(INSERT SNARKY FEMALE-JOCK STEREOTYPE HERE)

ESPN and the New Orleans Times-Picayune are reporting that Louisiana State women's basketball coach former women's basketball coach Pokey Chatman abruptly quit because her LSU bosses got wind that she was in "an inappropriate sexual relationship" with a former player (ESPN) or engaged in "inappropriate conduct with players" (T-P). Take your pick.

Allegedly. Sources say.

LSU Athletic Director Skip Bertman -- who got his start in college baseball before the advent of the batting helmet -- wouldn't say much to Baton Rouge's WAFB television, except that the Picayune reporter, James Varney, ought to be "baked in oil."

Famed New Orleans chef Emeril Lagasse told reporters that LSU officials should be careful not to leave Varney in the oven too long, and not to turn the heat above 375. He said that so long as the reporter "didn't get all dried out and tough," he'd be "scrumptious drizzled with lemon juice and butter, with a sprinkling of chives and a radicchio garnish. BAM! Kick it up a notch wit some Bac-Os!"

I made that Emeril part up. But not the "baked in oil" part.

For what it's worth, here's an excerpt from the ESPN story:

BATON ROUGE, La. -- Pokey Chatman resigned as the head women's basketball coach at Louisiana State University on Wednesday after the university became aware of an alleged inappropriate sexual relationship between Chatman and a former player on Chatman's team, sources told ESPN.com. The university, the sources said, learned of the relationship from an employee within the basketball program.

ESPN.com's attempts to reach the employee by telephone and e-mail on Thursday night were unsuccessful.

Chatman, who initially revealed plans to quit after the postseason, says she will not coach the Lady Tigers in the NCAA Tournament. In a statement released Thursday afternoon, Chatman said: "My resignation yesterday has prompted speculation and rumors that far exceeded my expectations and it is clear that my presence would be a great distraction during the NCAA Tournament."

Assistant coach Bob Starkey, who will take over the team for now, declined to say whether he was aware of any improper conduct.

"There's been 20 to 25 things that are just floating out there, and I think she thought if she just stepped away from it she could eliminate that from even multiplying," Starkey said. "She has her reasons, and hopefully, soon she'll address that herself.''

LSU athletic director Skip Bertman told the Times Picayune of New Orleans, which first reported Chatman's alleged misconduct with one or more players Thursday on its Web site, that no formal inquiry into Chatman's conduct had been opened by the university. He did acknowledge, though, that an informal investigation "might have happened."

"The girl did what she did and LSU had no control over that," Bertman said, referring to Chatman.

IF POKEY WERE A MAN -- and praise Jesus that, with a name like "Pokey," she ain't . . . not now -- I would say, "Dammit, why couldn't he just keep it in his damn pants?" But when it's a 30-something woman coach allegedly getting all lovey dovey with the girls, I am sooooooo at a loss for a snappy rejoinder.

At least one I can print.