Thursday, December 14, 2006

Britney Spears: Paragon of 'partying ethics'

The saga of these twits passed the parody-proof frontier long, long ago. Now, the vapid Paris Hilton is defending the "partying ethics" of "Barebottom" Britney Spears, who proves every day in every way that "common" can't be cured by large infusions of cash.

In an entry on her page on the popular social networking Web site MySpace on Tuesday, hotel heiress Hilton called the attacks on Spears cruel and shameful.

"For people to call out her parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling," Hilton wrote.

"Britney loves her kids to death, and I know for a fact that it truly hurts her when she sees these cruel things being written about her. She goes home every night to her babies and partying has not come in the way of her parenting," Hilton added.

Spears, who put her recording career and social life on hold for marriage and motherhood, said on her own Web site last week that she "probably did take my newfound freedom a little too far," but said she had not been out with friends for a long time.

Spears has been photographed with Hilton wearing plunging dresses and tight miniskirts on all-nighters at clubs in Las Vegas and Hollywood, shocking some of her younger fans and making her the butt of jokes. On at least three occasions, photographs of her getting out of cars revealed she was wearing no panties.

PORE BRITNEY. That lil' gal jes' cain't hep it, and folks are jes' so MEAN about her-a-goin' 'round ta them uppity juke joints all night long 'n' showin' her pride 'n' joy ter all them thar papanazis or whatever you call 'em.

On the other hand, though, there is one sure way to end "these cruel things being written about her."

***

Come close, Brit. I'll tell you how to stop this awful gossip. Let me whisper it in your ear, child. We don't want everybody to hear.

OK . . . .

STOP IT!!!!!!! STOP ACTING LIKE WHITE TRASH!!!!

DON'T. DO. THAT. ANYMORE.

STOP PARTYING. ETHICALLY OR OTHERWISE. STAY HOME WITH YOUR CHILDREN. PUT ON SOME DRAWERS . . . WE REALLY, REALLY DON'T NEED TO SEE IT !!!!!!

JUST. STOP. IT. NOW!!!!!

Oh . . . I'm sorry sweetie! Did I hurt your ear? Good.

NOW, STOP IT!

***

Pity the unfortunate offspring of Britney and K-Fed. Talk about your no-win situations . . . .

The very thought makes one wish that Los Angeles County had the Taliban Child Protective Services: Three complaints about the treatment of the Spears-Federline children, and the authorities knock over a concrete-block wall onto Britney and Kevin.

In a most ethical manner, of course.

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