Monday, May 07, 2007

Stupid newspaper tricks

The (Minneapolis) Star-Tribune is run by insane people.

What else can one say about management "geniuses" who would take away James Lileks' daily column and -- even I, who used to work for some newspaper doozies in a previous incarnation, couldn't believe this one -- turn him into a local straight-news scribbler?

NEWSPAPERMEN USED TO USE words like "scribbler" in their copy without irony or snarkiness, back when "ink-stained wretches" (another winning phrase) mostly were all men. Today, it sounds stupid. But at least it indicates a functioning sense of whimsy and the occasional awkward stab at imagination.

Obviously, someone at the Strib slapped Do Not Resuscitate orders on both whimsy and imagination.

Here's what Lileks has to say about the whole thing on his blog:

There’s been some talk that I might leverage my mad web skillz into a tech beat, reporting on the Internet. But a local beat about the Internet? How many stories can do you about six guys in a loft coding a hot new start-up? And heaven forbid we have to illustrate them, because then you get the inevitable geek-by-the-screen shot. Look! He’s customizing the drop-down location menu so it defaults to the United States instead of Afghanistan!

I don’t want to write about the Internet. I want to write on the Internet. I’d rather develop content than report about content developers. It’s that simple, and it’s also a matter of recognizing my failings: I am not Biff Deadline, Ace Reporter. I can do long stories with lots of color, all aslosh with subjective opinions, but writing straight news - clearly, simply, briskly - is a skill I lack, and I take off my hat to those who've mastered that discipline.

My column will end a week from this Friday. (There’s a series of pieces I can’t wait to write.) After that, it's just-the-facts-ma'am - and I'll no longer be telecommuting, either. This means I will start burning my share of hydrocarbons like a good American. Hell, I may leave the vehicle running all day outside the building just to make up for lost time. Maybe I will put a green roof on the car to balance things out. Some turf, some switchgrass. It's murder on the paint but we all must do our part.

Would it matter if you contacted the paper? It very well might.
Here's the reader's rep's page.

If I can get my column back and / or a nice big Online gig, that would be a satisfactory conclusion. Reporting on internet start-ups as opposed to joining an internet start-up – eh, not so much.

And let that be the last time the phrase “not so much” is used here. It’s old. We’ve all had a jolly laugh, but I heard Jeff Foxworthy use it on an oil-change commercial, which is like the UN-approved international standard for something being over.
I THINK I KNOW -- because it's pretty obvious -- what's going on. Star-Tribune management is trying to make Lileks quit. And if that fails, they hope that putting him in a grossly enough mismatched job might allow them to conjure up some grounds to can him.

Why?

Here's why.

From what I gather, the Star-Tribune is a Guild (newspaper union) paper. Harder to outright fire people just because. Must downsize. Must make paper more attractive by emasculating it.

Must. (CLUNK!) Make. "Non-essential." Personnel. Quit.

Avoid. Buyout. When. (BEEP!) Possible.

Must. Make. Work. (SPROING!) Lives. Living. Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell. (CLICK!) Hell.

IF YOU ASK ME, the Devil has a corner office.

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