Kolrath also said she was "wowed" by the facility's many attractions.

"I was kind of on the fence in the beginning," she said. "But after a couple of margaritas and a ride down the lazy river they've got circling the place, I got caught up in the vibe. By the time it was over, I almost wished I could've aborted twins and gotten to stay a little longer."

"I told my boyfriend we had to have sex again that very night," Kolrath added. "I really want to come back over Labor Day."
LISTEN, I think Planned Parenthood is a despicable organization that not only is in love with abortion, but almost treats it as some sort of deadly sacrament for women. It was an evil, eugenic undertaking when Margaret Sanger founded it, and it's no less so today.

But for someone to think this article was real is kind of frightening. That this person -- whether it be Fleming or a staffer -- has access to the levers of national power is, at a bare minimum, dispiriting with the potential for despair.

Besides, even the darkest estimate of Planned Parenthood's mastery of the dark arts has the organization at least five years from pulling off construction and operation of even a modest $3 billion "Abortionplex."

I almost forgot. Did I mention that Fleming is a physician?

The Hill has the story. Read it, weep, then book your passage to New Zealand:

The article, which is months old, was reposted on the paper's website last week amidst controversy over the Susan G. Komen Foundation's announcement — later retracted — that it wouldn't provide grants to Planned Parenthood because it was under congressional investigation. The breast cancer charity had previously provided funding for cancer screenings at Planned Parenthood clinics. Ensuing criticism from abortion rights and women's health advocates led to a reversal of that decision.

The Onion's article was a satire aimed at opponents of Planned Parenthood, who often denounce the organization for performing abortions.

"Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion," the article facetiously quotes Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards as saying.

But Fleming — or whoever on his congressional staff is responsible for updating his Facebook page — took the article at face value. The post has since been removed, but not before being posted on Literally Unbelievable, a blog that chronicles instances of Facebook users who believe Onion stories are real.

"More on Planned Parenthood, abortion by the wholesale," Fleming's comment reads.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Onion: Tomorrow's news today


Brain-dead teen, only capable of rolling eyes and texting, to be euthanized


This is a joke, right?

Is this a joke?

It has to be a joke, right?

Right?

Right?

I'm pretty sure it's a joke.

Damn, it's hard living in a satire-resistant culture.

Monday, January 10, 2011

An Action NewsWitness update



True . . . true.

Now back to you, Blow Dry.

Monday, April 12, 2010

IT'S TRUE! Onion not making that s*** up!


Until now, I always thought The Onion was just making stuff up.

You know what I'm talking about -- for instance, the "fake" advice columns like "Ask a Bee" and "Ask a Faulknerian Idiot Man-Child."

You'll note that I put "fake" in quotation marks. That's because I don't think The Onion is making that stuff up -- at least not all of it. The was brought home by an Italian Catholic website,
Pontifex, which apparently has run a real-life version of "Ask a Faulknerian Idiot Man-Child Bishop."

AND THE retired bishop then went on at length about how the recent media scrutiny of the Vatican is all a big conspiracy put together by the Christ-killers. From London, The Times reports :

A retired Italian bishop has provoked fury by reportedly suggesting that “Zionists” are behind the current storm of accusations over clerical sex abuse shaking the Vatican and the Catholic Church.

Monsignor Giacomo Babini, the Bishop Emeritus of Grossetto, was quoted by the Italian Roman Catholic website Pontifex as saying he believed a “Zionist attack” was behind the criticism of the Pope, given that it was “powerful and refined” in nature.

Bishop Babini denied he had made any anti-Semitic remarks. He was backed by the Italian Bishops Conference (CEI), which issued a declaration by Bishop Babini in which he said: “Statements I have never made about our Jewish brothers have been attributed to me.”

However, Bruno Volpe, who interviewed Monsignor Babini for Pontifex, confirmed that the bishop had made the statement, which was reported widely in the Italian press today. Pontifex threatened to release the audio tape of the interview as proof.

Monsignor Babini’s reported comments follow a series of statements from senior Vatican cardinals blaming a “concerted campaign” by “powerful lobbies” for accusations that Pope Benedict XVI was involved in covering up cases of clerical abuse both as Archbishop of Munich from 1977 to 1982 and subsequently as head of doctrine at the Vatican.

None has explicitly blamed Jews or any other group. However Bishop Babini, 81, said Jews “do not want the Church, they are its natural enemies”. He added: “Deep down, historically speaking, the Jews are deicides [God killers].”

He was quoted as saying that Hitler was “not just mad” but had exploited German anger over the excesses of German Jews who in the 1930s had throttled the German economy.

Rabbi David Rosen of the American Jewish Committee said Monsignor Babini was using “slanderous stereotypes, which sadly evoke the worst Christian and Nazi propaganda prior to World War Two”.
YOU KNOW, by the time the Vatican gets through asking Catholics -- at least on this issue -- to believe several unbelievable things before breakfast, and by the time various Catholic clerics and laymen get through saying patently crazy things in defense of the church, you have to wonder how many people will be scandalized right out of believing in God.

And scandalized right into believing
The Onion.